His and Hers and Hers (12 page)

“Tell me what?” Cassie found it hard to speak through her tight throat. She was humbled to be in the presence of so much love, and to think that a little of it rubbed off on her.

Ky took Jordan’s hand and gave Cassie her other one. Her face shone with the eagerness of a child offering a loved one a handmade gift. “We want you to move in, Cass. We want you to come live with us.”

Cassie felt her face stiffen with shock. She saw Ky’s enthusiasm shrivel, saw Jordan’s warm expression turn to one of puzzlement. She knew they were waiting for an answer, but her tongue was frozen to the roof of her mouth.

Gently she freed her hand from Kyla’s and wiped her damp palm on her thigh. “Wow, you guys. Wow, that’s…I’m flattered.” Her mind a blank, she flailed helplessly for words. “I mean, that’s so nice of you…”

“Nice?” Kyla said. “We’re not doing it to be nice. We love you.”

“I—” Oh, God, why had it come to this? Cassie knew what they wanted to hear from her:
I love you too
. But the same old doubt enveloped her, the same fear.
Did
she love them? Could she love anyone? She was so out of practice.

She tried playing it off as a joke. “Guys, I think you’re just feeling too much Christmas spirit.”

“What’s that mean?” Kyla demanded. Jordan put a hand on her arm to calm her.

God, she was blowing this. She tried to sound cool and sensible to hide her panic. “I mean, it’s a lovely offer. But we shouldn’t rush things.”

Their skeptical expressions told her they weren’t impressed by her reasoning. “Everything’s going well, so why change? You two have been together a long time. You’ve got your routine down pat. You don’t need me around, messing with it.”

“Maybe that’s exactly what we want,” Kyla said, her tone serious.

“Yeah.” Jordan gave her one of his patented lopsided smiles, but it was tinged with disappointment. “Ky and I have turned into a couple of old fogies; we need someone to shake us up a little.”

Cassie tried to smile, but her facial muscles felt flaccid and weak. “Let’s just take some time and think about it.”

Kyla’s eyebrows lowered, and she opened her mouth as though to argue, but kept silent when Jordan gave her arm a gentle squeeze. “It’s Cassie’s decision, Ky. If she needs time, we have to give it to her.”

Kyla was not one to give in without a fight, and the struggle to keep silent showed in her face. “All right,” she said at last.

Cassie lifted her glass and swallowed her last mouthful of wine. She hated disappointing them, letting them down, but she didn’t have the courage to give them the answer they wanted.

Because the L-word was a jinx. Every person she’d ever loved, she’d lost.

Chapter Ten

The three of them spent Christmas Day at Jordan’s parents’ house. Though they tried to pretend all was well, a pall had been cast over the holiday, and Cassie knew she was to blame.

She’d avoided Thanksgiving with the Brougham clan, but there was no way she could avoid being there today. Jordan and Kyla refused to go without her, though she’d spent any number of holidays on her own in the past. In the end, it wasn’t worth making a fuss.

At Jordan’s parents’ house, all the siblings, spouses, and offspring were present. “Uncle Jordan” was a particular hit with the children, a dab hand at coaxing smiles from grumpy toddlers and cradling sleeping infants. Cassie loved seeing this side of him.

It was a happy, noisy, chaotic day filled with eating and drinking, opening gifts, and plenty of the teasing that goes on in a big family. Finally the party wound down, and parents of the littlest children headed home to put their sleepy ones to bed. Cassie helped Ms. Brougham clear the table.

In the kitchen, Jordan’s sister Jilly leaned against the counter. “Holidays suck.”

“Jillian!” Mrs. Brougham frowned at her from the sink. “What way is that to talk?”

“Big whoop, Christmas. We women do all the cooking, serving, and cleaning up. How is that a holiday?”

“Oh, stop complaining. How taxing is it to load a dishwasher?”

Cassie couldn’t help but smile at the face Jilly pulled.

“Sure. Mommy’s little helper is hard at work while my lunkhead brothers sit on their asses all day expecting to be waited on.”

“Jillian.” Mrs. Brougham’s mouth pursed in disapproval. “Language.”

“Whatever, Mom.”

“Let me take care of the dishes,” Cassie said. “I don’t mind.” She was happy to help—and to be away from the curious looks of remaining family members. Though everyone was polite to her, it was hard not to feel out of place as the only one who didn’t belong.

“Thanks, Cass!” Jilly made her escape before her mother could stop her.

