His for the Taking (23 page)

She had never felt so precious.

Here, held by him with their hearts beating in time, she had one thought.
I love you.

It almost seemed safe enough to say it. And she would never get another chance.

Zoe opened her mouth. The words were so momentous and strange. She practised one, moving her lips and tongue without giving it voice.

Love.

A sharp pin pricked her thigh. ‘Ouch,’ she said, and slapped at her leg.

Nick chuckled and she felt it through her whole body. ‘Think you got bitten by an early black fly.’ He touched her leg where she’d swatted, identifying the small already-swollen bump. ‘It’s not quite the season yet, or we wouldn’t be able to be out here.’

She could still say it, but the moment of safety had passed. ‘Insects,’ she said instead. ‘I knew there was a downside to the boondocks.’

‘Black flies are the unofficial Maine state bird,’ Nick said. He shifted her weight off him, slipping out of her. She felt the loss of the bond as if it were more than just flesh.

He helped her stand up; her legs were stiff. Nick kissed her and picked her up again easily. ‘Let’s go inside,’ he said, striding towards the house. ‘There are screens to keep out the bugs.’

Even without being joined, there was a comfortable intimacy between them. She laughed when Nick kicked the door open with his foot in imitation of some passionate romance-novel hero and it swung back and hit him in the butt when they were halfway through it. He climbed the stairs without any strain at all and without looking around went straight into one of the bedrooms.

They were halfway to the bed before Zoe realised it was the bedroom she’d looked into earlier, where she’d had visions of them sleeping together, limbs entwined. He’d chosen the same room she had for the two of them.

‘This is—’ she started to say, then stopped.

‘What is it?’ Nick asked, setting her carefully on the bed.

A coincidence. ‘A nice room,’ she said, and pulled him down to lie beside her.

Still, as they snuggled underneath the quilt and into each other, it felt like more than a coincidence. It felt like some kind of sign, as if the future she’d thought about with Nick could maybe be more than an impossible dream.

It was darker in the house than it had been outside. Zoe hooked one leg around Nick’s thigh, nestling closer to him. She ran her hand through his hair and over his features. The textures of silky hair, sandpapery chin, hard jaw, the tender skin around his eyes. When her fingers passed over his lips he kissed them.

Imagine doing this every single night. Right here in this bed, which yielded to their bodies as if they had slept in it for years.

There was a distant rustle and then a crash from outside the window. Zoe stopped moving. ‘What’s that?’

‘Raccoons,’ Nick answered, still completely relaxed and holding her. ‘They’re after what’s left of our dinner now we’re inside.’ He let out a long, contented breath. ‘I don’t care. I could lie like this with you for ever.’

It was so much like what she’d been thinking—not the raccoons, but the part about being together for ever. The risk she’d avoided ten minutes ago, the momentous words, came back to her.

She could stay here with him. She could tell him she loved him.

Lying with him here, like this, she could almost believe he loved her, too.

‘So, Boy Scout,’ she said lightly, letting her fingers walk over his chest, ‘tell me something. You ever been in love?’

He didn’t answer for a moment. Outside, there was another rustle and a crunching sound. Zoe ignored it and waited.

‘I don’t think so,’ he said, slowly. ‘I’ve been involved with women, and I think I’ve believed I was in love once or twice. But I wasn’t.’

Her heart was gripped in a fist and squeezed, hard.

No. He wasn’t in love with her. He was a good man, a kind man, a passionate man. And what was between them was goodness and kindness and passion.

Problem was, that wasn’t enough for her, not from Nick. Not enough to make her stay.

‘I—’He hesitated again, and then let out a breath and continued. ‘I wondered if I was too much like my father.’

Her heart throbbed again. Nick’s voice held pain and doubt.

Zoe forgot about the rest of her life. She could deal with that tomorrow. Tonight, Nick needed goodness and kindness back.

‘You’re not like your father,’ she said.

‘I am, in some ways. In maybe a lot of ways. I’m committed to my job, and I think I could be committed to a woman and a family. But maybe I’m wrong. I’ve never tried it. Maybe if I were in the same situation as my dad, I would walk out, too.’

‘How do you feel about seeing him tomorrow?’ she asked quietly.

