High Five (16 page)

"No, but he'll be around. He always comes to eat Saturday dinner with Mama. He is such a loser."

"Would you mind doing lookout for me? I'd do it myself, but I have to go to a wedding this afternoon."

"Oh my God. You're going to Julie Morelli's wedding! It's true about you and Joe."

"What about me and Joe?"

"I heard you were living with him."

"I had a fire in my apartment, and I rented a room from him for a short time."

Sandy's face scrunched up in disappointment. "You mean you weren't sleeping with him?"

"Well, yeah, I guess I was sleeping with him."

"Oh my God. I knew it! I just knew it! What's he like? Is he excellent? Is he . . . you know, big? He doesn't have a little twinkie, does he? Oh, God, don't tell me if he has a little twinkie."

I looked at my watch. "Gee, look at the time. I have to be going—"

"Oh, you've got to tell me or I'll die!" Sandy said. "I had
such
a crush on him in high school.
Everyone
did. If you tell me, I swear I won't tell another soul."

"Okay, it's not a little twinkie."

Sandy looked at me expectantly.

"That's it," I said.

"Did he tie you up? He always looked like the kind of guy who liked to tie women up."

"No! He didn't tie me up!" I gave her my card. "Listen, if you see Alphonse, give me a call. Try my cell phone number first, and if that doesn't work, try my pager."

I WAS SUPER late when I barreled through the back door to my apartment building. I quickly crossed to the bank of mailboxes on the far side of the lobby, spun the dial on my box, and grabbed my mail. A phone bill, a wad of junk mail, and an envelope from RangeMan Enterprises. My curiosity was stronger than my desire to be punctual, so I tore the RangeMan envelope open on the spot. RangeMan Enterprises is Ricardo Carlos Manoso. Better known as Ranger. Incorporated as RangeMan.

It was a payroll check issued by Ranger's accountant, paying me for the two jobs I screwed up. I had a moment of guilt, but brushed it aside. I didn't have time to feel guilty right now.

I rushed upstairs, hurled myself into the shower, and was out in record time. I went for the big soft curly look to my hair, natural frosted polish on my nails, and an extra sweep of mascara on my lashes. I tugged the little black dress into place, checked myself out in the mirror, and thought I looked pretty darn good.

I transferred a few things to a small black beaded purse, hooked a pair of long, dangly rhinestone earrings into my ears, and slipped my faux-diamond cocktail ring onto my ring finger.

My apartment is on the parking-lot side of the building, and my bedroom window opens to an old-fashioned fire escape. More modern buildings have balconies instead of fire escapes. Those buildings charge twenty-five dollars more a month than mine for rent, so I like my fire escape just fine.

The only problem with the fire escape is that people can climb up as well as down. Now that Ramirez was back on the street, I checked my bedroom window fourteen times a day to make sure it was locked. And when I left the apartment, not only was the window locked, but the curtain was pushed open, so I could immediately see upon entering the room if the window was broken.

I went to the kitchen to say good-bye to Rex. I gave him a green bean from my cache of leftovers and told him not to worry if I came home late. He watched me for a beat and then took the bean to his soup can. "Don't look at me like that," I said to Rex. "I'm
not
going to sleep with him."

I looked down at the black dress with the low scoop neck and slinky little skirt. Who was I kidding? Morelli wouldn't waste any time getting me out of this dress. We'd be lucky if we got to the wedding at all. Is that what I wanted? Shit. I didn't know what I wanted.

I ran back to the bedroom, kicked off the heels, and shimmied out of the black dress. I tried on a tan suit, a red knit dress, an apricot cocktail dress, and a gray silk suit. I ransacked my closet some more and came up with a tea-length rayon dress. It was a soft teal color with a small pink rose print and a skirt that was soft and swirly. It wasn't hot like the little black dress, but it was sexy in an understated romantic way. I changed my pantyhose, junked the earrings, dropped the dress over my head, shoved my feet into low-heeled shoes, and dumped the contents of the black purse into a small tan bag.

I had just buttoned the last button on the dress when the doorbell rang. I grabbed a sweater and hustled to get the door. I threw the door open and didn't see anyone.

"Down here."

It was Randy Briggs.

"Why aren't you in jail?"

"I made bail," he said. "Again. And thanks to you I don't have anyplace to live."

"You want to run that by me again?"

"You wrecked my door, and while I was in jail, thieves came in and ransacked my apartment. Stole everything and set fire to my couch. Now I don't have anyplace to live while they fix my apartment. And when your cousin wrote my bail he said I had to have an address. So here I am."

"Vinnie sent you here?"

"Yeah. Isn't that a kick in the ass? You want to help me with this stuff I've got?"

I stuck my head out the door. Briggs had a couple big suitcases propped against the wall.

"You are
not
living here," I told him. "You must be crazy to think for a single moment that I'd let you live here."

"Listen, Toots, I don't like it any more than you do. And believe me, I'll be out of here as soon as possible." He pushed past me, wheeling one of the suitcases. "Where's my bedroom?"

"You don't have a bedroom," I said. "This is a one-bedroom apartment. And that one bedroom is
mine
."

"Christ," he said, "when was the last time you got laid? You need to relax a little." He had the second suitcase by the handle.

"Halt!" I said, blocking the doorway. "You are
not
living here. You aren't even
visiting
here."

"This is what it says on my bond agreement. Call your ratfaced cousin and ask. You want to violate my bond agreement? You want to come after me again?"

I held my ground.

"It's only for a couple days. They have to put down a new rug and put in a new door. And in the meantime I have a job to do. Which, by the way, thanks to you again, I'm behind schedule."

"I don't have time to stand here and argue. I'm going out, and there's no way I'm leaving you alone in my apartment."

