Hocking, Amanda Letters To Elise (My Blood Approves 4.5) (9 page)

much anticipation, as it would turn out.

Shortly after we arrived, Mae found her prey. I think she picked him because he looked so easy. He wore flannel and ripped jeans – a fashion trend I’ll never understand and can’t wait until it goes out of style.

But there was something clumsily charming about him. Even I had to admit it. It was his laugh, and he

laughed at everything she said.

She took him to a back room for privacy, while I lingered out front looking for my own dinner.

Fortunately, I hadn’t gotten that far away when she began screaming hysterically for me. I raced back to the room to find him dead. Mae had drained all the blood from him.

Let me be clear – I was certain he was dead. His heart wasn’t beating, and when I listened for his breath, there was none. But Mae was sobbing, begging me to save him. She hadn’t meant to hurt him, of

course, but had merely gotten carried away.

She looked so stricken and heartbroken, and I knew that I had to do something. Ezra wasn’t here, but

I’m not sure that any real life saving measures could be taken. I would’ve driven him to the hospital if I thought it would help, but as I said, I was certain he was dead.

The only thing I could think of was turning him, but even that seemed like a terrific long shot. I’d never turned anyone, never even seen it done, and Ezra had told me it only worked on the living. Once the

dead were dead, there was nothing that could be done for them.

With Mae pleading with me to save him, I went ahead it with it. I tore open my wrist and pressed it to his mouth. He didn’t react or wake, but I held the wound open, letting as much blood flow into his

mouth as it possibly could.

Eventually, I had to pull my wrist away. Mae sat next to him, clinging onto him as if that would help, and I began pacing the room, trying to think of what we should do with the body. Perhaps a river or a lake would be a good place to discard him…

Then he started to cough, like he was choking on my blood. Mae turned to me, hoping I would know

what to do, but I was stunned. I hadn’t thought it would really work, so I hadn’t thought about any of the ramifications of turning another human being into a vampire.

It wasn’t a decision I would take lightly. I hadn’t done it in over one hundred and fifty years of life, and Ezra himself had only done it the once when he turned me. Cursing another human to this existence is a cruel thing to do, especially without asking for the human’s consent.

But this human was alive, swallowing down my blood, and I had to do something. I carried him out the

back door of the club, with Mae still crying as she followed me. She kept apologizing for what she’d

done, but I didn’t blame her. She’s still too young to completely understand how frail humans truly are.

At home, I took the human up to my room to get him comfortable. We don’t even have a spare room at

our house, so we’re going to have to move soon. I can’t share a room with him long term, that is for

certain.

Ezra helped prepare us for the transformation, while Mae did most of the hands on care. Her maternal

instinct is unparalleled in any human I’ve ever encountered. She sat by the human’s side, unwilling to move, even though nothing much happened the first twenty-four hours. I feared he might be in a coma,

because he didn’t even move.

Then the transformation took hold, and it’s almost as horrific to watch as it to experience. His body

actually contorted. It moved about, as if there were creatures under his flesh, as he changed and grew.

His screams were agonizing, and his vomiting seemed endless. Though Mae did her best to catch it and

clean him, my bed was destroyed by black vomit.

The thing I was most unprepared for was the transformation in me. Somewhere in the middle of his

change, I began to feel one myself. Something inside me wanted to be near him, pulled towards him.

When he was in great pain, I felt it too, although on a much smaller scale.

I was paranoid and nervous when I was away from him, as if I thought he would perish if not under my

watchful care. I took over his care completely before his transformation was finished because I couldn’t stand to be away from him.

I imagine it was much like a mother might feel leaving her newborn child with a strange babysitter.

Panicked and apprehensive and somewhat obsessive.

When he finally awoke once it was all over, I was sitting at the side of the bed. I hadn’t moved in nearly a day, terrified something would happen as soon as I did.

“Where am I?” he asked, sitting up a bit. He was still pale, his hair was a fright, and his eyes were

bloodshot, but he was on the mend. Physically, his body had completely made the change, and he

appeared stronger and healthier than he had the club.

