Holt's Holding (14 page)

I knew all too well, what this was
about
.

This was a man marking his territory.
 

But
, why the sudden need?

Breathing hard, he lowered his forehead to mine. “Have I
made my point clear?”
 
he
breathed out in a labored and strained voice.

“If I didn’t know any better, you just marked your
territory Charlie.” I breathed, closing my eyes.
 
Fuck, he did more than mark me.
 
I felt branded.
 
Shit, I was in big trouble.

“Precisely!”

“Charlie…I will never belong to anyone. I am not property
and if you keep this up then we won’t be doing this much longer.” The need to
fight for control, to fight for my freedom suddenly formed.

“Lillian you are …” He breathed in deep, lifting his head
from mine, I sense his body tense and the sorrow suddenly filled his body
language.
 
“You’re right.
I’m
not the commitment type. I will fuck another, regardless
of how much I want you. I’m a fucked up man who’s caught up with a past that
will forever bind me.”

I let out a breath as he pulled from me and lowered my legs
to the ground. For some reason
I
felt disappointed.
Now, I was the hypocrite. For his words mimicked my own thoughts. He and I were
mirror images of the other. This meant we would both hurt the other in the end.

“You and are a lot alike Lillian, the truth is I’ll hurt
you in the end, for I could never give you what I’ve lost.”

What he lost?
 
Trying
to understand I realized he was right we were a like.
 
The past, funny how
he’s
trapped in his, as I am in mine.

With that now understood. I knew this would be the last
time he and I would have sex.

OFF Limits circled my head with alarm bells going off.

My expression lowered to the side, staring at the floor
below as he stepped away from me. He kissed me on my forehead and I
didn’t
even flinch. I was familiar with this act. Chris
always kissed me on my forehead. He did it knowingly that there was nothing
more to
be had
between us. I shook my head and shut
whatever emotions were trying to surface.

His hand was under my chin and forced my face to his.
Looking at him his eyes gave it away. He knew.

“You remind me so much of her.
 
It’s
something in
your eyes, the way you look at me.
 
I’m
sorry Lillian.”

Backing away from me, he released his hand and looked to
the ground.

He shook his head and fixed my dress. Walking around him, I
reached for my clutch, then to my room grabbing another pair of panties, and
put them on. Returning to the kitchen, he stood with his hands firm on the
counter staring out thru the living room and to the windows.

Saying nothing, I walked by him and for the door.

“Good night Lillian” he offered in cool tone

Pausing at the door, I could not afford myself a look back
to him.
So in a somber tone if Offered…“Good night Charlie.”

I walked thru the door and closed it behind me.

Standing in the hall, I
didn’t
know why I felt like I was so close to breaking.
 
Thinking of his words, Charlie Vaihn had been
in love once.
 
Someone from his past held
his heart.
 
I understood that well.
 
In my case, I was too young when it happened
for ever tainting me.
 
I still held on to
the visions of that man.

The cab ride longer than normal; my mind still in the
apartment caught up with what happened with Charlie.

What he had implied had me lost and confused. Did I want
more than just “Fucking”?
 
He almost
asked it before completely doing a 180.
 
The very notion that I was revealing in this type of thought was very
new and terrifying for me.
 
I reminded
him of someone in his past.
 
Someone,
whom clearly still had a part of
him
.
 
He said he
couldn’t
give me what he lost.

Lost is the best way to describe how I felt.
 
I barely knew him however; I was very well
versed in his type.
 
He and I
were
bond to our past.
 
I was
very
trapped in mine, the past that made
me who I was.
 
My head felt like it was
spinning.
 
Memories that I held hidden in
the recess of my mind tried to surface.
 
One man whom taught me a lesson of a
life time
surfaced.
 
Lucian.
 
The cold chill of his name
alone,
had me shivering in fear.
 
Not going there.
 
Shutting it down, I moved down the hall.

He was so much like me that in the end if we went down this
road one of us would fall for the other and by default break a heart we had no
intention of breaking.
 
Maybe it was
better this way.
 
I need to get him out
of my system.

The cab circling around the entrance to power plant came to
a stop. Paying for my fair, I noticed the appraised eyes of the Cab Driver.
Stepping from the taxi, I closed the door as Charlie’s assessment of my current
attire resonated.
 
Suddenly I felt
uncomfortable. Charlie was right I looked like I was looking.

Shaking my head again, what seemed like a new habit
forming, I laughed at myself as I made my way to the
restaurant.

Nodding to the security detail, I knew them all. Baltimore
was feeling very small to me all of the sudden. Finally, in the restaurant, I
located Sam, already seat and waiting for me. Looking to the table my smile was
instant; she had a martini waiting for me.
 

Shifting her head to the side, she was quick to read my
mood.
 
Shit, was I really becoming this
readable to everyone?
 
I was losing it.

I sat down, was quick to grab the martini, and sucked it
down whole.

“Are you ok Lil?” Sam perched her arms up and crossed on
the table as she waited for an answer.

