His Greatest Pain (9 page)

“Stay
in the car, sweetheart,” he ground out loud enough for her to hear.

“Ace,
you’re bleeding.”

“Stay
back,” he said more forcefully, thankful the guy still standing was on the other
side of the car and away from Lauren so that he’d have to get through Ace to
get to her.

The
guy charged forward, but Ace was ready. He tackled him to the ground, slammed
his fist into his face, and when the guy was about to knee Ace he clocked him in
the gut hard enough he heard the air leave him. Ace got off of him, easily able
to go for another round, beat all of the until there was nothing left, but he’d
taken them down, made his point, and just wanted to get Lauren out of here.

He
turned and headed over to the car, but before he got in he looked down at his
knuckles. They were bloody, felt swollen, too, but the blood wasn’t his, and he
quickly wiped that shit off on his jeans. Opening the door and sitting in the
driver’s seat, the guilt he always felt, especially when he was with Lauren, or
she’d witnessed what he’d done slammed into him. God, would he ever be worthy
of her love?

****

“I’m
sorry, Lauren,” he said in a soft voice, blood still on his knuckles, and the
cut on his head having the red, viscous fluid dripping along his temple. “I
tried to walk away, but—”

“Hey,”
she said, reached out to gently take his chin in her hand, and turned his head
so he faced her now. “You have nothing to be sorry about. Those assholes
started it, instigated the whole thing. How could you even think you’d need to
say sorry?” Her heart was breaking, absolutely splitting in half for this man.

“I
don’t want to fight, because I know I need to change.”

She
shook her head before he was even done talking. “You don’t need to change for
anyone, least of all me. I love you for who you are. I’ve loved you since I
knew what the word and emotion was.” She stroked his cheek with her hand,
looked at him, and the cut in the side of his face, right by his eyes, and knew
that this man would always be primal, aggressive, and have to fight to protect
what he cared about, and to rid himself of the shit he’d gone through.

“I
could have walked away, but they disrespected you, Lauren, and that’s not
something I can let go.”

She
stared at the three men pulling their sorry asses off the ground. “I’m glad
they got what they deserve, Ace.” She looked at him again. “And I’m glad I have
you in my life.” She smiled. “You’re my protector.” The way he smiled told her
he liked that, liked hearing her say that and feel that he was here to make
sure she was okay. If she knew anything about him it was that Ace was fiercely
protective of anyone that he cared about, and who in their right mind would
argue or make someone feel shitty about that?

“I
love you, Ace, and you love me. That’s all that matters in this world.” She
leaned forward and kissed him softly. “Take me home and let me take care of you
… again.” She grinned, and was glad he smiled, too, obviously hearing the
teasing in her voice.

Chapter
Eleven

Goosebumps
formed along Lauren’s skin. She should be the one tending to Ace, had in fact
started to do that, but he took over. He always took over. That had her
smiling. She closed her eyes and sighed when he smoothed his hands over her.
She let herself lean against him, using his strength the way she desperately
needed, the way she always wanted to end up doing. His soapy hands moved down
her arms, her chest, her belly, and continued their journey down her thighs. As
the water washed the soapy remnants away, she turned and rested her head on his
chest. His skin was smooth and warm, and his heartbeat was exactly what she
needed to hear at that moment.

She
grabbed the soap from him, smoothed it down his hard body and over his bulging
muscles. Lauren continued to watch the water and bubbles move along his toned,
defined pecs and six-pack, and sighed. This man would move the earth for her if
he could, and she would do the same for him. She’d never believed in soul
mates, but maybe that was because she’d never met hers. Leaning back and
staring at his face, his dark hair seemed even darker now that it was wet. The
spiky strands were plastered to his forehead and also sticking up. She smoothed
her hand over his hair, rose on her toes, and kissed him.

“You’re
my world, too,” she said against his lips. “And I’m glad you kicked their
asses, glad you didn’t back down. They deserved everything they got and more.”

He
smoothed his hands up and down her back, but didn’t make anything sexual. He
just held her. “I love you.” The sound of the water beating against the tiles
didn’t drown out the emotion in his voice.

“I
love you, too.”

His
arms tightened around her. “I don’t know how to be a good man, not unless I’m
with you, Poppy.” He framed her face with his hands and stared down at her. “I
don’t know how to be good enough for you, but I’ll try. I’ll keep trying until
the day I die.”

She
couldn’t help but smile, or help the tears that filled her eyes and the emotion
that clogged her throat. He’d already proved what a good man he was, ten times
over throughout the years, but hearing him say it with so much love and
determination had her closing her eyes and thanking the heavens things worked
out the way they did.

