High-Risk Fever (16 page)

“Oh God.” He gasped, as if stricken by pain. “I didn’t want you to think I’m a pig like all those men who watch dirty videos and cheat on their wives. I’m not like that. I’ve never cheated on you, and by fucking God, I never will.” He glanced at her.

“I know you’re not a pig, Brian.”

“Listen.” His voice softened. “To me, you’re the sweetest, nicest person in the world. And I want you to have the same impression of
me
and love me the same way.”

“Well, having secrets won’t get you that.”

“Baby, I was so afraid you’d kick me out of the house if you knew.”

“Well, you were wrong. In fact, I like the idea of watching these things with you.”

He widened his eyes and stared, mouth agape. “You’re kidding.”

“No, it’s true.”

“Nah, c’mon. They’re my personal fantasies, what I get off on. Not yours.”

“I’m telling you. Share them with me.”

“You’d probably think they’re disgusting.”

She chuckled. “Try me. If I like them, they can add something to our relationship, give us ideas. It would do us a world of good.”

“You think?”

“Oh yes, it’s always good to spice things up a bit, keep the sex interesting.”

“Hmm.”

“I mean, it’s like food. You’re a
chef de cuisine
, so you know what I mean. You don’t want to prepare the same meal every day. You want to vary a little bit, try new ingredients, new flavors, new methods, new positions….”

He chuckled. “New what?”

She sent him a teasing look and burst into laughter. What a refreshing feeling!

He grinned, and they held each other’s eyes for a moment.

“You’ve mentioned this before.” He nodded. “I guess I wasn’t listening.”

“No, you weren’t, and I don’t know why.”

“Well, now I am.” His fingers stroked hers, played with her wedding band. “You know what? That changes everything. And it’s pretty cool, actually, ’cause one of the pages I checked out sells sexy underwear online.” He grinned, caressing her hand. “I saw a lot of really nice lingerie.”

“Hmm.” She smiled. “Maybe you could pick something for me.”

“Absolutely. Something
you
would like, too. I want you to be happy, you know.”

Ah, but
that
would take more than sexy lingerie. She recalled holding baby Désirée in her hands last night, and how tempting it was to kiss and smell the little bundle. If she had a little someone like that to love.... She lowered her gaze. “You know what would make me happy.”

“We’ve been through that, sweetie.”

“Look, Brian. I’ve got everything in life, but, without a baby, I can’t feel like a full person.”

“We have to try more. And now that we agree on the lingerie….” He grinned again.

No
. She withdrew her hand, got out of bed, and walked to the window.

The storm had stilled. Timid sun rays peeked from underneath a few remaining clouds. In the garden, a squirrel sat on a tree branch, licking raindrops from the bark.

She shook her head. “No. We’ve tried for so long, and it’s obvious there’s a problem.”

“C’mon, Anne. Honestly. It can’t be me. I mean, you’ve seen my—”

No need to turn to see the large grin on his face. But it was nonsense. From the research she had conducted on the subject, the size of a penis had nothing to do with fertility. And
she
had always been regular, had no reason to believe something was wrong with her.

“My body functions normally.” She gazed at the delicately swaying tree branches outside. Nature had survived the storm.

I’ll win, too
.

She sighed. “But
I
am willing to have myself checked, and I wish you would agree to do the same.”

“No! I don’t want some lab to test me and have the right to label me as in-fucking-capable, a sick freak.”

“So we’ll never be certain.” Her throat tightened, but she swallowed the lump. She had to stay calm and keep her head cool.

After a long silence, he came up behind her and wrapped strong arms around her stomach. His large body embraced and sheltered her. “I’m sorry.”

“Years will pass, nothing will happen, and you’ll keep saying it’s my fault.”

“I wish there was another way of finding out.”

“There is.” He didn’t ask what she meant, so she continued with the next exhale of breath, “I can try with someone else.”

“What?” He froze then snickered. “You gotta be crazy. You think I’ll let you sleep with another guy?”

Her heart sank lower than she had thought possible. But, of course, he had to say that. What else did she expect?

She pivoted in his arms to face him, and filled her gaze and voice with intensity. “Please.”