“You’re… you’re at my house,” I said, unsure of how exactly to the answer him. “Do you remember what

happened to you?”

“Not really.” He shook his head and furrowed his brow in concentration. “I remember going to a club

with a couple of hot girls… but that’s all. What happened?”

“I don’t know how to tell this to you, but you’re a vampire,” I said, and he stared blankly at me. “You were bitten at the club and lost a lot of a blood. To save you, I had to turn you.”

“You protected me,” he nodded, as if it that made total sense. He mulled it over a minute, then nodded again. “I believe you.”

At first, I didn’t understand how he could be so trusting, but I remembered the way I felt about Ezra

after my own transformation. Or even the way I felt about the newly turned vampire now. He knew I

would protect him, just as I knew that I would do anything to protect him. He was a part of me now, my brother, bonded to me for life.

“Who are you?” he asked, turning to face me.

“My name is Peter,” I said.

“I’m Jack,” he smiled and stuck out his hand. “Jack Hobbs.”

“It’s nice meeting you,” I said and shook his hand.

“So…” Jack said, looking around the room. “I am really, really hungry, like starving.”

I got him bag blood, since it’s much safer to learn that way than on humans. Mae came in with me when

I brought it back, and they took to each other right away. She loved the childlike innocence about him, and how needy newly turned vampires are. He liked the affection, I think. There was something

strangely lonely about him.

Jack didn’t speak much of his family, but when I suggested that he moved in and cut ties with them, he didn’t seem to mind. He said that they wouldn’t even miss him.

So far, he’s been sleeping in my bed, and I’ve been sleeping on the floor nearby. I could sleep on the couch in the living room, but if I’m being completely honest, I don’t really want to be away from him.

I haven’t bonded this intensely or quickly with anyone since I’ve met you. It’s not romantic, not like with you, and I assume it’s something close to parental. But it is bizarrely consuming. I worry about him

constantly. I don’t even like leaving the house for work.

But on the positive, there’s a new joy to my life. I don’t know how to explain that either. But with Jack, I’m feeling emotions I’ve tried to stifle for the longest time. His laughter is so contagious, though, it’s impossible not to have fun with him.

He’s excited about everything. The whole world is new to him, and looking at it through his eyes, it feels new to me too. The past month has been the best month I’ve had in a very, very long time. Turning him

might actually be the best thing that’s happened to me.

Although, the past few days have been a bit insufferable. Some rock star that Jack was quite fond of has apparently died, and Jack’s been quite upset about it. This wouldn’t be so bad if I wasn’t acutely aware of everything that he feels. Every moment of fear or intense sadness, I get a wave of panic all my own. I come rushing into the room to find him watching a music video and crying.

Still, I can’t complain much. I feel like I have a real and true purpose, and not like when I went to war.

This gives meaning to my everyday life. I am helping shepherd him into something, and life feels more

complete.

Even Ezra and Mae seem happier. I thought that Ezra might be disappointed, but he’s not. Jack has filled out the family in a way that we needed. Ezra and I are too grave and serious. We’ve been alive for too long and seen too much, and we’ve become world weary.

Jack reminds me of the lightness in the world. That there is still enjoyment in it. That there is still more to hope for. That life is worth living.

Peter

March 27, 2009

There’s something the matter with Jack. He came home the other night saying he’d met a girl, and at

first, he wouldn’t stop talking about her.

Both Mae and I were pleased, mostly because it would get him out of the house. Since he broke up with

Aisha last year, he hasn’t been himself. He hasn’t exactly been mopey, since Jack doesn’t really mope, but he was sedated and didn’t leave the house much.

I don’t know why Jack always insists on dating humans. It’s not that I have any problems with humans

per se, but they’re too frail. I don’t want to make connections with something that he’ll outlast by

several millennia.

But Jack and Ezra are so drawn to them. With Ezra, I know it’s because of how much he still longs to be human. With Jack, I don’t completely understand it. But he’s never been quite right in that he’s never really been a normal vampire.

