His for Now (His #2) (8 page)

He slipped two fingers into my slick pussy, finding me tight but soaked.  He immediately curled his fingers inside me, pressing them against the front wall of my sex.  I hissed when I felt his fingertips graze my g-spot, my entire body going rigid.  I knew I was past the point of all self-control.  Now, in this moment, I was completely and totally his.

My low, throaty moan became a whimper as my body clamped down on Hayden’s fingers and my clit began to spasm in ecstasy.  My entire body trembled, quivering as my sweet release overtook me.
 

As I came for him, Hayden continued to lap at my pussy with ferocity I’d never witnessed before.  The urgency and desperation I sensed in him caught me off guard.  And then there came a point where my body was simply too sensitive to continue to endure his oral attentions.  Flushed and panting, I pushed his head away.

He collapsed next to me, his head by my breast.  He was out of breath and his normally perfectly groomed hair was dishevelled, likely thanks to my hand tugging at it.  He gazed up at me silently as though trying to memorize every contour of my face.  Then he reached up and tried to take me in his arms to hold me like he used to.

“What about you?” I asked, pulling away as best I could.  I dodged his kiss because it was no longer an expression of raw, primal passion…at least it wasn’t for me.  Now that I’d been satiated, a kiss meant much more than “fuck me” – it meant things that I couldn’t
allow myself to feel.  Not again.

“Tonight’s all about you,” he said firmly despite the revealing and rather impressive bulge he was sporting.  “I don’t deserve you.”

“What if I want your cock?”

“Do you?”

“Yes.”  I knew he always got sleepy after sex.

He pounced on me then, as though that had been the cue he’d been waiting for all along.  Tearing his pants off, he was on top of me at once
, barely pausing to hastily put a condom on.  I felt him position the tip of his thick cock against my entrance and then he pushed, entering me in one deliberate, needful thrust.

Gasping, I was dimly aware of my handcuff clanking against the bedframe as I struggled against it before surrendering.  No matter how many times Hayden took me, I’d never get used to that initial invasion.  He always felt huge as he slid inside me, but the very entry that had once made an inexperienced virgin nervous now thrilled me.  There was nothing quite like being filled up, stretching to accommodate the girth of a man desperate to be inside me.

And it was clear that Hayden was desperate.

“I’ve missed this so much,” he murmured, his words muffled and his breath hot against my neck.  “I’ve missed
you
so much,” he groaned as he began to move on top of me.  I said nothing.  I couldn’t trust my voice.

I wrapped my legs around his waist, my body instinctually matching his rhythm as he had his way with me.  Just like that, I was raring to go again, my body coming to life with renewed sexual need.  He had that effect on me.

Like all good things, the sex had to come to an end.  And what an end it was, Hayden grunting as he held my hips steady and plowed into me.  I clenched my muscles tightly, something I’d come to do habitually to give him an extra jolt of pleasure.  He groaned in response and collapsed on top of me.

Then, after a brief recovery, his fingers were between our bodies searching out my clit.  He located the erect nub easily and began to rub it back and forth, causing me to whimper and buck against his softening cock.  Even though he’d already given me one orgasm, it didn’t take long for me to respond to him.  He seemed to know my body even better than I knew it myself,
always touching me in just the right way.

“Ooh,” I let out the breath I’d been holding with a whoosh as my pussy contracted around Hayden’s cock.  The second orgasm was less intense than the first but left me feeling completely relaxed, like I was floating on a cloud.  I closed my eyes momentarily and tried to pretend that things were different.

“Please, can I just hold you?” he asked suddenly, jolting me back to reality.

In the past, it was something he would have just done.  There would have been no need to ask for my permission because he implicitly knew he had it.  But that was before everything had blown up in our faces.  Now, he didn’t know how I felt about him and to be honest, neither did I.  Even though it would have been easiest to continue despising him, I wasn’t sure I did.

