Holy Socks And Dirtier Demons (32 page)

slicked skin. “And trust me, she’s got nothing on you.”

Lilith turned to face me, her extended belly between us. The baby

kicked, pushing against my stomach. Something warm, and not unwelcome

filled my heart.

“Mary disappeared, and no one has seen her,” she said, biting her

lower lip.

She’s lying, I thought. But why? Was Lilith afraid I’d choose Mary

over her? Choose my biological child over hers? “Mary means nothing to

me. You know that, don’t you?”

Nodding, Lilith took my hand in hers and pressed it against her

stomach. “She doesn’t, but her child means everything.”

“What are you saying?”

“Jace, by design or accident of birth, you’re the actual Second

Coming.”

“And?” Duh. I’d figured that out two hours ago. But I was a Second

Coming without any cool powers. I couldn’t raise the dead, or smite demon

cats at will. Hell, I couldn’t even do the Sunday crossword in pen.

Lilith rolled her eyes. “Mary originally teamed up with Sid to kidnap

Jesus so she could create the next ruler of Heaven.”

“And when she found out I was really the second coming, she

practically raped me.” I smack myself in the forehead. “She got knocked up

on purpose! That bitch.”

“And God’s not getting any younger.” She grinned. “After all, He’s

ruled Heaven for five billon years.”

My eyes widened. “Five billon years?”

“Yep.” She winked at me. “Don’t believe everything you read. God,

Zeus, Buddha, Allah, and a million other less popular deities have risen and

fallen from power in the last five-billon years. It’s like a fucked up popularity

contest.”

“I don’t understand. The ruler of Heaven is determined by the

amount of followers?”

“Yes. Hell, too, for that matter.” Her yellow eyes flashed. “For the

last two thousand years, God’s been in the lead with two billion practitioners."

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“That’s why Sid wanted to kill me, and he used the kid, and his

kidnapping, as a means to an end.” I nodded. “Without a Second Coming,

God would eventually lose the throne.”

Lilith nodded. “But with Sid roasting in Hell, now Mary holds the

key, or rather the embryo to the throne.”

“But only if I’m dead.”

“Yes.” She agreed with a nod. “We must find out who told Mary

about you in the first place, and where she’s hiding.”

“I did not mean to tell her, but you were locked in a mausoleum.

And...” In a flash of white light, the angel appeared, hovering above our bed

on a fluffy cloud. “The blonde one tricked me.”

“A cloud? A fucking cloud?” I shook my head. Lying angel bastard.

“So you told Mary I was God’s son, huh? What else did you let accidentally

slip?”

The angel hung his head. “The mean one’s plan. The plan to rescue

the Messiah, and protect Nemamiah.”

I pointed to Lilith. “She’s Nemamiah.”

“Oh, I forgot.” The angel frowned. “Nemamiah is a man’s name. It

should be your name,” he said to me.

“Thanks but I already have a name. It’s Jace, remember?”

He nodded. “I did not mean to tell the mean one’s plan to the blonde

one. She tricked me, Nemamiah. She is much smarter than your mean one.”

“You stupid, mother—” Lilith screeched

I held up my hand, cutting Lilith off. “How did she trick you?”

Having been duped by Mary myself, I felt an odd sense of camaraderie with

the worthless angel.

“She…” His eyes shifted back and forth. “She promised me my own

cloud. One I don’t have to share with Michael. But then the Lord found out I

told, and he smited me, right there at Bob’s Junkyard, and sent me to

Michael’s cloud. How I wish for my own cloud...”

“You stupid, mother—” I roared, leaping naked from the hospital

bed. I swatted at the floating cloud, fully intending to destroy it, and him.

Sold out for a cloud. How pathetic was that?

Lilith grabbed my hand, tugging me back to the bed. “Kill him later.

Right now, we need to focus on Mary. Once she gives birth to your child…”

“If it’s my child.” I kissed Lilith’s forehead. “And then only over my

dead body will she rule Heaven.”

