Read Holy Socks And Dirtier Demons Online
Authors: J.A. Kazimer
front of me.
She motioned to my finger. “You’re ringing my apartment.”
Damn so I was. I released her doorbell. “Sorry.”
“Are you all right?” She wrapped her arm around my shoulder and
half dragged me into the building, Tyrfing flopping behind me.
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“It’s raining hamsters.”
“What? Did you fall and hit your head?” Her hand brushed through
my hair checking for injuries.
I searched the now empty street. No hamsters. Shit. “I don’t think
so.” My eyes lost focus for a few seconds, and I tripped up the stairs, landing
face first on the smelly carpet.
“Come on, let’s get you upstairs and into bed.” Mary hefted me up
and dragged me up the rest of the steps.
Bed. Bad idea. “I can’t… we can’t… um…”
“Relax. I’m not going to rip your clothes off.” She smiled, her eyes
filling with tenderness and love. “I’m worried about you.”
God, I was an asshole. I didn’t deserve such kindness, but even as I
basked in the glow of Mary’s love, a picture of Lilith formed inside my
mind.
“Here we are, baby.” Mary pushed open her door. “Why don’t you
go lay down and I’ll be there in a second.”
I gave her a small smile, and like a dutiful child headed to her
bedroom, her pink bedroom, the same cotton candy color of every one of my
ex-wives. Fuck, Lilith had been right. Mary was a carbon copy of my past
three mistakes.
My fingers traced the edge of Mary’s pale cherry dresser. What had
drawn me to her in the first place? Sure, she was beautiful, but passionless
like the Mona Lisa, or a Hustler.
Damn it. Lilith had ruined me. Before I’d met her, I knew what I
wanted in life. Actually, I hadn’t wanted anything, and maybe that was the
problem. Mary was the easy choice. Simple. Unconditional. Boring. Shit.
Her bed seemed inviting though, decorated with an embroidered
pink-haired unicorn pillow. I looked closer. Were those teeth? The fucking
thing had fangs. I picked it up and tossed it on top the dresser with a shiver.
Mary definitely had an edgy side.
Tyrfing scraped against her bedpost as I unbuckled and slid it under
the bed. Tomorrow I’d find the kid. I knew it with an almost frightening
divine certainty.
The good guys would win, and the evil succubus bitch could go fuck
herself. The sword under the bed started to buzz, so I shook off my residual
anger and lay down on Mary’s fluffy soft bed.
An exotic blend of incense reached my nostrils. It smelled like
Jasmine and Clary sage. I sniffed again. Jasmine, sage, and purity? Sulfur?
My head started to pound, and blood pooled in my groin.
“Mary?” I cleared my throat.
“Right here, my love.” She stood in the doorway, glowing in the
early morning sunlight. Her naked skin shone like an angel, its intensity
burning my tired eyes. Her legs trembled as she floated toward me.
“Listen, I like you and we’ve had—” I started. My mind flashed to
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Lilith’s face, and the scars on her back. I pictured her playful smile, and the
teeth marks torn into my skin.
Mary’s fingertips brushed my lips, stopping my protest. “Forget her.
Forget everything but this moment. Us. Here and now.”
Forget her.
I blinked a couple of times. Mary. Sweet Mary. Our lips touched in a
gentle, undemanding kiss. Longing built within me, the sweet and
sentimental kind. My exhaustion gave way to the soft feel of her fingers on
my skin.
I kissed her neck, running my thumb across her breast. Her flesh
tasted like honey, but smelled like sage. Here, in her arms, urgency faded and
time stopped. Mary lifted my sweatshirt from my body and kissed my
bruised skin, tracing her nails across my sore muscles.
She smiled. Soft, sweet Mary.
In no rush, she removed my boots grimacing at the green smears on
their soles. Was that gum? I pressed my fists against my eyes. A fleeting
vision crossed my fevered brain, but I couldn’t catch hold of it.
