Hold Me If You Can (17 page)

Chocolate!
I
smell
chocolate!
Like some weak-willed chocoholic, she whirled around, searching for the source of the soul-wrenching aroma. But instead of chocolate, she saw Nigel twisted on the ground. “Nigel!” She started to run for him, and then saw an old chocolate chip cookie abandoned on the floor near him.

Her mouth began to water. Nigel. Chocolate. Nigel. Chocolate. What should she choose? Her heart was screaming Nigel, but she changed tracks and headed toward the dessert, driven by the compulsion inside her. “No!” She grabbed for Nigel as she passed by him, saw his eyes open.

The agony in them was unreal. Not just agony, but brutal, searing fury. Anger. Coldness. Death. The monster that had shown its face at her store was coming to life again, only with far more aggression. He reached for her, his fingers outstretched. “Natalie—”

“I’m here. I’ll help—”

Her body convulsed with pain as another onslaught of smut hit her (was that a bad sign that she knew what it felt like to get hit with smut? She was kind of thinking it was). She screamed as it rocked through her, and she was flung backwards. She crashed into the wall and landed beside the cookie.

She stared blankly at it for a second and could practically hear it calling out to her.
Natalie. Natalie. Come eat me. You know you want me.

No. She wouldn’t succumb to the demonic poison racing around inside her. She was not turning into her worst nightmare. She
wasn’t
. Chocolate would never trump saving those she cared about. “Nigel,” she gasped. “I’m coming.”

In an impressive show of willpower, Natalie raced across the floor and kneeled next to Nigel. He opened his eyes as she laid her hands on his cheeks. “Okay, Nigel, let me in.”

He grabbed her wrists. “If this doesn’t work,” he managed, “get away from me. I won’t be able to stop myself.”

“You would never hurt me.” She laid her finger over his mouth, silencing his protests. “Just let me in.” He nodded once and closed his eyes, and she felt him try to relax, trusting her.
Please
don’t let me let him down
. She leaned closer, breathing deeply. He smelled great, like total man and power and control. She tried to recreate the feeling of his kisses, of the way he’d made her feel. “You are in control,” she ordered. “You’re an effective and smooth warrior—”

Mari grabbed her arm and hauled her back to her feet. “What are you doing? What are you?”

“Nothing!” She tried to twist free, desperate to get back to Nigel. “Let me go—”

“You have the power of suggestion?” Mari’s eyes were gleaming with anticipation that didn’t comport with an appropriately submissive response to Natalie’s suggestion. “You can influence these warriors to respond to anything I want them to do, can’t you?”

Uh oh. Natalie recalled all too well Ella’s horror at what she’d done to the warriors. She remembered Nigel’s revulsion when she’d touched his mind. What greater nightmare than to have that power in the hands of this woman? “No, no, I don’t—”

“You lie!” Mari tightened her grip. “You’re a Mystic. You’re powerful! I need you—”

“I’m not! I can’t influence anyone!” She didn’t dare look at Nigel to see how he was doing. She didn’t want to direct Mari’s attention to him.

“You can!” Mari leaned closer and sniffed. “You really stink of smut. How did that happen? It was Gina Ruffalo. How did she dump that on you?”

“It was
Gina
?” Gina had been the altruistic self-sacrificing angel who’d traded bodies with Natalie so she would die instead of Natalie. She’d told Natalie that she wanted to go to the Afterlife to be with her true love. But it had really been to escape an eternity as a smut monster? Um, hello? That definitely went on the list of “things that would have been good to know
before
trading bodies with someone.” “Gina was your smut receptacle?”

“Yes. Gina had betrayed Angelica long ago, and she got smutted as punishment.” Mari cocked her head. “I’m so sorry that you got loaded with it. I assumed that I was hitting up Gina.”

“Well, then, you can stop, right?”