“I’m fine, nothing that some more alcohol can’t fix.” I
responded. Looking around, I located the waiter raising my now empty glass.

“Anything you want to share?” Her eyes were beseeching.

“Honestly, nothing to share Sam. I just had a weird
experience not worth discussing.” It was more than
weird,
it was scaring the shit out of me.

“Ok then.” She smiled “Brady called, and said he would be
here shortly. I hope you don’t mind that I didn’t say no?” I
couldn’t
tell if she was excited to see him or if she was trying to hide it from me.

“Of course not Sam.
I
expected to see him tonight.”
 
I smiled
noticing how nervous she suddenly became.
 
Yeah, she had it bad.

“Oh good.
I
wasn’t sure if this was exclusively us,” She offered in relief.

“When do I do exclusive Sam?” and with that we both
laughed. It was clear we were laughing at my expense. For the first time I
realized how sad I was…so closed off. “Inaccessible” circled around in my
head.
 

I was closed off with a purpose…a purpose that I would not
abandon and not now.
 
Reminding
myself
of my goals, typically helped.
 
Then again, I made myself too fucking
accessible to a man, that
didn’t
have a right to peak
this desire from me.
 
The
anger creped in once more.
 
How
the fuck, did I let my guards down this
easily?
 
I knew who Charlie was, though
I’ve
been pretending to be ignorant.
 
I know that Charlie is actually Prescott
Charles Vaihn, Jr., and he was my enemy, not to mention the other partner of
Vaihn Enterprises.
 
If
he only had a clue who I really was.
 
Eight years of planning and setting this all up, I
can’t
lose myself now.
 
Laughing internally, I
was screwed
.

I understood the tight rope I walked. Reeling in foolish
emotions was important.
 
The idea of
letting go, and falling for anyone especially someone like Charlie, would do
nothing but hurt me in the end.
 
My
planning and purpose
can’t
be abandoned just because
he was an incredible fuck.
 
Hell, his
reputation was clearly one that he earned.

Brady came in quick and kissed my cheek, greeting Sam in
the same manor. Taking his seat, he looked to me quizzically, as I pulled
myself out of my own thoughts.
 
Brady was
the one person who knew all my secrets and the only one I trusted.
 
He could read me like a book with one glance,
as I could him.
 
I suppose years of
knowing someone will do that.

“Everything ok?”
He
stared my way then shifted quickly between Sam and me.

In a crooked smile, I looked to him and nodded.

“Exactly as it should be,” I offered raising my glass to my
lips.
 
I
didn’t
want him to worry that I was off track.
 
This was temporary in my opinion.
 
I just needed a moment to shift gears.

He smiled back nodding, however, his little eyebrow raise
was more of a question that he knew I
couldn’t
answer,
at least not at the moment.

Dinner seemed to fly by as we laughed and carried on. This
was the normal I needed.

Paying the bill, we left the restaurant. The heat of the
night was thick and welcome. Walking thru the line, that now wrapped around the
circle; we entered with ease. The benefit of
being known
.

The crowds were thick as we walked through, and straight
back to Mosaic. Nodding again to the bouncers at the entrance, we walked in
without having to deal with the line or cover.

The General Manager, Craig, was quick as he grabbed a hold
of my arm pulling me tight and greeting me with his customary kiss on each
cheek. He was a perverted little shit and fucked most of his patrons…not me any
way. He never tried but like most men, I knew he wanted to. A Minute of polite
small talk I broke away from him. He was a short man built like a
fourteen-year-old boy with facial hair.
 
Just fucking creepy.
 
Huh! I shivered just a bit stepping away a bit as he was crowding my
personal space.

I think he was more than aware, that I was far out of his
league, not to mention friends with the owner.
 
Thus, he never really tried his tacky moves on me.

“So, I hear you decided to preform?”
 
He looked hopeful, waiting on my answer.

“Yeah, that. I guess.
 
When do you want me on stage?” I answered
looking around at the crowds.

“Whenever, but preferably in ten?
 
Go the bar, and relieve Corey, everything is
set.
 
This is exciting.
 
I love seeing you preform.”
 
The look in his eyes had me holding back my
bile.
 
Fuck this
guy
just grossed me out.

Walking thru the club, I went around the bar where the
dance floor was closest. Finding an opening, Corey walked over smiling while
making a drink as he approached.

“Hey love!” he leaned over the bar and handed me a drink.
“You with company?”

“Of course.”
I
gestured my head to Sam and Brady. Brady and I have known Corey for years as he
and Brady went to Law School together.
 
Corey worked for a smaller firm.
 
He said bartending was something he enjoyed.
 
I
didn’t
know how
good of an attorney he was, however Corey was an amazing bartender.

“Brady…my man how are you this evening?” Corey yelled out.

“Never better!
I
think we need shots Corey…Patron,” Brady yelled out over the music.

“But of course.” He looked down to me “you looking?”

“No, not tonight Corey, just here to have
a good time, nothing more.”
I took the drink in hand.

“Then a good time you should have, thank you for deciding
to perform tonight.” he grinned ear to ear.