He stared, eyes wide, before removing his arms from around her. A chill replaced the warmth of his large body. “No. I’ll never allow that.”

“Then go to the doctor.”

“No fucking way.”

Wincing, she looked down at his chest and fixed her gaze on a shirt button.

His hands flew up. “I can’t believe I’m hearing this! You’re giving me two options, two fucking
evils
, and telling me to choose the lesser of them. Jesus! I mean, think of this. Do I prefer to have my wife inseminated by another guy, or an arsenal of tests to determine my fertility?”

She looked up into his eyes again, but didn’t say a word.

“Fuck.” He ran a hand over his face. “The things you ask from me, woman.”

She swallowed. “It could be very nice, you know. Where you would be part of the act, and the three of us made the baby together. I’ve heard of couples who did that.”

“A threesome?”

“Oui. He does me and I do you. But with the aim to make a baby. Like a ceremony.”

“I dunno.” He shook his head. “I swear to fucking God, this is very hard. You’re asking me to…. But I can’t stand seeing you like this. It’s breaking my heart. I want you to be happy, sweetie.”

His words caused her chest to constrict. She understood his distress.

“Fuck.” He scratched his head. “Fuck, fuck, fuck. Then”—he took a deep breath and looked up to the ceiling—“then do it quick before I change my mind.”

What?
With a squeal, she jumped into his arms and wrapped hers around his neck. “
Merci, merci, merci!
”

Hazel eyes tense, he took her face in his hands and kissed her. “I have no idea what the hell I’m embarking on, but at least you know how much I love you.”

“Yes, yes, I do.” She returned the kiss, pressing her lips against his with a fierceness and warmth she had seldom experienced with him. His bighearted decision made her love him even more, and the secrets he had kept from her were all forgiven.

“Okay, you crazy one.” He gently held her at arm’s length. “And with whom would we do it?”

Her mind raced. The most important point was agreed upon, now on to the next, the “inseminator.” But she wanted
him
to be the one that suggested Mica, not her. “I have no idea. It could be anyone. It doesn’t have to be someone we know.”

“Hmm. A guy who wouldn’t be around too much afterwards and interfere in the upbringing, ya know what I mean.”

“One of the tenants, maybe?”

His brows shot up. “Yup. Chances are he wouldn’t come back.”

“Exactly.” Her chest tightened. Mica was going to live with Todd in another country and probably not return here. She would never see him again. And with Todd searching for a new bed and breakfast, the moment to say good-bye was coming fast. They would leave as soon as Mica felt strong enough for a bike ride.

“But there’s no one here, now.”

She clenched her fists. They were getting near, so near. “The bicyclists.”

Oh, she had said it, mentioned the very thing she’d waited for all this time, since the day the guys arrived on their bikes and Mica so mischievously fixed her with his smoldering black gaze.

Brian stared, eyes wide, then snorted. “C’mon, they’re gay. They would never want to sleep with you.”

If you knew
….

She nodded. “Micaela has a son. So we know he can”—Brian’s silent stare forced out the next words—“have a child.”

He blinked. “He does? He’s had a girlfriend?”

God, why did he have to spell it out? Jealousy stung in her chest. Mica not only had a lover
now
, but he had slept with and loved another
woman
in the past, too.

She swallowed and held his gaze. “Yes.”

“Well, I’ll be damned.”

“Hmm.” She blew out a slow breath and tried to keep her features placid.

“Okay. You…um….” He cleared his throat. “I think you know the boys better than me. Wanna ask them? This whole thing makes me really uncomfortable, and the less I have to deal with it, the better.”

“Sure.” She made an inward sigh of relief. How lucky that he let her handle this. It was crucial that he didn’t come with her, in case Todd still resented her and mentioned what happened between her and Mica in the kitchen.

“Go, then.” He smiled. “Go, babe, before I change my mind.”

She hugged him one last time, slipped out of his embrace, and exited the room. Achieving this hadn’t been easy, but the next part wouldn’t be any easier. Her pulse hammered so hard in her ears, it drowned all other sounds.

Anne stood in the hall facing the boys’ room and hesitated. Low voices sounded through the door. She clenched and unclenched her fists. There was no guarantee her plan would succeed, because Todd had every right to refuse.

