His Perfect Woman (Urban Hearts Series Book 1) (26 page)

“Ross says you have a son.” She brought in the rest of the glasses and bowls from the deck as Azure loaded the dishwasher next to Madison.

“Yes, Eli is six.”

“Jason and I always wanted a big family, so in addition to the twins, we’ve fostered a couple of great boys. One left last year to college and the other now lives with his aunt.” She spoke rather wistfully.

“Your girls are great. Beautiful.” Az took a dish from Madison’s soapy hand.

“So, where is Eli? Now, I mean.” Madison asked.

“He’s with his dad, in London. Eli’s father is from Britain.”

“London. How exotic.” Madison seemed impressed. Az was prepared to change the subject, but before she could, Maggie kept on her current tack.

“Mom and Dad always wanted a huge passel of grandkids. So far, we’ve been the only ones to help out in that department.”

“Help out in what department?” Jason entered the kitchen.

“Supplying grandkids.” Madison flipped up the lever on the faucet and dried her hands. “That’s it, I think. Thanks for the help,” she spoke to Az.

“Az has a little boy.” Maggie turned to her husband. “He’s only six, so not too late for a little brother, or sister.” She beamed at Azure, who busied herself with straightening the hand towels on the stove handle.

“That’s rather personal, don’t you think, Mags?” Jason’s hand rested lightly on his wife’s back, as though pulling her away.

“Of course. I didn’t mean—”

“No, it’s fine.” Az recovered her composure. It wasn’t fine. Not at all and she prickled at Maggie’s interference into things that were none of her business. She felt the line between her eyebrows deepen and consciously smoothed away the beginnings of a frown. “Eli is such a blessing in my life. This has been the longest period of time we’ve been apart, but he’ll be back in a couple of weeks.” Her expression composed into an almost professional aloofness, Azure pushed back her initial irritation at the intrusion. Ross loved his sister, and this could get out of hand easily. She glanced out the kitchen window to see Ross and Ben tossing the Frisbee with the girls.

“Ben and Rachel will have a few little ones racing around soon enough, though with her job…” Maggie’s tone still held an edge. The woman simply did not give up.

“Rachel’s quite capable. Did you know she has a Masters in communication? I’m sure she and Ben will work things out perfectly.” In the background, Jason gave a soft chortle, which was immediately cut off at a look from his wife.

“Of course,” Maggie said as Azure escaped to the deck. Passing by Madison just outside the doorway, she was startled by the girl’s approving nod and tiny thumbs up.

At the end of the day, Ross packed leftovers into the car, and Maggie hugged her goodbye.

“Look, I’m sorry if I said anything. I didn’t mean to offend.” The older woman faltered just a bit. “I love Rachel, I really do.”

“Me, too.” Azure responded. “You have a great family and coming into a family as close-knit as yours, is bound to have a few issues. But Rachel is as happy as I’ve ever seen her.” Azure smiled. Maggie was just being the overly concerned older sister. The closest Az had come to a sister was Mal, whose tactics were much more overt. Az remembered that she and Ross got together in the first place because of her devious best friend

“What was that about?” Ross asked as they drove away.

“Oh nothing.” Az smiled, looking out the window. He didn’t press her, but that night, lying in bed with his arm around her, he whispered, “I knew they would love you.” into her hair, thinking she was asleep.

The morning of the wedding started with a drizzle, filling the air with a grey dampness. Az looked to the sky as she and Ross drove to his parents’ house.

“The news said this will clear up by this afternoon.” Ross glanced over his shoulder, merging into traffic.  The three days she’d spent in Chicago had blown by in a blur of activity. Even with best Man and familial duties requiring his time, Ross managed to show her some of his favorite hometown spots. They drove through Hyde Park and Oak Park, admiring the architecture. He laughed as she squealed from the top of the Ferris wheel on Navy Pier. They stuffed themselves with really good junk food—deep dish pizza and hot dogs. Each day both began and ended with her spread out beneath him, shuddering across his soft green sheets.

“I wish I could stay longer.” She spoke from the passenger side of his jeep.

“You could you know…stay longer.”

She was happy and she thought she’d never be this happy away from Eli, but she was. Wondering how she could mesh the two most important elements of her life, she fell into an abnormal quiet.

