“That’s it,” she said excited. “That is what you must teach me—how to control my inappropriate desires until I find love. I saw for myself what uncontrolled desire can do to a woman, and I will not let that happen to me.”
“What did you see?” he asked.
“A woman was brought to the abbey one night and secluded in one of the many small cell-like rooms. I was not permitted to go near her, but as the weeks and months passed the nuns told me about her, especially since—” Wintra’s cheeks flushed.
“Why stop now? If you want to learn, then you need to share everything with me.”
She continued before she could stop herself. “Thinking there was something wrong with me, I had spoken to the nuns about a sudden affliction that worried me. I was told to pray whenever I suffered it and that my husband would take care of it when I wed. The nuns made a point of explaining to me that the woman who had arrived at the abbey had surrendered to the affliction before she wed and was now with child. She would give birth to the child, and then take her vows at the abbey. The child would be given to a local peasant family to raise.”
Torr was beginning to believe that Cree had made a terrible mistake leaving Wintra at the abbey with the nuns.
Wintra cringed, drawing her shoulders in as she did. “I can still hear her endless screams when it came time to deliver her baby. It made me think that I never wanted to suffer such pain and what would be the point when—” She turned her head away to once again stare at the flames.
“What happened?” he asked gently.
“She and the baby died, and the nuns said it had been for the best.” Tears coated her eyes when she turned to face him, but once again she refused to let them fall. “How could they say that? And what of the man who got her with child? Did he not care about her at all? Or had she been a blind fool like me? Only I was lucky—you came along and rescued me.”
Wintra bewildered Torr. She was unlike other women; beautiful, stubborn, thoughtful, so very curious and so very innocent that he wanted to wrap her in his arms and protect her. But that wouldn’t be what she wanted, and he not only wanted to give her what she wanted, he wanted her to realize her own courage.
“You also rescued me,” he said.
She laughed this time. “I have no doubt that you had already determined your escape. If I had not come along when I did, we may have missed each other.”
She was a perceptive one, for if she had arrived only a few minutes later to free him, he would have been gone. “I would not have left without you.”
“I never doubted you would. Cree sent you and no one disappoints Cree.”
“Cree had nothing to do with it.”
She stared at him wide-eyed, and her heart beat a bit faster.
He reached out and took hold of her chin. “Know this, Princess, I would have never left you to suffer at Owen’s hands. Cree or no Cree.”
He would have rescued her no matter what. Her heart filled with joy, though she did not know why, and she did not care. She only knew that it felt good, very good, and she wanted the wonderful feeling to linger.
“I will always protect you,” he said and gave her a quick kiss, let go of her chin, and walked around the table not trusting himself to do more than just give her a quick kiss.
Her lips tingled and ached for more. Not to mention the tingles that ran through her and settled between her legs. This was desire and she had to learn to control it, even though she would much prefer to surrender to it.
A thought struck her, not unusual since she was constantly struck by thoughts, though this one truly caught her unaware and startled her. What if her relentless desire for Torr was the fact that she was actually falling in love with him? She had never felt such feelings for Owen. What if this was love? How would she know it?
“What heavy thought has hold of you now?” Torr asked concerned, Wintra having paled suddenly.
She shook her head. “How do you learn about love when you know nothing about it?”
Torr walked back around the table, to sit, though he moved his chair a bit of a distance away from Wintra. Being close to her, simply touching her hand or looking upon her lovely face never failed to arouse him. And it was damn hard being in an almost constant state of arousal.
He settled himself in the chair and said, “I suppose we learn from watching others love. My mum and da loved each other dearly and one would have to be blind not to see it. Cree and Dawn share the same enduring love as does Dawn’s friends Paul and Lila.”
“I have had no such opportunity to see what you have seen. My da died before I was born, though Cree and my mum told me time and again what a good and loving man he was. And though I was curious to know more about my da, I did not ask my mum since tears always filled her eyes when she spoke of him. And being confined at the abbey certainly did not allow me to learn about love.”
She looked away for a moment and Torr knew she was thinking and let her be since his mind also had him deep in thought. This petite woman had changed his life in so many unexpected ways that he was still reeling from the shock of it. He had a duty to do, and he had planned on doing it, but now he wanted more.
“So do you think it is possible to fall in love at first sight?”
Her sudden question startled him, though he had no time to answer since she went right on talking.
