High (20 page)

Chapter Nineteen

He didn’t say another word as he helped
her into the car, but he kept his arm around her shoulders, and her head tucked
beneath his chin as they were driven back home.

Her furtive glances showed his face set
in hard lines, his eyes containing a faraway look that made her chest tighten.

“What the hell just happened?” she
blurted before she could stop herself.

“We broke the law but didn’t get
caught,” he replied.

“I’m not talking about—”

His grip tightened around her
shoulders. “I know. I don’t have any answers, Bethany. This is a first for me,
too.”

She noted that his fingers trembled
against her naked skin. It sent a shudder through her to think that whatever
was happening affected him just as much as it did her.

“That’s it? We’re both just going to
flounder without talking about it?”

His sigh held a wealth of weariness.
“What do you want me say? That I don’t know what possesses me when we touch?
That I crave you beyond reason? You already know that. I want you dripping in
sweat, pleading for mercy, and screaming for more when I fuck you. I want you
mindless. I want you insane for me. Then I want us to repeat the cycle all over
again until one of us passes out.”

An icy shiver bumped along her skin.
“What I’d like to know is why that makes you unhappy.”

“Perhaps because I’ve never felt like
this before. And it scares the crap out of me.”

Her breath caught. Pulling back she
looked into his face.

Darkened grey eyes stared deep into
hers, letting her see the truth of his words. Her heart beat a tattoo far
different and far more soul shaking than the sex they’d just had against the
alley wall.

Zach Savage was baring a little of his
soul to her. The knowledge made her reel. “Zach…”

He sucked in a long, slow breath. “I’ve
been your slave since the moment I laid eyes on you. Nothing pleases more than
to see you smile, see you laugh, see you happy. I’m sorry my thoughtlessness
tonight made you jealous. But even when I looked at another woman, I was
thinking about you. That’s what you’ve done to me, Peaches. And yes, it scares
me like nothing ever has before.”

That floored her. He said it so simply,
so matter-of-factly. But then no one had put her first. Ever. Not when it
counted and certainly not like this. And she found it really hard to deal with.

She was still trying when he grabbed
her by the waist.

“Now you need to say something before I
lose my mind.”

“I think I’m falling in love with you,”
she blurted.

He froze and stared at her, nostrils
pinched as he paled slightly. “Jesus…” he finally breathed.

Her heart leapt into her throat. “Is
that a good Jesus or a very bad Jesus?”

He shook his head. “It’s an
I-wasn’t-expecting-that Jesus.”

Her strangled laughter made him raise
an eyebrow at her. “Seriously? You’re one of the most dynamic, sexiest men on
the planet. You’ve been the equivalent of a force ten gale since we met, Zach.
I’ve lost several metaphorical nails hanging on for sheer survival.”

He frowned. “What are you talking
about?”

She laughed. “Why does the fact that
you don’t even recognize just how incredible you are surprise me?”

“If you’re talking about sex—”

“I’m talking about sex, and I’m talking
about the things you say to me, the way you look after me, what you did for me
yesterday. Sure, there’s a huge amount I want to know, but what I know now
makes it easy for me to fall for you.”

His eyelids swept down, shielding his
expression. “Don’t fall too fast, Bethany. I may not live up to your
expectations in the long run.” The hard, implacable note in his voice triggered
naked fear down her spine.

“Why do you say that?”

He shook his head. “There are things
about me, you don’t know, things I can’t tell you…”

“You can tell me anything, Zach.”

The SUV bumped over a pothole and he glanced
away from her. She watched his profile turn remote as he stared out of the
window. Jaw tight, he exhaled harshly and shook his head. “No, I can’t. I’d
much rather you left me because of something I’m keeping from you than because
of something that would make you despise me.”

Her breath fractured in her chest. “You
think whatever you’re keeping from me will make me leave you? What did I say to
you this morning in your study?”

His lips firmed. “That the only way I’d
make you unhappy is to push you away.”

“Yes. And if you’re already
anticipating that I’ll leave, then where does that leave us?”

He faced her again, and cradled her
face in his hand as the SUV slowed to a stop. “This isn’t a small thing, Bethany.
It’s fucking huge and I…I can’t risk it ending us. You mean too much for me to
let that happen. And yes, it sounds incredibly selfish, but give us a little
more time, baby. Please?”

Her heart pounded long and hard. “I
can’t wait forever, Zach.”