Now I was just scared of him, and afraid of power he held over my mind, body and heart. 

“Okay, I guess,” I said, because what else was there to say?

Before, his arms had felt like my safe place, strong and warm and inviting.  I’d loved nothing more than to cuddle up next to Hayden, my ear resting against his chest so I could listen to his heartbeat, my breasts two soft pillows pressed up against him so I could feel him breathe.  It was in those sacred moments after sex, no matter how kinky it had been, that I felt closest to him.

And as he took me in his arms, all of that came rushing back.

It felt like the life had been kicked out of me.  I’d been wrong.  Sex with Hayden had never just been sex; I’d been fooling myself to think that this time would be different.  I couldn’t separate my emotions from the physical act.  As far as I was concerned, they were one and the same…and the moment I’d allowed Hayden to take me in his arms, I’d made myself vulnerable again.

“You seem different.”

I was lying in Hayden’s arms unmoving, barely even breathing.  It was all I could do to maintain my composure and having him so close to me, studying me intently, wasn’t helping matters at all.  It was taking every ounce of willpower I had not to pull away.  But I couldn’t do that.  It would tip him off.

“It’s just been an, um, unusual day,” I assured him.  “That’s all.”

“That’s one way of putting it, I suppose.”  He inhaled deeply.  “Your hair smells so good,” he murmured.  “I can’t even begin to tell you how much I missed your scent, the way your skin tastes…”

His words hurt.  They hurt because I knew he meant them and they hurt because I knew what I was about to do.  I’d trifled for a moment, contemplating the alternative.  But then I’d come to my senses, remembering that I had a life and a career back in Burlington.  I couldn’t just hide out in a cabin with Hayden indefinitely
.  Clearly he was delusional.  I mean, he’d have to be, if he believed the strange stories he was spinning…

I’d told myself the sex would be meaningless.  Guys –
and more specifically
Hayden
, had meaningless sex all the time without batting an eye.  So why couldn’t I?  Being in such close physical proximity to him, despite the circumstances, had stirred up buried desires.  So I’d acted on my lust, eager for one last encounter with the man who would always be my first.

It had been a mistake.
  Meaningless sex, as it turns out, doesn’t work if you can’t keep it meaningless.  Hence the name, I guess.  Shocking, huh?

“
So I’m thinking we can leave,” Hayden murmured, his lips brushing my cheek.  “I’ve been my father’s pawn for far too long.  I want a life with you, Daniella.  I want to grow old with you.  We can get new identities and go anywhere you want.  You name the place and I’ll make it happen.  We’ll have to lie low for a few days while we wait for the new passports to come in, but after that…we can have a life together.”

The promises he was making, the dreams of a future together…he made it sound so real and plausible that for a moment I let myself drift away, caught up in the fantasy.  But then I snapped back to reality.

“Hayden.”

“What?”

“I have a life in Burlington,” I reminded him.  “It might not be the most exciting or eventful life – at least it wasn’t until now.  But it’s a life I’ve worked hard for.  I can’t just throw my career away.  Not when I’ve invested so much time and effort into it.”

I was trying my best to let him down easy because in spite of everything, I couldn’t stand the thought of hurting him any more than I had to.  But he just wasn’t biting.  It seemed he was so determined to carve out a future with me that he was willing to go to any lengths necessary to make it happen. 

He thought for a moment.  “If you want to keep teaching that could complicate things, but I’ll see what I can do.  You should probably lie low for a couple years so it doesn’t raise suspicion.  But after that, as long as we’re both careful…why can’t we make it work?  Maybe we can get a fake degree made up for you.”

Looking at him was difficult.  Here was such a gorgeous, charming man with the world at his fingertips…and yet his demons held him back from living a life with any meaning.  I’d recognized early on that he was haunted by something, but I hadn’t expected it to be mental illness.  His apparent delusions made me sad for both of us.