‘Honestly? I’m scared, Zoe.’ He tightened his grip on her. ‘God, I’m only saying this because it’s dark and I’m with you. But my sister said he was all right when she met him. I keep on thinking that maybe if he’s not such a bad guy, maybe it was me. Maybe I deserved to be left.’

The words nearly made her gasp. They were like a jackknife to her belly.

Because tomorrow, she planned to leave, just like that. She’d been thinking about how much it would hurt her.

For the first time, she saw that it would hurt Nick, too.

Not because he loved her. But because it was part of the pattern that had hurt him in the past. Because he’d asked her to stay, for whatever reason, and she wouldn’t. As soon as he was reunited with his father, she was out of there.

She drew him closer to her, laying his head on her breast. She wrapped her body around him and she held him tight. Just for now.

‘You don’t deserve to be left,’ she whispered.

Nick woke up alone.

He stretched his arm out to the side, where Zoe had lain last night, her body wrapped around his. There was an indentation on the pillow, but the sheets were cold.

He sat up. Light streamed through the window and an automatic calculation told him it was past ten in the morning. He felt refreshed; he remembered falling asleep with Zoe in his arms and he didn’t think he’d ever slept so well. He also had a hard-on, which wasn’t very surprising given that he’d dreamed about Zoe all night, too.

You don’t deserve to be left.
It was amazing how much those words meant to him. It was something, incredibly, that nobody had ever said to him before. Much like, he supposed, how nobody had ever told Zoe she was beautiful.

And if Zoe didn’t think he deserved to be left, then she was going to stay.

Nick smiled, sat up, and stretched. Last night had been amazing. He’d shared something with Zoe that he’d never felt with another woman, but that he realised he’d been wanting all his life. And today, with her staying, was going to be even better.

The clothes he’d worn last night were neatly folded over the back of a chair. Zoe must have gone outside this morning and picked them up—some time ago, too, because when he got up and touched them they weren’t damp or cold. He got dressed, noticing with a smile the grass stains on the knees of his jeans.

He hummed as he went downstairs. He could smell coffee and toast. His stomach grumbled. It was looking like a perfect morning: first he’d have some breakfast with Zoe, and then he’d see about doing something about reviving that hard-on he’d woken up with.

Zoe was sitting at the kitchen table, spinning something in her hand. She had a cup of coffee in front of her and her hair was bright in the morning sun. The pigeon in its cage was on the table beside her. She didn’t look up when he came down the stairs, seemingly lost in her own thoughts.

‘Morning, gorgeous,’ he said. Zoe blinked and raised her head. There was something in her eyes, probably surprise at being disturbed from her daydream. He crossed the room and kissed her on her cheek.

‘Morning.’ Her voice was cheerful, without a sign of whatever expression had been on her face. ‘You’re late. I thought you park ranger types had to be up with the sun.’

‘I’ve never slept so well in my life.’ He poured himself coffee from the pot and put a couple of slices of bread into the toaster. ‘I thought you heiress types never did anything but lounge in bed eating bonbons.’

‘I’ve been exploring. And cleaning up. Those raccoons really have a talent for demolition.’

‘You should see what happens when the bears get involved.’ He sat beside her and pushed a strand of hair back from her face. ‘It’s not a good idea to let them get used to eating human food. I should have gotten up and scared them away last night, but I preferred to stay in bed with you.’

Zoe shrugged. ‘Well, it won’t kill them for one night.’

Nick noticed that the object in her hand was a set of car keys. ‘What are those?’

‘Xenia has a four-by-four in her garage. She must have kept it for using up here. I found the keys hanging in a kitchen cupboard.’

‘Well, that’ll be handy for you. Unless you were planning to have a New York cab shipped up here to make you feel more at home.’ The toast popped up and Nick got up. He slathered the toast with butter and had eaten a piece in four bites by the time he sat back down.

Zoe was still toying with the keys. ‘I also found a path through the woods that leads to your father’s trailer. He probably uses it to come to work.’

Nick had nearly polished off the other piece of toast. He put the last bite down. ‘Is he back yet?’

‘He wasn’t when I checked, but that was about two hours ago.’

