Holocaust (The Deadwood Hunter Series Book 3) (29 page)

Chapter 39

For two weeks, Lincoln had waited, waited by her bedside, while pack land, his land, filled with life once more.

Though Sarah wasn’t happy, she apologized for her attitude. Not that Marcus had agreed to return her son yet. A prison was a new addition to his homeland, one he’d not given too much thought; too preoccupied with his mate.

Lexia had awoken a number of times, but each time she seemed lost to the demons in her mind, the scream that tore from her, like a blade to his soul. Lincoln had gone through his life using the strength of his panther to solve his problems. Clinging to hatred, revenge, he’d killed. He barged his way through life, but now he was lost. No amount of physical strength could help him here. It was mental strength he needed, and that was growing thin.

Ears tuning into an argument, Lincoln walked to the window, staring out of what once used to be his parents’ room. Grey and the male hunter, Marcus, were arguing again, about what he didn’t care.

At the time, he’d been grateful for their help, their loyalty to Lexia. Now though, he wanted to be left alone. He wanted peace. He wanted to be surrounded by nothing more than the wild forest that was his home.

“You should be out there acting as alpha.” Caden walked in carrying Lola. “Here, it’s your turn. I’ve got squabbles to defuse.”

Smiling at Lola, Lincoln took her from Caden, making funny faces until she grinned. “I swear she’s grown over night.”

“I have a hunch she’ll develop at a faster rate than normal.”

Looking back out the window, Lincoln saw Caleb hobbling over to break them up before someone drew blood. Even recovering from an injury, Caleb was not a man to disobey. “Caleb’s breaking them up,” he said.

“Caleb will have them all running drills and sparring if I leave him out there,” Caden muttered as he left.

“It’s what they need, Cade.”

“What they need is a leader,” Caden yelled up the stairs, slamming the door behind them.

“Yeah, they do,” he said quietly. He glanced at Lexia who lay as if peacefully sleeping. “They need you, Lex. I need you.”

Chapter 40

Lost in the darkness, chased by the demons who followed her day and night, she was unable to reach the light, teasing her on the edges of her mind.

Lex, Lexia…

Derrick? Derrick don’t leave.

Running, she covered endless tunnels, all identical, all with no way out. Yet still there was the light, the knowledge if she could just break through the darkness, she could reach the gift she’d been given – the people waiting for her.

Stumbling, she hit the floor hard, the unforgiving concrete battering her already tired body. Feeling blindly for the object that had tripped her, she closed her hand around the very familiar filigree hilt of a ruby blade. A blade used by a monster who’d thought to abuse her when she was vulnerable. He’d paid the price and so had so many others who’d thought they could strike her down. The blade had been coated in countless blood. Picking it up, she stood to her feet, feeling stronger for the familiar blade in her hand.

The darkness around her closed in, whispering the names of those she’d killed, those Maura had killed. It grew thicker and closer, stealing the air while it taunted her with the nightmares of her life.

A face appeared in the gloom.
Lucy.

You’re dead!
Lexia screamed, lashing out with the ruby blade. As the blade swung through the air, it cut through the darkness, allowing light to bleed through. Crazed, she swiped over and over, a war cry on her lips, her body pouring every last piece of her into the swing.

The blade cut through the darkness, slicing it away piece by piece until all that was left was light. Lexia laid down, the floor beneath her soft, the world around her warm and comforting. A calmness settled over her and two paths formed for her to follow.

One road led to knowledge. The knowledge of all she’d lost, and knowledge of all she’d gained. The other took her away, away from those who waited beyond the darkness. Into oblivion, she’d drift, feeling no pain, no loss, yet if she took this path, she’d never again feel all she was destined for.

Standing, Lexia looked at the options before her, warring with all that was inside of her. Yet as she longed to hold her daughter again, to see Lincoln smile again, the road into oblivion called. She was tired, tired of fighting, of living every day with the knowledge of who she was: the good and the bad.

You told me you’d live.

Derrick!
Lexia ran to him, throwing her arms around his neck, falling into his embrace.

You deserve to live, Lex.

I deserve nothing, Derrick.

What about Lola? Does she not deserve to have a mother? Does Lincoln not deserve to see you live? This isn’t the end for you, not yet. There is so much happiness destined for you.

Kissing Derrick on the cheek, his words her shield, Lexia made her choice and travelled into the blinding light.

Waking to the sharp pain of reality, a broken sob left her lips as she opened her eyes.

“Lex?”

Lincoln’s voice was like the sweetest of dreams and the most terrible of nightmares. There was a part of her that needed him like one needed breath, yet there was another half which couldn’t cope with the feelings Lincoln brought. Their love, the bond between them so great it broke through every wall she’d ever built, and although the game was over, Lucy dead, Lexia needed those walls. She needed them in place to breathe, to keep her heart beating because she wasn’t ready to face all she’d done and she wasn’t sure she’d ever be.

“Lexia, I thought, thought…” His voice drifted to silence as fierce emotion played across his eyes. Reaching for her hand, he squeezed, holding onto her.

