Highland Sanctuary (37 page)

"Because Gavin's last seven letters have all been about ye. Leith rarely writes me, and when he does, I get a few sentences. Gavin is thoughtful enough to write me pages."

While Serena didn't laugh, the way Akira stated it made her feel better. Akira had a natural gift of lifting one's spirits.

"I'm cold," Akira said, sifting her hands together and blowing on them. "Let's move closer to the fire. I promise, it's the best thing for ye right now." Akira rose to her feet. She bent and took Serena's elbow, tugging her up. Serena could not in good conscience reject her kindness, so she allowed Akira to lead her across the chamber. Her friend made sure she was settled in a chair before relaxing in one beside her. The warmth did feel much better.

"I've been thinking . . . I'd like my mither to be buried beside Gunna. She was my nursemaid and died recently, a dear sweet soul she was. I think Mither would like that."

"Of course. I'll tell Gavin and Iain so they can see to the preparations." A short silence fell between them and then Akira cleared her throat. "Ye know, ye and I aren't that much different. I've had my fears of being burned at the stake, too."

Of course, why hadn't she realized it before? After Gavin learned of her seizures, he'd confessed about his sister's dreams. It wasn't like her to miss such a connection. "Ye mean yer prophetic dreams?"

"Aye." Akira nodded. "I've had a few people call me a witch in the past. But I'm no such thing. I love God dearly, and I give Him full credit for my gift."

"I wish what I had was a gift." Serena glanced at her lap and wrung her hands. "All my fits have ever caused is hardship and heartbreak. It tore up my mither's marriage, forced us to live our entire lives in hiding, kept us in fear, and made us outcasts. I could go on, but what's the point?" Serena bit her lower lip. "In the end, it killed my mither."

"I've seen some of the people in yer village. Do ye love them any less for their differences?" Akira asked.

"Nay, of course not. But they aren't considered possessed by demons for their problems. No one wants to burn them at the stake. Only me."

"Mayhap, but they're looked down upon. Some people believe they have their infirmities because of an evil deed they might have committed or as punishment for the evil deeds of their parents and earlier generations." Akira lifted her bare toes toward the fire. "Either way, it's all thought evil in varying degrees. And . . . they're all wrong in their superstitious presumptions."

Someone knocked on the door. At Akira's permission, Mary came in carrying a steaming mug. "Here ye go, lass. Fresh and warm."

"Thank ye." Serena accepted it and took a slow sip. "Mm." The warm drink felt good on her dry throat and filled her belly making her all warm inside.

Mary linked her hands in front of her and stood beside Serena. "I nearly tripped over the mon out in the hall. I believe he must have slept by yer door. He seemed verra distressed that ye're ill. He wanted me to ask if there was aught he could do."

"Who is he?" Akira asked.

"The red-haired one. If ye ask me, he sort of favors the laird, but seems a bit more brawn of muscle."

"Sounds like my brother, Gavin," Akira said.

Serena closed her eyes. Now her heart felt as warm as her stomach. A blush of pleasure washed through her from head to toe. "Please tell him I'm much better. Ask him if he would mind making preparations for my mither's burial. I plan to lay her to rest beside Gunna. If Father Tomas is well enough, I hope he'll say a prayer."

"Aye, I'll tell 'im."

As the maid reached the door, Serena turned. "And tell him . . . I'm verra thankful."

"Ye're doing well." Akira smiled.

"I know yer brother. His mind will do better if he has a task to keep him occupied." Serena sighed. "As for me, I'll do what I must to bear this. I keep hearing my mither's voice in my head, instructing me as she did all my years of growing up." Serena looked at her new friend. "Do ye think that's what they mean when they say a loved one who has passed on remains in one's heart, I mean besides the love ye still feel for them?"

"Aye, I would think so." Akira searched her face.

A feeling of understanding passed between them.

"Gavin is so blessed to have such a loving and loyal family," Serena said. "I've always wondered what it would be like to have a father and brothers and sisters."

"We may not have been born as family, but sometimes God brings us family like He brought ye Gunna." Akira paused. "I believe Gavin still wants to wed ye. Now that ye've met us, don't ye see that we would all welcome ye with open arms?"

The back of Serena's throat ached and her nose and eyes stung with more salty tears. "That's easy to say when ye haven't seen one of my fits," she whispered, her lips trembling.

A
sennight later, Gavin sat on the ledge by the castle overlooking the sea, his elbows propped up on his bent knees. It had become his favorite place to pray in the mornings. He would miss Braigh Castle when he finally got up the courage to leave.

