His to Hold: A Billionaire Romance (His to Have Book 2) (7 page)

“I’ll think about it,” I say. I wonder what I’ve done to deserve his kindness. I know the answer is that I haven’t done anything and that I don’t deserve this at all. I guess there’s the chance he thinks I could help him with the case against Blake, but that doesn’t seem like the reason he’s helping me. Maybe he really does just want to help a friend. “I don’t know how to thank you,” I say.

“Come along to the movie. We’re getting drinks after. I think one of the girls in the group likes me. Maybe you can help me figure out if it’s all in my head.”

“Here I was thinking you still held a flame for me.”

“Always,” he says, “but a guy has to know when he’s beat.”

“I have to get changed out of my work clothes,” he says. “If I wear a suit to this thing, I’ll never hear the end of it.” Ben disappears into his bedroom and shuts the door behind him. I get up and pace around while I decide whether or not to stay. That’s when I notice the stack of files on the table. I noticed them before, but I didn’t give them any thought. Now I can make out the name at the top of a sheet of paper: Blake Bennett.

The paper is under another file, and only the top of it is visible. There are a few typed sentences of jargon, but the real interesting thing is handwritten. Blake’s name is circled, and there’s a line leading to “R.C.” I wonder if the initials are for my father. I know I shouldn’t look, but I nudge the file a little bit lower. I see a few more names. Petersen, Damien, then Alex with a question mark. My heart skips a beat, and I wonder how much Ben knows. I start to wonder if I somehow led Ben to Alex or if he even knows who she is. I know I can’t ask him without revealing that I was snooping in his files. I wonder what Blake would do if he found out.

I reach out to nudge the file a bit lower when I hear the bedroom door opening again. I spin around and force a smile. Ben takes a look at me, and then down at the table. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to leave those out,” he says. “I treat this whole place like it’s my office sometimes. Usually the files are spread out across the coffee table too.” He pushes the papers back into the file, picks them up and carries them away. “Are you ready to go?” he asks as he comes back into the room.

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” I tell him. Something tells me I’m not the least bit prepared for what lies ahead, but for at least one night, I’m not going to worry about it. For one night, I’m going to be fine.

CHAPTER 12

CATHERINE

Ben and I get back late. It’s three, maybe four in the morning when we get back from the movie and the bar. It was a strange experience playing Ben’s wingman for the night, but it was kind of fun. And it was a relief in some way to know he wasn’t pining over me. I was glad to spend a few hours watching a game of will-they-or-won’t-they unfold. It was so much simpler than anything I’ve dealt with in ages.

It also was the first time in a while that I was dealing with people my own age. Getting caught up in Blake’s world was enough to make me feel older, but I was still barely out of school, and being around graduate students and unemployed slackers was kind of nice. In some ways, I fit the group better than Ben did. After all, he was a few years older, and he had a career and all of the pressure that went along with it.

I think all of this over as I lie on Ben’s couch, unable to sleep. I’m pretty sure I can hear him snoring in the other room. I stare at the ceiling and wonder how much different my life would be if I hadn’t been born wealthy. I wonder if I’d be better off if I hadn’t met Blake, if he hadn’t offered me a ladder back into my life of fortune and privilege.

I pull my phone out of my pocket and turn it back on. The room glows with the soft blue/white light of the screen. I have three texts and eight missed calls. I can’t bring myself to listen to the calls, so I flip through the messages. I see the last one first.
Just let me know you’re safe. I can’t sleep without knowing you’re okay. I was wrong, and I was stupid and just let me know you’re okay, and I’ll leave you alone. If you want me to get you, just tell me the address, and I’ll be there.

I look at the others.
Come home. I was a jerk. Let’s talk this out. Text me,
and the first message:
Where are you? I came after you, but you were gone.

I read the messages over again, and I try to see this whole thing through Blake’s eyes. I wonder if he’s awake, too. I wonder whether he’s as worried as he sounded in that last message. He’s trying. I know he’s trying, and I know I’m not making things easy on him, but I don’t want to just make things easy on him. I want to have a real relationship, one based on mutual trust and respect.

