Hilda - Snow White revisited (18 page)

Hilda was picking her teeth with her wand as the
paintjob came to an end. She got up, made the chair vanish and came
up to the house. "So, happy now?"

"Yes!", said the house, "I feel brand new again.
The door is open, but mind the paint, it could still be wet."

"Yeah, yeah, and I'll wake up with a headache
the coming days because of the smell of it..."

"You are kidding me, girlfriend." Baba Yaga's
voice rang with disbelief.

"No, ma'am," Hilda said, "he knocked me out
cold. Not for long but still, it's a disgrace how they treat us
witches these days."

"But knowing you, he didn't get away with that
unscathed, I dare hope?" Baba Yaga's face shone with anticipation
of what had to come.

"You know me, Babs. I did the nice and friendly
thing, and just before they were heading out I gave him a taste of
the rock hand. Kapow."

Baba Yaga's cackle reverberated through the
room. "Subtle as ever, that's my Hilly."

"It's a gift," said Hilda. "So now I am cooking
up some of the wedding preparations. And as I was working on those
I thought that it would be the polite thing to invite you to the
wedding."

"A wedding? Me? Hilda, that's been centuries
ago."

"About time then, don't you think? Just put on
your best slinky, or bring something cool and colourful, as you are
into those things these days. They'll love it."

Baba Yaga still wasn't convinced. "You
sure?"

"Hey, girlfriend, basically I am the one who got
these two kids together, so they owe me one. Or two. You get
yourself over there for the wedding. I don't take no for an
answer."

"Right, then I'll give you a maybe, and no more
discussion."

"Cool puppies. We'll talk again, Babs, I still
have some things to attend to. Have a good one, kiddo!"

The light in the crystal ball faded.

"Sheesh, why is she always so worked up about
public appearances," Hilda muttered.

Several days had gone by since that
crystal-balled conversation. Wedding invitations had been sent out,
received, RSVP'd and appreciated. Hilda had arranged for one to go
to Baba Yaga also, and with some magical persuasion it made it
there in time.

On Hilda's advice, the name of Snow-White had
been left off the invitations, she was only referred to as the
'lovely bride to be'.

"There is no reason why we should alert dear
stepmom that Snow-White is still alive," she had told the happy
couple. "If she gets wind of that, she might go for the heavy
artillery and level this entire castle in her urge to be the most
pretty one."

After all that had happened, the couple could
only agree.

Hilda had also had another meeting with Walt, in
which she outlined the change of plan. Walt did not like that, but
as things were the way they were, there was little he could do
about it. Even a king of his size had to bend his crowned head
circumstance. "Okay, okay," he had sighed, "I'll think of a nice
wedding present." Then all of his face had lit up: "And I may be
able to supply some entertainment also!"

Hilda had no idea what the man was talking
about, but a smiling king was a useful king, she thought, so she
had left him to work out the details of his plan.

The queen had eyed the invitation suspiciously.
"Do you have any clue who the girl is?"

Walt had shook his head. "Doesn't say a name,
does it? Louie and I aren't the fattest buddies around, so the card
is a surprise for me too.

The mean queen glared at the king's rather
bulging belly, but had to agree that Walt and Louie were not the
closest of old chums.

And then came the big day. The day that
Snow-White and prince Jordan, son of king Louie, were getting
married.

All the streets in Louie's realm had been wiped
clean, the entire kingdom was one flurry of colourful banners,
flags and pictures of prince Jordan and a veiled bride, as no one
had been informed about the name or origin of the princess that had
gotten their prince. The official streetcleaning guild was already
sighing as they beheld the amounts of confetti and other well-meant
junk was going over the counters in the festivity-shops.

Guests from every kingdom around had shown up,
all in their most festive and magnificent outfits. Many of the
dresses were especially tailored for this wedding, as such
occasions did not come by every year, due to a lack of princes and
princesses falling in love enough to tie the knot.

Oh, there was no shortage of princes or
princesses. The main problem was that they usually did not live
closeby. And the ones who did live close to each other were not
allowed to marry most of the time, as they were brothers and
sisters. Of course, there were some well-guarded, hidden chronicles
that mentioned slip-ups of this rule, but hardly anybody knew about
those. This shows that hiding and guarding chronicles works quite
well.

