Hold Me (27 page)

Luc slept. Time crawled. Darkness and light shifted outside the window. Katie sat in the chair next to the bed, so tired that she wasn’t feeling or thinking or dreaming or anything. The nurses came and went, and David showed up periodically to bring her coffee and food, but Katie had no idea how long she’d been sitting there or even what day it was. She only knew that Luc’s condition had improved. He was still asleep, but he was going to be all right.

Finally, unable to hold back her own exhaustion any longer, Katie lay her head down on the bed beside him and slept too.

She woke in the fluorescent half-light with no idea where she was or how long she’d been there. Oh, yeah. Luc’s room.

She had a truly severe crick in her neck. Her face felt smushed from lying so long on one side, and she knew her hair must be a sight to behold.

A little painfully, she looked up and realized with a large internal leap of joy that Luc had his eyes open, that he was watching her.

“Luc.” Her own discomfort forgotten, she smiled and grabbed his hand in both of hers.

But instead of smiling back at her or making any gesture to indicate he was glad to see her, he just looked at her, his expression remote.

Katie’s smile slipped as a bubble of panic bobbed to the surface. Maybe he was in a lot of pain. Maybe she should call the nurse…

“Katie?” Well, at least he knew her name. His voice was much stronger than it had been, and his dark eyes seemed alert. “What are you doing here?”

“You…” The word sounded rusty and she had to clear her throat and start again. “You wanted me to stay with you.”

His brow creased as he frowned at her. He was definitely still pale, Katie thought, studying him anxiously, but he really did look a lot better. In fact, he probably looked better than she did. Good. That was good. So why was he acting weird?

“I asked you to stay? That was stupid,” he said.

Katie drew back a little. She shook her head, trying to clear it. “What?”

Luc’s eyes flicked down to where her hands held his. “It’s all a blur,” he said. “I guess I was really out of it because of the medicine. Sorry about that.”

“Oh.” Katie didn’t know what to say, how to act. The man who had clung to her on the beach, who had begged her not to leave him at the hospital was gone, and the cold stranger was back. She didn’t know this man.

“I, uh, didn’t want to leave you alone,” she said.

Luc shrugged his good shoulder slightly and winced at the movement. “Oh, well, you didn’t need to worry.”

Katie let go of his hand and sank back in the chair. Self-consciously she tried to smooth down her hair and wondered if she had sheet marks on her face.

Okay. Okay, so he was pushing her away again like he’d tried to do before. He felt vulnerable, and now he was retreating.

Katie rubbed her sore neck, put her palms over her gritty eyes. If only she could think.

Luc pressed some buttons and raised the bed until he was sitting. He held his breath and sweat dotted his forehead, but otherwise he didn’t acknowledge that he was in pain, although she knew it must have hurt like the devil.

“Are you sure you should do that?” she asked.

“I heal fast. I’m okay.”

Silence.

A nurse came in and scolded Luc for sitting up as she lowered the bed. Of course, he raised it again as soon as she left.

While Katie was thinking of a way to break through the strange new tension, a very familiar woman burst into the room, limping a little, but still graceful. Her brown hair hung long and straight like satin, her hazel eyes wild with fear.

Melanie Grant. Her foster sister. Luc’s foster sister.

“Luc! Luc, are you all right?”

“Melanie.” Smiling, he held out his good hand to her and she ran to him, took it.

“Mom called…” Melanie was breathless, both panic and relief in her voice.

Katie stared at her, at the emotion in her face. Emotion Katie had never seen there before.

“I’ve been trying to get into your room forever. They said I couldn’t come in until you woke up, but that Katie was here.” Mel finally turned and stared at her. “Katie, Mom told me Luc has been protecting you.”

Katie blushed, unaccountably embarrassed, and tried to smooth her hair down again.

“It’s a long story,” she muttered.

“We’ll talk later.” Melanie dismissed her and turned back to Luc. “I’m just so glad you’re alive.” She gave him as big a bear hug as she could manage around all of the tubes and sensors. Katie knew it had to hurt, but he didn’t complain. Instead his uninjured arm curled around her sister’s waist. He pulled her closer and kissed her gently on the cheek.