He nodded. “I know, and I appreciate
that.” Leaning forward he kissed her with deep reverence. “Thank you.”

They went into the house and headed
upstairs. In the shower, he washed her body with the same reverence with which he’d
kissed her.

But their hunger for each other raged
just as strongly as it had in the alleyway and soon the atmosphere of the
simple shower changed to heat and passion. Before her senses flooded with
everything that was Zachary Savage, she pulled away.

“Let’s make a deal.”

Suspicion clouded his eyes. “Not if
you’re about to try that thing you did with the belt again.”

“How can I? You burned it to a crisp,
remember?”

“I remember. But you’ve proven how
resourceful you are. Bethany, I’m pretty damn sure I’ll fuck this up in some
way before I get some things right. I only ask that you don’t punish me that
way.”

The deep hurt in his eyes shocked her.

She touched his face, loved the feel of
his rough five-o’clock shadow against her palm. “It was less than five minutes,
Zach.”

A deep shudder raked through his frame.
“It felt like a fucking lifetime.”

“Oh, baby.” She started to lean down to
kiss his lips. Kiss him better. His grip tightened. She raised her gaze to his
and saw the determination in his eyes.

He meant to extract the promise from
her. Nothing else would satisfy this man who had everything and yet seemed to
want her with a passion that swept her clean away every time.

“I promise I’ll never keep myself away
from you like that ever again.”

His massive chest sagged with his
relieved exhalation. When he grinned, he looked years younger and the wicked
twinkle in his eyes made her heart catch. “Thank you. It’s for your own good,
you know?”

“Don’t get cocky, Savage. I’ve just
made you a heartfelt promise. Watch your step.”

“Yeah, but you never go back on your
promises. It’s one of the first things I learned about you. And when I said it
was for your own good, I meant I saw how withholding yourself from me
distressed you, too. That sweet cunt of yours needs constant and careful
attention. I need to know that I can give it that attention whenever necessary.”

“Oh, what, so all of a sudden, you’re
necessary for me?”

“I’m necessary for you, just as you’re
necessary for me. The thought of not having access kills me. I need you.” He
kissed her.

She lived in the world’s most
cosmopolitan city, yet she’d never met anyone who could create such emotional havoc
using only his words the way Zachary Savage could.

“What are you thinking?” he murmured
against her mouth.

“I’m thinking we haven’t discussed my
deal yet.”

He pulled back and stared down at her,
his eyes suddenly serious. “I know what you want, and I agree,” he blurted as
if the words scalded his mouth.

“Really, you agree to reveal one detail
about yourself to me every day?”

“You mean like my shoe size or which
way I load my junk?” he teased but the wariness remained.

She slapped his arm and earned herself
a quick, hard kiss. “No, I’m pretty sure I know the answer to both of those. I
mean until you’re ready to tell me this big thing that could end us, you can
tell me things like who your high school crush was, what you did with your
first paycheck, that sort of thing.”

He switched off the shower, grabbed a
towel and wrapped it around her. “Well, today’s answer is easy. I didn’t have a
high school crush.”

“Oh,” she murmured as she followed him
back into the bedroom. “Not even a small one?”

He looked at her over his shoulder and
smiled. “Does swimming count?”

She pouted. “No, it doesn’t.”

“Sorry to disappoint you, baby.” He sat
on the edge of the bed and beckoned her. “Come here.”

Her heart thumped with want and need
and—God,
love
—as she went
to him. Slowly, he dried her and pulled back the covers.

She slid in and he followed.

Their lovemaking was slow, poignant,
and so heartbreakingly intense that tears welled in her eyes. He brushed them
away, murmuring soft words as he cradled her close. Sighing, she burrowed into
him and let his steady heartbeat lull her to sleep.

She woke in the middle of the night,
her stomach hollow with anxiety.

Zach’s space was empty and cold, just as
it had been the day before. Trying hard not to overthink why he’d left their
bed in the middle of the night, she slid out of bed and opened the door leading
out of the suite.

The hallway lights had been dimmed and
no sound came from any of the rooms. Had Zach taken another business call
downstairs?

She went back to the bedroom and
slipped on a dressing gown. Seeing that the door to the terrace was ajar, she
went to shut it and on impulse stepped outside. Crickets chirped in the warm
night and the prevailing scent of exotic spices filled the air. Wrapping her
arms around her waist, she breathed in deeply and retraced her steps along the
terrace.

