Hollywood & Vine (54 page)

Josie eyed Anders. “What did you do?”

Anders straightened his shoulders, his expression blank, emotionless. “I returned the favor.”

Confusion pulled Josie’s brows together. “What?”

“I might have outed her in front of a lot of people.”

“Anders,” Josie exhaled. “You didn’t.”

Anders gave her a tired smile and leaned back against the sofa before recounting the events that had taken place at the convention.

“Everyone saw?”

He nodded. “Livestream made sure of that.”

“Do you think you’ll be in trouble?”

Anders swallowed and rubbed his hands over the tops of his thighs. “The only person I give a fuck about upsetting is you. Everyone else can go to hell.”

“Me? Why would I be upset?”

“Because I brought you up. Not by name, but it won’t be hard for people to put two and two together. You’ve been through so much because of me. Christ, you almost got hit by a car, and I never even asked if you were okay. I’m such an asshole.”

“You can be an asshole. And if I’m being honest, I am worried about what’s going to happen next. As you pointed out, I almost got hit by a car. Anders, that was terrifying. What’s worse is that you weren’t even around. Everything you worried about while we were dating was happening, and I had to go through it alone. Seeing you out partying while I felt trapped in my house? That hurt. It validated every fear I had about you. About us.

“I tried to tell myself it would get better, but you hurt me so much. And as much as I hated it, I missed you. I didn’t, and still don’t, understand so many things, like why you chose to date Aubrey for publicity when you didn’t need to, why you never told me about your history with her, or why you would never let me in. But what confuses me the most, what I can’t figure out no matter how hard I try, is why you keep coming back. Why won’t you just let me go?

“Every time I think we’re done, I turn around and there you are. What do you want from me? Because what you see is what you get. If that wasn’t enough before, it’s not going to be enough now.”

Anders slid his hands over her bare thighs, his fingers wrapping around her skin and anchoring her to him. His eyes were the softest Josie had ever seen. “You said to me once that you hoped I’d be able to find someone I could let in. Someone I could trust.” He shook his head and leaned forward, raising one hand to cup the back of her neck while the other cradled her jaw. “I don’t need to look for someone. I’ve already found her. I just want you, Ivy. You’re so much more than enough. You’re everything.”

“Anders.” Her lips trembled as she clutched his wrists. “Don’t say things you don’t mean. Please don’t break my heart. Not again.”

“I don’t want to break your heart, baby. I want to fix us. Will you let me explain why I acted the way I did? It’s not an excuse, but I’m asking for your understanding. I’m asking for a chance. When I’m done, if you want me to go, I’ll go. I’ll leave you alone.”

Anders clenched his jaw and tightened his grip as his eyes drifted to the floor. He pressed his lips into a thin line and shook his head as the thought of walking away from her settled in his chest. “You know what? Fuck that. I won’t walk away. I’ll fight. I won’t let you give up on me, on us. I need you to understand. I need you to forgive me. Because being without you has been the worst experience of my life. I’m not going to feel that way ever again, not without a fight.”

“What are you saying?”

“I want to tell you everything. I want you to know me. All of me. I want you in every part of my life.”

Fat, salty tears rolled down Josie’s cheeks as relief washed over her. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted from you.”

Anders pulled in a cleansing breath, his legs bouncing with nervous energy. He felt exposed and raw and he’d yet to utter a word. Focusing his eyes on his hands, he began to speak. “I wasn’t always like this. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve never been the nicest guy in the world, but the guy you know, he used to be okay. Sort of.”

“Way to talk yourself up. You’re great at selling yourself.”

Anders narrowed his eyes, but Josie’s over-the-top innocent expression caused his lips to twitch. “Shut up.” He chuckled. “I suck at this shit, okay?”

“No arguments here.”

“God, you’re such a smart-ass.” Anders rolled his eyes but couldn’t help feeling relieved at her attempt to make him more comfortable.

“I had a pretty normal childhood. My parents did the best they could, I guess. We weren’t wealthy, but I think we did okay. The neighborhood I grew up in didn’t have a lot of kids. It was mainly older couples whose kids had already moved away. All except one.