Katie stood and moved aside so Melanie could sit down. Then she backed further away from the bed. Luc and Melanie didn’t seem to notice. They were too busy talking and answering each other at the same time, totally involved in each other. Katie watched them. And felt isolated. Cold. Outside the secret life Melanie had never shared. Outside the life Luc wouldn’t let her enter. Didn’t want her to enter.

She took a deep breath in and pushed it out. Looking at them, it was so obvious that Melanie was in love with Luc that she wondered why she hadn’t even considered the possibility before.

Katie breathed. In and out.

Damn you, she wanted to scream at both of them. What about me?

Before she could even hope to decide what to do next, Justin Némes strolled into the room. He was elegantly dressed, his dark hair tied back into a queue, bandage at a rakish angle, his blue eyes mellow until he caught a glimpse of Katie’s face. Then they narrowed, became a little dangerous.

She looked away.

“Némes,” Luc said from the bed. “An unexpected pleasure.”

Melanie nodded at the other man. “Némes,” she murmured.

“Hey, this is a red-letter day. You actually called me by my real name,” Némes said.

So, Melanie had met Némes before. Had another secret.

Melanie’s lips tightened. She turned away, her long hair swinging to hide her face. Hiding from everyone. Except Luc.

“I could think of a few other things to call you,” she said shortly.

“I’ll bet.” Némes faced Luc. “I just came to tell you that I have to take off. Now that you’re on the mend I need to get back to work.”

Luc shifted and obviously zinged himself. He panted for a moment through the pain, then grinned. “Poor slob.”

“Tell me about it. David’s trying to talk me into coming back to the Bureau, and I’m so far gone that I’m actually considering it.”

“You should.” Luc took Melanie’s hand and intertwined their fingers, holding her close to the bed.

“Eh.” Némes shrugged his broad shoulders. “We’ll see. There’s a certain allure to international tax laws.”

“If you say so.” Luc paused. “Thanks, man. For everything.”

Némes shrugged again. “I owed you.”

“You didn’t owe me anything for your sister. Nothing at all.”

“Not for my sister.” Némes hesitated and shifted on his feet. “For Liza. For the way I didn’t think. Or rather, for the way I thought with the wrong part of my anatomy.”

Luc shook his head. “Forget about it.”

“I understand that after you launched your initial investigation into the drug charges, you didn’t believe I was involved and worked behind the scenes to clear me,” Némes said. “It looks like I’ve wasted a lot of time hating a man who didn’t deserve it.”

“I wasn’t able to do too much.”

“Maybe not, but you did all you could.” Némes turned and then he was standing in front of Katie. “Well, kid, it has been extremely…real.”

“Thought you’d say that.” She forced a smile, but of course it didn’t fool him.

“Anything wrong?” he bent closer to her and asked in a lower voice.

She turned her head away, knowing he’d probably seen more than she’d wanted him to. “Nope. But thanks anyway.”

He leaned down, brushed her cheek with a chaste kiss, and left.

And Katie was alone again.

“Just who does he think he is?” Melanie demanded of the room at large.

“An accountant,” Luc said.

“Oh, right.” Melanie didn’t sound like she believed it. Frankly, Katie didn’t either.

“Well, it’s what he thinks he is,” Luc said. “Sometimes that’s all that matters.”

For the first time in his life, Luc actually wanted to be left alone in a hospital room. He needed to sort things out. To get back on an even keel. To start rebuilding some boundaries between himself and Katie. Katie with her wild red hair, freckles, and blue, blue eyes.

On the beach, she’d said she loved him…

Christ, she fucking terrified him. And what she thought she felt for him scared him even more. He wasn’t what she needed. Hell, he wasn’t what anybody needed.

Katie deserved a better man. Someone kinder. Less damaged. Less cruel. Someone who was more like Bruce Wayne and less like, well, Luc Vasco.