That left her alone with Mrs. Brougham. Kyla was playing pool with a couple of Jordan’s brothers, and Jordan was talking with his dad. Jordan’s mother rinsed the dishes while Cassie loaded the dishwasher.

They worked for a few moments in awkward silence before Mrs. Brougham cleared her throat. “So tell me, Cassie. Did you grow up in Rosemont?”

“Oh, no, I uh—” How to explain her past to this pleasant, well-meaning woman? “No, I grew up in western New York. Not far from Buffalo.”

“Ah. I was just curious. Generally people spend the holidays with their families. Are your parents still there?”

“Not as far as I know.” Cassie winced as she heard how abrupt she sounded.

“Oh.” Mrs. Brougham blinked at Cassie’s tone as well as her strange answer. Well, if she was surprised now, just imagine how shocked she’d be if she knew that Cassie had no idea of their whereabouts.

There was no more conversation. Mrs. Brougham wiped her hands on a dishcloth. “I think there are still a few more dishes out there. Excuse me while I just…” She trailed off as she left the kitchen.

Cassie made short work of loading the dishwasher and went to check for anything still left on the dining room table. She halted as she heard Jordan’s voice from the hall. “What are you talking about, Mom?”

“Well, I just don’t understand why she’s here. I realize she’s Kyla’s friend, but Christmas is a family occasion—”

“Wait a minute. She’s my friend too. What’s the problem?”

A rush of emotion welled up in her for the way Jordan defended her. Her throat tightened painfully.

“Well, all right. I understand you want to be kind, but she’s such a strange thing. How can she not know where her parents are? What happened? Did they disown her?”

“Mom, that’s none of our business. Why do you need an explanation, anyway?”

“Well, I’m sorry. But she must have done something. Why would anybody walk away from their family?”

Without thinking, Cassie stepped into the hallway. Her entire body felt stiff and wooden. “That’s a very good question.”

Jordan and his mother turned, both their faces mirroring surprise. But no more surprised than she was to hear herself speak. “I’ve wondered about that myself for years. Why would someone walk away from their family? Their child? I don’t know. Maybe because they love crack more than their own kid? Because they’re weak and selfish? Because they’re sick and can’t help themselves? What do you think?”

She didn’t wait for an answer. Mrs. Brougham’s mouth moved soundlessly, like that of a goldfish.

“But when you’re a kid, you don’t think about those things. You think maybe it was something you did. Maybe you were bad, and that’s why Mommy and Daddy went away. That’s why strange people come and take you away to live with your grandma. Then you get older, and your grandma dies, and people come again and put you in another home. And another. And you still wonder if it’s your fault.”

Cassie flashed a glance at Jordan. His green eyes were soft with sympathy and love. Her throat constricted so painfully she had to look away.

“Walking away’s not even the worst thing people do. They come back. When they’re trying to get sober and are full of promises. How you’ll all be together…someday. Be a family. But they get messed up again and drop off the face of the earth. So you hate them. And you love them. You wish they’d come back, and you hope you never see them again. And you learn you can’t trust anybody.”

“I—I didn’t—” Mrs. Brougham’s face turned bright red as she choked on her words. Cassie almost felt sorry for her. Almost.

“So I guess you
could
say my parents disowned me. What terrible thing do you think I did when I was a four-year-old to make them do that?”

“Cass.” Jordan’s voice was soft. “Cassie. Don’t.”

She started to shake. “Excuse me.” Her words sounded garbled, as though she spoke through a mouthful of slush. She couldn’t look at Jordan, couldn’t bear to see his pity.

She was still trembling as she rushed down the hallway, almost colliding with Kyla, who emerged from the bathroom. “Hey.” Ky’s smile faded when she saw Cassie’s face. “What’s the matter?”

“I have to go,” Cassie said.

“What happened?” Kyla followed her into the bedroom and closed the door.

“I just made a scene at a family party. That’s all. I don’t belong here.”

“Of course you do.” Kyla’s expression grew thunderous. “Did somebody say something? Who was it? Diane?”

Heat flooded Cassie’s face at the perceptiveness of the guess. But she wouldn’t give Kyla any more reason to dislike Jordan’s mother. “It’s nothing. I just went off and made a fool of myself.” The room was hot, and Cassie felt as if she were suffocating. She frantically rummaged through the garments piled on top of the bed. “Where’s my coat?”

“
You
went off? Cass, I’ve never seen you go off on anybody. Diane must have said something really shitty. If you won’t tell me, I’ll just have to go and ask her.” Kyla’s chin jutted forth in defiance.

