Holidaze (15 page)

“For starters, Esmeralda looked at me while I was walking down the aisle toward Rah and gave me back my headache.” Just thinking about it makes my head hurt.

“I see,” Mama says, almost breaking the wooden spoon in her hand. Something else must’ve happened that she’s not telling me about and I’m not sure I want to know. “Take your pills, Jayd, and try to focus on staying cool in your dreams, no matter what happens. Our enemies are working every angle they can to get to you, which is why you shouldn’t be alone with that baby anymore until this is all over.”

“But Mama, I would never hurt Rahima. You know that.” Not intentionally, but I know she’s right.

“Of course I know that, baby. And I’m not worried about the child; I’m worried about you. Children are very close to the ancestors and bring them into the world with them when they’re born. The younger the child the closer they are to the source, and Rahima has that protection all around her, like you did when you were a baby. We want you to take care of yourself fully before you take care of anyone else, children included.”

“But what about Rahima? Are you saying I can’t see her anymore?” Mama pauses before answering my question. She looks like she’s choosing her words very carefully for my sake.

“It’s like when you’re on a plane and they tell you to put the oxygen mask on your face before strapping it onto anyone else’s. How can you protect another individual if you yourself need protecting?”

“I get that. I don’t like it, but I get it.” I look at the bottle of pills on the counter and pray that whatever’s in them works. With every passing day I feel myself slipping away, and everyone that I love right along with me.

“The Williams’ legacy has always been tainted by one weakness, which is also our greatest strength—love—and our enemies know this. Esmeralda knows your weak spot, Jayd, and she’s not above using any and every opportunity that presents itself to exploit it. The door is wide open as long as your focus is distracted. Unfortunately, Rah and his daughter are big distractions. And so are your other friends. Don’t make it so easy for her to get to you through them.”

“But if she can get at me from every angle, how can I keep her from hurting me? This is too much for me to handle alone.” Tears well up in my eyes and I want to break down, but I know that won’t help. Mama reaches her left hand across the table and pats my right one. She then takes some of the flour in the canister on the table and pours it onto the wooden surface, like she’s about to roll dough over it. She reclaims my hand and sticks out my index finger, using it to draw a pattern in the flour that begins to look familiar.

“You have everything you need inside of you at all times,” she says as the symbol for Legba becomes clear on the table. “How easily we forget all of the power we were born with once the world gets a hold of us. And the older you get, the harder it will become to remember these lessons.”

“But you remember,” I say. I wish Mama would just cast a spell of her own and make this entire experience disappear.

“I can only do so much for you, chile,” she says as if she heard my request. “You have to finish this madness by yourself. Of course I’ll help you as much as I can. But some battles are more personal than others.”

“Why would the orisha allow all of this mess to happen to me?” I know I sound naïve, but I don’t understand the point of receiving a gift to then be tortured with it. What kind of blessing is that?

“No orisha is good or bad, including Legba. He’s the opener/closer, as my godfather used to say. He will open a door and you, as the seeker, have to make the choice whether or not to go through it. You’ve allowed several things to open up, making yourself vulnerable to what energy ends up coming through after you. Like I said before, don’t make it so easy for your enemies to get to you.” She takes the cupcake pan out from under the sink and places it on the table. “And as far as your dreams go, you will have to go through several past experiences and a future one to figure out exactly how to change your present, or immediate past in this case.” This sounds like some fairy-tale shit to me. Mama finishes the cupcake batter and returns her attention to layering the pudding.

“But, Mama, if I recall correctly, in the Christmas episode of one of my favorite television shows,
Vegas,
the fine black dude only went through one past, present, and future experience. Why do I have to go through more past experiences than he did?” Completely frustrated with my naïveté, Mama drops her spatula down in the bowl and rolls her eyes at me.

“First of all, little girl,
A Christmas Carol
is the original name of the story that show was based off of. And second, that was them and this is you.” Mama looks at the small, fluffy cloud of egg whites and sugar, and decides she needs more meringue for the top of the pudding. She gently cracks the eggs, carefully separating the yolk from the white. She glances across the kitchen table at the sugar and sifter. “Pass me the sugar, Jayd,” she says as I instinctively hand the items to her before she can finish her request.

“Here you go,” I say, watching Mama work her magic. I hope this client appreciates Mama’s work as much as I do. This pudding looks like it’s going to be good. “But Mama, I’m serious. Why do I have to see all of the stuff that happened before I was born? What does that have to do with what’s going on now?”

“Now I know you didn’t just ask me that.” My past and the past of my ancestors are linked in more ways than one.

“Yes, I did. I mean, what’s the point of finally getting some real sleep and having dreams, if they only turn out to be nightmares about the doomed love lives of all the women in our lineage? Who wants to have dreams like that every night? I might never sleep well again.”

“Didn’t you learn something from the vision we shared with Maman? You learned what can happen when jealousy takes over. Now you have to do the same thing with these dreams. They’re your lessons, Jayd. Learn from them.”

“I’d rather sleepwalk,” I say, listening to my stomach growl. I’m in no mood for a history lesson right now.

“You don’t mean that and I know it. Besides, this is only phase one of your transformation. I know how Esmeralda works and she’s a lot smarter than she acts.”

“Phase one?” What the hell? “Do I look like
Blade
? I’m not trying to change into anything.”

“Jayd, you don’t have a choice. Esmeralda’s curse is forcing us to move you ahead in your spirit lessons to save not only yourself but also our lineage. You have to master your powers sooner than later, and I’m here to make sure you do it right, uncomfortable dreams and all.”

“But Mama,” I whine. But she’s not having it.

“Girl, don’t test me. That shit didn’t work when you were two years old and it isn’t going to work now, so get over it. Here, drink this,” she says, passing me a tall bottle of apple cider vinegar with some twigs floating around in it. What the hell is that?