Lexia didn’t pull away, though the contact brought her pain, pain in the knowledge she could never go back to being the girl she used to be. Squeezing back, she smiled at him because it’s what he needed, and after all he’d given her, he deserved this and so much more.

“How do you feel?”

“Weak,” she rasped and coughed, her throat dry.

“I’ll get you water,” he said, looking to the door and then back at her.

She could see the indecision in his eyes; he didn’t want to let her go.

“I’ll still be here when you return,” she whispered.

Bending down, he kissed her softly on the forehead. A tear rolled from her eye as another piece of her heart fractured.
You deserve so much more.

Lincoln returned with a glass of water and Caden.

“Hey, Doc,” Lexia said quietly. Coughing, she tried to continue. “You fix me…gain?”

“Drink,” Caden instructed. Lincoln lifted the glass to her lips, his hand sliding behind her to steady her head. She let him because she wasn’t a good person. She let him believe just a little bit longer, they could still be. Selfishly, she leaned into his hand, remembering all they used to be, all she could never have.

“I was not the one to fix you this time. Your injuries were quiet extensive. Severe third degree burns to most of your back and shoulders. Sarah arranged for you to be taken by chopper to a government facility after you were dug out.”

“Lola,” Lexia gasped, clambering to sit up.

“Whoa, Lex, she’s fine. Asleep actually, that girl is a night owl,” Lincoln told her with a fond smile.

“She wasn’t hurt?” Lexia asked, laying back down.

“A few minor injuries. All have healed now. She heals as fast as you,” Caden answered.

“The others? Grey, Alice, Caleb? God, there are so many. I need to get up, make sure my people are okay.” Lexia wasn’t listening now, her head full of chaos– of people’s names and faces. Those she’d promised to save but then hadn’t been around.
Did Sarah come through?

Hand on her jaw, a warmth travelled down to her ravaged heart. “Look at me,” Lincoln instructed.

“Your people
are safe,” he said gently. “Littering my pack land,” he added under his breath.

“Here? Belinda, Marcus, the wolves. Is Alice…is she herself?”

“Alice has taken the cure and appears to be human again. Though, she isn’t here. She’s gone back to California to see her parents. A few of the wolves remain, much to Lincoln’s disgust,” Caden laughed, jumping out of reach as Lincoln went to hit him. “And of course, your hunters are here.”

“They didn’t take the cure?” she asked, knowing Belinda and Marcus had already expressed not wanting to.

“No, four are here. I believe Sarah wants to discuss that with you, but for now, you need to rest.” Caden instructed, his voice one of a doctor.

“Yeess, Doc,” she whined. “I’ll be good and stay in bed.”

Caden smiled at her. “It’s good to have you home.”

Home…If only I knew where that was.

Left with only Lincoln, his hand still clutched onto hers, she was unsure what to say. “Will…will you bring Lola in when she wakes?”

“Of course,” he smiled. “She looks like you, smells like you, too.”

“She’s not like me though, Linc,” she whispered, voicing her fear. The fear of the unknown, the fear of the knowledge Lola had come from Lucy’s experiments, just as she had and countless others.

“She’s a part of you,” he told her, so sure.

“I never carried her. I wasn’t even there for nine months. I know in my heart she is mine. Lucy stole from me, stole pieces of me, but what did she add?”

“It doesn’t matter. We’ll face it all together,” he told her.

But we won’t be together. This is my burden to carry alone.
Lexia didn’t voice her feelings. She wasn’t strong enough to rip out his heart,
yet.
Not when she’d only just given it back. Instead, she lied, telling him she was tired. Closing her eyes, she listened to him move around the room until he settled into a chair beside the bed. After a while, his breathing deepened. When she opened her eyes, she confirmed he was asleep.

Lexia stared at the ceiling, her broken pieces at war. So many emotions pulling her every other way. “I can’t be here,” she whispered, “I’m just not strong enough.”

Mind tired, her eyes grew heavy. Closing, she slipped into sleep.

Chapter 41

He should have been happy. Lexia was alive. She’d survived. Yet with each passing day, she pulled a little further away, denied his touch. It was as if just looking at him caused her pain. Lincoln didn’t understand it and she wouldn’t talk to him. So with each day, he died a little more, watched her heal, watched her get to know her daughter and watched her drift away.

The panther inside of him was wild with fury, with the desire to claim back what was his. By sheer will, he held on, held on to the thread of hope inside of him.

“Give her time,” Caden told him as he watched them out the window. She was laughing at something Marcus had said, Lola on her knee, Lexia’s hands wrapped around her belly, as she gently bounced her.

Lincoln had liked Marcus at first. Now though…he hated them all; hated that Lexia could look at them, talk to them.
Why, why?
He wanted to scream in frustration.

“She’s had time, Caden. I can’t give her much more.”

“Her physical wounds were so great anyone else would have died. Yet her emotional wounds, the wounds you cannot see, they are still bleeding. They haven’t even begun to heal. She’ll come back to you. Hold on, my friend.”

“I bleed,” Lincoln growled, turning to look Caden in the eye. “I’m bleeding so much. I’ve nothing left.”

His panther ripped from him and it took everything in him to not savage Caden. The hold on his beast so thin, soon all would die in his path.