His father and Akira and Bryce were ready to go home. The King had left after a couple of days, needing to conclude other business in Caithness. He left men in charge to investigate Hogan Lennox, the strange events in the village, and to work out a tax for any diamonds Iain mined from the cave.

Leith and the men had started back on the restoration to Braigh Castle. He had taken their father around for a tour, showing him all the changes he'd overseen and plans he'd drawn up. Their father was proud and impressed with Leith. He thought the lad would be fine finishing the restoration without Gavin. Birk wanted Gavin home to take over some of the estate duties. Gavin couldn't leave without first speaking to Serena.

She had shown admirable courage throughout Evelina and Beacon's funeral. While she openly grieved, she had shown kindness to everyone and a clear state of mind. She'd had little sleep, and he could only imagine how much it must have pained her, but she made it through like a true leader. Serena would be the perfect wife for a chieftain—for him.

Two days after the burial, a distant coldness still lingered between them. Couldn't she see that he loved her no matter what? He would never leave her unless she desired it? She had once told him she loved him. Could her grief drown out her love for him? He prayed not. Mayhap all she needed was time. Would he be able to persuade his father to delay their departure a little longer?

Footsteps approached. Gavin turned. Serena walked toward him. A dark purple and navy plaid wrapped around her. She pulled it tight against her. Serena's long black hair blew over her shoulder in the wind. She sat beside him.

"Akira told me they're all leaving on the morrow," she said.

"Aye."

"She also said ye might go with them." She searched his eyes.

"Da wants me to, but I haven't given him my answer yet."

She scraped her teeth over her bottom lip and looked out to the sea, avoiding his gaze. Something was on her mind. Hope elevated his battered heart. Why did she insist on healing alone? Why wouldn't she share her heart and thoughts with him? How could he help her if she wouldn't let him?

"Ye mean ye're actually considering it?" She paused and took a deep breath. "I thought ye would be staying with Leith and the men until the restoration was complete."

"He can handle it. I'm only here to guide him in getting started and my real duty was to protect the castle estate. Now that the mysteries are solved and the danger over, I'm not really needed."

"I see." She gulped.

No other words. If she wanted him to stay, why wouldn't she ask? He folded his arms around his knees and linked his fingers to keep from pulling her into his arms and making a fool of himself.

"Serena, naught has changed regarding my feelings. I love ye now more than ever. I still want ye to be my wife. Please come with me."

Her midnight hair blew around her face, hiding her expression. Serena wiped at her eyes, as she sniffled.

"I canna." She turned away.

"Why not?" Her rejection cut him to the quick. In spite of his trembling insides, he forced himself to remain calm. He had to show consideration for her wounded feelings. His selfish desires would have to wait—if he could be strong enough.

"Don't ye see? This is the place she chose for our home," Serena said. "It's where I've always been safe. It's where Mither and Gunna are laid to rest. I canna leave her . . . not now . . . not ever. After she sacrificed her life for me, I'll stay here and live the peaceful life she tried to create."

Gavin clenched his jaw. She needed to hear the words he was about to say, and he prayed she wouldn't hate him for it.

"She's not in that grave, Serena, only her body. Yer mither is in heaven enjoying a much more peaceful life than she ever had here with us."

She broke into sobs then, her shoulders shaking as she turned her whole body further way from him.

"Her life is over. Yers isn't. That's what she sacrificed herself for—ye to be happy wherever yer life may lead ye." Gavin crawled toward her and draped his arms around her.

"Serena, this place isn't yer sanctuary like it once was. Yer secret is out, and they tried to kill ye for it. Ye've a pardon from the King that will enable ye to go anywhere in Scotland. Yer home, mither, and Gunna are all gone. There's naught to keep ye here. But there is me. I love ye, lass. Please . . . let me love ye for the rest of our lives. Come with me."

"Even if I have a pardon from the King, my fits would shame ye, Gavin." The tears in Serena's voice nearly choked her, but she cleared her throat. "It could ruin yer chieftainship and yer ability to rule. People may lose respect, distrust ye. How would our children feel? I don't want my fits to ruin the happiness of anyone else I love."

She wiggled away from him. He crawled after her and grabbed at her plaid. Serena let him have it as she ran off. Gavin clutched her plaid in his hand, the scent of jasmine reaching his nose. His heart swelled with hope. Did she just say she loved him?

Serena paced in her chamber. She and Akira had already said their good-byes in the privacy of her room, but she couldn't bear to tell Gavin good-bye. It felt too permanent.