“Well, yes, but it has to go somewhere.” Mari glanced over at Charles leaning over Pascal. “I’m all for girl power, so I’m willing to make a deal. If you come work for me, I’ll put the smut back on Charlie.” She lowered her voice. “Honestly, he’s not that easy to control. And I really feel like he brings out the worst in me. You and I could fix things so gently and so easily.”

Nigel bellowed, and Natalie whirled around. His skin was gleaming with metal, his body was rigid, the tendons rigid in his neck. He’d broken the hold she’d put on him back at the car, and her second attempt to bring him back hadn’t worked. He’d trusted her to keep him sane, and she’d failed him. “Nigel! You are in control—”

“No!” Mari yanked her back as she tried to go to him. “Don’t you realize what we could do for all these men? We could teach them about love and bring them peace.” She nodded at Nigel. “You could save him from the pain. Open his spirit to love.”

Natalie’s heart tightened as she saw Nigel writhing on the floor. The anguish in his face. The monster rising within. Could she really save him? Mari was powerful with her magic. She could help Natalie tap into her own magic. Make her powerful enough to save Nigel, to save others, to save herself—

Dear God! What was she thinking? She would be no better than Mari if she went that route. She wouldn’t force anything on them. “No!” She pulled free. “I could never work for you.”

Disappointment flashed in Mari’s face. “I respect your decision, but if that’s the case, then I’ve got to use Smutty, and I need you to carry his smut. I apologize, but I don’t have time to track down someone who deserves the smut.” Mari picked up a black baton and pointed it at Natalie. “Are you sure you want to turn down my offer?”

Natalie backed up a step. “You could just let the guys go and stop messing with them.”

“No, I can’t. I have to fix things. Everything is too broken.” Mari’s voice broke with frustration and guilt, and she pressed a button on her black baton. The end of it flashed with a bright blue light, and more smut flooded Natalie.

“Trust them to fix themselves,” Natalie said, gasping for air. “Just stop interfering!” It felt like demons were gripping her lungs and stealing her breath. The smell of chocolate was hammering at her, making it difficult to think.

“They’re too damaged,” Mari said. “I owe it to them to clear the scars from their soul.”

“They’re warriors!” Natalie hunched over, hugging her belly against the pain. “They like scars! It gives them something to talk about over dinner!” She saw Smutty sit up and rub his eyes, looking decidedly more cheerful and sprightly than Natalie was feeling.

“Does no one understand my vision? It’s about love. Is there any greater good?” Mari twirled her wand like a baton, her face twisted in frustration. “If you won’t help, I’m going to have to clear Smutty enough to make him able to function better. I promised everyone love, and love they shall have.” She raised the wand again and aimed it at Natalie. “One last try—”

And then, in a display of excellent timing for an act of dubious horror, Nigel erupted.

Nigel leapt to his feet, power and emotion roaring through him like he’d never felt before. It was a thousand times worse than the day he’d killed his mother. His mind was a white light of heat, of aggression, as he saw Mari’s hand close on Natalie’s neck. As he saw that baton coming toward Natalie’s heart. “No!”

A roar ripped out of his chest and he flung his arms up toward the ceiling. Drawing in all the energy he could find, letting it fuel the rage within him. Embracing himself in a way he’d fought against for a hundred and fifty years.

“Shit, Nigel! You’re going to bring us all down!” Christian raced over to Pascal and threw his chain-linked body over the prostrate warrior.

Power filled Nigel, and a lethal coldness filled him. The coldness of living metal, rushing toward the surface, toward his skin.

He turned toward Natalie, saw her ashen face. “Oh, no,” she whispered.

Oh,
yes.

Mari was staring at him as well, and her face was delighted. “Angelica always said you were far more of a man than you’d ever let yourself be.” She raised the baton to Natalie’s thigh. “Bring it on, Nigel. Show me what you can be. Let out all your anguish and fury. Face it, release it, and then you will be ready to move on.”