My jeans hit the floor, again without urgency. I floated in a dream-
like state, playing with the ends of Mary’s long blonde hair and imagining
our life together.
Violet-eyed Mary.
She straddled me, riding me as pleasure curled around us. My dog
tags around her neck jangled with a steady beat. I caught a glimpse of my
expression in the metal and barely recognized myself. My pupils had
expanded until my irises disappeared, turning my eyeballs black. Beads of
sweat rolled off my face, puddling on Mary’s pink sheets.
My breathing spiked, coming faster and faster. After ten or so
minutes, my will gave in to my body’s desire to climax. I came inside her,
losing my sense of time and place.
Again, a memory of something tickled at the back of my brain, but
no matter how hard I tried it stayed elusive.
Mary collapsed on top of me. Her skin was barely damp, and her hair
had stayed in perfect order. Against my neck, she whispered, “You are mine.
Tonight and forever.”
No. Bile rose in my throat, as did the heavy and sudden need for
sleep. I fought to keep my eyes open, but with each breath, I slipped deeper
into a dream world.
“Hush baby, don’t fight it.” Mary kissed my lips.
I closed my eyes, seeing a face I didn’t recognize, a beautiful, black-
haired woman with a wicked smile, and cat yellow eyes.
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Thirty Three
Sometime during my impression of Rip Van Winkle, Mary kissed
my forehead and left the bed. I felt her go, heard her rustling around the
bedroom, and then nothing. Peace. Quiet. Deep, even breathing.
The dreams came. Violent, bloody nightmares. The kid crawled on
the floor, weaving his way closer to my body. My
dead
body with brains
splattered over the concrete.
The angel glared down at me. “Time is everything.”
The kid picked up a piece of my skull, blood, and drool dripping
from his chubby fingers. “Mine. Mine. Mine.”
God entered next, his hippie beard riddled with organic corn chips,
and Ben & Jerry’s Cherry Garcia. “God should have His own flavor,” he
complained before gazing down at my corpse. “First, second squared.
They’re all the same.” He kicked my dead arm. “Never trust a man willing to
die for the devil.”
Next the whispered voice of a woman cried, “Help me.”
A hollow, feminine laugh followed the voice. It grew louder, and
louder, until the bits of my gray matter and brain pan scattered across the
ground. A stark white cat gobbled them up with an evil grin.
I awoke shivering, naked and alone. Where was I? Pink everywhere.
Mary. Fuck. I picked up the nearest pillow and beat myself in the head.
What had I done? And how the hell was I going to explain to her?
Well thanks for the fuck, but I’m infatuated with a demonic succubus who
wants me dead. Even I didn’t understand it.
I rubbed my face. As long as Lilith didn’t find out everything would
be fine. If she did find out, Mary could always join the witness protection
program. Maybe get a new identity, and some plastic surgery. Hell, I’d join
her. I glanced around the pink room. Maybe not.
Sitting up, I whimpered in pain. My body ached with a deep
unending burn. I glanced down at my chest, and the numerous bite and
scratch marks left by Lilith. What had Mary said? Mine, now and forever?
Odd that Lilith, not Mary, had left her mark.
I needed to call Lilith. No matter what had happened between us, the
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kid came first. We both knew and accepted that. I searched the floor for my
jeans, and the cell phone Lilith had handed me the night before.
Curled in a ball at the end of the bed, my jeans lay with its pockets
flipped inside out. Two cents and a breath mint sat on the floor next to them.
No cell phone, though. Damn. Had I lost it?
I dropped to my knees to search for the wayward device. My hand
reached under the bed, pulling out a dust bunny the size of a bowling ball.
Mary wasn’t a great housekeeper. Yet another check mark for Lilith.
Wait a minute. Only a dust bunny, I thought. I reached under the bed
again, panic racing along my nerves. No. No. No. I tossed the mattress from
the bed, knocking the barren frame out of my way.