****

“I’m
so glad you decided to come back, Ace, and I’d assume this is Lauren?”

Ace
nodded after the therapist spoke. He looked over at Lauren, saw her shift on
the couch, and wondered if this had been a bad idea suggesting she come with
him. This was only the second session he’d had, but he thought that bringing her
along, letting her hear some of the things that he’d been through, the things
he’d kept from her because they were god-awful and made him feel ashamed, might
help them progress forward in their friendship, and he hoped, one day something
more. Hell, this might make them move farther apart, but he had to show her he
was trying to be better.

“Lauren,
how about we start off by you telling me how you feel about coming here today
with Ace.”

Lauren
looked over at him, and the smile she gave him had Ace relaxing on the couch a
bit. She reached out and took his hand in hers. “Well, he told me he came here
the first time, and I was surprised, but very proud of him for doing something
I know probably made him uncomfortable.” She didn’t pull her gaze from his as
she spoke. “And when he asked me to come with him I knew that the man I know to
be good, that has a heart of gold, but was dealt a shitty hand, was trying so
hard to be better.”

“And Ace, why don’t you tell me
how you feel with Lauren being here?”

Ace
stared at Lauren. “I feel like I’m looking at my future, like my entire world
is right in front of me, and that I’d do anything to make sure I don’t fuck
that up.” He looked at the doctor. “Screw it up, sorry.”

She
smiled, obviously not caring that he’d cursed. “Is there anything you wanted to
specifically address at today’s session, something you want Lauren to be aware
of?”

He
looked at the therapist, saw her writing down some notes, and took a deep, slow
breath. “She knows a lot about what happened, but I’ve held things back, things
that I was ashamed about that my father did, ashamed of the things
I
did.”

“It’s
okay,” Lauren said and squeezed his hand. “There isn’t anything you could say
or
do that
would make me think any less of you, that
would make me turn my back on you, Ace.”

The
therapist stayed silent, and all Ace could do was stare at Lauren. “You know
he’d beat me, lock me in closets, but what you didn’t know—” Ace closed his
eyes, feeling disgust and shame wash over him. “What you don’t know, because I
never wanted you to, was that there was one time he touched me.” When he opened
his eyes he saw the sympathy and horror wash over Lauren’s face.

“Oh,
Ace.”

He
hated that she felt sorry for him. Even when he’d first told her about the
abuse she was his strength, his rock, and she’d never given up on him. “It was
only once when he was on a bender. When I hit him hard enough to have his eyes
swell shut he backed off. He had been so drunk he hadn’t even remembered what
he’d done, or tried to do the following day.” Ace started shifting on the
couch, extremely uncomfortable with how this was going. He felt like honey
covered his flesh, thick, suffocating, and like he would never be clean.

“Why
do you think he only did it the once?”

He
looked at the therapist and shrugged. “I don’t know, don’t really care. I was a
teenager when he tried it, the same size as him. He didn’t even know how he’d
gotten the black eye when he woke the next morning.” He scrubbed a hand over
his face. “I honestly think he was just so drunk that he didn’t know what the
fuck he was doing.” He dropped his hand to his lap and stared at the therapist.
“He’d never done it
previously,
and never did it
again. For all I know he could have thought I was a fucking woman.”

Lauren
squeezed his hand again.

“Sorry
about the language.”

“
It’s
okay, Ace. This is an open, honest room. You speak
however you feel comfortable,” the therapist said and wrote something down.
“Lauren, is there anything you want to say in response to what Ace just said?”

Lauren
stared at him, licked her lips, and stared down at where their hands were
entwined. “I don’t know what to say,” she said. “I knew Ace had a shitty life,
and I’ve tried, throughout the years, to be there for him, and will continue to
be here for him.” She stared at him, and he felt his heart in his throat. “I’ll
always be here, because without him in my life I’d have this big chunk missing,
and it would be unbearable.”

“Ace,
you said that Lauren is someone you want to make happy no matter what. Can you
explain that a little more, and how you think that helps you control your anger
and the violence you have built up over the years from the abuse?”

Ace
stared out the window, trying to put into words what Lauren meant to him. He’d
told her, in so many ways, that she was important, but he didn’t know if she
truly understood the role she played in his life.

“If
you’re uncomfortable we can move onto something—”

“No,
I’m not uncomfortable.” He looked at Lauren. “She knows that without her in my
life, without her there for me all these years I would have gone off the deep
end.” He stared into her blue eyes, got lost in the color, and wanted to kiss
her right now.

“Why
do you see Lauren as a lifeline, Ace? Do you think you wouldn’t succeed without
her in your life?”