Weddings like these were considered royal
matchmakers, as these happenings were the perfect stage for
marriageable members of the jet-set to meet.

Hilda had dressed very abundantly for the day.
She had put on a terrific crimson dress which ended very high above
the knee. It also started very far below her shoulders. High-heeled
shoes in the same shade of crimson, and ditto gloves upto her
elbows. Crimson streaks in her hair completed her attire. For the
occasion she had flown in on, what a surprise, a crimson broom.

"Uhm, Grimhilda?"

Hilda was leaning over a bit, peeking through
the curtains that were present everywhere in the large hall where
the marriage ceremony would take place. She looked back, seeing
nobody, so she was about to return to taking inventory of the
assembled guests, when the voice spoke again.

"Down here, Grimhilda."

She looked downwards and saw all seven dwarfs
look up at her, obviously enjoying the view. As they had taken such
good care of Snow-White, they had been invited to the party as
well.

"Oh, it's you. Oh!!" Quickly she stood up
straight and turned around to face the group. Without
premeditation, her cheeks coloured red also, which clashed quite
violently with the crimson of her clothes. "Hey guys, what can I do
for you?" Unwillingly she held her hands over the lower part of her
dress.

As the grins faded, Doc asked her where they
should be when the bride and groom would enter the hall.

"Heck, I don't know. Just mingle and be careful
that nobody steps on you. What do you do on weddings?"

"We get plastered," Happy said, looking happy at
the prospect.

"You're in luck then. There is a large buffet
with food and drinks planned for after the ceremony."

"After?" Severe disappointment.

"Sorry guys, you'll have to wait. Come, let's go
in and find a good place to watch from." Hilda grabbed her crimson
broom, went upwards on it and carefully maneuvered her way through
the curtains. She did not notice the attempts of the dwarfs to
strain their necks and eyes.

The ceremonial hall was huge as in very, very
large. Its white marble floor was almost a mirror, so well-polished
was it. All the way up to the ceiling were marble pillars and
columns, looking as if they were made of white, grey and black
swirls. From the regular entrance of the hall to the spot where the
marriage was to take place, lay a large red carpet, meticulously
cleaned. To each side there were nice comfortable chairs for all
the guests, including seven smaller ones near the front; the
dwarfs' seats.

Sunlight streamed in through all the windows.
These were the windows on the east side as well as on the west
side. This treat was a small addition to the festivities, courtesy
of Baba Yaga, who was brilliant with all things weather.

Hilda parked her broom next to the one of Baba
Yaga. They had top-row seats "Hey Babs."

The Russian witch looked her girlfriend up and
down. "Hilly, good to see you. I already wondered - oh my, your
dress..."

"Yes, cute colour isn't it? Oh, neat touch what
you did to your broom." Hilda pointed at the end of Baba Yaga's
broomstick that had a jolly white skull fixed to it. From each
eyesocket hung a pink ribbon, a tiny pink femur dangling from
it.

Babs grinned. "Yeah, thought I'd liven things up
a bit as I am here anyway. His name was Roger, so I was told."

A dozen hidden trumpetplayers lifted their
unseen instruments to their equally unseen lips. The sound they
produced was wonderful and melodic. It was a clear call for
attention. It also was very loud and gave Hilda a shock.

"Not now, girlfriend," Baba Yaga whispered as
she covered Hilda's hand that had the wand ready to strike.

"Sowwy," Hilda mumbled as she made the wand
disappear.

Below them, the ceremony began. Hilda wished
they would hurry up. There was one moment she was waiting for, the
one moment she had set all this up for.

The couple to be wedded came into the hall.

Hilda enjoyed the view of the couple and tried
not to let it show.

The ceremony started.

After listening to the singingin and the talking
for a while, Baba Yaga tapped Hilda on the arm. "Hilly. You're
drooling."

Hilda wiped her mouth and said: "Am not."

"Are too."