Tyrfing was gone, a dusty outline the only evidence of its existence.
Had Mary taken it? Or had something snuck in here while I slept? Was it
Lilith?
Lilith. My stomach rolled, doubling me over. I sprinted to the
bathroom and hurled into Mary’s pink-coated sink.
A horrific smell seeped through the room. Like fish. Dead stinky
fish. I fell back a step. The stench came from the shower. I held my nose and
crept toward the pasty pink shower curtain.
Grabbing the edge, I counted to three and ripped it open. Thousands
of dead fish lay piled in the tub, with greasy gray skin and an oily sheen, not
to mention their blank black eyes. I shoved the curtain back in place and ran
to the sink. Dead fish? Was Mary into some sort of cult?
After my stomach settled, I threw on my jeans and borrowed Mary’s
house phone. I dialed Lilith’s number. It rang once then went to voicemail.
Damn. My guts tightened even more, and my level of anxiety reached
biblical proportions. Something was terribly wrong.
Hanging up, I shook my head. Where was she and where the fuck
was my sword and cell phone?
I scribbled a quick note to Mary, saying, 'It’s been fun but it’s time
we moved on'. I added an ‘it’s not you, but me line’, and signed it, your
friend, Jace. It was official. I was an asshole.
“Help me,” a voice inside my head whispered. Chills shot up my
back, and my anxiety changed to outright panic. I knew that voice. Oh God, I
knew that voice.
I grabbed my nine-millimeter, checked the four rounds left in the
clip, and ran for the door.
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Thirty Four
I took the stairs two at a time, and hit the street running. I ran and
ran, my legs and lungs burning. But where was I going? I had no idea, but in
my soul, I knew I was too late. The voice was fading.
Turning the corner of D, I slammed into a passing taxi and dropped
to my knees. Please God, I stared into the hamster heavy clouds and prayed.
“You must hurry, Nemamiah.” The angel appeared next to me, his
angel face looking a little green. “Time is running out.”
“But where am I going?” I scanned his expression for an answer.
Any answer. Hell, I’d settle for a direction. Something. Anything.
The angel shrugged, twirled without moving his feet, and pointed up
the street. “North, I think.”
“That’s south.”
“I am not good with directions.” He picked at his robe, pulling at a
long white string. “God did not install GPS on His earlier angel versions.”
I clenched my fists. “Do you know where they are?”
“Yes.”
“Where?” I stood and grabbed his feathery shoulders, shaking him
hard. Teeth rattling hard. “Tell me, damn it.”
The angel smiled sadly. “I cannot tell you.”
“What if we play twenty questions?”
He clapped his hands together. “Yes, yes. A game. I love to play
games. I prefer Mage. That Aphrodite knows her stuff. She beat my
character, Celestial Choruster—”
“Are they in the city?”
He scratched his chin. “The answer to question one is yes. They are
in what you call the Bugged Apple. Nineteen questions to go.”
Bugged Apple. I shook my head. Why did I bother? I doubted he
could tie his own shoes. “Are they within five miles of here?”
His fingers flicked out as he counted. One. Two. Three. Four. His
pinky finger rose but only to the first knuckle. Four point two. “Yes.
Seventeen questions left.”
Four point two miles left only one direction. North. I started to run.
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In New York, a four-mile cab ride could take forty-five minutes. On my
worst day, and this one was top at the list, I could run that in less than
twenty-five.
“Wait.” The angel pumped his skinny legs behind me. “The game is
not over. Time is not up. You have ten questions to go.”
Time…
No way. It couldn’t be that easy. I ran the remaining four miles, my
sweatshirt dripping with sweat, and my heart slamming in my ribcage.
At the mouth of Hell’s Gate, or West 40th street as New Yorkers
called it, I paused to glance up at the Panasonic Astro Vision television
screen, and the stiff, robotic reporter from Fox News plastered across it.