Look at what he was doing to Melanie. He loved Mel like a sister, but he’d known for a while that she wanted more. And here he was using that knowledge without hesitation, using her to drive Katie away. Because even now, all he wanted was for Katie to stroke back his hair with her gentle fingers and kiss him with her soft lips.

And he hated himself because he wanted it. Hated himself because he was using Melanie. And hated himself because he was going to hurt both of them. All of them. But he didn’t have a choice.

“Katie,” he said, interrupting Melanie without even realizing it. “Why don’t you go?”

“Go?” she repeated the word uncertainly.

“Go get some rest. You look beat.” He paused, despising himself, and forced a smile. “Besides,” he said, “Melanie’s here, and I’d like to be alone with her.” He released Mel’s hand and deliberately drew it through her silky brown hair.

Katie watched his hand and an expression of pain passed through her eyes. Then anger flashed.

“I can take a hint. I was just going anyway. See you later, Mel.” She picked up her purse and walked out of the room without looking back.

Luc dropped his hand and clenched his teeth. He tried to tell himself the pain ripping at his chest was from the bullet wounds. Shouldn’t have moved like that.

Liar.

Her body smooth and pale and soft as she rose over him in the yellow lamplight.

Her mouth on his skin…

Intensely weary, he glanced at Melanie and saw her staring at him as if she’d never seen him before.

She pushed away from the bed, walked a few paces across the room. “What the hell was that all about?”

“What do you mean?” He didn’t meet her eyes.

She fisted her hands on her hips. “Oh, come off it, Luc. You tried to hurt her deliberately.”

“Don’t be stupid.” Luc said, inwardly cursing. Mel always had known him too well.

“But why? Why Katie? What’s she ever done to you?”

“She annoys me.” He said it loudly, as if volume would make the words true.

Melanie folded her arms across her chest. “Bullshit.”

“Drop it, Mel.” God, he was tired. Tired of himself. Tired of the whole fucking mess.

“No, I’m not going to drop it. Katie is my sister, and I love her. I’m not going to sit back and watch you hurt her again.”

“She’ll get over it.” Luc absently picked at the hospital sheets.

Melanie studied him. “You care about her, don’t you?”

He kept silent.

“For God’s sake, don’t hide it from me, Luc. If you have feelings for Katie, then why are you pushing her away?”

Luc pressed his lips together so he wouldn’t yell at her.

“You’re scared.” Melanie said it slowly into the silence, as if she was working something out. “And if I know you, and I do, you’re probably telling yourself you’re doing this for her own good.” Realization dawned in her eyes. “You’re using me, you creep!”

“I’m not.”

“Tell me the truth.”

“Okay, here it is,” Luc said a little desperately. “Katie’s just confused right now. She thinks she feels things, but she doesn’t, and she’ll figure it out after this all calms down. Besides, she deserves more than I can give her, that’s for damn sure. I’m just shoving her out of the nest, that’s all.”

“In other words, you’re running away.”

“I’m not running.”

Melanie walked back up to the bed, grabbed his chin, and forced him to look directly at her. He stared into her clear hazel eyes, saw them glaze with tears.

“Yes,” she said. “You are.”

“I am not,” he whispered.

“You shouldn’t be afraid, Luc.” She smiled, small and bittersweet, then shook her head twice. Her hand left his chin to stroke his face, the scar. “Don’t be afraid to hold onto something for yourself. You deserve so much. So much more than you’ve had. You need someone warm and real and loving.”

“Someone like Katie?” He tried to sound cynical and sarcastic, but knew that he failed miserably.

Melanie drew in a deep, deep breath and let it out slowly. “Yes,” she said, smiling as the tears shimmered on her eyelashes and trailed down her cheeks. “Someone like Katie.”

When Katie stumbled into the hospital waiting room, all she wanted to do was make good her escape. If she was alone, she could try to deal with the emotions tearing and whirling inside her. She could check into a hotel and sleep. Maybe then she could decide what to do next. How to go on. But as soon as she entered the room, three large men jumped out of chairs that seemed barely able to support them and descended on her en masse. Their big bodies hovered around her and blocked out the light until she felt like she was in some sort of a cave of testosterone.

