His Brother's Bride (13 page)

Nineteen

Dear Diary,

My heart is overflowing with so many thoughts and feelings. The first of which is my love for my dear husband. He kissed me tonight, and when he touched me, I thought surely I'd burn up from the inside out. Somehow, when little Adam came around, Cade and I ended up in a tickle chase that reminded me of childhood so long ago. But I have gotten ahead of myself.

Even as these wondrous feelings of love consume me, I am torn apart with guilt and shame. Today I received a letter from Uncle Stewart. He has put Nana in the asylum and threatened to keep her there unless I find the gold. So you see, dear Diary, I am in the most precarious of positions
.

While Cade has not professed his love for me, I have sensed it in his touch, in his glorious eyes. I can't for the life of me work up the courage to risk losing his trust. So I must continue that dreadful search tomorrow. My heart fights the thought. I want so much to go forward with our wonderful life here. Cade and Adam have become my precious family, yet Nana needs my help. My heart cries out for the injustice done against her.

It is only because of Mara that I can continue the search without going against Cade's order that Adam stay out of the caves. She has agreed to help me, though she says I should tell Cade the truth.

Oh, Diary, my heart longs to do exactly that, but I just can't risk losing his love when I have longed for it for so long. So tomorrow I will search again, and may God help me find it quickly for all our sakes.

Cade let the diary fall to his lap, his eyes stinging with tears. His heart pummeled his ribs as relief washed over him.
Thank You, Jesus.
Even though there was no clue about her whereabouts, at least her feelings for him, for Adam, were there in black ink for him to see. He suddenly felt like a doubting Thomas, needing to see proof in order to believe.

He reread the words of love, feeling warmth flow through him. She had deceived him, she had made wrong choices, but she loved him. His wife loved him, and he wanted to jump onto the rooftop and shout it to the world. She hadn't wanted to lie and keep secrets from him. She'd felt she had to for her grandmother's sake. It was just as Mara had said.

He heard a rooster crow and looked toward the window. The sun would be rising soon, and he would be able to search for Emily. He thumbed through the pages of the diary, reading excerpts, hoping for some clue as to where she was. Her words were balm for his soul, a glimpse of the woman he'd known all along. A woman who had become mother to his son, keeper of his heart.

Even though her words brought him comfort, they provided no information as to her whereabouts. It was all up to Adam. But would his son remember the way they'd gone?

He stopped right there on the foot of the bed and whispered a prayer for Emily's safety. His gut twisted at the thought of her lying on the cold cave floor in pain. Was she even conscious now? What if it were already too late?

He wouldn't allow himself to think like that. Dropping the diary on the bed, he went to gather the supplies he and Clay would need. By the time he saddled up, the first light should be chasing away the darkness.

❧

When he arrived at the Stedmans', Clay and Adam were ready to go. His son gave him a hug and turned wet eyes toward him. “We have to find her, Pa.”

Cade patted him on the back. “We will, Son.”

Mara waved them off, then Cade spoke to Adam, who was snuggled against his belly. “Can you remember anything? You left here yesterday and went in this direction right?”

“I think so.”

Cade sighed and exchanged a glance with Clay. “Do you remember anything at all about the cave?” Cade asked. “Think hard, it's important.”

“I wasn't supposed to go inside it. Ma said so. She said to play near the doorway where she could keep her eye on me.”

She'd made him play outside where he would be safe. She'd tried to keep her word to him. The thought tightened his gut.

It was then he noticed his Adam sniffling. “It'll be all right; we'll find her.” He wrapped his arm tightly around his son.

“If I'd a listened, maybe Ma wouldn't be dying.”

The word struck something deep within him. He stopped Sutter and turned Adam in his arms, shaking his shoulders. “Now you listen here. Your ma's not dying. She's not.” The ache in his throat cut off his words.

Everything went still around them as Cade watched his son blink back tears, his little chin quivering.

Cade gentled his voice. “We'll find her. Everything's going to be fine, you understand?”

Adam's head bobbed against Cade's chest. He met Clay's gaze and saw his friend blinking hard, his jaw clenched tightly.

They headed in the general direction Mara had told them about, bringing their horses to a gallop. It seemed Adam wouldn't be able to help them find the cave, and he really shouldn't have expected it of a young boy anyway. When they neared the first cave they'd searched the previous night, the mammoth one, Adam perked up.

“I've been here!”

Cade's heart did a heavy flop. “Is this the cave, Adam? Is this where you and Emily came yesterday?”

