Hold Me Close (Devil's Chariots Motorcycle Club Book 1)

He stood at the podium with weak knees and a racing heart. This wasn’t his thing. Speaking in public. He scanned the crowd and wondered who the hell all the people were anyway. He damn sure didn’t know them, and that made him angry. Why the hell would they be sitting here?

He could feel the sweat forming on his brows and he hoped that no one could see the anxiety he was feeling. This wasn’t the time. It may not have been his specialty to stand in front of crowds, but for Dan he’d do just about anything. Including trying to find the words he needed without completely losing his shit.

His eyes darted around and somehow locked with hers. He barely knew her. But somehow in that room and under those circumstances, he found the strength he needed to step forward and share the thoughts he’d prepared.

He could feel the weight of her stare as his mouth opened. “Dan was a good man.” As the words spilled from deep inside his heart he saw the tears fall from her eyes. “He was the best man I've ever known. A better man than I'll ever be.” She closed her eyes for a second to hear his words, and it gave him strength.

He continued to discuss the man he'd loved. The one he'd vowed to protect and failed. He discussed how much importance Dan had in his life. How much he adored his wife. How many nights he'd listened to stories of the people that Dan had loved. He watched Bethany's face as he spoke. The way her eyes lit up with stories of her. He was glad he'd came. As hard as it was to deal with all of this. As hard as speaking was. He was glad he found the strength to show up and be there for her. She needed him. And that's the one thing he wasn't going to fail at.

***

Bethany knew the man speaking. He’d had dinner at her house. But for the life of her she couldn’t remember his name. He looked terrified. Or upset. Or both. He kept running his fingers through his dark shaggy hair as he spoke. There was sweat dripping around his eyes and anyone paying enough attention would be able to see the slight tremble in his body.

She remembered him as being nice and fairly good looking. He and Dan had been brothers in the Devil's Chariots Motorcycle Club. Johnny had known Dan the majority of his life. She remembered that much. But he was one of them. And she had made it a point to stay out of anything that involved them. Today was the reason why.

Yet she felt bad for the guy. And admired him at the same time. She looked into his eyes and saw her own pain. She could see how he felt about her husband. She couldn't resent him simply because was one of them. It wasn't his fault she hated them all so much. It wasn't his fault Dan was gone. And he was hurting. Yet he was able to stand there and look at her and say things that meant so very much. Things that made her feel a little bit better.

She couldn’t help but feel the weight of his stare as his eyes stayed focused on her. It may have seemed creepy during other circumstances, but today it seemed okay. His words were very real and it was hard not to cry as she heard them. Sometimes a tear would slip down her cheek, but it was always a tear of joy. Happiness. Memories that no one would take from her.

Between the power of the memories flooding her body and the heat from the crowd of people she didn’t even know, Bethany felt as though she might pass out. She wondered if it would be rude to sneak out and find a place to breathe? On the other hand, she didn’t care much and stood up to do just that as the man’s speech came to a close. It had been a wonderful speech.

***

She was leaving. Sneaking out a side door. He couldn’t blame her much. Who the fuck wants to sit in this crowd? He was planning to take off himself. This was too much for him and he needed to go somewhere alone and decompress. The guys would be angry that he would go MIA from the funeral. It would violate the code. He was there to pay respects to his brother. But that wasn't important right at the moment.

He had faced something none of them understood. It wasn't just their brother Dan who was gone. He was more than that. He was a best friend. A confidant. A family member when there weren't any family members to speak of.

Part of him wanted to follow Bethany and make sure that she was okay. Dan would want him to do that. At least that’s what he thought. But the other part of him felt like maybe she’d needed some time alone. Much like he did. They weren’t in very different positions at the moment and he’d probably be really pissed off if he tried to disappear and someone followed him. Especially someone he didn’t know.

But he felt a twinge of guilt. Dan would want to know she was fine. But was that even possible? Fuck no. Who, that had loved him, could be fine right now? It wasn't going to happen. If she'd wanted company she would have found some. He needed to let her be alone.

With that in mind, he headed out the doors and to the parking lot. He would go by the house and check on her the following day. Tonight, he would let her have the space she needed to mourn and he would find a strong drink and a willing girl to get him through until morning.

***

She stared at the window as the man hopped onto his bike and drove out of the parking lot. She wanted to go up to him and thank him for the things he said. But she could tell he was having a hard time and she didn’t want to bother him. Besides, no one really needed to see her cry, and that’s what she was about to do.

She tried so hard to be strong. She needed more time to fake it this time. Dan had been her everything. She'd yelled at him so many times about that fucking gang. She wanted him to quit, but he’d refused. He didn't want to betray his brothers. So he stayed. And now he was gone. Just like she'd always told him.