“What are you thinking?” he smiled over his now familiar question. She couldn’t muster a returning smile.

“Eli will be coming home soon, and I need to get back to real life.”

“Are you saying this isn’t real?” Ross questioned.

“No, it is. It’s real. It’s just been so idyllic. It’s like a dream.” And it had been, the whole summer of them—Ross at her house, Ross in her bed, cooking at her stove, or writing on his lap top at her kitchen table. The two of them went to the art museum, the aquarium, the day trip to Rocky Mountain National Park, where they rented a tiny cabin, then spent the day in bed because it rained the whole time. Her coming with him to Chicago, meeting his folks, attending his brother’s wedding. All of it was ideal. And all of it had to end. At some point, it
would
end and she’d have to go back to reality. He lived in Chicago with a big, bustling family, and adored kids. She lived in Denver with the only child she’d ever have.

“But it’s not a dream,” he said as he pulled into the driveway.  His hand on her arm stopped her from opening the car door. “You think I can just let you go? Now that I’ve finally got you in my life?”

Azure laughed, whether from nervous tension or his statement she didn’t know which.

“You say that as if it’s totally up to you.” She leaned over and kissed him, softening her words. “This isn’t some romance novel, you know?”

Pulling her to him, just before entering the house, he murmured in her ear.

“Mom wanted to name me Heath, after Heathcliff. She was a big Wuthering Heights fan.”

Az squinted at him.

“Heath Berenger. I could get used to that.”

Ross smirked.

“You are far too feisty to be a Catherine.”

The wedding chapel was designed by architects at the end of the American Gothic Revival period. Clinging ivy softened its magnificent grey stone walls, reaching up the corners of the thirty foot balustrades. Inside the chapel was small, with seating for just over a hundred guests.

At the reception, Ross stayed by her side, even for his toast, where he  simply stood at their table, speaking in his lecture voice, his words carrying over the guests without benefit of a microphone.

“I don’t know if there is such a thing as the perfect person for everyone. I think my parents are perfectly matched, but I also know there’s a lot of hard work they do to make it seem that way. And finding the perfect woman for my brother Ben, well, that seemed like an impossible task, even if he is really good at research.” He waited until the laughter faded.  “But sometimes, the best things in life happen when you’re not looking.” He paused, glancing down at Az for a tiny second. “And that’s what happened when Rachel came into Ben’s life. And he’s not perfect, Rachel, not by a long shot, but the two of you just might be perfect for each other. Welcome to the family. Here’s to my big brother and his lovely bride.” After lifting his glass, Ross sat down and clinked his glass to Azure’s.

“Nice toast. I seem to remember a similar conversation, when was it? Day before yesterday?”  She teased him.

“What can I say? You inspire me.” The flash of smile he sent her made her feel as though she were on her third glass of champagne instead of her first. She looked across the table to see Jack Issacson, Ross’s college buddy, smiling at the two of them. He raised his glass. His wife, Sienna’s laugh rang out over the dance music.

“Very nice speech, Ross,” Sienna said. “Totally different than at our wedding.”

Ross blushed slightly. “Sorry, Sienna. I was so drunk at your wedding, I don’t remember what I said.”

“Neither do I,” Jack said. “But it was great.” He turned to his wife. “It was great, wasn’t it?”

“Honey,” she patted him fondly, “as wild as you were, I was just glad he got you there in one piece.”

“You were best man at Jack’s wedding?” Az asked him. He nodded and pulled her out of her chair. “Yep. Come on, let’s dance.”

“I didn’t realize you and Jack were that close.” They moved together on the dance floor, falling into step like they were alone in a bedroom.

“I’ve been Jiminy Cricket to his Pinocchio for a really long time. He has two sisters, no brothers and so…yeah, I’m a very good best man.”

“He and Sienna look happy.”

“They are. Wait till you meet baby Edie.  Who knew Jack would produce such an adorable kid.”

There it was again—the kid thing. Az tried not to let the flicker of doubt ruin the evening.

When they got back to the table, Sienna mentioned Az’s phone had rung several times. Pulling it from her giant bag, she looked at the screen. Two calls from Jonathan and one from Malinda. Worried, she excused herself and went into the hallway to return calls. She called Malinda first, not willing to deal with Jonathan.

