Higher Octave (Heavy Influence #2.5) (11 page)

“I see. Wow. I don’t know what to say.” Her
voice was small as she absorbed my truth.

“There’s nothing
to
say.” I laughed. “This
is what I get for being an idiot. I just hope my fans will stay my
fans. Dump was a huge, huge deal with my band. He was very loved.
This could ruin me.”

Grace groaned.

“So I’m gonna try and get ahead of it. I’m
gonna read that book, and if she fucks me, I’m gonna just come out
and admit it. Fuck that.”

“Good idea. Better to get in front of it, if
you can.”

“I really don’t want to damage her in
anyway, but what the fuck? Why would she do that? Why?”

“To clear her conscience.” Grace leaned over
her chair arm, digging in her bag taking out a blue bottle of
sunscreen. “Here, your chest is already getting pink.”

I smirked. “Are you checking me out,
Grace?”

A smile spread across her face. “You caught
me.”

“You naughty, naughty girl,” I teased,
covering my chest. She reached over, shoving my arm, and tossed the
bottle next to my leg.

“You better cover those white legs,
too.”

I laughed out loud. She was fucking with me.
“If I can recall correctly, Grace, you were just as white when I
first met you.”

She wagged her finger at me. “Okay. I’ll cut
you a break on the white legs.”

We laughed and watched as Ethan stomped over
to us. “Jake, will you help me build?” He pointed at the other kids
and pouted. “His brother is helping him, and it’s not fair!” Ethan
threw an evil eye in their direction.

“Is he being mean?” Grace asked,
concerned.

“He’s saying his is better than mine.” His
hands clinched into little fists, and then he threw out his open
palms to us. “He’s got four hands, and I only have two!”

Damn, this kid was smart.

I sucked in my laugh and copied his mad face
instead, saying, “Ahh. Well, now you have six hands!” I looked at
Grace and she shook her head no. “Come on, Mom!” I said, and hopped
up, grabbing both of her hands, forcing her to stand. “This is
serious business.”

She laughed reluctantly and
Ethan clapped. We spent the next hour building a pretty kick-ass
castle, and
Jory
cried when his mother wouldn’t come to help him and his
brother. I felt bad for the kid, but that’s how life rolls. He got
the raw deal this time around. I shrugged and winked at
Grace.

Ethan complained he was
hungry, and we packed up, with eyes on us. During our hour of
digging in the sand I was quick to notice the gawking and spotted
picture-takers. It was hard for me to hide without a shirt on,
covering my distinctive tattoo of a chick’s face, glowing eye, and
flowing hair, with blue musical notes floating through it. A
picture of it had been published more times than I could count
–
The Musical Medusa
. Grace didn’t take notice to the extra attention, except when
we ascended the stairs. A skinny dude wearing a wetsuit stopped us.
He asked to take his picture with me.

Slowly, we walked up the hill to the pizza
joint watching Ethan stick pennies into each and every meter. Grace
just shrugged her shoulders, saying, “It’s easier to just let him
do it than to argue with him. I pick my battles these days.”

Then we cruised over to the ice-cream store
on the corner. The line inside was long, and Grace piled her chair,
bag, and towels onto the wooden bench out front.

“My treat,” she chirped. “What’s your
vice?”

“Mint and chip.”

She clucked her tongue, giving me a gunshot
gesture. “You got it. Watch my stuff?”

“Sure.” She grabbed Ethan’s hand, and they
disappeared into the store. I turned, sitting, and pulled the hat
down cover my face as much as I could and waited. Then I thought I
heard her voice, Aly’s voice, and my hair stood up. Nah, it was
just someone who sounded like her. She was at school, I told
myself. I looked around, only seeing people I didn’t know, and
focused back on reading emails on my phone.

“Hey.” The voice sent me zinging, and there
she was. Aly stood in front of me. I blinked hard, not really
believing it. In an instant, chills ran over me and my palms were
soaking wet.

Fuck
. My heart raced up my throat, and I swallowed it down.
“Hey.”

“I didn’t want to walk by and not say
hello.” Her little lopsided grin tugged at me.

“What are you doing? Isn’t it a school
day?”

