His Love (27 page)

Gavin yawned as
he walked up the sidewalk to his building. Spending the afternoon reading in the nearby park had been nice, but he really missed the beach. He missed the ocean most of all, the salty scent of it, the sounds of its hypnotically rhythmic flowing and waves crashing… and the feel of the soft sand between his toes. Today, he’d wanted to spend a few hours outside. He’d spent too much time in hospital or in the office prior to his holiday, and since his return had sworn to himself that on good weather days, he’d be outside as much as possible. So he’d grabbed a book and walked to the park only half a mile away.

It had been a good distraction, but not for long enough. He’d been back in Ireland for a week, and still hadn’t shaken off the melancholy that had accompanied him home. He missed Toni so much, but had barely been in contact with her. A few emails, but no live online messaging or phone calls. He was giving her space, as he’d promised. And, maybe, giving her time to miss him, too. Time to think about what she wanted to do, and where, and whether it all included him at her side.

Every day, he hoped it would include him at her side. He had to have faith, give her time and space… but now it’d been a week, and her last email had been two days ago. He was beginning to wonder if he’d done the right thing. Maybe insisting they not talk on the phone yet had been too harsh, insisting on less contact for now the wrong way to go. The less he heard from her, the more uncertainty gnawed at him.

He still had three weeks before going into full rotation at work. The pediatrics place he’d found seemed lovely. He’d gone in a few times since his return to Ireland; had lunch with the woman who’d be his supervising physician, met the other doctors in the practice, even brought a few of his things to his new, small office. It seemed like a good place to work, and he was looking forward to his official start on the first of September. At least he had that to focus on, and be excited about.

A big family dinner at his parents’ house on Sunday had been great as well. Between his parents, five siblings, and their various spouses and children, there had been over twenty people there to welcome him home. His mother had loved the gift he brought her, and as she put on the dangly silver earrings, all he could think of was the day he’d spent at the Met with Toni.

She was frightened, he knew that. With good reason, he supposed. But to him, the bottom line was he thought she’d be happy there, in the program at Trinity if she got in, in Dublin, and with him. Not because he demanded it, but because he truly thought she’d fit in there. She worked in Manhattan, she was used to city life, so it wasn’t moving to a major city that scared her. He doubted the program itself scared her; though it did look intensive, she was smart and capable. What scared her was coming and being with him. Committing to him, and to them. She didn’t believe in the possibility of what they could become together, what they could have, the way he did. It was hard to accept; he didn’t
want
to accept it. But the more time that passed, the more time they spent apart, the more likely it was that they wouldn’t end up together.

The night before, Gavin had dreamt about her again. Usually his dreams about her were either the hot and steamy kind that had him waking up with his whole body pulsing, or the sweet kind where they’d simply be walking on the beach together, talking or laughing. No, last night, he’d dreamt they were dancing. Outdoors, on a wide patio, surrounded by greenery and lots of people. All he could see at first was her beautiful face, smiling up radiantly at him as he twirled her around the dance floor. Only when the music stopped did he look down at her fully and see she was wearing a magnificent wedding dress.

Now, as he opened his tiny mailbox in the lobby of his apartment building to check his mail, the vision reappeared in his mind, clear as day. Toni, in a wedding dress, absolutely beautiful and glowing with happiness… he closed the empty mailbox with a scowling grunt. He had to stop this. Toni wasn’t there. She wasn’t going to come to Ireland, they wouldn’t have the chance to further the relationship, they wouldn’t end up together, much less married. And he had to somehow let the whole idea go.

He punched the button to the lift and waited, tapping his Kindle against his leg. Why had he gone to America for a simple holiday, only to meet someone he knew he could love for the rest of his life and then probably lose her? The physical distance was too great. And the truth was, she’d have to come to him on her own. Only then would he know she’d chosen to take a leap of faith—chosen him, chosen them—that was strong enough for him to believe in it. And that was clearly not going to happen.

The door to the lift opened and he stepped inside. She hadn’t alluded to very much in her emails. He imagined her withdrawing from him a little more day by day. It was ironic that she’d worried about him slipping away from her, when the reality was, he felt like she was the one slipping away.

He missed her. Everything about her. How long until that ache would go away?

Reaching the third floor, he stepped out of the lift and walked down the hallway, finding his keys in the pocket of his jeans. Maybe he’d go down to the pub for dinner tonight. Throw back a few pints and wallow, watch some football…

He opened the door to his apartment and heard a rustle of movement. Standing in the middle of his living room was Toni.

‡

T
he air rushed
from Gavin’s lungs in a whoosh as his eyes rounded wide. “Bloody hell,” he breathed, staring at her in obvious shock.

“Hi,” she said, trying to keep the smile off her face and failing miserably. God, it was so good to look at him. She’d missed him so much, every fiber of her body was screaming to run into his arms. But from the look on his face, she wasn’t sure he was glad she was there. She hoped he was just surprised to see her, not unhappy.

“Hi, yourself.” He blinked and put a hand to his chest, staring at her as if she were a mirage, his astonishment clear. “How… how did you get here?”

“Um, I flew,” she said with a trace of teasing sarcasm. Her heartbeat nervously picking up speed, she held up the key he’d left for her. “Then I took a cab, and used this.” She smiled hesitantly, then bit down on her lip. “You said I could…”

He rushed across the room to her, cradling her face in his hands as if seeing her for the first time. “Jaysus, you’re really here.”

“Surprise,” she said softly.

“The best one ever.” He crushed his mouth to hers in a possessive, hungry kiss. Her arms slid around his waist to hold him closer, tighter, as their mouths and tongues tangled and played. When he finally pulled back to gaze down at her, they both had to catch their breath.

“When did you get here?” he asked.