“I’m guessing that’s part of her plan.”

I scratched my head. “Did you notice it’s part of everyone’s plan? If I

didn’t like myself so much, I’d get a complex.”

Lilith grinned. “If it makes you feel better, it was only after we met

that I wanted you dead.”

“Blasphemy!” the angel squawked. “You dare threaten the Son of

God?”

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“Threatening him is blasphemy, but nearly getting him killed is just

fine, huh?” Lilith twisted the bed sheet in her hands, probably dreaming of

strangling the angel. The babe in her belly kicked violently too, nearly

toppling me from the small bed.

“Unless you have something vital to say, just go away.” I waved at

the angel and his precious fucking cloud. “You’re completely fucking

useless. Since the beginning, you’ve done nothing right! Not one damn

thing.”

“Fine.” He huffed, blowing out a stream of atmospheric dust. Slowly

he started to disappear, all the while mumbling, “I try to be helpful, stop the

child Jesus from being harmed, but does he want to listen? No, he’s too busy

with the mean one.”

“What did you say?” I yelled.

“You are rude, overbearing, and look like a homeless person.” The

angel crossed his wings over his chest, and waited for my apology.

“No. About the kid?”

“Oh, the son of God is missing, and the Rapture is upon us.” The

angel frowned. “Don’t you watch the news?”

197

Sixty Two

“And there you have it folks. The end of days is here, and we are but

moments away from world destruction.” A newscaster with overly bleached

teeth smiled into the television screen. I shook my head, and flipped the

station.

The friendly face of a lowly White House cabinet member reassured

the frightened public. “...No danger... Everything’s fine... The President is

aware of the situation...No comment on the President's current location...”

He’s probably on his knees begging for forgiveness, I thought.

The screen flashed, BREAKING NEWS, in large, terrifying text.

Underneath the words images of packed churches, riots, and falling hamsters

burst from the television. Reports of four headless horsemen approaching the

city had sent frenzied flocks of the faithful into ecstatic peals of joy, and

sinners into the streets screaming for mercy.

I watched, dazed, as the world went mad. What was going on?

Surely, God would’ve mentioned an imminent apocalypse. At the least, he

would’ve sent me a text message. Something like 'btw end o days'. pack lite.

Lilith gripped my hand, her skin cold. “I don’t understand,” she said

for the tenth time. “Why now?”

“Maybe your buddy Satan got tired of waiting.”

She shook her head. “Satan wants Armageddon about as much as you

want a fourth wife. Hell is packed as it is. It cannot sustain billions of newly

dammed. Satan’s even talked about building a fence.”

Interesting. “What about God?”

“Same goes in Heaven. Even the Grim Reaper can’t randomly take

souls anymore. He has to have papers, signed in triplicate. Heaven and Hell

are full-up.”

“So who’s doing all this?” I pointed to the hospital room window.

The streets below swarmed with darkness, and terrified people. Fires burned.

Women and children cried. Men preached salvation on abandoned avenues.

“I wish I knew.” Lilith stroked her stomach. My heart lurched. In that

moment, I vowed to save mother and child. Nothing would take them from

me. Not the end of time, famine, or that dammed Brad Pitt.

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“I plan to find out.” I squeezed her hand. Jumping from the bed, I

pulled on a pair of stolen surgical scrubs and freed Tyrfing from the supply

closet where Lilith had place it after I’d awoken from my coma.

I kissed Lilith goodbye. “Stay here.”

“No.”

“Dammit, Lilith.”

“Dammit, Jace.” She winked at me. “Now’s not the time for foreplay.

Grab your sword and follow me.”

I grinned, and instead of arguing, I meekly followed her to the end of

time.

~ * ~

Lilith and I fought our way north to West 34th Street. Men and

women huddled together in prayer while roaming gangs of the soon-to-be

dammed smashed liquor store windows, and ransacked churches.