Her stomach knotted so painfully, she thought she was going to throw up.

Mon Dieu. Get a grip
.

She braced herself, took a couple of deep breaths, and knocked twice on the door.

After a short silence, Todd’s voice came from the other side. “Yeah?”

She pressed the handle, and the door opened quietly, smoothly, as if in a dream. Bright light from a lamp in the ceiling flowed into the hall. She resisted the impulse to look up and check out the hole.

Don’t. Keep cool.

“What do you want, Anne?” Todd asked from the window. He leaned cross-armed against the frame, emerald eyes as dark as earlier and a frown marring his forehead.

She stepped inside, her knees trembling, close to buckling.

Mica lay slumped in bed, his back resting against a couple of pillows, glass of water in hand and a pill in the other. He glanced at her before tossing the pill into his mouth, swallowing it with a sip of water.

She held her breath. “I have to ask a big favor. From the both of you.” She gazed from one to the other, their eyes fixed on her. “Brian and I have wanted a baby for a long time, but it seems we need help from another person. Another man. We—” Her throat tightened, and she swallowed to fight back a rush of hot tears. “We don’t know if it’s him or me, but we have to try. We’re desperate.”

Todd stared at her. “Lemme get this straight. You want one of us to sleep with you? Preferably Micaela, hmm?”

God, this was difficult. She gave a faint nod. It seemed her lungs couldn’t get enough air. Her heartbeat pounded in her head, deafening and dizzying. She waited, petrified, expecting Todd’s anger to explode with the same intensity as earlier.

But he stood silently, staring at her.

She sucked in a breath. “After what happened this morning, I understand.”

“You know.” He gave a deep sigh. “I'll allow it, because I can relate.”

Oh!
Mouth agape, she stared back without a word.

He sent Mica a glance. “You see, he’s told me what happened, how you were so devastated by this problem, he wanted to console you. And it got a little…out of hand. I can understand that. It’s okay to fail. We’re only human. As long as you’re honest about it.”

Blood pulsed in her ears as his words penetrated her foggy mind. She didn’t dare look at Mica, but sent him a silent, gigantic
thank you
for so cleverly saving both their asses.

Todd nodded. “When I said I can relate, it’s ’cause he’s suffering a lot from the loss of his son, and that touches me, too. Ennio should be a son to me, but his mother’s refusal to cooperate makes it so hard to….” Gaze fixed on her, he spread his hands.

The pain in his emerald eyes was evident. She wasn’t the only one hurting.

He glanced again at Mica, who stared at the empty glass in his hands, biting his lips. “He and I will obviously never have a kid, so we’re in this shit together, and we’ll grow old and lonely. But what I’m thinkin’ now is if he had a kid with you, it would be mine, too, indirectly. That would solve our problem. The only thing I’d ask for”—Todd looked back at her—“is that you allow me to be present during the…uh…conception. And that we get to see the kid afterwards. That you allow us to be reserve daddies.”

The last point wasn’t exactly according to Brian’s idea, but she could only agree to Todd’s legitimate terms. She gave a small nod.

“If this works, if you
do
get pregnant, don’t shut us off from the kid’s life.”

“I won’t, I promise.” She tried to ignore the pounding in her chest. “So, when do you want to…uh…
do
it?” She gazed from one to the other.

Black diamonds shimmering, Mica looked up and lifted questioning brows in Todd’s direction.

Todd sent him a long, intense look. “Whenever you’re ready, Mica. I’m okay with it.”

After an eternal moment of returning his stare, Mica’s voice came out as a croak. “Any time.”

They both turned to her, and the tension in her chest evaporated. She breathed out her relief. “Oh. I don’t know what to say.”

Todd shrugged with a smile. “Just get ready.”

“Yes.”

“How about we meet up in ten? Is that enough time for you?”

She nodded, tears filling her eyes as she gave both guys long stares of gratitude.

“That’s great.” He grinned. “Can’t wait to see how that goes, actually. It should be pretty exciting. We’ll see you in your room.”

She gave Mica a last glance.

He was looking at her with a warm smile.

Ecstatic, she left the room and danced on her way to the main bathroom.