I owe him a response. Even if I don’t want to talk, I need to let him know I’m okay.

I type,
I’m fine
,
and turn the phone off again.

The phone buzzes again.
I need to tell you something.

In the morning
, I text back.
Get some sleep
.
There are so many things I want to say to Blake, but I’m afraid if I do it now I’ll wake up the entire building. I’m angry, and hurt, and I don’t understand why he won’t just share his feelings with me. In one text, he shared more of his fears and emotions than he usually does in an entire week. And I don’t know how to feel about that. I turn my phone off and try to follow my own advice. I nod off for a while, but I keep dreaming about arguing with Blake. I dream that I scream at him and call him every horrible name I can think of, and then I storm out of his loft. Only, when I try to get back inside, the door is gone, and Blake is gone, and I’m stuck without him. I try to pummel the door with my hands, but it’s no use.

I wake up sweating. It’s hot in Ben’s apartment, and I’m sore, and slightly hungover, and thirst burns at my throat. I get up to get water from the kitchen. I pick my phone up off the floor on the way. The apartment is dim. It’s still before dawn, but the sky is starting to brighten outside the window. I’ve probably gotten a few hours of sleep at most. I get a glass of water and drink it in one gulp. I feel my thirst disappear, but I still feel terrible, and that burning sensation is still there in my throat. I know I need to call Blake. I need to make things right.

I open up the last message and type in Ben’s address. Ten seconds later, I get a reply from Blake. “I’ll be there in ten.”

I get my things together and fold up the blanket Ben had given me. I lay it on top of the pillow at the end of the couch. I feel bad leaving like this, but I don’t want to wake him, plus I think part of me doesn’t want him to know Blake is going to be outside his door. I really appreciate him giving me a place to stay, but I have to leave. I just hope he understands. I tiptoe out of the apartment, wincing at every creak in the floorboards until I’m finally in the hallway. I try to tell myself that I’m not doing anything wrong, but it doesn’t feel that way.

When I reach the bottom of the stairs, Blake is waiting at the door. His hair is a mess. His eyes are bloodshot, and he looks like hell, but as soon as he sees me, his face lights up. I open my mouth to apologize, but he cuts me off. “I’m so sorry,” he says.

“I shouldn’t have walked out,” I say.

“I should have followed you. The second you stepped by me, I should have followed. I should have begged you to forgive me, but I didn’t think you’d leave. I regretted it immediately, Cat. I was just trying to protect you, and instead I pushed you away.”

“Why don’t you think I can do this?”

“That’s not it at all,” he says. “You’re capable of anything, even if you don’t know it. I’ve just never felt this way about anyone before, and it scares the hell out of me. I’ve only just met you, and I’m terrified of losing you. For the past decade, I’ve been running from my past, and now I have something so much more important. I love you, Cat. I love you, and I’ve never been more afraid of anything in my life.”

I almost don’t believe my ears. “I love you too,” I whisper. It just comes out of me. I don’t even realize I’m saying it until the words have already passed my lips. I know it’s true, but I haven’t realized it until this moment. Of course I love him. I’d do anything for him. I’d turn my back on the world if it meant truly being with him, if it meant an end to the games and uncertainty.

Blake reaches out and pulls me against his body. His lips meet mine in a rush of warmth that feels like it could melt straight through me. I savor the rush as my tongue slides against his. He spins me around and pins me against the wall as he kisses me harder. Our tongues lock. I want him. The need washes over me like a wave. It’s overwhelming. I need him so badly it hurts.

Blake deepens the kiss and runs his hands over my hips. As he does, I turn slightly, and my arm hits the intercom button of at least four different units. The speaker behind me crackles with static loudly enough that I jump.

Blake grabs my hand and leads me outside, trying to hold back laughter as we race to his car. He’s double-parked on the street, and his car is still running. While that probably wasn’t the best idea, it makes for a fast getaway. Blake keeps looking over at me and smiling. “I love you,” he says. “God, it feels so good to say that.”

“I love you too,” I tell him, “but isn’t the loft in the other direction?”

“We’re not going back to the loft,” he tells me. “We’re going to Manhattan.” The engine roars as he speeds on the on
-
ramp of the bridge. “No more hiding,” he tells me.