“Where are we going?” I jogged to keep up with my enlarged lover’s

quick strides. She was a woman on a mission. A warrior. An avenging angel.

Nemamiah in full glory.

She slowed a step. “Empire State Building. Armageddon starts

there.”

“And the kid? Is he still alive?” I ducked a flying hamster.

Lilith closed her eyes. “Jesus is alive.”

I closed my eyes, and prayed, before taking her hand and the lead.

Ten blocks up, the Empire State Building appeared untouched in a blaze of

rioting, fires, and mass hysteria. Like an oasis from the end of the world, it

stood tall and proud.

My eyes scanned the outside of the building, squinting at the

observation deck one hundred and two floors up. I glanced at Lilith. “Think

the elevator’s working?”

She shrugged. “Does hell freeze over during the apocalypse?”

“I’ll take that as a no.”

“Start climbing.” She shoved me toward the fire escape, and pointed

at her extended belly. “I’m right behind you.”

Hefting Tyrfing over my shoulder, I climbed up the first flight of

stairs. No sweat. I was a soldier. I’d battled forty-foot demons, wrestled the

Son of Satan, and ate the angel’s cooking for fuck sakes. One hundred two

floors was nothing.

By the fifty-fifth floor, I’d significantly revised my attitude. Each

step felt like its own brand of hell. My lungs burned, and my stomach

recoiled. The quivering in my legs twenty floors before had twisted into

violent cramps. Blisters formed, bursts, and reformed on my feet.

I stopped, and listened for signs of Lilith climbing below me.

Nothing. Good. I worried the strain might be too much on her and the baby.

Besides, who knew what we’d face at the top. Having her safely on the

ground made my job easier.

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Sucking in oxygen and my nerve, I began my ascent for the second

time.

Ninety-eight. Only four flights left.

Ninety-nine. Was it pain in your left or right arm that signaled a heart

attack?

One hundred. If this was God’s way of fucking with me....

One hundred one. Was that the smell of sulfur? Or did I stroke out?

One hundred one and a half. Where the hell was Tyrfing? Shit. I

glanced over the stairwell railing, and spotted the wayward weapon six

flights below.

Fuck it. I ran up the last six steps, and shoved the observation deck

door open. An icy wind knocked me back, and brought tears to my eyes. The

stench of burned city, and rotting fall leaves swirled around me, but I focused

on another scent. One that chilled me more than the frozen atmosphere.

Fresh blood, exotic tobacco, and sin.

200

Sixty Three

“Glad you made it. By the way, the elevator works just fine.” From

across the rooftop, Lilith gave me a three-fingered wave. She leaned against

a metal heating vent, my nine-millimeter held loosely in her hand. Steam

rose around her, obscuring her rounded body, and giving her an untouchable

glow. A deadly glow. A demon glow.

I took a step toward her, unsure. A lingering fear I’d harbored since

my first marriage swelled inside me. Had I trusted the wrong woman yet

again? Was Lilith nothing more than she appeared, a devil in a black dress,

sent to destroy the world?

No, I refused to believe it. Shoving insecurity aside, I jogged closer,

my eyes scanning the rooftop for hidden dangers. To the right of Lilith, a

wrought iron cage, like a cat carrier, teetered on the opposite side of the

protective railing. A mewing echoed from the container. A familiar sound. I

strained to peer into the cage through the rising steam.

Lilith smiled sadly. “Yes, the Messiah in a glided cage. But we don’t

know yet why he sings.”

“I have a pretty good idea.” I motioned to the ever-approaching

darkness, and the sound of hoofs thundering in the distance. “Hey, kid, you

okay?”

“Mine?” came a muffled reply.

“Yeah, kid, it’s me. You just hang tight, and I’ll get you down.” I

stepped toward the cage, which swayed in the icy wind, teetering back and

forth. One strong gust, and the kid would die.

“Stop.” Lilith pointed
my
gun at me.

I froze, the bitter taste of fear in the back of my throat. My eyes