Hilda frowned. "The kid looks pretty, doesn't
she?" She looked down at Snow-White in the long white wedding
dress, the veil still over her face, who was going through the
endless list of vows she'd keep to, as Jordan had already done. The
wicked witch sighed and got a dreamy look in her eyes, as well as a
smile on her face.

"Grimhilda, stop that. I am worrying about you."
Baba Yaga poked Hilda gently in the side with a bony finger.

"Oy, quiet up there," a male voice came from
below.

"Shut up yourself," Hilda commented, snipping
her fingers.

The man who had made the comment started to
hick-up. He diverted his eyes and refrained from further
remarks.

"That'll teach him," Hilda grumbled.

"That's my girl." Baba Yaga leaned back against
the solidified air behind her broom and relaxed.

Hilda's moment came. Prince Jordan was only a
breath away from lifting the veil, as the priest had told him to
kiss the bride.

The veil went up.

Seconds later the mean queen went down.

Hilda chalked one up for herself and made 2
glasses of pink champagne appear, complete with a cherry in each
glass. A toast with her best girlfriend was definitely in
place.

Baba Yaga took a sip and then frowned as she
looked at the glass. "Is that watered down, or what?"

Hilda nodded. "You know I can't take that
stuff."

"Oh, right." Baba Yaga pulled a little black
thing out of a pocket and dropped it in the champagne. It bubbled
for a moment and turned dark. She took another sip. "Yeah, that is
more like it. Hilly, here's to you."

As the two witches sipped from their glasses, a
clear female voice chimed up to them. "Hey there, witch ladies,
when you're done up there can we finish up down here?"

The magical women laughed out loud for a moment,
filling the hall with some serious cackling laughter that
adequately frightened people. Then Hilda stuck up her thumb at
Snow-White that the floor was theirs again.

The priest was rather ticked off about this
improper behaviour but let it pass. The fact that the evildoers
were riding brooms and at that moment were located some fifteen
yards over the floor had certainly a big part in his decision. To
his silent pleasure, there were no more distuptions and the rest of
the ceremony went along according to the book.

As the ceremonial hall was emptying, after the
official part of the wedding, Hilda located the hickupping man and
released him from the spell.

He looked up and said: "Thank you. It was
becoming quite annoying. But at this moment, it was worth it." Then
he quickly fled from the hall.

Baba Yaga watched Hilda for a reaction, but
there was none. Again she worried.

The ceremonial hall had gone all quiet now,
except for the talking of dwarfs. The two witches descended to the
marble floor.

"So, guys, I hope you were not too bored during
this," Hilda said as the witchy women made their brooms vanish.

Bashful looked at the floor. Like Happy, he was
still rubbing his neck.

"It was not too bad," Doc commented, "the
intermezzo with the queen made up for a lot. But I do think that it
is time for the handing over of the present and then we should find
our way to the good stuff." His suggestion was well received by his
fellows, so they headed out of the hall and into the direction
where the real party was taking off. The sound was hard to
miss.

As the dwarfs and the witches came into the
large lounge, there was a small orchestra playing music. Hilda
frowned. "They'd better improve quickly, or I'm going to give them
a hand."

"Oh, uhm, boys, who has the present?" Doc was in
a frenzy, searching his pockets.

"Calm down, Doc," said Sleepy. He picked a small
leather pouch from his pocket. "Here you go. Looks like I am still
the one who is most awake here..." He shot a dirty look at
Hilda.

"Really? Oh man, I am so sorry," Hilda said,
entirely not sincere. "I must have totally forgotten. Come here,
let me tell you something." She bent over to Sleepy, who hoped to
bury his nose between her breasts as the opportunity delivered
itself. There was certainly not much fabric that would prevent
it.

Hilda whispered something in his ear.

Sleepy stared at her. "You're kidding me..."
Then he keeled over backwards, and slept.

"Nope. English just takes a while," she giggled.
"Come on, Babs, let's go and congratulate the happy couple." Arm in
arm they left the seven dwarfs.

The witches walked straight up to the
newly-weds, everyone making room for them to pass unhindered. Many
a man was yanked on the arm or faced a worse fate as Hilda paraded
by. Her daring outfit attracted eyes like an electro-magnet would
attract chain-mail.