“From what you tell me of your parents, it would seem that they both fell in love right away. And I do recall my mum telling me once that she had always loved my da. So that has me thinking that she loved him when she first saw him. Love at first sight then is possible,” she concluded.
“Unless of course it is lust one is feeling and once that is satisfied there is nothing else to feel.” She wanted to learn, and he wanted her to know the difference, so she could make the right choice when the time came.
Was that what she was feeling for Torr? Lust and nothing more?
“So how do you know the difference?” she asked annoyed, at what, she wasn’t sure.
“Not that I know for sure, but I would say that two people in love might drive each other a little crazy, want to be together more often than not, respect and admire each other, would do anything for each other, and, of course, the man would protect the woman he loved with his life.. At least that is my thought on it.”
As you protect me.
The thought sent a jolt through her, though she maintained her calm. Could it be true? Could she be falling in love with Torr? She did want to spend time with him. She looked forward to being snuggled in his arms in bed at night. She enjoyed talking with him so very much, especially when—so far—no subject was taboo. She did respect and admire him. And oh how she ached for him to kiss her again. Had love struck her? She certainly had not felt any such things for Owen. She was beginning to realize just how much of a means to an end he had been to her, though when her brother’s warriors had arrived to take her home, she had not thought once of notifying Owen about her departure. It had been one of the nuns who had said that she would let Owen know that Wintra had left for home when he visited at the end of the week.
“I never loved Owen,” she said, as if saying it aloud freed her of something.
“A good and sensible realization.”
“You helped me realize it.”
He smiled. “Princess, I have no doubt you would have come to the same conclusion given time.”
“I do not want to waste any more time on him, and I want to be ready when love does strike.”
He laughed. “I do not think anyone is ever ready when love strikes, but I guess you can give it a try if you want.” He stood, stretched, and said, “As much as I enjoy talking with you, I have to go and see about supper for us.”
“But it is early yet.” She did not want him to go. She was enjoying their conversation and did not want it to end. Another reason to believe she was falling in love with him.
“The skies are heavily gray and night will fall before we know it. I need time to hunt something more than fish.”
“Be careful,” she urged.
He walked over to her, planning to plant a quick kiss on her lips and reassure her that he would be fine. It did not quite turn out that way.
He bent down to kiss her, and she raised up to meet his lips and that was all he needed. She was eager for him to kiss her, and he did not disappoint her.
His hand went around her neck and held it tight as his lips claimed hers, and good Lord, if she didn’t tingle down to the tips of her toes. His kiss was gentle, demanding, teasing, but most of all magical. Sensations rushed through her body, making her legs go weak. If she wasn’t sitting, she would have collapsed against him.
The thought of being in his arms, her body pressed against his, his strong arms wrapped around her had her pushing herself out of the chair. And as she did, his arm went around her waist and lifted her up to press against his hard body.
A soft moan tickled at her throat and rose to reach her mouth, though his kiss stifled it. Her arms went around his neck, and she let instinct take hold, or was it love, that had her kissing him as if she knew what she was doing?
It was when she pressed her body hard against his and felt him thick and strong against her that he broke them apart, holding her at arm’s length while they both took heavy breaths.
“We need to think about what we are doing here,” he said.
“At the moment, my thoughts are anything but clear,” she said, and then smiled. “You seem to take my breath away.”
“You do the same to me, which means I need to leave for a bit. The cold will do me good.”
She scrunched her brow and was about to speak.
“Do not ask me why, Princess,” he ordered, released her, and hurried out the door.
Wintra dropped down on the chair. She had not wanted him to leave, but she had to agree that it was better that he did. He was right. They had to think about what they were doing here. She could so easily surrender to the lust that consumed her, but she would much rather find out if it was love that had her favoring and wanting Torr as much as she did.
She had to keep things in prospective and keep things proper, though she had no idea how she would manage the latter.
Stop thinking about it.
The warning in her head was not as easy to heed as one would assume. She needed a reprieve from her rampant thoughts and the only way to do that was to keep busy. She snatched her dress up off the ground and got busy stitching. Besides, it would be wise for her to remain fully clothed at all times while here with Torr.
She not only wanted the dress repaired, she wanted it done properly and that would take detailed work and that meant precise concentration. She focused on her stitching, and it wasn’t long before she was completely lost in it.