Cassie caught her arm. “Don’t you dare.” She wasn’t going to be responsible for any dissension between Jordan and his family. Kyla was just angry enough to blurt out something truly damaging. Close-knit they might be, but Cassie doubted the Broughams would take kindly to learning of their son’s alternative lifestyle. “I’ve already stirred up enough trouble. Don’t make it worse.”

Kyla’s smirk was grim. “Wish I coulda seen Diane’s face when you lost your shit.”

“Not funny, Ky.” Cassie at last found her coat and pulled it from the bed. “I’m leaving. Please make some excuse for me. And from now on, you and Jordan should come to these events strictly as a twosome. I’ll stay home.”

Kyla began to search for her own coat. “I’m leaving with you.”

“Kyla, please—”

“No, I’m not going to stay here after the way they’ve treated you—”

“It’s not a big deal.”

“Listen up.” Kyla closed the gap between them and put her hand up to Cassie’s cheek. “When somebody hurts you, it
is
a big deal.” Their lips were only inches away. Cassie’s nostrils tingled as they were flooded with Ky’s scent. Cinnamon.

Kyla pressed her mouth to Cassie’s. What started as a kiss of comfort soon blazed into one of desire. Kyla threw her arms around Cassie as their tongues softly stroked and played.

The bedroom door opened, and Jordan stepped in. “Cassie, we’re—” He stopped short as Cassie and Kyla broke apart.

Mrs. Brougham was right behind her son. She stared at them openmouthed, her eyes round with shock. “Oh my…” She whirled away and stumbled back out the door.

Cassie and Kyla were immobile, as though someone had shouted
Freeze
. They exchanged looks of horror.

Panic zapped through Cassie like a live wire, sending her heart rate rocketing. Her legs told her to run, but her conscience wouldn’t let her move. She couldn’t let Kyla face the wrath of the entire Brougham clan by herself. And what about Jordan?

She looked at him, pleading silently for forgiveness, as his expression turned from surprise to anger.

“What the hell were you thinking, making out in here where anyone can walk in?” he demanded. “Couldn’t you even wait till we got home?”

“For fuck’s sake, it was nothing like that,” Kyla said.

“Yeah, well, what was it, then?”

There was no time to answer as both of Jordan’s parents appeared in the doorway. Cassie’s stomach bottomed out.

Mrs. Brougham held her chest as though she feared a heart attack. Her husband’s face was so stony it looked like it might crack at any moment.

He spoke. “You need to leave our home.”

Cassie and Kyla flashed each other a look. Did he mean one or both of them?

Jordan’s father thundered like Moses on the mount. “We welcomed you into our home.” His gaze burned into Cassie. “You sat at our table, played with our grandchildren, and now you disrespect us with this…this behavior.”

“Wait a minute,” Kyla began. Cassie’s tongue was stuck to the roof of her mouth.

“I don’t care if you’re a lesbian,” Mr. Brougham went on as though Ky weren’t there. “What you do in your bedroom is your business. But when my son befriends you, and you repay his kindness by trying to seduce his…”

“His what?” Kyla demanded. “His lover? His paramour? His scarlet woman? Come on, Joe, spit it out!”

“Kyla, stop.” Cassie directed her next words to Jordan’s parents. “I’m very sorry, Mr. Brougham. Mrs. Brougham. I didn’t mean to disrespect you. I’ll leave right now.”

“Wait a minute. No.” Kyla whirled on the Broughams. “She wasn’t
seducing
me.
I
kissed
her
, get it?”

Mrs. Brougham gasped in shock.

Ky rolled her eyes. “Oh please, spare us the dramatics. I’ve kissed Cassie plenty of times. And done a lot more with her too.”

“You cheated on our son?” Jordan’s father asked. “With another woman?”

A little smirk danced on Kyla’s lips. “It’s not cheating if everyone’s in on it.”

The Broughams stared at her, thunderstruck, unable to process what she’d told them.

The showdown in the bedroom caught some attention from others in the family. A cluster of siblings and their spouses formed in the hallway. “What’s going on?” someone asked.

Mrs. Brougham winced and turned away. Mr. Brougham’s mouth thinned. “Your mother—”

Kyla finished the sentence. “Your mother walked in on me and Cassie kissing.”

“And what do you have to say?” Jordan’s father snapped at him. “This woman and your girlfriend are having an affair—”