I don’t need the city. I don’t need the fancy apartment or the money. I just need him. I wonder for a moment if we can just pull over and have each other in the car. “Next time, pick a car with an actual backseat,” I tell him.

When we get back to his apartment, I feel like we’re entering a different world, like we’re stepping back in time to the first time we met. We can barely keep our hands off of each other in the elevator, and we go back and forth, tearing each other’s clothes off. I need him so badly I feel almost panicked. I kiss his neck and his lips, and I run my fingers against his stubble.

His apartment is dark, lit only by the half-light of early morning outside the windows. Blake runs his hands down my back and settles them on my hips. He kisses me like he’s trying to steal my breath away. I undo his pants and rub my hand against his manhood. I can feel how excited he is. I’m just as excited, and I know it’s so much more than just lust.

Blake wraps his arms around my bare hips as he leans back against the metal between the plate glass windows. Dawn is breaking over the city. I press my hand against the cool glass. It makes Blake’s body feel that much warmer against me. My knees dig into the hard floor as Blake pulls my last piece of clothing off. I rub against him as he kisses me, “I want everyone to know what we have,” he says.

“Like this?” I ask.

“You know what I mean,” he says. He kisses my neck, runs his hands over my thighs, grabs my ass and rocks me against him.

“I want you to have everything you want,” he says.

“All I want is you,” I tell him. He slides his hand between my legs and starts to rub. I let a little moan pass my lips as a wave of delight rises through me. I know what he wants. He wants to drive me wild, to give me every last bit of delight I can stand, but I don’t want games or foreplay, I just want him.

“I need you now,” I tell him. He reaches down and positions himself against me. I kiss him hard on the lips as he starts his first thrust. He enters me slowly. I dig my fingers into his back and kiss his neck. I can see the city below, so far below, I feel dizzy. Or maybe that’s just from how good I feel.

“Bedroom,” I tell him. He gives another thrust before picking me up. He carries me across the living room like I weigh nothing. When we reach the bedroom, he tosses me onto the white sheets and climbs in next to me. He locks his eyes on top of mine and kisses me as he gets on top. He enters me again, and I moan in pure bliss. I rock my hips against him and breathe. I grab onto him and pull him tighter against myself.

I think for a moment about our first time together, how great the difference was between us, how Blake seemed intent on possessing me. Back then I felt like he was imposing his will on me, showing me what to do each step of the way. Now, as we press ourselves against each other, things are different. They’re better. He’s still firm and sure, but I don’t feel like I’m under his control. I feel like we belong to each other in equal parts, that we’re becoming something more than either of us could be with anyone else. We’re entwined, connected. We are one.

And we move as one, rocking faster and faster, until I can barely control myself. Our mouths lock, our bodies tangle, and I can hear our breaths race in and out in perfect rhythm. I close my eyes and bite Blake’s lip as we draw closer to climax. He pushes harder against me, until we cry out at the same time. I can feel him throb inside me as I come. My heart is racing, and I feel breathless and complete.

We lie there for a long while until he shifts his weight off of me and slides behind me in the bed. He traces his finger up and down my side before he brushes my hair back and kisses my neck. “I meant what I said earlier,” he says. “I want to give you everything you want in life. I want you to know that I mean that. I want to be the man you deserve. I don’t know if I can, but I’m going to give it everything I am.”

“I only want one thing,” I tell him.

“Oh yeah?” he asks.

“Hold me, and don’t let go,” I tell him. He wraps his arms around me and kisses my neck again. Everything else in our lives is so complex, but this, the feeling I feel when he holds me in his arms, it’s simple and pure. I can’t help but smile. I close my eyes and focus on the warmth between us. Blake kisses my neck again and nuzzles his nose against me. I can’t see him, but I know he’s smiling, too.

CHAPTER 13

CATHERINE

“I need to tell you something,” Blake says. It’s close to noon, and we’ve been lying in his bed all morning. I run my hands against the soft sheets. I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t good to be back in the lap of luxury, but the only thing that really matters is that I’m with Blake.