Something in his mind, buried in the depths of where his sanity used to be, registered Mari’s excitement, realized that he needed to stop, to be strategic, comprehended that he was playing right into her plans. He needed to stop, stop, stop.

Then Mari flung the zapper at Natalie and hit her.

Natalie yelped, her skin began to smoke and then she was down on the ground.

I
have
to
protect
her.
The blades ripped out of Nigel’s skin. They hammered everywhere, ceiling, walls, floors. They thudded into Mari, but she simply stood there and smiled. “I accept the pain, and I deserve it,” she said. “But if you kill me,” she continued calmly, “Natalie will get all my smut. The demons will come to collect, and she will be taken by them.”

“You lie—”

“I do not.” Mari began to back toward the door. “Smutty!” she shouted. “Take away his dream of killing me!”

“No chance of that.” Nigel allowed the blades to fly. He had to stop Mari. Had to stop her from hurting Natalie and Christian and Pascal—

“If I die, so will Natalie,” Mari shouted. “And it will be your fault!”

Her words were like a shock to his system. Shit! Natalie couldn’t die! It his job to protect her. He realized his blades were spewing in all directions. Just like when he’d killed his parents. “Natalie,” he shouted, falling to his knees as he tried to reel the blades back in. “Get out of here!”

Smutty leapt to his feet. “I take your dreams, warrior!” he shouted.

Nigel’s head suddenly felt like it was going to explode. Pure golden light raced through it, and thoughts of Mari swirled around in his head, darting in and out of his conscious and his mind. “Jesus!” He stumbled backwards, clutching his head. “No!” He whirled toward Smutty and directed all his weapons onto him.

“Not me!” Smutty shrieked and dove behind the wardrobe. “I’ll steal your aggression, too! Stop, you silly boy!”

Nigel’s head billowed with pain and he fell to his knees, holding his head against the invasion in his brain.

Mari crouched beside him. “Come on, Nigel,” she begged. “Stop fighting this! I’m trying to help you, and if you just let me, everything will be okay.”

“Losing my mind will never be okay,” he gritted out. Shit. He was losing it. He couldn’t stop the fury, couldn’t hold onto his focus. Everything was sliding out of control. “Run, Christian,” he gasped. “Get Natalie and run!”

Christian leapt to his feet, his chain-linked body intact despite Nigel’s assault. He grabbed Pascal, flung the inert warrior over his shoulder, whipped out his sword, and hurled it at Smutty.

The sword diverted and sank itself into the wall beside him.

Nigel swore. Christian never missed. None of them did. “He’s in your head too. Get out!”

“Not without you.” Christian called his sword back and raced for Nigel. “Get up, you bastard! We’re leaving!”

“Don’t let them leave, Charlie,” Mari shouted. “Make them want to stay!”

“Jesus.” Nigel’s head felt like it was going to explode, and he lurched to his feet. “No!”

“Stop!” Natalie suddenly leapt to her feet. Her hair was strung out, her face was ash-gray, and her skin was tight and shiny. Her eyes were black and her teeth were pointed. “Stop hurting them!” And then Natalie flung herself toward Mari, unleashing a scream of anguish that made Nigel’s soul crack.

“No!” He intercepted Natalie in midair. “You don’t want to be that person. Let me do it.” He wrapped Natalie against him, shutting down her struggles. “This isn’t you,” he shouted at her. “It’s the demons! You don’t want to be a killer!” He threw a knife at Mari. The blade sank deep into her heart, and she screamed. It was a living blade, and he knew it was growing strong, taking over her body almost instantly.

Mari’s face paled, and she grabbed her chest. “Stop, you idiot! You can’t kill me!”

But he knew she was wrong. She was dying. He could feel her soul dying. It was over.
It
was
over. Mother of God, it was over.

Christian had been sprinting toward the door with Pascal, but he stopped to watch Mari crumbling. “And the wicked witch of the west finally gets hit with her bucket of water. Justice reigns.”