As if pulled by some unknown instinct,
she found herself back at the spot where Zach had found her earlier tonight,
staring at the mound of rocks in front of the miniature tent. As she watched, a
light came on inside the tent. Her breath locked in her lungs at the familiar
shadow outlined against the tent’s fabric.

A thousand questions crowded her brain
as she stared, unable to tear her gaze away from the scene.

 
What the hell was he doing out there in
the middle of the night?

The anxiety in her belly mushroomed.
More than anything, she wanted to storm downstairs and demand answers. She bit
her lip.

She’d promised to give him time. He’d
agreed to a question a day. Demanding more might push him into clamming up
altogether and that was the last thing she wanted.

The shadow moved and Bethany stepped
back from the railing. Zach emerged into the night air, his head bowed and his
posture weighted in a way she’d never seen before. Beneath his white T-shirt
his shoulders were tense and his movements lacked their usual animal grace.

She quickly returned to the bedroom and
got back into bed. Heart thundering, she waited. But an hour later, he hadn’t
returned.

The thought that he was out there,
grappling with whatever demons haunted him made her leap out of bed again.
Opening the door, she was about to head downstairs when the light from
underneath the door at the end of the corridor caught her eye.

The toy room.

Mouth dry, she approach and turned the
knob.

Zach jerked around from where he’d been
stroking one leather arm band attached to the St Andrew’s Cross and faced her.

Chapter Twenty

“Bethany,” he breathed.

Pain radiated from him in waves,
hitting her full in the face. Had she not been holding on to the
door knob
, she would’ve reeled backwards.

“Tell me what you need, Zach,” she
pleaded. “Tell me how to make it better for you.”

His harsh exhalation shook his whole
body. Haunted eyes locked on hers from across the room, communicating a
thousand demands that remained unspoken.

Earlier last night, she’d come up with
the plan to use sex to coax Zach into giving her what she needed from him.

Sex was the most precious thing in
their relationship.
For now.
After the incident in the
alley, she’d abandoned that idea because she’d believed that she would
jeopardize it if she used it as leverage.

But she realized she’d didn’t have to
use it that way. She could use it to communicate with the man she had fallen
for. The man she’d begun to suspect she couldn’t live without.

Releasing the door, she nudged it shut.

It was time to give it her all. It was
time to
go for broke
.

She crossed the room until she stood
arms length from him. Slowly she untied her robe and let it fall to the floor.

His pained exhalation was jagged with
threads of deep arousal.

Heart pounding, she reached out and
trailed her fingers along his jaw.

“Show me how to make it better,
Zachary.”

He swallowed hard and shook his head.
“I can’t. I don’t want to lose you.”

“You won’t lose me. I promise.”

“No,” he snapped. “Don’t make promises
you can’t keep. I’ve learned the hard way that nothing lasts forever. You think
you’re falling in love with me—”

“I don’t think. I
know
. I love you, Zach.”

He jerked backward as if he’d been
shot. Pale, he shook his head, over and over, denying the words that twisted
like a live gauntlet between them.

“No. What you feel isn’t love. It’s
just your brain reacting to great sex.”

This time it was her turn to jerk. Ice
engulfed her and she dropped her hands from his face. “Don’t disparage my
feelings.”

“I’m stating the facts as I’ve
experienced them.”

“As
you’ve
experienced them. Don’t presume to tell me how I feel.”

“Bethany—”

“No. If you don’t want my love, that’s
fine. No, actually, it’s
not
fine.
You’ll need to come up with a fucking
great
reason why you don’t want it, when every time you look at me, I see how much
you want me.”

“I do,” he rasped. “I want you more
than…” He shook his head.

“And I’m here right in front of you. You
don’t want me to leave, and yet you try to belittle what I have to give you. What
the hell do you want from me, Zach?”

He clenched his fist at his sides,
repeating the action from when they’d first met. As if he was denying himself
of her. His body burned hers, imprinting on her. “Something I don’t have the
right to ask.”

“Try it anyway.”

“I want time.
A lot
of it.
And your belief that no matter what happens, I won’t hurt you.
Not deliberately.”

“And what about my love? What do you
want me to do with that?” she asked.

“Use it to stay. Use it to understand
when I can’t open my past up to you like an open book.”

She trembled at the dark anguish in his
voice. More than anything she wanted to step closer, take him in her arms and
let the one thing that had always been perfect between them
take
over.

But she needed more, just a little bit
more.