“I remember the first time I saw her. She was this scrawny thing with long dark hair tangled in knots and legs covered in bruises. She introduced herself as Eva and said I was going to be her friend or else.” Anders shook his head at the memory, wondering what had happened to that girl.

“Of course, I told her I didn’t hang out with girls and to get away from me. There might not have been other kids in the neighborhood, but no way was I going to play with a girl. When I got home later that afternoon, there she was. Her parents went to school with mine, and they’d just moved back from a mission trip. My mom scolded me and said she’d taught me better than to be disrespectful to a girl, which is a fucking lie, but whatever. Anyway, Eva refused to go away, and over time we became friends. She became my best friend.” Anders peeked at Josie and found her expression etched with concern.

“All through middle school we were inseparable. Then one day I noticed the color of her eyes. I noticed how her face had slimmed and her body had changed. I didn’t see her as the same annoying brat I met all those years ago. It was our freshman year of high school when I kissed her. Nothing spectacular, just the fumbling attempts of a teenage boy. The transition from friend to girlfriend just happened. It felt so natural. She was my first everything.”

Raking a hand through his hair, Anders sighed and closed his eyes. It hurt him to remember those days when they were young, stupid kids who thought they were invincible.

“Our junior year of high school, everything changed. Her dad decided to take another mission trip. Egypt. She was moving to Egypt. She begged her parents to let her stay with my family, but they wouldn’t budge. A few weeks later, she left. I’d never felt so lost and alone in my life.” Anders’ eyes caught Josie’s, his expression so open, so soft. “At least at the time.” His meaning was clear and Josie’s eyes stung as she nodded in understanding.

“We kept in touch for a while, but like most things, life got in the way. My mom worried I was moping too much, so her solution was for me to audition for a local commercial. It surprised us both when I got the part. That was sort of the beginning of the end, if that makes sense. Everything I thought I wanted to do with my life was out the window. I loved acting. I loved the camera and the atmosphere. Over time I forgot about what I had lost and instead focused on what I’d found. My parents supported my decision not to go to college when I graduated. I’m sure that had something to do with the extra money I was bringing in and the money they wouldn’t have to fork out for college, but at the time I was blind to all that.

“I started getting more and more parts. First commercials, then TV shows and small indie movie roles. That’s when I met Nathan. He’d taken an interest in me, and my parents were more than happy to sign him as my agent. It meant more exposure, which translated to more money. I moved out on my own, got a shitty studio apartment in West Hollywood, and thought it was the big time. But no matter how much I worked, no matter how many jobs I had, I never seemed to make ends meet. I finally went to Nathan because nothing added up. After a little digging, we found out why. My parents were skimming. Well, skimming is putting it mildly. They were draining my account. Taking every penny they could. I couldn’t believe it. They were my parents, and they were stealing from me? I didn’t want to believe it, but it was all right there, every withdrawal, every purchase, every vacation.

“I confronted them. They couldn’t deny it. They didn’t even try to explain themselves, so I cut them off. I closed any account with their name on it and changed my phone number. I was done with them. Nathan helped. He supported my decision. He was more of a parent to me than my own had been in years. It helped, but I was alone all over again.

“When I was twenty-one, I met Owen.” Anders chuckled at the memory and shook his head. “He was just as fucking crazy then as he is now. We became friends immediately. He didn’t want anything from me. He had his own money. I trusted him. He was genuine. About a year later, I got my break. I scored the lead role in a movie that no one thought would amount to anything, but it surprised everyone. Suddenly I was relevant. Everywhere I went, people surrounded me. They all wanted to be my friend, but it felt so fake and manufactured. I’d never been surrounded by so many people and still felt so alone.

“That’s when things changed again. My parents begged for my forgiveness. They wanted to be a part of my life and promised they didn’t want anything. They said they missed me. I was skeptical. I didn’t trust them. Then one day after filming, I came home and my world was turned upside down.

“Sitting in front of my door with a small bag was Eva. Even though I hadn’t seen her face in six years, I would have recognized her anywhere. It was surreal. She was an untainted connection to my past that filled a hole I didn’t even realize existed. She told me she was modeling. A struggling model, but a model nonetheless. I understood. I’d been there. When she said she missed me, that she’d thought about me all the time, I didn’t hesitate to pick up where we left off. She asked if I could help get her foot in the door with some modeling agencies and I agreed without question. Owen hated her. I thought it was because I stopped going out with him. I never considered it was because he saw something I didn’t. It was one of my many mistakes back then.