“Mal? What’s up? Is Eli okay? Are you there?” she asked all this, not quite knowing where in the UK her friend might be. But the two people calling so close together—there had to be a connection.

“Eli’s fine. Jonathan called me. He couldn’t get a hold of you. It’s his dad, Az.” Watching as Ross walked over to her, Azure listened to the news. When he’d stopped before her, waiting for an explanation, it came out in a rush.

“I have to go to England.” She spoke quickly, scrolling the directory to Jonathan’s name. “Jonathan’s father has died.” She pressed the button on the phone, vaguely hearing Ross’s sympathy as she listened for an answer.

It was not a day for funerals. It was one of those rare summer days in Britain where the sun shone brilliantly and it’s normally stifled rays were carried away on a light breeze. The late summer flowers fluttered in the wind along the walkway of the ancient cemetery on the University grounds—colors of bright fuchsia and butter-cup yellow sprigged with purple and white all serving to exclaim what a beautiful world it was. Faded strains of a hymn, floated out from the nearby church
.
All things bright and beautiful, All creatures great and small…

Birds sang sweet songs like the whole affair was a garden party. Only the humans seemed out of place, dressed in their somber flat black and ever present hats and hankies. Lines of older gentlemen passed quietly by Jonathan and his mother, each pressing their hands and extolling the virtues of Charles Worth. Jonathan looked elegant and refined in a dark suit and tie. His normally wavy locks had been trimmed back and combed into some semblance of restraint. Kate Singleton stood to his other side. Very chic and proper, her blonde hair was curled up into a neat chignon. Jonathan’s sister, Jane, trembled on the other side of her mother, clutching her large and stalwart Reggie. Everyone had their partner during this difficult time. Except for Azure, she stood just behind them, Eli standing between herself and Mal, who had come down from Scotland. Eli looked very sweet in his navy blazer and red-and-blue striped tie.

Jane and Kate had fussed about his not having a suit to wear to his grandfather’s funeral. Of course she didn’t pack a suit for him—he was six, for God’s sake. How many occasions did a six year old boy have to wear a suit? Even church, which they did not attend all that often, could be attended wearing khakis and a button down shirt. It felt like one more failing she had in raising Eli alone.

Mal had taken her into Medway, bringing back the blazer and slacks that had to be pinned in the waist to stay on the child, but the outfit worked and Kate seemed satisfied. Truth be told, Az cared more about how Eli was handling the loss of his grandfather than how he looked at the funeral. She kept this to herself, however, realizing that Kate’s sentiments about appearances were almost identical to the always impeccable Eloise Worth.   

As they drove back to the house with the line of cars, Mal’s discontent over Kate was obvious.

“Lord, get me through this afternoon without smacking that smug mug off her face.”

“Thank you for your restraint, Mal.” Az smiled at her friend. “I appreciate it. Why does she bother you so much?”

“The bigger question is, why doesn’t she bother you?”

Az shrugged, “I don’t know. It’s hard to work up any kind of feeling at all about her. I mean, I let go of Jonathan a long time ago, so far as I’m concerned, he’s entitled to have someone.”

“Of course, but his selection sucks. I dunno. Maybe it’s me. I’m a Scot. Even raised in the states, we have a natural distrust of the prissy Parliament crowd.”

“Thanks for being here. I don’t know what I’d do if you weren’t.”

This was true, if Azure had to face Eloise one last time, especially as she was grieving, she was glad for a friend in her corner. She’d had to be there for Eli, who had been good as gold during the entire thing. His solemn expression when he’d held onto his grandmother’s hand had almost brought her to tears. She’d barely spoken to Jonathan since she’d gotten there.  Az had thought to leave promptly after the funeral with Eli, but in spite of his usual calm, she knew he’d been shaken by his grandfather’s death, and she postponed her plane ticket for a few more days.

  The Worth’s house, as large as it was, had been invaded with people—faraway cousins and elderly aunts staying over till after the funeral.  Kate’s parents had also come for the service, having flown in from whatever Spanish city they’d been vacationing in. Apparently, Jonathan and Kate were serious enough that he’d met them.