At least she had a window by the sea, and she wouldn't have to endure watching them leave the courtyard and through the gate. If ever she had a sister, Akira would be the one. They had grown quite close over the last sennight and had promised to write each other.

She longed for the kind of passionate love that Akira and Bryce shared. Whenever she witnessed a kiss between them or a stolen glance, Serena's mind went to Gavin. His rust-colored hair, intense blue eyes, and his ruddy complexion warmed her heart as he often gazed at her with a mischievous grin. How could he leave her like this? He didn't have to go, he was choosing to go.

Gavin had asked her to come with him. The man had tenderly expressed his love and shown how much he cared these past few months. What more would she require of him?

To stay! That's what.

She turned, repeating the path across her chamber. How could she let him go? Why did it feel like she was betraying her mother's memory if she left?

Someone knocked at her chamber door. Mayhap Gavin didn't leave after all!

"Come in," she called.

Doreen opened the door. Even though Serena was glad to see her friend, she was disappointed that it wasn't Gavin. Her shoulders sagged. She swallowed, determined to give her friend a proper greeting.

"Doreen, are ye back for good?" Serena asked, forcing a smile she didn't feel.

"Aye." Doreen nodded. "I wrote to the laird and asked for my old position back. I hated that place in Braighwick."

"Well, I'm glad ye're here." Serena recovered her manners and held out her arms, welcoming Doreen back with a hug. "Did ye happen to see anyone leaving?" Serena asked.

"A whole clan it seemed. They were passing through the gate as I was coming in." Doreen linked her free arm through Serena's. "Come sit by me."

Serena's hopes plummeted as she allowed Doreen to guide her to the edge of the bed.

Doreen pulled out a folded parchment letter from her plaid. "I'm sorry 'bout yer mither. She gave me this the morning she died. I was only supposed to give it to ye if somethin' happened to her."

Serena accepted the letter, speechless. Her mother's familiar penmanship was on the front with Serena's name. She glanced at Doreen. "Do ye mind if I read this in private?"

"Of course not." Doreen rose and went to the door. "I still need to get settled back into my auld chamber." She slipped out.

Serena broke the seal with trembling fingers.

My Dearest Serena,

No mother could be more proud or feel more loved than me. Every mother raises their children to have the morals and values they want them to have as adults, but not all parents get to witness the product of their labor and the fruit of their love as I have. Thank you for being who you are.

If you're reading this letter, then my plan worked and you're alive and well. Do not keep mourning me, dearest. I am in a safe and happy place with my heavenly Father, the final destination for all of us who love Him. My love for Jesus and you is why I had the courage to do what I did. One day you'll understand the strength of a mother's love. It is no more than what Jesus did for us when he went to the cross and sacrificed himself in the hope that we might live. If we could only grasp the absolute power of our heavenly Father's love, we'd never fear again.

We have a choice to resist His sacrifice as many do or accept His gift and live to the fullest. Please, don't reject my sacrifice, dearest. Now that you're free, live to the fullest with God's blessing. Go where you desire to go. Love whom you desire to love.

I'm certain Gavin loves you. Don't be afraid to go with him if you love him. I could have lived anywhere as long as I had you. A true home isn't a place. It's wherever you're loved.

I fear I have planted in you a false sense of security in the village. As long as your secret was unknown, the truth is you would have been safe most anywhere away from your father. I'm sorry I made you fear the outside world. Don't live trapped in the fear I allowed your father to create in me. Break free and put your trust in God. He is your true sanctuary, and He is everywhere.

Love you always and forever,

Mother

Serena wiped away the tears streaming down her face. A fierce determination rose inside her. She would not let her mother's death be in vain. Many men had died fighting for their freedom and that of their family and clansmen over the years, for the generations to come. Her mother had done no less—for her.

Gavin!

He's leaving!

She pulled on her plaid, wrapped it around her arms, tucking it tight. She hurried down the hall and found Iain talking to Leith in his study.

"Please, may I borrow a horse from yer stable?" she asked.

"Aye, but are ye well enough to ride, lass?" Iain eyed her with indecision. "I thought ye didn't come down to see everyone off because ye didn't feel well."

"I feel better. Thank ye." She rushed out to the stables and ordered the lad to saddle a fast horse.

A few moments later, Serena rode out of the gate. Once she advanced beyond the huge dip in the hill and entered the pine forest, she increased her speed. She ducked low, keeping behind the animal's head. Knowing the curves well, Serena leaned to each side to keep from losing pace.