She'd never befriended the guy from tonight. She wasn't rude to him, but she didn't make him feel welcome either. It wasn't him. It was what he represented in her life. The enemy. The disaster. She didn't want it. So she had been aloof when he was around. Yet he found her in the crowd and spoke to her. He made sure she was okay.

Until he was standing at the podium talking, Bethany had never really thought anyone else could understand what she was feeling. Now she knew that he did. There was something comforting about not feeling quite so alone in the world. She only wished she could remember his name so that she could contact him later and thank him. Maybe someone else would know.

She sat down in the stairway and waited as the sounds inside the room began to fade. Little by the little the crowd was making its way outside. They would leave that building and go on with their lives. Dinner with the family. Favorite TV shows. Work the following day. Nothing would be different.

For her, everything was different. There was no normal any longer, and she didn’t know that there ever would be. Her best friend told her that she’d find a new normal. But if this pain and emptiness was what she had to look forward to, then she’d pass. Maybe she could just stop feeling altogether. The numbness would make it easier to face the days and try to figure out just how she was going to resume a life that no longer made any sense.

***

She was cute. Red hair. Big tits. Nice, firm little ass. A typical club girl. Which was typical for Johnny. Club girls were his thing. Mainly because he didn't have an old lady. There weren't any that he'd wanted bad enough to claim them permanently. With a club girl, he'd get his fun and then pass her to the next brother that wanted her.  It wasn't something bad. The club girls loved being club girls. Some of them aspired to old lady status and some preferred to remain open for a while.

This one was all over him, but Johnny couldn’t concentrate. He wanted to numb the pain with hot sex and liquor, but so far neither was working out.

She ran her fingers along his zipper and began to tug. This club girl was like any other. All about what she was doing. Pleasing the guys. She was about to go down on him. Maybe that would help. Those lips looked ideal for the job. But no such luck. Even when she managed to slide her lips down the entire length he couldn't focus on her. Or the feeling.

Instead he kept hearing his own words and seeing the look on Bethany’s face. What the fuck was that about? His best friend’s wife was ruining his sex life. That was a new one for him.

CHAPTER TWO

“God dammit!” Bethany screamed as she hit her toe on the bottle that was lying in the middle of the living room floor. The pain that shot through her foot almost dulled the throb in her temples as she tried to stumble her way to the front door. Not one inch of her wanted to answer the doorbell, but she knew that if she didn’t, someone would end up panicked.

So she mustered the strength to drag herself to the door. She didn’t even check to see how she looked. Her theory was: anyone that had a problem with her looking like shit with a hangover could leave. Her world had just shattered and she every right to look as bad as she wanted no matter who was ringing her bell.

The door seemed further than she'd even wanted to attempt, but such was life. So what? Her head was pounding. Her house was trashed. Her clothes were half off of her body. Her breath reeked of liquor. She didn't even want company, let alone to have to walk to them. If she could have managed, she'd have ignored the bell and continued lying on the couch watching the ceiling spin around her. As she slung open the door that was exactly what she planned to do as soon as whoever the fuck was outside was gone.

***

“Did I wake you?” Johnny couldn’t believe what stood before him. He couldn't recall a moment or photo in which he'd seen Bethany look that bad.

She was hung over but it, was bad. Worse than he'd seen in a long time. He couldn't help but chuckle because he had come here worried about showing up looking like shit.

The night before had been a long one, and unfortunately it wasn't because that cute little redhead had rocked his world. Nope. Far from it. Enjoying his time with the club girl wasn't a bad thing. His brothers wouldn't frown on that.

This they would frown upon. Standing in front of Bethany for no reason. Thinking the thoughts he was thinking. Beth was Dan's old lady. That meant something to the club. It meant more than something to the brothers.

He had to be cautious. His job was to see that she was okay. If he took his thoughts or actions beyond that, he was violating one of their biggest codes. It was a major thing. Another brother was to never, under any circumstance, be with another brother's old lady. Even after his death. Her title stayed the same regardless of where Dan was.

That’s what had Johnny torn up all night. His attraction to her. His need to be near the old lady of his closest brother. He was not supposed to pursue her. Not even this far into it. He was to check on her and then take off. Go back to his duties. They had jobs to complete. Trying to get with Beth wasn't on that agenda. Yet there he stood.

But for that moment all he could do was look at this lady in front of him and shake his head. “Damn,” he muttered as he scanned her again.

Her normally neat and straight blonde hair was hanging in various directions off her head. The makeup she’d had on was spread all over her face and she looked as though she’d died and come back to life. He’d never seen her look so bad.