The day after the funeral Mal had to leave for her summer home.

“You should come up before you both leave, at least for a couple of days. Eli will love the farm.”

“Perhaps we will.” Az hugged her friend. She dreaded her absence. She’d be alone again, staying in a guest room at the Worth house—with Eli, but also her former mother-in-law, Jonathan and the ever present Kate.  “Eli needs his dad for the moment.”

“Not that Jonathan’s all that available. Didn’t you say he’s been holed up in his father’s study for days?”

“He’s grieving.” Az shrugged.

“And the new girlfriend can’t ease his pain?” Mal snorted. “She probably loves all that stiff upper lip, bullshit. Look how strong and manly he is.” Mal’s usual contralto shifted up into a mocking imitation. “Wankers, the lot of them.” She squinted at Az, who laughed at her friends adopted slang. “You should talk to him, get him out of the blasted study.”

Az shook her head.

“I haven’t gotten through to Jonathan in a very long time.”

That evening, Az played with Eli in the back garden, racing around with him and his grandmother’s corgis. The two dogs had been the only bright spot over the last couple of days, and Eli loved them. She left them to play and came in to find Jane and Eloise in the small family room, watching some British crime drama. Kate had finally left the house, having explained in seemingly modest, yet elaborate detail how imperative it was that she be at work. Jonathan, as usual, had disappeared. Heading down the hall, the dull sound of books hitting the floor stopped her. She followed the noise to her father-in-law’s study and found him. Jonathan seemed more fragile than she’d ever known him to be—sitting at his father’s desk. His hands moving over the books and papers as if trying to resurrect the man from the documents he favored. Another set of books were haphazard at his feet, the obvious cause of the noise she’d heard.

“Hey,” she stopped just inside the doorway. “Would you like some tea? I could brew a cuppa and bring it up?” She frowned, amazed at how quickly Eloise’s diction crept into her speech.

“I don’t think so,” he said simply.

“It’ll make you feel better.”

“Oh, really?” he almost smiled then, just barely, but his eyes looked completely through her.

“Okay, it’ll make me feel better, then.”  Stepping farther into the room, she pulled a well used book off the shelf—Keats, and flipped it open. “I didn’t know he liked poetry.” Sinking into a stiff chair by the window, the only light in the room, she read a couple of lines aloud.

“Why are you here?” His words were hot and angry and it shocked her.  “Why are you doing this?”

She looked up in surprise. They’d barely spoken in the three days she’d been there.

“I’m just trying to help.”

“You’re no longer part of this.”

“I know. I’m sorry. But I’m here for Eli.” And it wasn’t just Eli. She could see the pain lines around Jonathan’s eyes—knew him well enough to know that despite his outward calm appearance, he was breaking inside.

“That’s it, well, Eli will be fine. You can take him and go.” At the sound of his words pushing his son away, he heaved a great shuddering breath and rubbed his eyes. The chair creaked as he stood up.

“Don’t.” Her voice belayed the frustration she felt. “Don’t push him away because you’re in pain. He needs you. You need him too.”

“God, could you take your psycho babble and just get out of our lives.” He was facing the window, away from her like he’d break if he acknowledged her.  She knew that was it. You didn’t live with someone for years and not know him, not if you were paying attention.”

“For once in your stupid life, Jonathan, let it go.” She was bitter, she couldn’t help it. She was tired of being blamed for everything. “It’s not my fault your father died.”

“Of course not, but you can’t do anything for me now.”

“Not if you won’t let me. We used to be friends, you and I, and I thought we were getting that way again, kind of.”

“You think these things because you want them to be true. You’ve always been that way, Az. The fact is you left. You decided we weren’t compatible anymore and you left.”

She blinked, biting back a defensive retort as she realized that this was true. She had left. And he had moved on, found someone else. Someone who should be here at this very moment.  Yet, Kate had been perfectly willing to let him stew in his father’s study for God knew how long. Azure knew Jonathan’s capacity for avoidance, squirreling himself away for months, keeping his emotions under such heavy cover so he wouldn’t have to deal with them.  Oblivious to her silence, he continued. “All my father wanted was for us to be happy, a family. He loved you like a daughter, and you cast him aside like you did me, like you did all of us.”