Nigel saw relief in his friend’s eyes. Hope for a brighter future, or any future at all. For them, and for everyone else still trapped under her reign. “It’s over, buddy—”

Natalie screamed suddenly and lurched in Nigel’s arms.

“What—” Then the walls came alive. Monsters began to emerge from the plaster, bronze ones with oversized teeth, black, soulless eyes, and more horns that any living creature could possibly put to use.

“Demons!” Christian charged the nearest one, took off its head, and another head sprung up out of the neck, hissing. “Shit!”

One of them leapt off the wall straight at Natalie. Nigel took the beast out with a single swipe. Then more appeared. And more. Dozens. All of them circled Natalie, hanging on the wall like demonic spiders. “What the hell?”

“It’s the smut,” Mari gasped as she went down on her knees. “If you kill me, the demons come to collect payment, and since Natalie’s carrying my smut, they’ll take her instead.”

Another beast leapt off the wall, teeth bared to reveal a bottomless throat. Screams of dying souls echoed in is belly. “Holy crap! That’s not good.” Nigel slammed his blade down its throat, and it kept coming—

Christian bisected it, and odious sulfur smoke assaulted Nigel’s nose. Burned it like acid. The two halves each sprang into a new demon, and the walls began to shift as more and more appeared. “There’s too many,” Christian shouted. “We can’t stop them all!”

Mari groaned and held her hand to her stomach. “Pull the blade out, warrior. Now. Save me, or Natalie will get taken by them.”

A demon sprang from behind and tried to eat Nigel’s head. He engaged it, and then another pried Natalie out of his arms. There was a screech of victory, and then it began to drag her across the floor. Natalie fought, but she had no chance against the monsters of hell.

“No!” Nigel raced after her, and then the demons closed ranks, shutting him out. He couldn’t see her. Could just hear her screams. He fought, he sliced, he jabbed, and there were more and more… He couldn’t get through them!

He spun around and raced over to Mari, threw her down, and slammed his hand over her chest.

“What the hell are you doing?” Christian raced over to him. “Don’t save her!”

“Get off!” He backhanded a huge blade at Christian. It caught him in the chest and flung him backwards. Nigel barely registered the fact he’d taken out one of his best friends. All he could feel and think was that Natalie was being taken by demons. He had to save her. At any cost. He threw his healing energy into Mari, found the blade, and ripped it ruthlessly out of her.

She shrieked and gasped, a gaping wound open in her chest. And still more demons came, called by Mari’s approaching death. They surrounded Natalie, who was screaming like she was being skinned alive. “Shit!” He tried to focus on healing, couldn’t think, couldn’t focus, too frazzled.

“Nigel!” Natalie’s shriek of horror, her last plea for help.

Nigel saw a pad and pen set carefully on a nearby table, placed there as if it had been waiting for him. He knew it probably had been set there just for him, as part of his trap, but he didn’t care. He raced across the room and snatched it up. His fingers flew across the page as he sprinted back to Mari, and the image was complete by the time he crouched beside her. He didn’t even know what he’d drawn. Didn’t care. But his mind was clear and focused, at least enough to heal, and he flung healing light ruthlessly into Mari’s body. The white light glowed, the blood flow slowed, her chest began to knit together. He threw every last bit that he had into him, and then there was a flash of light, and the demons vanished.

“Nigel!” Natalie’s upper body was halfway through the wall. Her feet were out of sight, sucked partway into hell. She had dug her claws (claws!) into the floor and there were drag marks across the wood as she’d tried to hold herself. Her eyes had bronze flecks in them. “Help me,” she whispered, as if she were too exhausted to fight any longer.

“Nat!” He bolted across the floor. He caught her under the arms and pulled on her… and she continued to disappear further into the wall. “Mother of hell!”

