Highlander's Prize (37 page)

Her place, her duty, her fate.

It still wasn’t enough to steal the last bit of joy from her heart. The only thing she feared was that it would grow cold with time. Still, for the moment she was grateful for the impulse that had seen her following her heart into Broen’s embrace. Love did exist; she’d felt it as sure as holding her hand over a candle flame.

What sobered her was the certain knowledge that she could not expect her future to hold such a wonderful feeling. She’d be fickle to believe she’d love the man Sir Richard sent her to, because true love wasn’t something that ever died. She could not discard the feelings burning inside her heart for Broen and expect them to grow for another man at her whim. Love could not be directed, which was why matrons such as Maud spent so many hours trying to prevent their young charges from meeting anyone they might form affection for. It was better to be kept away from temptation, so she might be content when she was sent off to wed the man who contracted her.

Clarrisa smiled, because Highlanders such as Broen obviously didn’t obey such rules of common sense. She preferred him that way. Wild and untamed by civilization. Well, Broen would have to obey his king; being a Highlander would not keep him from his duty.

She’d go wherever her kin sent her, because Broen was likely already wed to Daphne. It would be better to have her own place too since she couldn’t take one beside the man she loved. Such would be the practical thing to do.

But she grinned, looking up toward the Highlands. Amusement tickled her almost beyond her endurance to maintain her composure as she considered just what Sir Richard might make of the fact that she was docile, only because the man she loved was bound to another.

She’d wager the pompous Englishman would turn purple and choke on his arrogance. Another pleasant thought.

***

“A pleasant night to ye, mistress.” Clarrisa looked up because the maids seldom spoke to her beyond a yes or no response. Like a ghost in the keep, she was there, but not really the same as the other inhabitants. She felt as though she was waiting—but for what? The summer was half gone, and she couldn’t distinguish the days one from another. The excitement in the maid’s tone was the first thing different from the routine she’d fallen into.

“Thank you.”

The girl’s eyes were shimmering, and she fingered her skirts for a moment. “Och well… I hear in England a servant does nae speak unless spoken to, but I just want to say how happy I am for ye. The eldest son of the Earl of Sutherland for yer husband. Now there is something to celebrate. Yer kin has done right well for ye. I know more than one clan was hoping to place their laird’s daughter there.” The girl smiled brightly. “But ye’re the daughter of a king, and blood is blood.”

“Enough,” Maud snapped. “Get on with you.”

The girl drew in a stiff breath, her elated expression becoming tense. Clarrisa looked at the old matron suspiciously.

“Sir Richard was going to tell you of your good fortune soon.” The note of superiority in her voice kindled Clarrisa’s temper. She looked at the maid.

“Thank you for telling me.” She raised her voice just enough to make it clear she was putting Maud in her place. “You are very kind.”

The girl beamed before lowering herself quickly. Her skirts bounced behind her as she moved quickly out of the chamber.

“Exactly why you have not been told of your impending marriage. The news polishes your pride. You’ll become difficult.” Maud shook a finger at her. “My position is to ensure you are raised to be properly respectful—”

“You mean subservient to whoever pays the most for me.”

Maud began turning red; her mouth opened and closed a few times before she managed to form her thoughts into words. “Now see here. You will remember your place.”

“Enough, Maud. Why are you so surprised to hear me speak my mind? It wasn’t a docile nature that kept me alive in the Highlands.” Clarrisa sat on her bed and took off her slippers. She longed for the boots Ardis had crafted for her, but Maud had taken them away, declaring them rough and uncivilized. “Besides, it cost nothing to be kind to the girl, unless you want it whispered that I believe myself too good for a Scots groom. I don’t think it wise to anger those who call this country home.”

“What is not wise is the tone you are using. I’ve devoted myself to helping you gain such an offer, and listen to the way you rail at me like some dockside strumpet.” Maud drew in a dramatic breath. “Why, it’s a wonder you’ve been blessed at all. It hardly seems fair when you are such an ungracious child.”

“Perhaps if you explained more of the details, I might be less ignorant of my good fortune.”

Maud was torn. Clarrisa could see the matron battling the urge to rail at her as the desire to preen over their newest accomplishment grew.

“I should allow Sir Richard to tell you, but perhaps that isn’t such a wise plan, seeing as how you are so prone to speaking whatever thought you have. Maybe you are simple-minded, for I know I have tried to teach you to hold your tongue.”

Clarrisa bit her lip to maintain her silence, earning herself a nod of approval from the sour matron.

“The Earl of Sutherland has been negotiating with Sir Richard. They opened a bottle of French wine today and looked quite merry.”

Maud clapped her hands together as Clarrisa battled the urge to speak her mind once more. She lay down and sighed when Maud pinched the candles out. Darkness was welcome, and she found it the only time when she felt Broen near her. Tonight, though, it felt like even his memory was being tugged away from her. In its place she recalled the way Norris Sutherland had looked at her. Well, it would seem he had his prized mare now.

She rolled over, wiping the tears from her cheeks with a frustrated hiss. Crying was for babes and girls too young to understand the way the world worked. She should be grateful to have a sanctuary so far from Henry Tudor and his quest to wipe out her blood.

What kept her up most of the night was the fear that she’d live to see her children drawn into the struggle for England’s crown.

***

Dunrobin was magnificent. The castle of the Earl of Sutherland was far north, but at least the summer made it a warm journey.

Clarrisa heard the surf long before she realized that the castle dropped off in back. There were three towers in the front, rising into the air some three stories, the center one rising even higher. A half curtain wall protected it, and there were cannons positioned every ten feet along the battlement.