Oh, God. Her brothers.

“Katie.”

“What the hell’s going on?”

“Are you all right?”

Darren, Brandon and Michael each hugged her in turn, and she was a little comforted by their obvious strength and by the knowledge that they, at least, loved her.

“Leave the girl alone, you behemoths,” a female voice scolded. Katie found herself caught up in another hug as a tall, round woman practically squeezed the life right out of her.

“Jesus, Brenna, she’s not a tube of toothpaste. Leave off,” Brandon said, but his twin ignored him.

Katie looked at them and wished they would all go away. She just didn’t have the energy to deal with them. Besides, she had to get out of the hospital before she saw Melanie again. Melanie, who loved Luc. Melanie, who, on whatever level, Luc obviously loved back.

Her father was standing off to the side with her mother, but he didn’t move to come over.

She turned her attention back to her siblings. “Fancy meeting you guys in a place like this. Come here often?” She tried to joke, but it fell flat.

“Tired sweetie?” Darren asked, his deep voice gentle. He was the oldest and tallest of her brothers, taller even than their father, his shoulders broad and muscular from years working in construction. His bright blue eyes were concerned as he surveyed her from head to toe.

She turned away from his too-knowing gaze.

“Yeah, I’m pretty drained.” Mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Her thoughts drifted back to Luc and Melanie in the hospital room.

“That David guy booked us all rooms at a hotel a couple of blocks away,” Darren said. “I was thinking I’d wait for Mel, but Michael can take you over.” He punched their youngest brother in the arm.

“Ow!”

“Wimp. Can’t take a hit ‘cause you’re a loan shark.”

“Stockbroker, you jackass.”

“Whatever.”

“I’ll take her,” Brenna said. “All of you can wait for Mel. You know you want to meet Luc anyway.”

Darren’s face hardened. “Yeah,” he said. “We want to meet Luc.” Katie saw her brothers exchange glances.

Oh, great. “Look, you don’t have to—”

“How is everyone?” David Allen walked into the waiting room.

Katie bit back a groan. If she didn’t get away soon she was going to lose it, just completely lose it. She closed her eyes.

“Katie?” David prompted. “You decided to leave?”

She forced herself to look at him. “Melanie’s there,” she said simply.

“You’re pale.” David said. “I think you need to go to the hotel.”

Yes! Yes! she wanted to scream. I need to go to the damned hotel. Everyone just shut up so I can get there.

“I’ll—” Brenna started, but her mom finally stepped forward.

“I’ll take her,” she said. “All of you stay here and wait for Melanie. She probably won’t be too much longer.”

Katie kind of doubted that, since Mel and Luc obviously had a lot to talk about. Melanie might want to sit beside Luc while he slept. Watch over him. Maybe Katie had just been a stand-in until she got there anyway.

She shook her head, hoping to dispel the thought, but it stuck and buzzed around with the rest.

She tried telling everyone that she could find her own way, but her mom, as usual, wouldn’t take no for an answer, and shepherded her to the parking garage. Katie was a little shocked when her father fell into step behind them.

“What?” He frowned, noticing her stare. “You want to walk?”

“Uh, no. I mean, thank you.” Any strength Katie had left was draining rapidly. She just wasn’t up to arguing with her father. It took a minute before she realized those were the first words she’d exchanged with him in months, and their first relatively civil words in longer than that.

None of them said anything else as they climbed into her father’s huge gas-guzzling pickup truck, her dad driving, Katie plastered against the passenger door and her mother in the middle. Once the big truck was humming with subtle power, her father drove out of the garage and onto the highway, his elbow crooked out the open window while he steered one-handed through the traffic. He exuded the confidence of a man who was used to finding his way with only the skimpiest of directions. Another trait he hadn’t passed along to her.

Katie stared out the window and tried to think of something to say to him. She didn’t want to hate her father anymore. She didn’t want him to hate her. She was so tired of hate. Of uncertainty. Just once, she wanted to feel like his daughter. Just once, she wanted it to be okay to need him. Just once, she wanted him to love her too.