Tears streamed from her eyes. “I can’t stop it. I can feel the monsters inside me—”

“No!” Fury raced through him, white-hot rage, and suddenly there was an enormous serrated blade in his hands. The metal was glowing purple. He had no idea what he’d just created, but he knew instinctively what to do with it. He jammed it into the wall that was trying to suck Natalie into the abyss of doom. The wall pulsed and shrieked, and then exploded.

Nigel cradled Natalie as it flung them across the room. He shoved her into the protective shield of his body as they careened into the opposite wall.

They hit hard and crashed to the ground. He had no time to check on Natalie before his head was hammering from a new assault by Smutty. He jerked his gaze up to see Smutty staggering toward him, hands out, invading his mind.

“Enough already!” Nigel grabbed Natalie, flung her under his arm, and attacked. The blades spewed left and right, hitting everywhere, but he could still feel Smutty in his head, trying to take away his fury. “Hell—”

“Get out!” Christian shouted. “We have to get out!” Christian sprinted past him, Pascal over his shoulder. “Go out the hole!”

Nigel tucked Natalie up against him and ran after Christian. He leapt through the cavernous opening he’d created with his sword, and then they were flying through space, through a void, through blackness. To hell? To salvation?

They were about to find out.

***

Natalie heard the demons screaming as Nigel carried her through the opening. She felt them clawing at her arms. Oh… wait… those were Nigel’s weapons digging into her as they tried to emerge from his body. He was going mad. He was going over the edge.

“Nigel!” She shouted at him as they fell to whatever hell awaited them. “Stop!”

“No chance of that, sweetheart—” And then the demons came.

Real demons. Just like in her dreams. Claws, snarls, howls of torture and death, bursting out of the darkness. She fought off the claws, hit at her assailants, gagged at the scent of sulfur. She realized they were catapulting down a black chasm, glowing eyes watching them—

Then Nigel went ballistic, attacking, and Christian did the same. Their weapons were moving too fast for her to see, and somehow, miraculously, nothing hit her, nothing gouged her. The creatures stopped going for her, fought for survival against two powerful and enraged warriors. And then there was a wail of capitulation, and the demons were gone. A battle cut short by the guardians protecting her.

Utter silence, and then the rock walls disappeared, and they were free-falling in darkness, in stillness—

“Nat!” Nigel grabbed her and pulled her against him. “Hang on to me,” he gasped, his voice harsh and raspy. She threw her arms around him and buried herself against his body. She could feel his chest poking at her as knives fought to free themselves from his body, but he kept them in control, never actually stabbing her (always a good quality in a man).

He buried his face in her hair. “God, I could hold you forever,” he whispered. “You’re the serenity of my soul.”

Warmth filled her and she hugged him tighter, needing his touch as much as he seemed to need hers. The wind whistled past as they fell, but in Nigel’s arms, there was peace. She needed his support and his embrace after the hell they’d just been through. She concentrated on the feel of his whiskers against her cheeks, allowing the sensation of his body against hers to ease her tension.

The world disappeared, until all that was left was Nigel, their bodies tangled together as they fell in the blackness. She had no idea where they would land or how much it would hurt, but she didn’t really care. With Nigel, she knew that everything would be all right.

“You’re smiling,” Nigel said. “I can feel your face against mine. Why?”

“I just realized that after a lifetime of being terrified of one bad ending after another, now that I’m in a situation with high potential for serious negative impact, I’m not worried. I’m just happy to be where I am.”

He pulled her more tightly against him and brushed his mouth over hers. “That’s my girl,” he said softly. “A giant first step. Feel good?”

She raised her face to his. “Oh, yes.”

He kissed her then, a tender and gentle kiss. A kiss that spoke of their mutual need to replace the experience they’d just had with something that felt good, with something that restored their souls and brought lightness to their spirits.

“Incoming,” Christian called out. “Brace yourself.”

Nigel broke the kiss and shifted their position in the air so he was below her. “Hang on, sweetheart. This could get rough.”