Higher (The University of Gatica #3) (10 page)

Jani repeated his words inside her head.
Lose your scholarship. Lose my scholarship?
Everything stopped. Reality set in. No, it dropped, like a piano.
Whoa! Wait a sec. Take a breather here, Jani. What’s going on? How stupid have you been?
How had she let things get this bad? One minute she was chasing a pretty boy, the next she was sitting in the head coach’s office.

This wasn’t her. She might not like school, but she wasn’t about to throw it away.
This is not me. When did it all snowball?
“I don’t want to lose my scholarship,” she whispered.
All this for a boy?

“I don’t want you to lose it either.” Coach Anderson smiled sympathetically. “I
want to step in before that happens. Gatica doesn’t want to lose you, but your current actions have to change.”

Drastically. I need to pull my head out of my arse.
She nodded, not sure what to say or how to thank Coach Anderson, but knowing she would do anything it took to stay at the school.

“No pot,” he said and held up his hand when Jani opened her mouth to protest. “That means no partying with people who are smoking up. Don’t hang with them, Jani. You are way better than that.”

“Definitely, sir.”
Carter
. His image appeared in her head and she felt sick to her stomach.

“I have to put you immediately on academic probation. You technically don’t have to start study hall until January, but I think you starting now, by your own choice, is a very smart idea.”

“I will.” She tried to get around a way to hang with Carter and not get caught.
Stop! No Carter till I’m back on track.
If he really liked her, he would understand. He could use a coach like hers. Decision made, she turned her attention back to the man in front of her.

“Your academic advisor needs to meet with you. She’s coming here, to my office, Monday morning. We are going to find you a tutor for each class you are fail—struggling with. You’ve only got a short time before exams. Let’s do everything we can to help you through them.”

Her eyes began to sting. She blinked rapidly and swallowed hard. She never cried.

“I want you to keep me in the loop. Stop in every day and let me know how things are going. I will be here to talk – I’m always here to talk with all my athletes – and when you are back where you are supposed to be,” he said smiling, confident she would be, “I want you to continue to come in and see me. If you feel anxious, or are struggling, anything. You come and talk to me, or Coach Maves.”

Jani smiled, feeling strangely safe and happy. “Coach Maves isn’t exactly, the, uh, social issue-dealing kind of person.” Her words didn’t make any sense and she waited for Anderson to reprimand her.

“She is. More than you realize.” He pursed his lips. “How about you keep your training and athletic side of school with Coach Maves, and you come and talk to me about the academic. Let me be the social issue-dealing kind of person.”

If he wasn’t on the other side of the desk, she would have hugged him. “Thanks. Just tell me what you need me to do and I’ll do it.”

“Study. Pass your exams and let your roommate rub off on you. She might be younger, but she’s a good kid. You are good for her, but she’s also good for you.”

He was right. Aileen had the academic smarts and athletic ability, but she didn’t act above Jani. Shoot, she’d been trying to help her without stepping on her toes or being a tattletale. She could have told Coach Anderson or Maves and she didn’t. One of the first things Jani needed to do was apologize to Aileen.

“What time is your first class Monday?”

“Nine.” She’d stopped going to that class because of the report she didn’t hand in, but suddenly she had the desire to go again. She wasn’t going to pass it, but at least she would be prepared for it next year when she took it again.

“Can you come by at eight? I’ll make sure I’m here.”

It meant waking up sooner than usual. She would have to lift weights at seven, wake up at six thirty. She couldn’t get into the weight room earlier because it wouldn’t be open. “Would eight fifteen be okay?” She swallowed, worried he would get mad so she rushed her words. “I have to lift and can’t get into the weight room before seven. I need an hour and then I could come straight here. I just don’t want to say eight and be late. I’ll come as quick as I can.”

He smiled, apparently appreciating her dedication to get her weights in. “Fine. I’ll have your academic advisor here and you come as soon as you can. I’d like to know what she can offer and if I need to contact anyone to help out.” He folded the file and put it back in his desk before standing up. “You are not going to be a sheep the wolves pull down, my dear. I will not let it happen.”

His comment made her smile.
That’s corny
. But she loved it. She stood and followed him out of his office. She hesitated in the hall just outside as he locked up. “Do you still need me to, uh, test? I’ll do it. I can. I’ll prove to you I haven’t put any crap into my body.” She wanted to tell him she never would smoke or do any of that stuff but decided actions spoke volumes.

He shook his head. “I believe you.” He didn’t say anything else as he began walking back to the track.

Jani walked beside him, feeling happier and better than she had in days. She had a crap load of work ahead of her, but somehow the load on her shoulders felt lighter.