“This morning.” She reached up to run her fingers through his hair, then trailed them down his cheek. He nuzzled into her palm as she added, “I took the flight last night, got in around ten AM Dublin time. So I went to the hotel, ate some breakfast, got some sleep. Then I came here… but you weren’t here. So I’ve been waiting.”

“You’re joking!” he cried. “You’ve—damn—for how long?!”

“Two hours,” she said, smiling. “I didn’t know if you were working or what. I figured you’d come home eventually.”

“Unbelievable,” he breathed, his eyes travelling eagerly over her features, his equally greedy hands running through her hair, up and down her arms, her back, everywhere he could reach. “Wait, why are you staying at a hotel?”

“Well… in case you didn’t want me here,” she said.

“Why on earth wouldn’t I want ya here?” he said, incredulous.

She shrugged. “Just covering my bases,” she whispered.

He cupped her face in his hands, staring into her eyes, and asked, “How long are you here for, Toni?”

Her hands lifted to hold his wrists as she stared back at him and said, “As long as you want me to be.”

“Ah.” His thumbs caressed her cheeks, and she saw a spark of light in his eyes. He leaned his forehead to hers and murmured, “So, forever then.”

Her breath hitched as she smiled. “Sounds good to me.”

He took her mouth again, kissing her senseless before releasing her. “Sweet mother of God…” He shook his head, drinking her in again with his eyes. “I thought I lost you.”

“What? I thought I lost
you
.” She moved her hands to lock behind his neck. “Because I didn’t tell you, or show you, just how much I love you. And I do, Gavin.”

“I know that now. You’re here.” He kissed her lips with tender affection. “I love you too, Antonella Josefina.”

She melted into his embrace, the overwhelming relief and joy flooding her with warmth and light. She’d made the right choice. Nothing had ever felt so right.

“Did you quit your job, then?” he asked.

She nodded. “With glee.”

“I’ll bet.”

“And I applied to the postgraduate program at Trinity,” she said. “But I missed the deadline. So if I get in—which, thank God, looks likely—I won’t be starting until January. I’ll find a job and work until then.”

“I’ll help you. I don’t start the new job for another three weeks.” He looked around his apartment. “Maybe we should find a bigger place, too. This flat’s really made for one. But if you’re going to stay, I want you comfortable.” He peered at her, hope and disbelief in his gaze. “You’re really staying? Are you sure, Toni?”

“I’m really staying. I’m totally sure. I want all of it—the program, the new start, and you. Especially you, Doc. I know you’re a sure bet.” She grinned mischievously. “Okay, you caught me. The truth is, I came here for the mind-blowing sex. I hear you’re good at a fling.”

A laugh burst from him. “Actually, turns out I’m crap at them.” He grinned as he threaded his fingers through her hair. “Couldn’t keep it casual. Broke the rules. Fell head over heels in love. I’m done for.” He stole a quick kiss and smiled. “Want to stay anyway? We could still have the mind-blowing sex. Ya know, if you insist.”

“Okay.” Toni smiled so brightly her face almost hurt. “I’ll call it an adventure.”

The End

Enjoy an excerpt from

All I Want for Christmas

By Jennifer Gracen

Copyright © 2014

S
tanding on the
crowded, bustling sidewalk of Seventh Avenue, Cassandra Baines sipped her peppermint hot cocoa as she waited for her best friend. She’d placed herself at the center of the top step so when Bree came up the escalator, out of Penn Station, she’d be right there and easy to spot.

The familiar smells and sounds of Manhattan barraged her from all sides as she stood in the midst of frenetic activity. So many people—hustling into Penn to make their trains, coming out of Penn eager to roam the city, or just trying to get through the crowds to wherever they were headed. Cars and taxis bulleted down the street, horns blaring, the exhaust fumes mixing with the smoky smell of pretzels and chestnuts in the cold air. A group of teenage girls hustled by, all of them talking simultaneously.

Cassandra wasn’t fazed by the chaos. She was a lifelong New Yorker, born and raised on Long Island, less than ninety minutes away from Manhattan. She’d spent her undergrad years at NYU and done her graduate program at Columbia, and now she had a tiny apartment in Chelsea and taught English Lit at NYU. Noise didn’t register and crowded sidewalks didn’t make her claustrophobic. The only thing ruffling her at the moment was wondering where Sabrina was. She should have been here by now.

A cold gust of wind blew, lifting the ends of Cassandra’s shoulder length hair. She shivered, glad she’d chosen to wear her fuzzy wool hat, thickest scarf, and heavier wool coat. The temperature hadn’t gotten above forty degrees that day, and sure felt like it was dropping into the low thirties now. She took another sip of the hot chocolate to keep warm.

“Cass!”

She turned in the direction of the familiar voice, and there was Bree, coming up the escalator. In a few seconds, they were hugging and chatting and all was bright again.

Going to see the lighting of the tree at Rockefeller Center had been an annual tradition since the girls were babies. Four women had been sorority sisters in college, became the closest of friends, and bonded for life. After graduation, they’d made a point of getting together several times a year, which had been fairly easy, since all four of them lived in New York. So when those four women had their own daughters—Cassandra, Sabrina, Jade, Kara, and Elena—the next generation of girls were practically raised as sisters. They’d become an expanded loving network that shared in each other’s lives as one big family.

Some of Cassandra’s best childhood memories were of huge Thanksgivings with everyone at Aunt Enza’s house, out east on Long Island. A few days later, they’d all meet up in the city for the tree lighting. The four moms especially loved holidays and loved creating celebratory traditions… but things had changed after Aunt Marie had died in the Towers on September 11th. A black hole ripped all of their lives open. Kara and Elena no longer had a mother, the other moms had lost their sister, and the sorrow was a tangible thing none of them had been able to shake off for a long time. Having one another to lean on had gotten them all through those dark days.