“She moved in with me. Then one day I came home and found her with this guy. She told me his name was Nicholas and he was her friend from Egypt, that he’d come with her to America and they were just friends. Alarm bells went off in my head. I felt on edge, like something wasn’t right. But then he spoke and he was so feminine. He asked me if I could hook him up with Owen. I remember laughing in his face, part incredulity but mostly relief. We became friends and the three of us did everything together. Our lives seemed perfect.

“Eva begged me to talk to my parents. I should have said no, but my relationship with her had softened my anger toward them. When she suggested we all have dinner, I agreed. It was awkward at first, but over time we began to rebuild our relationship. They seemed different, sincere. They never asked for anything. When Eva suggested I buy them a new car, I didn’t hesitate. When she thought sending them on a romantic vacation was a good idea, I agreed. I even bought them a new house. I was such a fucking fool.

“I’d just bought a house for myself when my latest movie hit the promotion stage. That’s when everything began to spiral out of control. We had no privacy, no freedom. People followed us everywhere. Eva seemed unphased. Actually, she seemed to enjoy the attention, but I hated it. I tried not to feel bitter, though. It was better than not having anyone care about the movie at all, right? That was until Levi came into the picture. He was everywhere. It was like he had nothing better to do but follow me and Eva around. We had words more than a few times, but there wasn’t anything I could do, ya know? He wasn’t breaking any laws, just my balls.

“When I left LA for my interviews, it was a relief. I wanted to get away from the hassle of the paps. I thought once I left, they’d leave Eva alone. I was wrong. Levi became obsessed with her, with us. He followed her everywhere. Then one day I got a call from Nathan. He told me things were about to get ugly. In all the scenarios I had imagined, I never in a million years thought that it would be what actually happened.” Anders chuckled, the sound humorless and hollow.

“Turned out Nicholas wasn’t so gay after all. As a matter of fact, he was so not gay that he was fucking my girlfriend, and Levi had gotten pictures of them together. They’d played me. My girlfriend
―
my best friend
―
and the guy I’d thought was my friend too. He was never my friend. He was an opportunistic asshole who let the woman he claimed to love fuck me night after night so he could reap the benefits.”

“Anders,” Josie choked, her throat tight. “I’m so sorry.”

“Oh, I’m not done yet,” he interrupted, his words bitter and angry. “It gets better. When I confronted her, I found out she didn’t act alone. My parents, they were in some financial trouble. They met up with her when she moved back and told her how I’d cut them off, how I’d changed. They told her if she promised to repair our relationship, they’d tell her how to find me. They all played me, Josie. Everyone I’d ever loved fucked me over without batting an eye. You’d think surely that’s the worst of it. It can’t get any worse.” Anders scoffed. “It gets so much fucking worse.”

“I’d given her access to my accounts, and just like my parents, she’d taken everything she could get her hands on. When I caught on, that’s when things got nasty.”

“How could they have gotten any worse?”

“Because in my anger, I went after everyone. Eva, Nicholas, my parents, Levi. Everyone. You already know what happened when I took Levi to court. What you don’t know is what happened after. The media painted Eva as a whore and ruined her reputation, as it should have been. She had no money, no place to live, and without my cash flow, Nicholas had no use for her. She was alone. What I didn’t account for, what I never in a million years anticipated, was her and Levi joining forces.”

“No.”

“Yes. I’d fucked with his career. His livelihood. After I won my lawsuit, no one would touch him. Eva found him and they devised a plan. An alternate story, if you will. One where I was the bad guy. Suddenly I wasn’t the guy fucked over. I was a cheating, abusive asshole who manipulated the entire situation because I’d knocked up my girlfriend and didn’t want it to cramp my style. She told the media I set everything up and that when I found out she was pregnant, I beat her until she lost the baby and then concocted a story about her sleeping with her gay best friend. The media crucified me. People egged my house, posted signs in my yard calling me a murderer. I couldn’t walk in public without fear of some nut job shoving a blade in my back. But I’m sure you already knew about that part.”