Wintra got half the dress done when she realized that the fire’s light had faded. That was when she noticed the fire had died down. She hurried off the chair, placing her dress on it and grabbed a log from the stack to add to the fire. It was then she realized how much time must have passed since she needed to add three more logs to get the fire going strong. When she finally had a good fire blazing, she stepped back, rubbing her arms that had chilled considerably.
She cast a glance at the door, wondering how long Torr had been gone and her stomach gave her the answer. It rumbled with hunger, which meant it had been several hours. Had something happened to him? The thought sent a shudder through her, and she did the only thing she knew to do. She walked over to the bed, got down on her knees, and began to pray.
Torr felt the cold and was glad of it. He’d been so heated with passion that he hadn’t thought the cold could ever touch him, but it finally had. And now he could return safely to the cottage, or so he kept trying to convince himself.
He had cleaned the rabbit he had managed to catch and he was pleased with the few onions and a turnip he had dug out of the garden that he thought had been picked bare. Luckily or perhaps it had been a smart decision on the farmer’s part, to place the kitchen garden where he did. The cottage kept the snow from falling too heavily on the garden, and although he had to battle the hard ground to get at the lingering vegetables, it was worth it. They would feast tonight.
With precious food in hand, he entered the cottage, though came to an abrupt stop just inside the door when he saw Wintra’s face buried in the bed and her on her knees. He kicked the door shut, dropped the rabbit and vegetables on the table and went to go to her, but she was off her knees as soon as she spotted him and ran to him.
Her arms slipped beneath his cloak to hug his waist and she planted her face firmly against his chest.
His arms went around her to hug her as tightly as she did him, though after a moment he eased her face away to look up at him. “What’s wrong? Why were you on your knees?”
“I feared something may have happened to you, and I was praying for your safe return.”
“I appreciate the prayers, Princess, but death itself would not stop me from returning to you and keeping you safe.”
She pressed her finger to his lips. “Do not tempt death or surely he will knock on our door.”
He pressed his nose to hers. “I will make sure to let him know he is not welcome here.”
Wintra smiled and gave him a quick kiss that so startled her that she jumped back out of his arms and stared, shocked by her audacity or was it the shock that she had kissed him as if it was the most natural thing for her to do.
“Thank you for the welcome and the prayers,” he said and turned his attention to the food he had brought back. He would have preferred a lengthier kiss, but that would have been unwise. And this was her kiss to give and she gave it freely without thought or reservation, and he liked that.
Wintra sat down on the bed, her legs a bit too wobbly to take any steps. Her actions alarmed her, but they also made her think again on the possibility that she was falling in love with Torr. And the idea made her stomach flutter.
“I got us a rabbit and found some onions and a turnip in the garden, not that the cold ground wanted to part with them.”
Wintra stood, her years at the abbey forcing her to do her share when it came to every day survival. Everyone had a chore and if one did not do their chore it affected the others, and so everyone shared in the chores so that they all survived quite nicely, or so preached Mother Abbess.
“I will see to the vegetables,” she said joining him by the table.
He noticed that she was careful not to step too close to him. He almost laughed since if he wanted, all he had to do was reach out and snatch her around the waist and hoist her against him, or better yet carry her to the bed. But he respected the distance she set between them and turned to scoop up a log and use it to nudge the rod in the fireplace out far enough so that he could skewer the rabbit on it.
When he turned to reach for the rabbit, Wintra was busy rubbing one of the wild onions all over the skinned rabbit.
“It will give it more flavor,” she explained.
“Another thing you learned at the abbey?” he asked after scooping up the meat.
“As I’ve told you, the nuns kept me busy.” She took hold of the bucket near the hearth, and then went and slipped her cloak off the peg and onto her shoulders.
“Where are you going?” Torr asked.
“We need clean water and I need to see to…” she let her words drift off hoping he’d understand. Though after the intimate things she had discussed with him, she did not know why it should bother her to let him know she needed to relieve herself.
“I will go with you.”
“I prefer the privacy.”
“I will give it to you, but I will not let you go out there alone.”
“I will stay close to the cottage,” she insisted.
“Aye, that you will,” he said with a laugh, amused by her stubbornness.
“I can do this myself.”
He took her by the arm and opened the door. “That is not the point. I am going to protect you whether you want me to or not.”