Taking a deep breath, she turned and looked over at him, big and strong and handling the truck as if it was an extension of himself.

“I’m glad that you’re here, Dad,” she said finally.

Her father glanced at her quickly. She thought she saw an echo of her own panic in his eyes.

Her mother sat silent between them, watching but not trying to help, her body a living conduit, connecting them somehow.

“Um, thanks. I’m glad I’m here too,” he said.

They were silent again. Katie’s heart sank. She stared down at her hands and gripped her fingers together.

Her father cleared his throat. “Uh, the cabin’s the same. The guys were all having a good time. Well, at least we were until the owner of the local grocery store came tearing up the mountain with your mother’s message,” he said. “There’s no phone in the cabin, you know, and cell phone service sucks.”

“The message got a little garbled,” her mom explained. “They thought you were the one who’d been hurt.”

“Oh,” Katie murmured. She couldn’t think of anything else to say.

They drove in silence for another stretch before her father sighed. When he spoke again, his voice was huskier than she’d ever heard it.

“Jesus Christ, I aged about twenty years getting down off that damn mountain,” he said. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen Brandon move so fast, and I still had my boot up his ass.”

Katie smiled in spite of herself. Brandon was by no means lazy, but he had an easy way about him that drove their father crazy.

“I’m okay,” she pointed out, and chanced another look at him. He didn’t seem to have heard her. He was staring straight ahead, both hands gripping the wheel now.

“I drove like a maniac to get here. The boys had trouble keeping up. The whole way I kept seeing you in my mind. How perfect you were when you were born. How much you look like your mother.”

Katie stared at him, not quite able to believe what she was hearing.

“I kept thinking about what I’d said to you, how much I’ve hurt you when all I wanted was to—”

“Dad, stop. Please.” She really couldn’t handle this on top of everything else. She was going to bawl if he kept it up. “It’s okay, really.”

His jaw tightened, and he kept his eyes on the road, but he didn’t say anything more. She drew in a shaky breath.

They pulled up in front of a very nice looking little hotel, not one of the big casinos, thank God. Her father cut the engine.

“You’re already checked in,” he told Katie, not quite meeting her eyes. “Why don’t you let your mother get you settled and I’ll just stay here out of the way.”

Katie and her mother slid out of the cab of the truck, but when her mom started to lead her into the hotel, Katie disentangled herself and walked around the truck. She wasn’t going to leave it like this. Not this time.

Her father was sitting, staring out through the windshield. He looked alone.

“I’m sorry, Dad,” she said through his open window. She wasn’t sure what she was apologizing for. Maybe nothing in particular. Maybe everything.

He turned his head to look down at her. Katie was shocked to see tears standing in his eyes.

“I’m sorry, too, baby. For so, so much.”

Katie gaped at him. She’d never, ever thought that she’d hear those words coming from her father. Never thought she’d see him show so much emotion. Never thought that emotion could be directed toward her.

“Dad?”

“I’m so glad that you weren’t hurt. I…oh, shit, I love you, honey.”

Katie launched herself up onto the running board and through the open window at him, twisting her arms around his thick, weather-roughened neck. He wrapped his strong arms around her as best he could and lifted her until her feet were dangling. She buried her face against his shoulder.

They clung to each other for several long moments. Then he gently pulled back and combed her hair with his blunt fingers as if she were still a little girl.

He smiled, his eyes crinkling at the corners, the laugh-lines deepening. “You’re worn down to a nubbin, honey. Go on with your mother and get some rest. After she settles you in, we’ll go back to the hospital and make sure the rest of the crew get tucked away into their safe little beds.”

“But Dad, I want to—”

“We’ll talk soon, baby, I promise.” His big hand cupped her face. “But you’re not up to it now. We’ve got all the time in the world.”

She tried to protest some more, but he just shook his head and leaned out of the window, gently lowering her feet to the asphalt as if she weighed nothing at all. He patted her cheek again before he let her go.

“Go on, now,” he said.

