Hold (15 page)

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Feeling better after she threw up, she wiped her mouth with her hand.

“All right?” Cain asked, a flicker of worry on his stoic face.

Burning with embarrassment, she slanted him a sheepish look. “Yeah. Just pretend you didn’t see that, all right?”

He grunted—a grunt she recognized as both relief and amusement. “I didn’t see a thing.”

Riana stood up, feeling more grounded now that she’d become used to the motion of the transport. “Are they going to chase us?”

“They’ll make at least a cursory pursuit, but they’ll need to call in for help and that will take time. We need to dump this transport and find a safer spacecraft as soon as we can. Genus 5 is less than an hour away. We’ll head there. The capital is a big city. We can get lost there easily enough.”

“Sounds good.” She was about to take her seat again when she thought of something else. “So we have an hour?”

“Just about. Why? Did you want to take a nap?”

“No. Too jittery for that yet. But there’s probably a shower in the head. If you don’t need me to help…”

Cain smiled, an uncharacteristically soft look on his face. “I’ve got it covered up here. Go take a shower.”

Riana did. And she only felt a little guilty that Cain had to fly the ship and couldn’t indulge in one himself.

The shower was old-fashioned, a little rusty and wasn’t particularly clean. But it had been two months since Riana had been able to take one.

With the exception of having sex with Cain, nothing had ever felt better in her life.

* * * * *

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The next morning, they launched off Genus 5. They’d left the transport in a public docking station and Cain had earned enough money through a couple of jobs for hire to buy them a meal and a change of clothes—people in outlying cities like these were always looking for cheap manual labor to pay by the hour. They’d gone to a rather sleazy bar that evening and Cain had used the remaining money to join a card game. By the end of the night, he’d won a rickety spacecraft—this one safely anonymous—and enough money for fuel and adequate provisions.

Riana wasn’t surprised by his success at gambling.

No one could bluff better than Cain.

She’d felt awkward and uncertain ever since they landed. She wasn’t sure what Cain’s plans were once they were safely away. He would have had every right to dump her at the first convenient location, instead of hauling her around. But she certainly didn’t suggest it.

While they were on Genus 5, they were still at risk of being recaptured. So Riana let Cain take the lead and was just grateful he was looking out for her still.

But once they’d launched again, Riana’s uncertainty spiraled up with new force.

Where was Cain going, anyway? When were they going to discuss future plans?

Would he want to go back to his old life and forget about her completely?

All of the unanswered questions made her stomach knot as the creaky craft shuddered and rattled in response to the momentum of their takeoff.

When they’d made it safely away without disturbance, Riana finally couldn’t stand the uncertainty any longer. Too nervous to jump right into the most pressing questions, she began, “So you think they won’t keep coming after us?”

Cain shook his head. He’d been even quieter than usual since the escape—only giving her necessary explanations and instructions. He hadn’t touched her at all, which worried her as much as his silence. “They’ll do the obvious things, but they won’t bother with a full-fledged manhunt. We aren’t enemies of the state. And they won’t 118

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want the publicity of admitting that anyone managed to escape from one of their prison planets. Occasionally, convicts have made escapes before, but the news is always hushed up. It will be easy enough to cover up—with the explosion and rioting that followed. They’ll just announce that we died in the chaos. The other prisoners will probably believe it, and no one else will even know to care.”

It made sense. And, knowing how the Coalition functioned primarily to cover its own ass, Riana didn’t doubt that’s exactly what would happen in this.

“So what are you going to do now?” Riana’s voice cracked slightly as she asked but she was getting an increasing feeling of foreboding. Cain hadn’t turned away from the controls of the ship—even though it was on automatic cruise now and he didn’t need to pay that much attention.

For the first time, he turned to look at her, and his face was set and unreadable. “I’m going home.”

“Oh.”

She had no idea where his home was. Where he lived. What he did. Who his family was.

He might have a wife and kids.

He might be anything.