“You ready to give everything you’ve got?” Coach Anderson asked as his hand rested on the handle of the fire door that led to the fieldhouse.

“A hundred and ten percent, Coach.” She did not want to disappoint him.

“Good. No more skipping practice for swim meets?”

She blinked and nearly stumbled. Did he know about Carter? He probably knew everything. “No more swim meets.”

“At least till after exams.”

“Okay.” She was pretty sure he meant no more Carter, but she had no intention of asking him to be sure.

“Let’s get back to practice then. I’m sure Coach Maves is waiting for you.”

Jani made a face. “You’re probably right.” Maves was going to be mad.

Coach Anderson chuckled. “She’ll be fine.” He pulled open the door and gestured for Jani to go through first.

“I hope so,” Jani muttered under her breath. Coach Maves wouldn’t be as compassionate as Anderson. Maves didn’t forget anything.

Maves surprised Jani. She handed Jani her workout and didn’t ask her any questions or treat her any differently. Jani wondered if Anderson had told Maves what was going on. It hadn’t seemed like she knew when Jani first arrived at practice, but then again, this team was turning out to be more of a family than a bunch of individual event people.

Jani kept her head down and put everything into the workout. Maves wanted three sets of three two hundreds, with a minute rest and then a three minute rest between sets. Jani had every intention of not disappointing her. Aileen ran the repeat two hundreds with her and for once, Jani was pushing Aileen to go harder.

At the end of the nine two hundreds, they both stood, hands on knees trying to force gallons of oxygen into their chests. Aileen looked up at Jani and started laughing. It turned into a sad cough and then Jani started laughing.

“You kicked my butt today. What’s gotten into you, monster woman?” Aileen teased.

“I needed that.” She walked over and hugged her roommate. “I’m sorry.”

“About what?” A single eyebrow rose on Aileen’s pretty face.

“The past few weeks. Being a jerk, being selfish, having you cover for me, everything. It’s done. I’m going to focus back on school. Just school and track. I have to.”

Aileen glanced at Coach Anderson and then back at Jani. “Is that what earlier was about?”

Jani nodded. “I have some serious catching up to do.” She sighed.

“You’ll do it.”

“I hope so. I don’t want to lose my scholarship.”

“Pardon?” Aileen set her hands on her hips. “That is
not
going to happen. What can I do to help?”

Jani smiled. “Take my exams for me?” She held her hands up when Aileen tossed a towel at her. “I’m kidding!” She sighed as she dropped down to the ground and grabbed a medicine ball to start the core circuit they always did after running. She stared up at the high ceiling and held the five kilo ball in her hands, not doing anything with it. “I’m going to have to talk to Carter.”

Aileen dropped down beside her and stared at the ceiling as well. “Nobody wants to hear this, but sometimes the person you want most, is the person you’re best without.”

“I guess you’re right.” She didn’t want it to be true, but right now, Carter was not the person she needed to be with. She stared at a military emblem painted on the far corner of the roof. It had been put up there back in the forties and still remained. It had lost some of its luster but it was a constant reminder of how things had changed over time. This place had once been an airplane hangar and now it housed the indoor track. There seemed to be some kind of ironic symbolism in that, Jani just couldn’t figure it out or make it connect to her and Carter. She knew though, that staying with him was not going to benefit her. Maybe later, but not now. Part of her wondered if he would even care if she broke things off. “I’ll go see him and talk to him tomorrow.”

Aileen lay quiet beside her for a moment. Then she sat up. “How about we get this workout finished and go out for breakfast? My treat? Then we can go hit the library and spend a couple hours reading or studying or whatever. I’ll help you, Jani.”

When they started to do the circuit, Jani forced her mind to think about something that wasn’t about her. It was too depressing. “How are things going between you and Tyler?”

Aileen sent a chest pass back to Jani. “It’s okay. I don’t really see him much. Football’s crazy and now that he’s playing quarterback…” She shook her head as she caught the med ball Jani threw. “I don’t know how he does it.”

“Do you like him? Like
really
like him?”
Like I really like Carter? Focus, Jani. Not about you.

“I do, I guess. I don’t know. I’d like to get to know him more. However, hanging out is next to impossible.”

“Is he,” Jani said and gave Aileen a sly grin, “still tapping on your window?”

Aileen sent Jani a hard chest pass, forcing her to step back to absorb it. “Not in the past while. Too busy.”

“That sucks.”

“Tell me about it.” Aileen laughed. “Who needs men? They’re overrated.”

“Hell yeah.” Jani just wished she believed it. No Carter seemed pretty dark and dreary. She was pretty sure Aileen thought the same thing in regards to Tyler.