Katie swallowed. “I love you, Daddy.”

He turned away abruptly, and she smiled for the first time in ages. Then she followed her mother into the hotel.

The room was dark and cool and anonymous, with two neatly made double beds, a horrible still-life painting, and a door leading to a modest bathroom. The air conditioner whirred in the background and the air smelled antiseptic and clean.

“Okay, Katie. Spill it,” her mother said almost as soon as the door had closed behind them. “What else happened?”

“Dad’s waiting—”

“And he can wait a little bit longer. I’m not leaving here until you tell me what’s going on. And I’m not talking about the gangsters, either.”

Katie sat on the side of one of the beds. She dropped her head into her hands, willing her mother to leave, to please leave. “I’m just tired.”

“I can believe that. How much sleep have you had, anyway?”

Katie glanced up and sighed. “Not nearly enough.”

She gave Katie a tilted-head look. “But there’s more to it than that.”

“No there’s not.”

Her mother sat on the bed beside her, patting her clenched hands. “Katie. I’m not leaving until you tell me. And you know how stubborn I can be.”

Katie laughed a little and looked down at the industrial grade blue carpeting between her feet. Well, why not? She was going to find out eventually.

“Melanie’s in love with Luc, and it seems as though Luc’s okay with the idea.”

Her mother was silent for a full minute. “You’re sure?”

“Yes.”

“Did she tell you that?”

“No. I mean, not exactly, but I saw them. Together. The way he acted with her. The way she acted with him. I’ve never seen her look like that before. And Luc was, well, he was so open with her. He loves her too. I think he was trying to tell me that it was, um, over.”

“Honey.” Her mother draped her arms around her shoulders and pulled her close. “I don’t know what to say.”

Katie laughed again, although this time it was a little watery. “Just don’t say I told you so.”

“Who, me? Such words would never cross my lips.”

Katie clung to her mother and rested her cheek against her shoulder, closing her eyes for a second as she breathed in the comforting scent of her. Then she pushed away. “I’ll be okay. I just need a little time alone. You know.”

“Oh, yeah. I know We can talk tomorrow.” Her mother’s voice sounded sad. She stood, and Katie thought that she probably did know. Better than almost anyone else in the world.

“I’m, um, I’m thinking that I’ll leave tomorrow.” Katie looked at her hands again. “I’m pretty sure David will be okay with it.”

“You don’t want to stay?”

“It’s for the best.”

“You’re not going to fight for him?” Her mother sounded like she did not approve.

“How can I fight Melanie? She’s had such a rough life. And then after what I did to her…”

“Katie! Melanie has had a good life. Yes, the beginning of it was terrible, more terrible than any child should have to endure, but she’s made something good out of herself. And you, well, you did nothing to her. Nothing but give her love and a chance. The accident was just that. An accident. It was her decision to go with you. You don’t have to turn your back on Luc because you’re trying to make up for something that wasn’t your fault.”

“I know.” Katie sighed. And maybe on some level she did know her mother was speaking the truth. Accepting it was the problem. “Okay, then how can I fight for a man who doesn’t want me enough to admit that he wants me?”

“I actually followed that.” Her mom walked to the door, then stopped and turned back to face her again. “I know you’re upset right now, but don’t forget that you cared enough about that man to put yourself in some real danger to come to Atlantic City for him.”

“I came for you.”

Her mother shook her head. “Don’t try to rationalize it, dear. We both know why you came here. I’m sure I played some part in the decision, but I wasn’t the only reason.”

“I was stupid.”

“Maybe. Maybe not. You’re just tired and not thinking clearly. I don’t think you can judge anything right now. All I’m asking is that you remember that you were willing to come here. Remember that he almost died trying to save you.”

“Mom, please.” Katie couldn’t take any more. She really couldn’t.

“Just don’t do anything too rash, Katie,” her mother said. “Give yourself time. Give him time. After all, he’s been shot and practically died. I’m sure he’s not up to par yet. And he’s a man, so that means he’s emotionally stunted anyway. And maybe you need to go a little easier on yourself too.”