“Yeah, but I’m done, graduation is in a few
days…finally.” The way she looked at me ripped my heart out. We
both let that last word hang in the air for a moment, but neither
of us acknowledged it. “And I had a doctor’s appointment,” she
finished with a shrug. She looked radiant, as always, wearing
signature denim cut-offs and a tank top.

I stood up. “You’re okay, yeah?”

She nodded. “Yeah, just girl stuff.”

“Ahh.” I felt awkward. Looking directly at
her ring finger. She wasn’t wearing Nathan’s ring. I wanted to hug
her and say things to her that I knew she probably didn’t want to
hear, but I did anyway. “You look beautiful.”

She sighed, her eyes penetrating me to my
core. A tiny smiled twitched at the corners of her mouth. She was
just about to say something when Ethan’s little voice shouted my
name.

“Jake, look!” He came running out of the
storefront like a rocket, with his ice cream cone in hand, and
totally ate the pavement just feet from me. His ice cream rolled
off the cone, and he instantly wailed. I stepped quickly, pulling
him off the ground, crouching in front of him for inspection.

“You’ll be okay, buddy, take a breath,” I
said, trying to comfort him, but he had big red raspberries on both
of his elbows and his knee. I picked him up, and he wrapped his
legs and arms around me tightly, sobbing.

“My ice cream! It was my favorite,” he cried
into my neck.

“Shh, hey, we’ll get you another one.” I
said to him tenderly, rubbing his back, trying to calm him down. I
turned to face Aly and she was in shock. Then Nathan, of all
people, came out from another storefront just adjacent to the ice
cream store.

Awkward.

Fire in my stomach instantly ignited. I
really hated that guy, and I had no reason to anymore, other than
for the jealously he invoked in me.

“Um, uh,” Aly stammered. She was breathless
from the spectacle, her chest heaving. I was certain seeing me, and
having Nathan there, was part of it too. “Is he okay?” she
croaked.

“Yeah.” I chuckled it off. “He needs to slow
down. He only has one speed, and it’s fast. This is Ethan.” I
turned to show his face, but he buried it in my chest, covering it
with his hand.

Nathan’s face was stern as he rubbed Aly’s
back, not saying a word to us.

“Oh no. What happened?” Grace’s voice was
strained as she came up behind Ethan and me. “What did you do?” She
nuzzled his wet cheek, holding two ice cream cones in her
hands.

“He’ll be fine. No broken bones.”

Grace shook her head, and pain draped her
face. “I told you not to run,” she whispered in his ear.

“My ice cream,” he whimpered, “and my
boo-boos burn.”

“Hey, hey, look,” I said, detaching him from
my chest and placed him on the ground. “You can have mine if you
promise not to run when you’re not supposed to.”

He pouted, eyeballing the mint green and
chocolate ice cream in his mother’s hand, frowning. “What is it? I
don’t like that.”

“Have you had it before?” I
asked, taking it from Grace’s hand. I looked at Aly and Nathan, and
he whispered something in her ear.
What a
dick
, I thought. Maybe he didn’t like kids.
“Try it, and if you don’t like it, we’ll go get you what you
want.”

Ethan barely licked the mound of ice cream I
put in front of his face. I could tell he liked it, but he didn’t
want to admit it.

“Okay,” I said. “I guess you’ll have to wait
in that long line again.” I pulled the cone back and gave it a
lick.

“No! I like it. Gimme, gimme,” his green
eyes begged me, reaching up to me for the cone.

“Um,” Aly waved her hand at me. “We gotta
go.”

“See ya.” I nodded, looking away from her
like I didn’t care. I didn’t want to be so short with her, but how
else was I supposed to act? Seeing her made me all sorts of
confused. Nathan didn’t even look at me, only nodding his head to
Grace in passing.

“Do you want some of mine?” She offered her
cone to me.

“Nah.” I removed my hat, wiping my forehead,
and watched Ethan as he went to town on the ice cream.

“What’s wrong?” Grace’s brow furrowed,
concerned. She didn’t put two and two together. She must not have
known what Aly looked like. “You don’t look well.”

“That was Alyssa…with Nathan.”