“I don’t want a fake degree,” I told him.  It wasn’t a lie but it wasn’t the whole truth either.  The fact of the matter was I couldn’t be with someone whose grasp of reality was so tenuous.  If he really thought that people were out to get him and that he was under surveillance, then his issues went deeper than what I’d be able to endure.  It was sad to admit, but I couldn’t help him.

“But you have a real degree,” he reminded me, still looking hopeful as though I might see reason and agree with him.  “It would just be the piece of paper that’s different, that’s all.”

“I want the real degree,” I insisted.  “I want the piece of paper that I earned.  I don’t want to hide it away in a drawer somewhere – I want to be able to hang it on my wall and be proud of it.  After all the work that went into getting it, I don’t think that’s asking too much.” 

That part was actually very much true.  My education was the accomplishment I was most proud of and, while technically a degree was just a piece of paper, to me it symbolized all the sacrifices I’d made to get it.  The idea of
purchasing a fake degree, no matter what the reason, just seemed cheap and dirty to me.

But the notion of getting a phony degree made up wasn’t what was bothering me the most.  It was what I’d planned next that terrified me, for multiple reasons.  I didn’t want to go through with it but I knew I needed to.
  I needed to stop trying to put off the inevitable, so I murmured something noncommittal to what Hayden said next and feigned a big yawn as I allowed my eyes to close.

“I love you,” he murmured.

Hearing those three words roll off his lips had at one time ignited such passion within me.  I’d been ecstatic to hear him utter that magical phrase.  But now it just hurt.  Part of me wished I could continue to doubt his sincerity, but the horrible truth was I believed he meant it.  And even worse, I still felt the same way.

Lying as still as a statue, I pretended I’d fallen asleep.  Hayden leaned over and kissed my forehead with such tenderness that it tore at my heartstrings.  Then I felt his body relax and heard his breathing regulate.  I waited a bit longer, counting to a thousand before cracking an eye open to look at him.  He was fast asleep.

Moving slowly so as to not waken him, I carefully reached for the shirt he’d stripped off and slipped my hand into the pocket.  My fingers closed around the small cold metal key that I’d seen him put in there.  Holding my breath, I quickly unlocked the handcuff that was keeping me chained to the bed. 

Cautiously, I got up.

It was lucky for me that Hayden slept so soundly after sex.  He’d told me once that he was a chronic insomniac.  He’d confessed, looking a little awed, that the only time he could truly relax and drift off was when I was next to him. 

As I rearranged my dishevelled clothes, I went over my escape plan in my head. 
I knew there were two agents from the security firm outside:  one on the road leading to the cabin and another one somewhere out back.  As long as I could slip outside undetected and make it past them, I had a pretty good chance of getting the hell out of there.  I hadn’t quite figured out what my next step would be, but I was industrious.  I’d figure something out.

In front of me, Hayden was sleeping like the dead.  He hadn’t stirred at all, and for that I was grateful. 
The coast was clear.  It almost seemed too easy.  This was my chance to go and I’d be stupid not to take it – yet I felt an inexplicable pull to stay.  I hesitated, drinking in the sight in front of me one last time.

Hayden looked so peaceful asleep on the bed.  He was normally so controlled and deliberate in every way.  I occasionally saw lapses, usually when he was turned on, but sometimes I felt like he only truly let his guard down when he slept. 
To see him vulnerable like that, so trusting of me, was deeply and inexplicably moving.

Once I left, I wasn’t sure when or if I’d see him again.  Despite my reservations, I was becoming surer and surer that his feelings for me were real.  Granted, I wasn’t the most experienced woman in the world
when it came to relationships, but I didn’t think it was possible to kiss like that without there being something deeper than animalistic urges at play.

What I was less sure about was the strange tale Hayden had told me.  It would explain a lot of things away, but there were so many holes in the story that I had troub
le accepting it as fact.  I suspected Hayden’s problems went deeper than I thought – so deep that I didn’t think I could be with him.