He put his head down and pushed past me. "Don't worry about it. I'm not interested in hocking your silverware. I just want a place to work." He flopped the suitcase on its back, unzipped it, took out a laptop computer, and set it on my coffee table.

Shit.

I dialed Vinnie at home. "What's the deal with Briggs?" I asked.

"He needed a place to stay, and I thought if he stayed with you, you could keep an eye on him."

"Are you nuts?'

"It's only for a couple days until they get a door on his apartment. Which, for your information, I took a lot of grief over. You
destroyed
that door."

"I don't baby-sit FTAs."

"He's harmless. He's just a little guy. And besides, he threatened me with a civil liberties suit. And if he goes through with it, you're not gonna come out looking like roses. You beat the shit out of him."

"I didn't!"

"Look, I gotta go. Just humor him, will you?"

Vinnie disconnected.

Briggs was on the couch, booting up his computer. He was sort of cute with his little legs sticking out. Kind of like a big, cranky doll with a bashed-in face. He had a Band-Aid across his broken nose, and a beauty of a black eye. I didn't think he could win a lawsuit, but I didn't want to put it to the test.

"This comes at a bad time for me," I said to him. "I have a date."

"Yeah, I bet that's a big event in your life. And just between you and me, that dress is a dud."

"I like this dress. It's romantic."

"Men don't like romantic, Sis. Men like sexy. Short and tight. Something you can get your hand up real easy. And I'm not saying
I'm
like that . . . I'm just telling you about men."

I heard the elevator doors open down the hall. Morelli was here. I snatched my sweater and handbag and ran for the door. "Don't touch
anything
," I said. "When I get back I'm going to inspect this apartment, and it better be exactly the way I left it."

"I go to bed early, so be quiet if you get home late. Being that you're wearing that dress, I don't guess I have to worry about you spending the night with this guy."

I met Morelli in the hall. "Hmm," Morelli said when he saw me. "Pretty, but not what I'd expected."

I couldn't say the same for him. He was
exactly
what I'd expected. He was edible. California-cut charcoal silk gabardine suit, French-blue shirt, very cool tie. Black Italian loafers.

"What did you expect?" I asked.

"Higher heels, shorter skirt, more breast."

Damn that Briggs. "I had another outfit," I told him, "but I had to use my little black beaded purse with it, and it was too small to hold my cell phone and pager."

"This is a wedding," Morelli said. "You don't need a cell phone and pager."

"You have a pager clipped to your belt."

"It's this job I'm on. We're close to wrapping it up, and I don't want to miss the takedown. I'm working with a couple Treasury guys who make me look like a Boy Scout."

"Dirty?"

"Crazy."

"I got a break today with Uncle Fred. I found a woman who saw Fred talking to a man in a suit. And then they got in the man's car and drove away."

"You should call Arnie Mott and let him know what you've got," Morelli said. "You don't want to withhold information on a possible kidnapping and murder."

HOLY ASCENSION CHURCH had a small lot that was already filled. Morelli parked a block and a half from the church and blew out a sigh. "I don't know why I agreed to do this. I should have pulled duty."

"Weddings are fun."

"Weddings suck."

"What don't you like about weddings?"

"I have to talk to my relatives."

"Okay, I'll concede you that one. What else?"

"I haven't been to church in a year. The Monsignor's going to assign me to Hell."

"Maybe you'll see Fred there. I don't think he went to church, either."

"And I have to wear a suit and tie. I feel like my uncle Manny."

His uncle Manny was a construction expediter. Manny could expedite the completion of a building project by insuring that no unexplained fires would take place during the construction process.

"You don't look like your uncle Manny," I said. "You look very sexy." I felt the material in his trouser leg. "This is a beautiful suit."

His eyes softened. "Yeah?" His voice pitched low. "Why don't we skip the wedding. We could still go to the reception."

"The reception isn't for another hour. What would we do?"

He slid his arm along the back of my seat and twirled a curl around his finger.

"No!" I said, trying to get some conviction behind it.

"We could do it in the truck. We've never done it in the truck."

Morelli drove a four-wheel drive Toyota pickup. It was pretty nice, but it wasn't going to replace a queen-size bed. And besides, my hair would get mussed. Not to mention I was afraid Bunchy might be watching. "I don't think so," I said.

He brushed his lips across my ear and told me some of the things he wanted to do to me. A rush of heat fluttered through my stomach. Maybe I should reconsider, I thought. I liked all of those things. A lot.

A mile-long car pulled to the curb behind us.

"Damn," Morelli said. "It's my uncle Dominic and aunt Rosa."

"I didn't know you had an uncle Dominic."

"He's from New York State. And he's in retail," Morelli said, opening his door. "Don't ask him too many questions about the business."

Aunt Rosa was out of the car and running toward us. "Joey," she yelled. "Let me look at you. It's been so long. Look, Dominic, it's little Joey."

Dominic ambled up and nodded at Joe. "Long time."

Joe introduced me.

"I heard you had a girl," Rosa said, talking to Joe, beaming at me. "It's about time you settled down. Give your mother more grandchildren."

"One of these days," Joe said.

"You're not getting any younger. Pretty soon it'll be too late."

"It's never too late for a Morelli," Joe said.

Dominic made a move like he was going to smack Joe in the head. "Wise guy," he said. Then he smiled.

THERE ARE ONLY a few places big enough to handle an Italian wedding reception in the Burg. Julie Morelli held hers in the back room of Angio's. The room could hold two hundred and was reaching maximum capacity when Joe and I arrived.

"And when is your wedding?" Joe's Aunt Loretta wanted to know, smiling broadly, giving Joe the squinty eye. She shook her finger at him. "When are you going to make an honest woman out of this poor thing? Myra, come here," she called. "Joe's here with his girl."