Highway To Armageddon (25 page)

           
I glance around to find the restaurant deserted. And for good reason; the back
wall is on fire.

           
Yang barges in after me and continues trying to slice me in half. I grab a
silver platter and hurl it at Yang’s head, which she deflects with her sword.
That gives me a chance to whip out my mace and blast her in the eyes. Yang
shrieks and covers her face.

           
I turn to bolt out the door and nearly collide into Dorothy.

           
“What are you doing?” I shout. “This whole place is about to burn down!”

           
Dorothy looks up at the flaming ceiling and gasps. “I… I was just coming to
help you. I--- look out!”

           
Dorothy shoves me to the floor and falls on top of me. Yang’s sword just barely
misses her.

           
By now the quick-moving fire has engulfed the back of the restaurant, the
ceiling, and the walls. Only the front hasn’t been scorched. The thick black
smoke billowing through the room makes it hard to see, even with my goggles on.
I shove Dorothy toward the door. “Get out of here! I’m right behind you!”

           
Dorothy hesitates a moment before hurrying outside.

           
I turn to Yang. She’s still aimlessly attacking the air. I grab a pot off a
table and bash her over the head. She crumples to the floor. 

           
I’m almost tempted to leave her behind, but I really don’t want her to burn
alive. I didn’t want Pitbull to catch on fire, either, I just didn’t have a
choice.

           
I grab Yang’s feet and drag her through the door. We make it just in time, too.
The ceiling caves in the instant we step onto the porch. I seriously have no
idea why we always cut things so damn close.

           
Dorothy runs over to check on me. I wipe away the sweat pouring down my face
and take in my surroundings. Dozens of wounded cowboys litter the street. Boom
Boom, Krystal, and Machete are still exchanging shots from behind overturned
horse carts. Yin is with them as well, hurling throwing stars. Dorothy and I
dive toward Boom Boom’s bullet-riddled horse car and crouch down.

           
Boom Boom changes out an ammunition cartridge. “Nice of you to join us.”

           
“We were preoccupied.” I peek out over the top of the horse cart and fire off a
shot, hitting a cowboy in the shoulder.

           
“Where’s Arrow?” I ask, dropping back to the ground. “We’re wasting all of our
bullets on these clowns when we should be saving them for Alaska.”

           
“I have no freaking clue,” Boom Boom shouts over the roar of her gun. Bullet
casings fly out and smack me in the arm.

           
The cowboys close in on us, pounding us with bullets. And reinforcements
continue to pile into the street. It’ll take a miracle for us to get out of
this mess alive.

           
And it’s a miracle we get. Just when all hope seems to be lost, a horrifying
scream signals our salvation. The army of cowboys stops firing for a moment and
watches in stunned silence as a scorched, deformed monster emerges from a back
alley.

           
“Dear God, is that… is that Pitbull?” Boom Boom whispers.

           
I use the binocular function on my goggles to zoom in on the monster. When I
get a glimpse of his face it takes everything I have not to gag. The monster’s
face is completely black. There’s no hair on his head, save for a few singed
strands on the sides. Red eyes peek out from under the mass of rotted flesh
that makes up what’s left of his face. A gleaming, metallic arm dangles from
his side. His clothes look damp, as if he just jumped into a pond.

           
The creature formally known as Pitbull shrieks in pain every time he takes a
step forward. “I’m going to kill you, Lance! If it’s the last thing I do, I
will kill you!”

           
A few cowboys rush over and open fire on him. Pitbull blocks most of the
bullets with his arm, while his Kevlar vest protects him from the rest.

           
Pitbull snatches the nearest cowboy’s shotgun and snaps it in half. He then
grabs the cowboy’s neck and squeezes it. A sickening snapping sound rings out
across the street. The cowboy plummets to the ground.

           
The other cowboys throw down their guns and run in the opposite direction.
Pitbull lumbers toward me, snarling like a wounded beast.

           
Yin elbows Machete in the face and wields her sword. “Give yourselves up and
we’ll go easy on you.”

           
“I’m tired of you and your dingbat sister running your mouths,” Krystal says,
whipping out her taser.

           
“Wait, no!” Yin shouts, but she’s too late. Krystal pulls the trigger and Yin
collapses as a barrage of electricity courses through her quivering body.

           
By now most of the cowboys have run off. I guess they’re terrified of a
scorched cyborg who seems impervious to gunshots. To be honest, I kind of am,
too.

           
When Pitbull gets within 20 feet of us I zap him in the neck with my taser.

           
Only he doesn’t go down.

           
“Oh crap,” I mutter, backing away. “This isn’t good… this isn’t good at all.”

           
Pitbull screams grow louder, but he keeps lurching forward.

           
“I’ll kill you!” he shrieks as a chunk of his flesh detaches from his cheek.
“I’ll kill you all!”

           
“I really didn’t want to do this, but…”

           
Boom Boom aims her gun at Pitbull’s forehead.

           
She’s going to kill him.

           
Before Boom Boom pulls the trigger, the Moon Cruiser lands behind us. Boom Boom
lowers her gun. She only kills when it’s absolutely necessary; now that Arrow’s
here I guess she doesn’t feel the need to blow Pitbull’s brains out.

           
“Everyone get in the car!” I shout, still pressing the trigger on my taser. “I
can’t hold him back forever!”

           
Pitbull’s entire body quivers from the onslaught of electricity, but he
continues his march. It’s simultaneously the most amazing and horrifying thing
I’ve ever seen.

           
Machete hops into the front passenger seat. Krystal climbs into the back. Boom
Boom tries to usher Dorothy toward the car, but she wrenches free from her
grasp.

           
“I’m not leaving Sally!”