***

Grace and I didn’t say anything to each
other as we packed her things in her car. I could barely look at
Grace. I was embarrassed for being so sensitive. We only talked
with Ethan about our fun day while she drove me home. I didn’t
think twice about leaning over giving Grace a kiss on the cheek
when I said goodbye, thanking her. I even lingered for a moment,
allowing my hurt and anger to control my needy urge for affection,
until Ethan started laughing at us.

What was I thinking?
Ugh.

I couldn’t act that way in front of him.
What was wrong with me? I mentally slapped myself as I walked
through my front door, confused and heartbroken.

I sat in my living room,
staring up at the white ceiling fan that whirled around over my
head. Trying not to think about Alyssa and Nathan. She really was
with him, and it was killing me. I just didn’t know how to let
it
or
her go, but
I had to figure it out. I couldn’t let not having her consume me,
but it did…

She wasn’t married yet. I still had a
chance. I would figure out her volleyball tournament schedule and
go to a game. I would go to her university graduation.

Switching gears now that I
had a sort-of-plan, I lifted my legs up onto the coffee table and
stared at the pile of Sienna’s stuff. I looked at the time and
laughed, because it didn’t matter what time it was. I really didn’t
have anything going on. The songs Bobby and I had recorded were
being mastered. Notting was finalizing my European tour with my
booking agent, and all I was supposed to be doing was writing
music
…and I did that
, I told myself, trying to not feel like such a lazy
loser.

“Sienna, what are you up to?” I said to no
one, and reached for the manuscript and pictures.

I stared at the pictures of Sienna and her
sister, Stephanie. The chick she was with was definitely her older
sister, and the man and kid must have been Steph’s family. I don’t
know how long I stared at the pictures in a trance, but a knock at
the door rattled me to wake up. I sat there for a long moment,
hoping the person would go away. Only three people knew where I
lived, and all would have called before coming over. But the person
didn’t go away, and kept knocking. My throat closed thinking it
might have been Mr. Todd again.

When I opened the door I was shocked to shit
to see Grace standing there. “What are you doing here? You okay?” I
stepped toward her, searching her face.

Concern leaked out of her
eyes. “Are
you
okay?”

“Where’s Ethan?”

“He’s at home, with Ester.”

“I’m fine. I’ll be fine.” I backed inside
the door. “Come, come in.”

Grace passed me, wringing her hands. “I
wanted to talk more, but Ethan…”

“I know, and I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to act
that way.” I shook my head. “I’m sorry.”

She followed me into the living room, and I
collapsed on the sofa next to the Sienna stuff. “This is the book.”
I held up the bound stack of white papers. “And this is her and her
sis.” I tossed the pictures onto the table, and Grace reached for
them as she sat down next to me.

Embarrassment filled me. I still couldn’t
believe I tried to kiss her goodbye in front of her kid. “Grace,
I’m really sorry. Ethan shouldn’t be witness to shit like that, I
know better…I swear I know better.”

“It’s okay.”

I sunk down into my seat, pulling my hair,
and flung my legs up on to the coffee table with a loud thud. “It’s
a tough pill to swallow. You know.” I threw my hand out to her.
“You plan your life, and then it all goes to shit. Just like that.”
I felt stupid for comparing my life to hers, because there was no
comparison at all. “You know what I’m trying to get at. It’s all
relative.”

I glanced over to Grace. She looked so
pretty, staring at me with deep, caring eyes that pulled me in.
“Grace, you shouldn’t be here. I…”

“What do you mean?” She looked away from me,
running her hands over her thighs, smoothing her dress. “I’m sorry.
I just wanted to make sure you were okay. You were pretty upset,
and you said you’ve always had a hard time dealing…”

“I know,” I sighed heavily. She was
referring to my drug problem. “I’m okay now.” My arms fell to my
sides and I took Grace in with my eyes.

She really shouldn’t be here.

And as if she read my mind, she said words
that warmed my heart. “I want to be here, Jake.” Her voice was low,
soft and sweet. She shook her head. “I know I shouldn’t be here
either, but I want to be here…right now, I want to be here.” She
sat up straight. “What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know. I mean, I
have a plan, but I don’t really want to talk about it right now.” I
reached over to her and took her hand. I wanted to, I
needed
to hold her. I
needed her to hold me back.