Magnificent and cold-looking. They could be a law unto themselves here, for it would be very costly to march an army all the way up to the walls of this castle—all the while dragging the machines necessary to knock down the thick stone walls.

“Look at that. I feared we’d have to live in a hovel, but none of your relatives have a finer holding. The hallways might be moldy, though…”

Clarrisa had let her hood fall back, and Maud snapped her fingers at her. “Your cheeks are chapped from the wind and pink from the sun. What will your bridegroom think?”

“The man is a Highlander. I understand they like their women a little more natural.”

Maud frowned, although it honestly wasn’t much of a change from the disapproving expression the matron wore most of the day through. “He’s contracted you, which means he has more taste than his barbarian kin. Raise your hood, so you arrive as a lady should.”

She
would
not
weep…
Clarrisa ordered herself to remain firmly in control of her emotions. She could not go back to Broen, so there was no reason to lament taking her place beside another man. The church might have her, but without a dowry, she could expect no protection. It would only be a matter of time before someone stole her to either murder her or breed her. Wedding Norris Sutherland was better, a wiser choice.

But
it
still
hurt…
Every step the mare carried her closer to the man she’d have to lie with as intimately as she had Broen threatened her composure. Now that the moment was upon her, all her well thought out reasons deserted her. Her heart ached, the pain more powerful than she’d ever thought possible. It threatened to crush her with its strength as she fought to draw in even breaths.

The Sutherland retainers leaned over the battlements to gain a glimpse of her. Once inside the yard, maids and other members of the clan found excuses to come outside the inner buildings to stare at her. Maud didn’t allow her to linger. The matron moved with more speed than Clarrisa had guessed she had. She gained only a glimpse of the yard and then up the stairs into the first keep. The head of house stood with a large ring of keys secured to her wide leather belt.

“Welcome to Dunrobin Castle. I am Asgree.” Several maids stood behind her, all lined up and turned out in freshly ironed linen caps. They lowered themselves, earning a grunt from Maud.

“My charge shall require a bath before tonight’s celebration of her nuptials.”

Asgree nodded before leading the way through the maze of hallways. The castle was larger than it appeared. At last, they came to a chamber three stories up. “The earl has said ye shall have this chamber and the solar above it.”

Two maids were waiting in the chamber. They lowered themselves before straightening back up and remained poised in position in case they were called upon. But they didn’t look at her.

Edme had never run Deigh with such rigid formality. Perhaps in time she might change it, but the reality was, she had little authority among the household staff unless Norris dictated it so. Her husband.

She tried to say the word again, but her mind refused to acknowledge the firm reality of their union. It was already done, the vows taken by proxy. Sir Richard was no fool to allow her outside the keep he controlled until the union was sealed by the church. All that remained was the celebration of the union. The bedding.

She turned to look at the large bed on the opposite side of the chamber. The comforter was already turned down. The scent of rosemary rose from it, and amber burned somewhere in the chamber. Perfectly set.

There was nothing to find fault with except her discontentment. She was a fool indeed to recall a stormy May Day when she’d frolicked and lain with her lover. Her lips twitched up as the maids began to disrobe her. Maybe she should sink into her fantasy; it pleased her more than reality. Yet it would be unfair to Norris. No doubt his father was behind their match and he’d had little choice as well.

She took her bath and tried to force herself to enjoy the heather-scented soap. Asgree’s staff was flawless in their service, and she stood with her hair drying in the summer breeze before long.

“I did nae know yer hair was short, but I’ve brought up a caul for ye.” Asgree held the small cap gently. It was sewn of silk and adorned with pearls. It would fit over the back of her head, the band sitting behind her ears.

The maids were busy arranging her hair into braids, and then Asgree set the costly cap in place to conceal her short braids. The head of house pinned it in place and stood back to survey her work.

“Ye’ll be right pleasing,” she announced before the maids continued to dress her. A fine underdress and overdress were lifted above her head and then laced shut. Through it all, Maud watched, but not with the glee Clarrisa had come to expect from the matron. Instead, there was sadness in her eyes. The moment the maids finished, Maud waved them out.

“I know you believe me a harsh woman without any care for happiness, but the world is not a kind place. You needed to be strong enough to endure. Affection for me would have made me happy, but it would not have prepared you for the fate I knew your kin planned for you. At least they have not bound you to an old man. You can enjoy the blessings that are yours if you try. I’m finished now, my task completed. These Scots do not want me near you in case I poison you against their ways. I’m bound for the Lowlands and the promise of a quiet home for the remainder of my days.”

The matron turned and left. Clarrisa tried to miss her but failed. It seemed Maud had performed her task well.

I
think
it
sad
ye
have
no
place
or
one
ye
hold
dear…
Broen’s voice rose from her memory, sending two tears down her cheek.

“Are ye ready?” Asgree asked from outside the chamber door.

“There is no reason for me not to be.”

If the head of house found her answer odd, she failed to comment on it. Instead, she turned silently and led the way down the stairs.

***

The great hall was lit with an abundance of candles. The tables were crowded and the long head table filled with the lairds who owed the Earl of Sutherland allegiance. Their different plaids caught her eye as she paused in the doorway.

Broen was there.
Of
course
he
was.
Three seats to Norris’s left with Shaw standing behind him. She should have expected it, but she felt as though her feet were nailed to the floor. Music began to play, and the people seated at the lower tables stood. The scraping of benches being moved back jolted her out of her shock.