Adam shook his head. “Not yesterday. We got lost in there.”

His hopes shriveled up like a decaying leaf. What if they never found her? What if it were already too late? No, he wouldn't think it.

He looked at Adam who'd perked up, sitting straight up on the horse, looking around with a frown puckered between his brows. Maybe he could jog his son's memory.

“Tell me what the area looked like, where you were yesterday. Outside the cave, where you were playing. . .”

He shrugged. “It was a big grassy field, and there was a cliff. That's where the cave was.”

It was nothing more than he'd said the night before. “What were you playing with?”

“My soldiers. The bad guys were behind the tree, and the good guys came and got 'em.
Pow, pow, pow!”

Beside him, Clay ran a hand through his hair. “Why don't we split up? I can go a ways south—”

“Wait a minute,” Cade said. Hadn't Adam said twice now he'd been in a grassy meadow? And then he said there was a tree. It was probably nothing, but. . . “Adam, were there lots of trees? You said it was a field before.”

“No, there was just one. It was shaped funny too.”

“Shaped funny, how?”

He scrunched up his eyes. “Ma said it was a. . .school tree. . .or some such.”

“A school tree?” Clay asked.

Adam shrugged. “Somethin' like that. It was like this.” He put his forearms together, letting his hands branch out.

“A schoolmarm tree,” Cade said.
A schoolmarm tree. In a meadow, by a cliff.
His heart pounded like a fist inside his chest. “I know where she is.”

They rode hard all the way there. Cade's heart felt as if it were thumping as fast and hard as the horses' hooves. It had to be the right place. He'd noticed the tree several times before because it didn't split into two trunks until a good ways up, and he'd always thought it looked like a giant slingshot.

He'd never noticed a cave there in the cliff, but if the entrance was as small as Adam was saying, it was no wonder.

He whispered a prayer, his heart in his throat.

“That's it!” Adam called. “There's the tree!” His voice carried away on the wind.

They pulled up to the tree, and Cade dismounted before Sutter reached a full stop, steadying Adam as he did.

“It's over there.” Adam pointed.

Cade ran for the child-sized hole, and Clay was close behind. It was a squeeze getting through and once he did, the dimness of the cave prevented him from seeing much but the rubble at his feet.

“Get a lantern,” he said to Clay. His eyes adjusted to the darkness, and he carefully made his way through the rubble. “Emily?”

Then he saw her—lying facedown several feet away. Her hair was gray with dirt and gravel, and she lay as still as a corpse.

“Emily!” He rushed to her side, a knot the size of cannonball forming in his throat. Why wasn't she moving? Why wasn't she answering? Dread welled up quick and heavy, and his heart sank like a stone.

Twenty

A sudden light burst in front of Emily, and she wondered if she were in heaven. A sharp stab of pain relieved her of that notion. She moaned.

“Emily.”

She felt someone's hands caressing her face, and she opened her eyes. Blinking against the bright light, she saw a person kneeling beside her. Then she recognized him. “Cade,” she whispered. Her parched throat protested.

“It's going to be all right.” He asked Clay to go after the doc. “Take Adam with you, will you?”

At his words, she felt relief that Adam had found his pa. She shivered, her body starting odd little tremors that made her leg move and pained her something awful.

“Adam,” she whispered.

“He's fine.” His voice sounded odd. “I'm going to try to move the rock.”

She nodded her head, and the bits of gravel dug into her face with the movement. She sensed him moving toward her feet and braced herself.

“This is going to hurt.”

Already the pain had taken her under at least twice. She wondered how much time had passed since—

The weight came off her leg, and searing pain ripped through her. She choked back the scream that came up in her throat.
Please, Lord Jesus, please help me!

A wave of blackness flooded through her, and she fought it with all her will. Her other leg moved restlessly as if it could carry her away from the throbbing limb.

She heard Cade saying something through the fog of pain, and she struggled to focus.

“Doc'll be here soon,” he was saying.

Suddenly she wanted to release the tears she'd held for however long she'd lain in this dark chamber. She wanted Cade to take her in his arms and tell her everything was all right.

“It's broken, for sure,” he said. “Try to lie still.”

As if she could do anything else. She tried to say it, but her tongue felt like it was pasted to the roof of her mouth. “Thirsty.”

Cade got up and left, and she felt a sea of hysteria closing over her at the thought of being alone again. Her breath came in shallow puffs. The pain actually seemed worse now that the weight was off. Moments later, he returned and held a canteen to her lips. She drank eagerly of the cool water, though half of it dribbled down her chin and cheek and dripped onto the dirt.