He
stared at the therapist, really thought about what she’d said, and knew without
a doubt that if not for Lauren he’d be in a much worse spot in his life then he
was now. “She
is
my life. She was the
first person, aside from a childhood friend, that accepted me for who I was.
But after I moved I didn’t have Toby in my life.”

“Hmm,
continue.”

He
looked at Lauren, saw her full attention was on him, and so he talked right to
her. “Before I met you I felt like my life was nothing but a waste, felt like I
had nothing to look forward to. Do I feel weak that I rely on your presence in
my life to make me stronger, to make me feel whole?” He squeezed her hand. “No,
I don’t. I feel stronger when I’m with you. You make me want to be a better
person, to strive and not let my emotions and past make me the monster I can
be, even if I still do monstrous things.” He took a deep breath, baring his
soul for this woman and a virtual stranger that was probably taking every word
he said and his body language and analyzing it. “Everyday you’re in my life has
made me a better person, stronger inside, even if it seems like I haven’t
healed.”

“Ace,”
Lauren said softly, smiling, holding his hand tight.

“So,
I wanted you to come here today so you could see I’m serious about making this
work with you, and that there isn’t anything left that I’ve hidden from you.”
She was the only person that knew every little detail about
himself
.
Even Toby hadn’t known the
extent
to which his father
had abused him, and certainly not after he moved and changed schools and they
didn’t talk again until they were in their twenties. “I’m an open book to you,
and it’ll always be that way.”

The
room was silent for a moment. “And that’s all of it, every piece of
myself
bared.” He hadn’t meant to say that all out loud, but
it had just come out, and he honestly felt better about himself. Maybe coming
here in the first place, and then bringing Lauren here hadn’t been a bad idea,
or something he’d just done to bring her closer and show Lauren he was serious
about making himself better as a person.

The
idea of coming back again, making sense of why this had all happened to him,
and how he could make himself not be so angry, and not have all this violence
inside of him, wouldn’t be such a bad idea in the long run. If it helped him move
forward without covering himself in some kind of fake veneer of fighting and
anger to rid himself of his emotions, then he’d try.

****

It
had been a week since Ace had taken her to talk to the therapist he’d seen, and
Lauren had never felt closer to him than she did after they’d left her office.
To hear him open up like that, tell her everything about
himself
,
even though she knew it all, told her this man had so much hurt and anger still
bottled up. Of course she knew that, had seen it so many times over the years,
but she supposed she’d never truly seen how much he was hurting until he laid
it all bare for her and the therapist.

She
was having dinner at her parents’ house tonight, and she’d asked Ace to come
with her. She wanted him there, wanted them together when she told her mom and
dad that being with him was the best thing that could have ever happened to
her. He would always be her protector, but he was also a dark knight, not the
white horse riding one that only did good and saved the princess.

If
he were a character in a fairytale he’d be the villain. He’d be the one that
did anything to get the girl, no matter what. Ace would be the one that got the
girl in the end despite everyone rooting against him, because he’d be that
determined. And
God,
was she glad she was that girl.

She
looked over at Ace who had insisted on driving, saw the way his jaw was hard,
clenched, and wondered if he was nervous. Reaching out and holding his hand,
she gave it a light squeeze. He glanced at her, smiled, but it still seemed a
little forced.

“I
hope you’re not nervous,” she said.

He
smiled and shook his head, but she could tell it wasn’t to disagree with her.
“Hell, if I were your parents I would kick my ass for even wanting to be with
you.”

That
broke her heart, but then again a lot of what happened with Ace or what he said
had that effect. “They already love you, and I know that this will be welcomed
by them. Don’t sweat the small stuff,” she teased, hoping to lighten things a
bit. The truth was she was nervous, because her mom had mentioned how she
worried about her and Ace being together, even if she only wanted Lauren to be
happy.

He
pulled into the driveway ten minutes later, and once they were out of the car
he reached for her hand and twined his fingers around hers. She walked in,
smelled something spicy yet sweet
fill
the air, and
her heart started pounding a bit faster. They were really doing this.

“You’re
late, honey,” her mother called out, and instantly she felt her cheeks heat.
Glancing at Ace she saw him smirking. Yeah, they’d been late because he’d
cornered her and fucked her senseless up against a wall. Even now she was sore
between her thighs.

“Sorry,”
she said and cleared her throat when her voice cracked. Ace chuckled.

They
made their way into the kitchen, where her father was already sitting down with
a paper in front of him. He looked up, smiled at them both, and then set the
paper down and stood. After hugging her and clapping Ace on the back they all
three sat. Her mom came in moments later with a dish of lasagna. The table was
already set with dinnerware, a salad, garlic bread, and even a bottle of red
wine.