“Where would you like me to take you?” He’d turned back to stare straight ahead.

Riana swallowed hard and tried to think. “I’m not sure. Since I’m a convict, I can hardly go back to the university. Even if they aren’t going to try to track me down, I can’t really just appear back on Earth and demand my old job back.”

“No, but it’s not difficult to take on a new identity these days. I would have to myself but I refused to give them my name.” Once technology had advanced to an extent that fingerprint identification was obsolete, the Coalition had turned to other methods of keeping track of people. But the Coalition was too vast to keep records on everyone, so only those born in Coalition hospitals or those on staff with the Coalition 119

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had their genetic identity on record. Those born on underdeveloped planets like Cain had been could easily avoid getting tagged in such a way. It didn’t make a difference in the criminal system, since they imprisoned people whether they had a real name or not, but she could understand now why Cain had been stubborn about this. He would have lost his chance to go home again otherwise.

After a reflective pause, Cain continued, “You can probably forge identification and credentials without too much trouble and get a new job—maybe even doing archeology. I’m sure you have friends or family who could help you.”

Growing dread was a sickening weight in her gut as she tried to imagine starting her life over now. Alone.

Without Cain.

“I don’t have any family left,” she murmured, staring down at her hands and willing herself not to start crying or to beg for Cain to let her tag along—no matter where he was going.

“Friends? Boyfriend?”

“I’ve always kept to myself. But I’ll figure it out. There’s no way I can thank you for everything—”

Cain put up an impatient hand. “None of that.”

“But—”

His lips twisted with some sort of suppressed emotion. “I haven’t been selfless. The way I’ve used you—”

Riana almost choked. “What? What do you mean?”

Cain dropped his hands to his lap and turned to stare at her again. “I took advantage of you. We both know that. You were helpless. And I used that to fuck you the way I wanted—”

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“No!” she exclaimed, horrified by the very idea, by the fact that Cain believed that about what had happened between them. “No. I went into it willingly. It was an even trade. And, after the first time, it didn’t…it didn’t…”

Cain leaned forward, his oddly pale eyes scanning her face intensely. “It didn’t what?”

She gave up even trying to retain the last remnants of her pride. He might as well know the whole truth. “After the first time, it didn’t feel like a trade. I mean, I didn’t think of it as something I had to do. I
wanted
to. And I thought…I guess I thought you understood that.”

Cain was silent for a long time.

Outside the prison, he appeared more human. He was still powerful, stoic, intimidating, but he didn’t seem quite so primal in his bearing and demeanor. He was just a man, after all. A strong, masculine, eminently capable one. But a man.

A man who looked confused and a little uncertain right now.

Finally, he said, “I knew you enjoyed it physically. But you can’t tell me you would have taken up with me had you not been forced into it by circumstances.”

Riana stuck out her chin and glared at him. “Would you have taken up with me?”

“That’s not the same, Riana.” He almost never said her name, and the sound of it now made her belly clench with emotion. “I was the one with the power there.”

“You had strength—yes. But I chose you, remember? I picked you out because I liked what I saw in you. You never took me against my will. So if you’ve been carrying around this stupid guilt for all these weeks, you can give it the fuck up!” Her voice was sharp, and for some reason she wanted strangle him.

Here she was, terrified that he was going to dump her and go on with his life. And break her heart in the process.

And he was brooding about something so irrational and unnecessary.

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“Oh,” Cain murmured, his lips twitching slightly. She recognized his expression of amusement with relief. “My mistake.”

After a moment, his brows drew together and he asked, “So what exactly are you saying?”

Put on the spot, Riana just blurted out the truth. “I want to stay with you.” Blushing furiously as Cain gaped at her, she tried to backpedal a little. “I mean, I think there’s something between us. Or could be.”

His eyes narrowed with intent focus, he began, “So Davis—”

With a roar of frustration, Riana said, “Are you still upset about that? It didn’t mean anything. He was rubbing my breasts and had his hand between my legs. I responded a little. What the fuck did you expect me to do?”