“Be right back.” He left her again, and she felt stung once again at his detached tone. Of course he was upset. Worse than upset, and he had a right to be. Hadn't she taken his son where he'd told her not to? Risked his very life with her disobedience?

He must be furious with her. She deserved a broken leg. Why if the boulder had fallen on Adam—she didn't want to think about it. But Cade must have. He blamed her for this, and well he should. How would he ever trust her with Adam again?

It seemed like an eternity before he returned with a blanket and spread it over her wordlessly. She wished he would say something. Hot tears leaked from her eyes and seeped into the soil under her cheek. She'd been so foolish to bring Adam here. Why hadn't she seen it then?

“I'm sorry,” she whispered. “I'm so sorry.”

“Hush, now.”

A clatter outside drew Cade's attention, and she felt alone and cold when he left her again, despite the heavy blanket.

The tremors started again, shooting pain up her leg in fiery darts. She blinked against the pain and tried to call out to Cade, but her lips moved vainly.

The last thing she heard was Doc Hathaway's voice.

❧

Someone was crying and moaning quietly. A low, rumbly voice talked in soothing tones.

A stab of pain brought her fully alert, and she smothered the scream in her throat. Bright lantern light flickered on the armoire at her feet. She was at home in her room.

Doc Hathaway. Cade.

“That oughta do it,” the doctor said to Cade.

She looked down at her leg and saw it was splinted. Then she noticed her skirt was pulled clear up to her knee exposing her healthy leg which had ugly blue bruises and several scrapes. Her face grew warm, and she wished she could reach down and cover herself.

“Ah, Mrs. Manning, you're back with us,” Doc Hathaway said. An opening in his gray beard exposed his tight smile. To her relief, he pulled the bed's cover up over her legs. “You're going to be just fine. Lucky your husband found you. I've got you all set here and have given you something for the pain.”

“Thank you,” she whispered.

He smiled and began putting his things in his black bag.

Cade came close, and it was then that she became aware that her face was wet. Tears. She remembered the moaning and crying she'd heard upon awakening and realized it had been her. What had she said in her delirium? Judging from the expression on Cade's face, she'd said something she shouldn't have. No doubt he was still angry.

“I'm so sorry, Cade.” Whatever she'd revealed, she owed him an apology. A million apologies. “I know I shouldn't have taken Adam to the cave.” How could she even explain why she'd done it without exposing everything about the gold and her uncle?

He nodded. “I already know. About everything—”

“Well,” Doc Hathaway said, “I'll be going now. Cade, if I can speak with you a moment.”

With one glance back toward her, Cade followed the doctor from the room even as Emily's entire being froze with fear. He knew about the loot. About everything, he'd said.
No wonder he was so distant when he found her. He must've gotten the truth from Mara.

Fresh tears welled up in her eyes and clogged her throat. He knew she'd married him only for the gold. He knew she'd used him. She'd found the treasure she'd searched for, but in doing so she had lost what she valued most of all. Her husband's love. He would never have her now. How could he?

And Adam. She would lose the boy she'd come to love as her own son. She put her hands over her face at the realization. An ache, thick and heavy started in her belly at the thought of losing the two people she'd come to love so dearly. Would he turn her away from his home? It was what she deserved.

Others knew where the gold was now, and it would likely be returned to the bank it had been stolen from. How would she save Nana now?
Father, I've made such a mess of things. Why didn't I ask You for guidance? I took it all in my own hands and didn't give You a chance to direct me. And now look what I've done.

❧

Downstairs, Cade listened to nary a word Doc said about medical instructions. But it hardly mattered since he was scrawling it all on a tablet of paper for Cade.

All he could think about was his wife, lying upstairs in her bed. The most pitiful look had come over her face when he'd told her he knew about everything. He felt awful that he hadn't had time to set her mind at ease before the doctor had called him from the room. Fact was, he hadn't wanted to talk of the loot at all until she was in a better frame of mind. But her mindless ramblings and tears had gotten to him. He could see she was tormented with the secrets she'd held from him. He'd only wanted to set her mind at ease.

When he'd seen her leg in the cave, all purple and blue and bent in a place that had no business bending, he'd wanted to cry himself. But he'd had to be strong for her. He'd seen she was suffering something awful. And as much as he'd wanted to take her in his arms and smother her with kisses, he couldn't deny the guilt he'd felt at having read her diary, at having been privy to her innermost thoughts.