           
Dorothy runs over to Sally’s body, which is still lying beside the wreckage of
the saloon. She grabs ahold of Sally’s feet and drags her toward the Cruiser.

           
Boom Boom groans. “Dorothy, we can’t… I mean, it’s not practical…”

           
Boom Boom trails off. She doesn’t have the heart to tell Dorothy to leave her
friend behind.

           
Machete, on the other hand, has no problem saying exactly what’s on her mind.
“Oh no! You are
not
putting a dead body in my car!”

           
“Then I’m not coming with you!” Dorothy shouts

           
“Fine! I don’t care!” Machete shouts back.

           
“Guys, we don’t have time for this,” I say. “Just shut up and…”

           
My taser suddenly short-circuits. I toss it to the ground so I don’t get
electrocuted. Without a wall of electricity holding him back, Pitbull falls
flat on his face.

           
I turn to Boom Boom and shout, “Seriously, we’re out of time! Get in the car!”

           
Machete’s eyes widen when she sees Pitbull pushing himself up. “Alright,
alright, bring the body! But I better not see any blood stains on my
upholstery.”

           
Machete never ceases to amaze me with her callousness. I help Dorothy drag
Sally the rest of the way to the Moon Cruiser. Pitbull staggers to his feet and
howls in fury. His eyes look like flaming embers stuck inside charred molten
rock.

           
Almost in a panic I shove Sally’s body onto the floor of the car. Dorothy hops
in after her, followed by Krystal and Boom Boom. I’m the last one in.

           
“Go, Arrow!” I scream.

           
Arrow clicks the ignition button. The Moon Cruiser levitates off the ground,
kicking up a cloud of dust.

           
I watch in horror as Pitbull lunges toward us. The Moon Cruiser begins to shoot
forward, but Pitbull is moving insanely fast for a lumbering, 300-plus pound
cyborg with third degree burns all over his body. He leaps into the air and
grabs onto the trunk. The car tilts upwards from all the weight.

           
“Die!” Pitbull hisses. His mind is enveloped in a cloud of ravenous,
mass-murdering hatred.

           
We shoot forward at an incredible speed, causing Pitbull to swing back and
forth. The only thing keeping him from falling off is his cyborg arm. His
robotic fingers have clawed into the trunk, keeping him anchored.

           
The few remaining cowboys take aim at our fleeing car. Their shots shatter most
of our windows, but thankfully no one gets hit. That unfortunately includes
Pitbull.

           
 Boom Boom, Dorothy, Krystal and I press ourselves against the back of the
front seats, trying to get as far away from Pitbull as possible.

           
Pitbull uses his regular arm to grab a gun from his belt and point it directly
at me.

           
“Gimme your gun, Boom Boom!” I shout. She tries to hand it to me, but I fumble
with it. The gun slides out of my sweaty hands and tumbles under Arrow’s seat.

           
Pitbull cackles and points his gun through our shattered back windshield.

           
I shove Dorothy and Boom Boom to the floor and lay on top of them. Krystal
kneels beside me and covers her face.

           
“If we get out of this mess alive, we’re heading straight to Alaska!” I shout.
“No more crazy stops!”

           
Pitbull grunts, “Wait, you’re going to Alaska? That makes… holy crap, you’re
going after Rasputin!”

           
I lift my head and say, “Duh. What did you think we were doing?”

           
Pitbull is still dangling from the back of the car, but he’s no longer pointing
his gun at me. It’s like he’s reconsidering his decision to kill us.

           
Arrow doesn’t give him much time, though. He leans over the back of his chair
and aims an arrow at Pitbull’s heavily-charred face.

           
“Get your own ride, chump.”

           
Arrow fires the arrow directly into Pitbull’s left robotic eyeball. Sparks fly
out as Pitbull screams bloody murder. He loosens his iron clad grip on the
trunk and falls off. I peer over the side of the car just in time to see him
splash into a stream.   

           
Dorothy and Boom Boom scoot away from Sally. I just now realize I shoved them
on top of a dead body.

           
“That was too close,” Machete says. “I agree with Lance, no more unnecessary
stops. We head straight to Alaska and do what we came to do.”

           
Now that we’re out of danger we all take a seat. Boom Boom sits behind Arrow.
Krystal plops down in the middle, and I sit behind Machete. Dorothy sits on my
lap. Sally’s body is still on the floor, making for a morbid, depressing
flight.

           
Since most of the windows are shattered, gusts of wind sweep into the car,
blowing our hair all over the place.

           
“I say we fly for a few hundred miles before making camp, to put some distance
between us and the cyborg freak,” Machete says. “We can bury the girl when we
land.”

           
I look out the back windshield. By now we’re pretty far away from the Wild West

Settlement, but
I can still make out the inferno we left behind. We’re not going to be Geronimo
Blackbird’s favorite people when he finds out we destroyed his dream
city.       

           
“I still don’t understand how Pitbull and those ninjas found us again,” Arrow
says. “It’s almost like they’re psychic.”

           
“When we land we can search the car for more bugs,” Machete says. “We should
also check our clothes.”

           
Dorothy turns her head and rests it on my chest. I’m honored she feels so
comfortable in my arms. I’m probably the first guy she’s ever met who hasn’t
touched her inappropriately.

           
I push back her damp, brown hair and caress her face. She truly is beautiful,
but she has an aura of sadness and fragility that I feel compelled to protect.
As long as Dorothy is under my watch I’ll make sure no one hurts her ever
again.

           
I lean back in my seat and close my eyes. An overwhelming sense of exhaustion
washes over me. I feel like I could sleep for days.

           
 As I descend into slumber, there’s one thought that keeps running through
my mind. We’re nowhere near Alaska, and yet we’ve already gone through all
kinds of hell. What are we going to have to endure in order to nab the most
wanted man on Earth?