“I’m actually full,” I say. The very sight of the thick brew is making the few cornflakes I did digest turn in my stomach. The last thing I feel like doing is swallowing that shit.

“Did it sound like a choice?” Mama passes me a shot glass from the dish rack on the counter next to the sink, and continues spreading the meringue over the pudding. I twist off the bottle top and air escapes the strong concoction, causing bubbles to fizz at the top. I pour a small amount into the glass and Mama’s eyes tell me to keep pouring. After the glass is full, I quickly take the shot to the head, swallowing the bitter drink down in one swift gulp.

“Yuck!” I exclaim. Mama laughs at my reaction, but is pleased that I took it. “What was that for?” I ask, twisting the top back on the bottle and pushing it across the table to Mama.

“It’ll help thicken your blood and fortify your body in other ways, too.” Mama puts the last of the meringue on the pudding, making my mouth water, especially with the bitter taste still fresh on my tongue.

“My blood is fine. It’s my mouth that could use the help.” Mama smiles at me, rising from her stool and replacing the bottle on the counter.

“Your mouth needs help in more ways than one.” Mama can be sarcastic when she wants to, just like anyone else. She turns the dial on the stove to preheat the oven for baking.

“But Mama, isn’t making this food and having your client do this ritual the same thing that Esmeralda and Misty did to me?”

“No, because I’d give this to my granddaughter,” Mama says, rolling her eyes at my line of questioning.

“I’m just saying.”

“Well, don’t. Believe me, Jayd, Esmeralda doesn’t want a taste of what she’s dishing out to you through Misty. She’s taking advantage of that girl, but Misty’s mother left her vulnerable, and when her grandmother was alive she was no help either. You have to take care of yourself spiritually or you leave yourself vulnerable to anything. We fortify you, child. Your ancestors, your elders, your family. We give you support, and that’s why I do what I do everyday. I do it so my lineage lives on.”

“Okay, I get all of that. But doesn’t your client’s man have a right to know what he’s eating?” Mama looks weary but continues with her explanation.

“That man is sleeping his future away. All my client wants to do is help him get a jumpstart on their life together. There’s nothing wrong about helping someone to wake up from the living dead. Some people are out here just walking around asleep with their eyes wide open. They don’t know who they are or why they are here. Those are voluntary zombies, as far as I’m concerned, and if I don’t help to wake them up, someone else will. Speaking of which,” Mama says, opening the oven and pulling out a mini pudding and handing it to me.

“So you do love me after all,” I say, biting into the tasty treat. This tastes damn good. I love the fact that Mama whips her bananas smooth, unlike most banana puddings that have chunks in them.

“More than you know.” Mama’s eyes look into mine and I can see my reflection bouncing off the green glow. As I continue to look into Mama’s eyes I see Maman’s eyes inside of them, looking back at me. It’s as if the energy of our ancestors is alive and recognizable in her eyes in a way that I’ve never seen before. “It’s time for you to get inside, little Jayd.”

Mama breaks our stare-down and concentrates on finishing her baking. I know she had to feel that connection as strongly as I just did. Maybe that’s why, when I dreamt about my mom moving out of Mama’s house, it was Maman who was in Mama’s place. I don’t know what was in that drink I just downed, but it’s got me feeling a bit buzzed.

“As you already know, your head carries your Ori, which is your personal link to the creator. And the shrine is a representation of that connection. Here, take this with you and give it to your head,” Mama says with a smile of recognition on her face. It’s another personal-sized pudding for my head orisha, Oshune.

“I guess Oshune likes this dessert, too,” I say, smelling the tasty treat. It’s going to be hard to give this one up.

“Of course she does. She likes what you like, and vice versa. You are one and the same. The sooner you realize that, the quicker your powers will develop. Now run along. We’ve both got work to do.”

I grab my school bag and purse and head out the door into the backyard. There’s nothing in the house to eat, and my one little pudding didn’t do anything to help end my hunger. Luckily my mom’s ride can easily solve my involuntary hunger strike by taking me to get something to eat after I feed my orisha. I don’t know what I’d do without my mom.

“Hey, sweety. I’m glad you think so, because I need for you to come to dinner with me at Karl’s mom’s house on Friday. Some family thing, and I’m going to need you there with me. Mothers always hate me.”

“They don’t like me much either, in case you’ve forgotten,”
I say, returning the thought.
“I don’t know if I’d be much help.”

“The in-laws are usually easier on the new wife if they see she’s a good mom. So you’ll be there, right?”

“In-laws? Did I miss a step?”

“Not really, but I’m hopeful for Valentine’s Day. Besides, wanting me to meet his family is a huge step, and you should be there to witness it. Come on, Jayd. When have I ever asked you for anything? Oh, and that reminds me, I’m going to need you to hook my hair up before we go, if you’re feeling better. So, get on it, girl. We’ve got a ring to get and no future mother-in-law of mine is keeping it from my finger,”
my mom says, leaving my head just as quickly as she entered it. I could care less about Valentine’s Day, but if she likes it I love it for her. But seriously, will these holidays ever end?

I’m so happy it’s Friday, I don’t know what to do. With the exception of my friends’ drama it’s been an okay week. I decided to leave Chance alone about him and Nellie consummating their relationship until I’m in better space to deal with the impending bell that’s going to eventually ring. And ever since I informed Mickey that I couldn’t help her deal with her relationship with Nigel through magic, she’s been avoiding me like the plague.

It’s not my fault Mickey doesn’t understand how we get down in Mama’s house. What’s even stranger is that she and Misty seem to tolerate each other in public now, which is highly unusual. Although Mickey’s attending the continuation school on the lower campus, which is on the other side of the football field, I guess she’s still allowed to come up here for lunch, and she hasn’t missed a day yet.