Besides, he'd been afraid to touch her, afraid the slightest movement would pain her even more. He'd been mighty grateful when Doc had given her the morphine.

He looked up the stairs, eager to go check on her, to put her mind at ease about everything. Maybe she was even sleeping soundly now, what with the medicine she had in her.

“Should be about it,” Doc was saying as he picked up his bag.

Cade ushered him to the door, thanking the man for his care before heading up the stairs to his wife.

❧

Emily smothered a yawn and forced her eyes to stay open. Despite all the turmoil going on within her, she felt like she could sleep twelve hours.
Must be the medicine.

Then she heard sounds outside her door and realized someone was coming up the stairs. Cade, she knew, from the heavy, confident thuds. She wiped her face dry, her heart in her throat. Was he coming to tell her it was over? Would he ask her to leave and never come back?

The door opened, and her husband entered. She absorbed him with her gaze, trying desperately to read him.

He approached the bed. “Doc's gone.”

She nodded, her heart pummeling her ribs. The edge of the bed sank as he sat carefully, slowly. A strand of his dark hair hung alongside his stubbled cheek. How could she lose this man, her beloved Cade? Her eyes stung with tears.

“How's your leg feel?”

She was taken back that he still cared enough to ask. “It's not paining much really.”

“Good. Doc left more medicine for you when you need it.”

The room grew so quiet she could almost hear her fearful heart beating.

“I have some things I need to tell you,” he said.

She nodded, unable to speak past the knot that clogged her throat. She must be strong. She mustn't make him feel guilty for his decision. It would only make things harder on him, and she deserved everything she got. She sat as straight as she could against the pillows and steeled herself.

“Last night,” he said, “we searched for you for a long time. Adam couldn't find the cave in the dark, and Clay and I. . .well, we did the best we could.” He clenched his jaw.

Emily wondered where he was going with this. Her gaze took in his precious face, and she wanted so badly to touch his cheek one last time.

“When we quit for the night, I went back to the Stedmans' and asked Mara some questions. As I said before, I know everything about the loot and your grandmother. About your uncle's plan to get the loot back through you.”

He met her gaze just then, and she was shamed by his knowledge. She tucked her chin, and her gaze found the worn quilt. “I'm so sorry,” she whispered.

He was quiet so long she wondered if he were going to speak again. Finally, he did. “After that, I came back home. I was angry and I couldn't sleep. I got to thinking maybe the map was in your room someplace, and maybe I could figure out where you were.”

She shook her head. “I took it with me.”

“I know. I didn't find the map, but I found some other things.”

She met his gaze, and his blue-green eyes flickered with something she couldn't identify.

“Your uncle's letters and. . .and your diary.”

Her heart did an awkward flop. If he read the letters, he really did know everything. But her diary had private thoughts. Thoughts about him. Her face flooded with heat as she recalled specific things she'd written about her husband.

“I read all the letters—enough to know the sort of man your uncle is.” His jaw clenched again, and she wondered if the anger she saw was directed at only her uncle or at her too.

Then he took her hand, and she thought her heart might up and quit right then. What was that shining in his eyes? Dare she hope that—

“I did read a few pages of your diary, and I'm real sorry for poking around in your private things, but. . .” His eyes narrowed with fervency. “You have to understand how confused I was. I was so angry. I felt used. I thought you'd been pretending with me—”

“Pretending?” Her heart caught.

He looked at their joined hands. “I thought you were just using me to get at the loot. That everything was a lie. That your feelings for me were false.”

“No. No, that's not true.”

He looked at her then. “I know that now. And I can't say as I'm really sorry about reading your diary either. Because if I hadn't, I wouldn't have believed the truth.”

Her blood fairly burned with the velvety heat that flowed through her. “I'm not either.” And she realized she meant the words. Who cared if he'd read her innermost thoughts if they'd proven her feelings true?

“I was going to tell you something last night, if you recall.”

She remembered the embrace they'd shared before she went off to the cave.
Tonight, when Adam's in bed. . .I got some things I want to tell you.
It seemed so long ago, like so many things had gone wrong between then and now. Yet, here her husband was, sitting inches away from her with the same gleam of love in his eyes.

He wet his lips, and she noted how dry her own throat was. “When I married you, as you know, it was to be a marriage of convenience,” he said.

His gaze sought confirmation, and she nodded.

“At the beginning, I fought any sort of relationship between us. I guess I was afraid after losing Ingrid and all.”

“That's understandable.”