When she noticed his expression relax, she scowled at him and added grumpily,

“You don’t deserve to be told this, but I was imagining it was you.”

His eyes flashed with surprise, then with relief, then with heat.

Riana shook her head and grumbled under her breath. Then, realizing he’d genuinely been bothered by her response to Davis and starting to understand what had prompted it, she turned serious again. “Cain, it wasn’t a sign that I want something—

someone
—other than you. I don’t. I want you. And I don’t want to give you up just because we were thrown together in an unnatural situation. Maybe these feelings will fade away once things go back to normal. But maybe they won’t. I…I like you. And I’d like to stick around. Unless you have a wife or—”

“I don’t have a wife,” Cain interrupted, his voice sounding a little strangled. His face twisted slightly, a clear sign of emotion on his usually stoic countenance. “
Of
course
, I want you to stay with me. I’ve spent the last twelve hours talking myself out of throwing you over my shoulder and carrying you home with me. I just thought now that you finally have choices you’d want to get on with your life.”

It took her a minute to process his words. Then to realize what they meant.

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When Riana finally understood that he felt the same way she did about their relationship, she blazed with joy. She had to hug herself to try to contain it. “I do want to get on with my life. I just want to do it with you.” Swallowing hard, she admitted, “I think…I think you’re the best thing in my life. And that goes for outside the Hold, not just in it.”

She saw something flare up in Cain’s eyes. Something she’d never seen there for long enough to recognize before. It took her breath away. “Me too,” he muttered, low and hoarse.

She wanted to grab him and kiss him. And then decided there was no reason not to.

So she launched herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck and ending up seated awkwardly in his lap.

Cain had turned the seat to the side to give her more room but he didn’t seem inclined to let her go.

They’d been kissing fairly regularly for the last month, but it had never been as good as this.

After a minute of embracing with hungry exhilaration, Riana asked, “So where exactly do you live?”

Cain idly rubbed her thigh, as if he couldn’t touch her enough. “On the outskirts of the Sient galaxy. That’s where I was born, and I still have a home there.”

“What do you do anyway? I’ve always wanted to know.”

He chuckled. “So why didn’t you ask me?” Before she could shape her outraged objection to this insolence, he went on, “I have a ranch.”

Riana’s mouth fell open. “A ranch? Like a real ranch? With cows and everything? I thought beef was all mass-produced now.”

“There’s still a specialized market for the real thing. I inherited the ranch from my father. The planet is mostly undeveloped.” He darted her a slightly nervous look. “It’s not very exciting. I’m not sure it’s what you’ll be used to. There’s only one city on the 123

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entire planet. Most of the land is agricultural. Maybe you should check it out before you commit yourself to staying with me. There’s nothing but grass, some rolling hills, big skies.”

Riana squeezed her arms around Cain’s neck and whispered, “Sounds about perfect to me.”

This answer seemed to please him immensely, and he claimed her mouth in a long kiss. After he’d suitably expressed his appreciation, he stroked her bottom and murmured, “Let’s not move too quickly. We’ll call it a visit at first, so you can see what it’s like without any pressure. If it seems like a place you’d like to stay and if your…your feelings for me don’t start to change now that you have real options, then we’ll consider it a more permanent arrangement.”

Riana had no fears of her feelings for him changing. She’d never been more sure of anything in her life.

But all she said was, “Sounds good to me.”

They sat like that for a while—sometimes kissing, sometimes just holding each other—until Riana asked out of the blue, “So what did you get convicted of, anyway?”

Cain let out a surprised burst of laughter. “About time you ask me that. Getting worried that you’ve just hooked up with a serial killer?”

“Psh.” Riana waved away that nonsense. “Not once did I ever think such a thing about you. I know you’re not a killer.”

He’d been nuzzling her hair but now he shifted to murmur against her ear, “And how did you know that?”