“That’s not true.” The protest couldn’t be held back anymore. He knew as well as she did, that their marriage had been over. She’d been the first to see it, and acknowledge that perhaps they really weren’t meant to be. The part about his family however, wasn’t true. They were Eli’s family, and she had tried to keep them involved in his life, not an easy feat, given their reserve and the miles between them.  “I loved your father. He was like my own dad.”  She had emailed and spoken to his father more often since they divorced than when she was married to his son, but of course Jonathan wouldn’t know that.

“It broke his heart, and the stress…” Jonathan trailed off and she saw that it wasn’t her failing he was blaming, but his own—his own inability to communicate with his dad—with anyone. That closed off section of himself that kept him safe and yet so very alone was to blame. It wasn’t of course, but the look on his face was as plain to her as a sign held up at the airport. If they held up signs for personalities instead of names—hers might be stubborn, snarky or defensive. Jonathan’s would be stoic.

She didn’t say anything. For once, she managed to control her defensive posturing enough to see his side of things, and she squeezed his shoulder. Brushing at his eyes, he looked away, irritated.

“Johnny,” she said it softly. She hadn’t called him Johnny since they’d met, he simply wasn’t that guy. When she did, it was always during some moment when they’d been particularly intimate and he’d shown some glimmer of vulnerability. Back during the more stressful times of their marriage, she’d tried to use that tactic—calling him Johnny, to appeal to some softer side of his—he’d taken her head off about it. Today, the name slipped out almost unconsciously. His pain, his loss was her loss too and she wanted him to know that.  His arm reached for her and she went—clasping him to her and holding him. She found herself crying for the first time. For him. For everything they’d lost. His hands were at her waist, his head tucked into the curve of her neck and he sagged against her as she became his rock, once again, his confidant, even for a little while.

It was only a few moments. He turned away all too soon, rummaging in his father’s desk drawer for a box of tissues and handing her the box. Az sat on the corner of the desk and wiped at her eyes as he sank back into his father’s chair. Neither spoke for a while, the light from the window faded quickly, dousing the room in darkness and gloom. Without asking him, Az reached over and pulled the tiny chain on the banker’s lamp. 

“What am I going to do, Az?” He swiveled the chair toward her.

“I don’t think you need to decide that right now.” She reached out to where his hand rested on the desk. “Just leave things be for awhile. Your mom’s taken care of, right? I mean, I’m sure there’s a pension or something.”

“Yes, yes of course. It’s just that—” He turned away again. Azure heard his sigh escape without his realizing it. “I always thought he’d be around, that he’d take care of mum, and this house would always be here for me to come back to, for Eli to come visit.”

“It still is, isn’t it?”

“It’s not the same. I never thought I’d say that.” He pulled his hand away and stood up. “I never thought I’d say that I miss him.” He wandered the office, running a hand across the crammed book shelves. “He’s been gone, what?  Less than a week?  And I miss him, so much.” 

“I know you do.” She watched as he turned, making his way back around to the desk and her, still fingering the books and maps and papers that were so much of his father’s life. Jonathan stood sideways to where she’d risen from her perch on the desk, his right hand on a book shelf, the other reaching out for her. She took his hand in both of hers.

“There’s so much I should have said,” he murmured.

“We all have that. Things left unsaid…he wasn’t the easiest guy to talk to.”

“Neither am I, I suppose.” He was morosely realistic.

“No, you’re not.” She smiled at him and pulled him into a hug. “He did love you, you know.”

“I know.” His voice was muffled in her hair, and she felt the warmth of his lips at her ear. “
I
loved you, you know?”

“Yes,” she whispered. “I know.” He made a tiny sound of acceptance, or comfort, or something she almost recognized, a small hum of nonverbal communication. And then he kissed her—his lips pressed against hers in the same way they used to, back when they couldn’t get enough of each other, and before she could protest or accept, she didn’t know which—he pulled away, but not before she’d felt his sudden erection against her. He looked at her as though he didn’t realize who she was. Or maybe he did, and that was the surprise.

“Oh, God, I’m sorry.” He stepped away, embarrassed, and she saw a flicker of the real Jonathan before the shutters came crashing down, hiding him from her, from everything that could possibly hurt him, including himself.