“What’s up?” Carter pulled his sunglasses off the top of his head as the sun appeared from behind a cloud. Sunday had turned into a decently nice day, especially for the first weekend of December.

Nervous, Jani had called him an hour earlier and asked if he wanted to meet her at the park to go for a walk. She had promised Aileen she would only be gone an hour and then they could go to the library to study again. “I spoke to Coach Anderson yesterday. Actually, more like, he spoke to me.” She dug through her backpack for her sunglasses and slipped them on. Something to hide behind more than block out the sun.

“What did he want?”

“He thought I had been smoking up on Friday. He wanted me to take a drug test.”

Carter shrugged. “You’d be clean. Even second hand wouldn’t have shown up.” He stopped walking. “Can he even do that? Randomly test you?”

“I suppose. He took me to his office to talk but didn’t make me pee in a cup.”
Classy, Jani, real classy.

Carter grew suspicious. “What did he want to know? You didn’t tell him I was smoking did you?”

Why would he even think that? She shook her head. “Of course not. I’m not a rat.”

“Phew! I didn’t think you would, but you never know.”

Never know what?
She wanted to get angry at him so she had a reason to be mad instead of bummed.

He put his arm around her shoulders. “I’m sure he didn’t ream you out.”

She slipped around from under his warmth. “He did. I’m behind in school.”

He shrugged. “You’ll be fine.”

“No. I won’t. I’m failing three classes.”

He blinked. “That’s not my fault.”

“I never said it was.” Why was he being so defensive? She tapped her chest. “I did this to myself. Now I have to fix it. I don’t want to lose my scholarship.”

“They won’t take it away. The school doesn’t do that.”

“According to Coach Anderson, they can. And they will, if I don’t pass my exams with high marks. One class I don’t stand a chance because I never handed in a paper, but the other two… I have to study.”

“Why did you let yourself get so behind?”

She wanted to rip his glasses off his face and throw them in the grass. Then stomp on them to make herself feel better. She smiled instead. “I got a little fascinated with a hot swimmer.”

“Again, not my fault.” He stepped back, setting his feet shoulder-width apart and his hands on his hips. “You can’t put this on me.”

“I’m not.” Why was he being so defensive? “How are your grades?”

“Fine. No problems.”

She wasn’t sure if she believed him. “Well, unfortunately mine aren’t. I’m going to have to settle down and study my butt off for exams.”

“You’ll be alright.”

“School doesn’t come easy for me.” She hated admitting it to him, but it was the truth. “I have to focus on school and track for the next while.” He didn’t seem to be catching on. “
Only
school and track.”

“Isn’t that what you’ve been doing?”

She sat down on a bench nearby. “No. I’ve been concentrating on you. Then track. Barely any school.”

“So you think I’m the bad influence?” He sat down beside her and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

“Yes. No. I… I don’t know.” She couldn’t read him and wished she knew what he was thinking. She felt awful. She didn’t want to be away from him. She blew out an exasperated breath. “I don’t want to lose my scholarship.”

He put his hand on her knee. “You won’t. Tell your coach you’re not seeing me and we’ll just keep it under the radar. I’ll stop by your place, you can stop by mine.” He grinned wickedly. “Or we can meet in some random sauna.”

When he mentioned the sauna it reminded her of almost getting caught for pot. “I can’t stand that crap. It grosses me out that you want to smoke it.”

He straightened, the confusion on his face turning to anger. “I’ve never asked you to. Or forced you to try it.” He shook his head. “You’re messed. We have a good thing and you want to throw it away?”

Jani closed her eyes, thankful the sunglasses hid the tears trying to escape their corners. “I have to get my stuff together. School’s about to get crazy-busy. You’re training for NCAAs and I’ve got indoor starting in a few weeks. I’m back in study hall. Things are just… hectic.”

“Whatever.” Carter stood and checked his phone. “Look, I gotta go. It’s no big deal. We were just foolin’ around anyways.” He kept his glasses on and turned to go. “Good luck with your schooling stuff. Hope it works out.”

Stunned by his passive brush off, Jani stayed on the bench and stared at his retreating figure. A thought crossed Jani’s mind as she watched him walk away. Did he have a message or was it just an excuse to leave?

She hoped it was an excuse. Like he was avoiding. She wanted to cry. Curl up into a ball right on the park bench and sob like a child.

Her heart hurt. Like it had just dropped from her chest cavity into a pit of fire. She could have loved him. She probably did. How could this be the right thing to do? How could he be so indifferent?

What had Aileen told her?
Sometimes the person you want most, is the person you’re best without.

Man, this sucked.