Maybe it’s because of how he turned. He doesn’t remember turning, and he doesn’t even have many

real memories of his human life, which didn’t end all that long ago. I’m starting to think maybe he really was dead when I turned him, but that doesn’t make sense. Once you’re dead, you’re dead…

He has always been strange, but he’s acting even weirder than normal. He met this human girl, raved

about her for days, then just completely stopped talking about her. At least to me. He and Mae would

have quiet little conversations in their room, and when I tried to talk to Jack about it, he changed the subject.

This is bizarre because Jack tells me everything, far more than I’d ever really want to know. Whenever I went on a trip with Ezra, he’d be waiting by the door for me to get back, looking as lost as that dog of his without me.

If I’m being honest with myself, I was always grateful for that. Ezra and I have a strong bond, stronger than most vampires I’ve met, but there’s always been something special about mine with Jack. Even

after all these years, the urge to protect him hasn’t faded, and his hero worship hasn’t waned.

“That boy thinks you walk on water, you know,” Mae told me the other day.

I’d been helping Jack fix the dining room table that he’d accidentally broken when roughhousing with his dog. He went back out to the garage to return the tools, but Mae had stayed sitting in the living room with me. She was reading a book, but she always managed to keep half an eye on us.

“What are you talking about?” I asked, running my hands over the table to make sure the crack had

been smoothed out seamlessly.

“The way he watches you when you’re not looking,” Mae said. “He adores you.”

“We’ve always been close,” I said, feeling uncomfortable with her claims. “Why hasn’t he been talking

me lately? He usually tells me everything.”

“It’s complicated.” Mae shook her head and looked back down at her book.

“Mae.” I turned to her and folded my arms over my chest. “If there’s something going on with him, I

should know. I can help him.”

“Not this time, Peter,” she sighed.

“What does that mean?” I asked, growing irritated. I couldn’t stand of the idea of something hurting Jack and being unable to help him. “Is it about that human girl he’s after?”

“I suppose you’ll find out anyway.” Mae closed her book and set it on her lap. “But you can’t tell him I said anything to you. He wanted to wait to sort this out on his own, but it won’t hurt if you know.”

“Know what?” I asked.

“The girl, there’s something about her that draws him to her,” Mae said.

“Like he’s bonded to her?” I shook my head. “But she’s human. She can’t have a blood bond with a

vampire.”

“No, she’s not supposed to, but we don’t completely understand how these things work,” Mae said.

“And I don’t think she’s bonded with him.”

“But you said…” I trailed off, confused. “You think it’s a transference bond, like the one Jack and I have with you because you’re bonded to Ezra?”

“Maybe,” she admitted.

“But Ezra has you,” I said. “And I had Elise.” I swallowed after I said her name. I’d gotten better about it since Jack came around. He asked so many questions, and I’d been forced to really talk about my past

for the first time. In the long run, it had made life better.

“I know, but I don’t know what else it can be.” She shrugged. “Jack’s beside himself over it.”

“Why?” I asked. “And why didn’t he tell me about it?”

“Because he likes her, Peter.” Mae gave me that look, the one she used when I didn’t realize I’d hurt

Jack’s feelings or been rude. “He’s afraid she’s bonded with you.”

“She can’t be bonded with me,” I said firmly. “I had Elise, and I lost her. That part of my life is over.”

“Mae,” Jack groaned as he came back into the living room with Matilda at his heels. The dog followed

him everywhere. “You told him?”

“He knew something was wrong, Jack,” Mae said apologetically. “He only wants to help.”

“She’s right.” I turned to face Jack. “And there’s nothing to worry about.”

“What do you mean?” Jack narrowed his eyes at me.

“I can’t be bonded with this girl,” I said. “It’s not possible.”

“But there is something weird going on,” Jack insisted. “I am drawn to her.”

“You like her,” I shrugged.

“No, I don’t,” he shook his head. “I mean, I do. But… I don’t know. We’re just friends.”