Funny how he’d been so happy about being with Zoe that he’d completely forgotten the main reason why he was here.

‘I’ll go over in a little while,’ he said. ‘Meanwhile, I was very disappointed when I woke up and you weren’t still in bed, because I’d planned to begin this day by having sex with you. It’s not too late to go start again, though.’ He stood, smiling, and held out his hand to her.

She stood, too, but she didn’t take his hand. ‘You’re disappointing me, Giroux. You’re going to give up your obsession just like that, after driving all those miles in a circle? I thought you’d be down that path like a shot.’

She was right. He had to see his father; putting it off wouldn’t change anything. He nodded. ‘All right, let’s go, and we can go back to bed later.’

She didn’t return his smile, either. His melted away. ‘Zoe? Something wrong?’

‘It’s just the tension. Waiting for your dream to come true. Come on, let’s go find him and get this done.’

He followed her out of the house, banging the screen door behind them, and across the lawn. The path was broad enough for a four-wheeler or a snowmobile in the winter; Nick thought that his dad probably had one, or both, in his shed. It was certainly wide enough for him and Zoe to walk side by side, but she was striding ahead of him.

He quickened his steps to catch up with her. ‘Zoe, what’s wrong?’

‘I told you, everything’s fine.’ In the shafts of full sunlight filtering through the pine trees he could see that her face was pale.

‘Did you sleep?’

‘Not so great.’ She wasn’t looking at him, either, just walking fast. ‘It’s a lot shorter to your dad’s house by this path than by the road.’

‘How long have you been up?’

‘A while. I had a run. Hard to see the sunrise with all these trees so I went back towards town.’

Disquiet rolled inside Nick’s stomach. ‘There’s something you’re not telling me.’

Zoe stopped and held up her hand. ‘Listen. I think that’s your dad.’

He could hear the sound of a car ahead of them through the trees. They’d gone far enough so he reckoned that the path ended in a hundred yards or so. He couldn’t see the car, but it sounded as if it was pulling up in what would be his father’s driveway.

He strode forward, the noise of the car louder than the noise of the leaves and twigs underfoot, and the noise of his breath and heartbeat louder than any of it. Within seconds he could see the car through the trees, a beat-up blue pick-up. It stopped and Nick, after a couple more steps, stopped, too, still on the path just inside the tree line, half behind a bush and far enough away that he wouldn’t be immediately visible from the pick-up. He stood and watched.

The driver’s side opened and a man stepped out. He was wearing jeans and a flannel shirt and he was Nick’s dad.

Nick didn’t have to think about it, or catalogue features to recognise him. It wasn’t the instantaneous connection he’d wondered about, either. He just knew this man was his dad as he knew that a car was a car and the sun was the sun. His dad was tall and had brown hair with some grey in it, and he reached back into the truck and pulled out a plastic carrier bag.

‘That’s him,’ Zoe said beside him. He hadn’t heard her come up but he’d known she was there anyway, in the same way that he knew who this man was.

‘Yeah.’

‘Good. I’m glad you found him. That makes this easier.’ Zoe kissed his cheek, and then stepped back. ‘Good luck, Nick. It was nice knowing you.’

She turned and walked away.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

I
T MADE SO
little sense that Nick stood there for a moment as his brain stuttered. Only the sight of Zoe walking quickly away from him brought him back to life.

From his father’s driveway, he heard the truck door shut. He ran after Zoe and grabbed her shoulder, turning her around to face him.

‘What?’ he said.

‘I said good luck and it was nice knowing you. Go talk to your father, Nick, it’s what you want to do.’

‘And what are you doing?’

‘I’m going back to New York.’

He stared at her. Her jaw was set and her body was tense. Disbelief was making him numb, but already that numbness was fraying, giving way to something else.

‘You’re going back to New York and that’s all you have to say to me? Good luck? It was nice to know me?’

She pressed her lips together. ‘You’re right. I should have also said goodbye, and if you’re ever in NewYork again, give me a call.’

She tried to turn away from him again, but he didn’t let her. ‘Why?’ he asked, his voice hoarse.

‘I told you my reasons last night, remember? I’ve got a life in New York, and I like that life, and I’m going back to it.’