“It’s morning, another day. Time for
another question.”

He shut his eyes and his head fell back
wearily. Without opening them, he nodded.

“When you told me you had no family you
wanted to talk about, what did you mean?”

His tension escalated, his biceps
bunching under the strain of clenching his fists. “My mother lives in
Louisiana. I haven’t spoken to her in over ten years.”

“Why?”

“Because that was when I accepted that as
much as I wanted to deny it, she would never be who I want her to be,” he
muttered hoarsely, pain vibrating off his body, hitting her in the gut with the
sheer magnitude of it.

“I’m sorry, Zach.”

He opened his eyes and the hard,
ruthless gleam she saw amid the pain made her breath catch. “Don’t be. I knew
she was toxic long before I cut her out of my life.”

“God, what did she do to you?”

“To me? Nothing. It was what she did to
herself. What she let others do to her that was the problem.”

“What does that—?”

He stopped her words with one finger
across her lips. “No, I’ve answered your question. Which means the inquisition
is over for another twenty-four hours. It also means I have you for another
day.” His finger slid slowly over her mouth, and she noticed it was trembling.
“I need you, Bethany.” The naked plea in his voice, in his eyes, made tears clog
her throat.

“You have me,” she answered simply,
hoping that the love vibrating from inside her would heal him even a little.

His breath shuddered out. He lifted her
chin with his finger and looked into her eyes. “If I take you tonight, it won’t
be…I can’t promise I won’t be a little rough. Are you okay with that?”

Excitement bubbled through the volatile
emotions ricocheting in the atmosphere. “I know you won’t hurt me.”

One arm slid around her, pulling her
into his hard body. “I’ll never hurt you, Peaches. Not intentionally.”

She nodded, and her gaze flicked to the
structure behind him. “But right now you want to tie me to a cross. Am I
right?” she asked, her voice husky with deep arousal.

His smile was lopsided, tinged with
chagrin. “I’d never given much thought to control or how it would feel to lose
mine, until I met you. Now you touch me and I feel as if I’m losing my mind.”

“I feel the same way.”

He leaned closer until their foreheads
touched. “Today has been…challenging.”

“I know.”

He turned her around until her back
touched the cross. “Give me this. Help ground me a little?”

 
 
She shivered at the sensation of the smooth
iron studs against her naked skin. Heat flared anew in his face as his gaze
dropped to her hardening nipples. His lips parted and his tongue snuck out to
rest against his lower lip.

Knowing he was caught helplessly in the
same maelstrom of emotion and arousal as she was lent her to the power to take
the final step back.

Gratitude, wonder, and anticipation
blazed across Zachary’s face as she slowly held out her hands to him.

He caught and secured her hands above
her head, the leather cuffs snug but not too tight. He trailed his fingers down
her arm and down her exposed sides, making her squirm with need and a healthy amount
of belly-twisting anxiety.

God, she’d strayed so far out her
comfort zone, it was beyond ridiculous. But somehow she’d grown to trust Zach,
to know nothing would happen here that she didn’t want.

“Step up for me, baby,” he gave the
guttural instruction.

She looked down to see him crouched
before her, one hand waiting to secure her ankle holster.

Biting her lip, she positioned her feet
on the protruding ledge. Quickly he fastened the cuffs and rose to surge over
her.

One forefinger caressed her cheek, his
gaze intent on her face. “Tell me how you feel.”

“I feel helpless and powerful at the
same time,” she gasped.

“Perfect. That means you won’t give in
quickly.”

“Give in to what?”

“To this.” Lowering his head, he sucked
one nipple hard into his mouth and then bit on the hard nub.

“Zach!” Her cry ripped through her
throat and fire flashed through her pelvis. She was soaking wet before he
turned to treat her other nipple to the same attention.

Her hands jerked against her bonds,
ramming home to her how helpless she was. But each tug brought a fresh wave of lust
rather than fear.

He started to lift his head. She moaned
her protest. “No. More.”

The slow, satisfied smile that spread
across his face caught at her heartstrings. He repeated the action, closing his
eyes to concentrate on his task as she cried out in pleasure.

When he lifted his head, his control
was firmly in place.

Zachary Savage was in his element.

The man caught in the rip tide of
anguish had receded. In his place was the master of sex, whose bedroom skills were
honed to perfection.

He suckled her hard, lapped her with
lazy sweeps of his tongue until she was poised on the edge of orgasm.

Then he withdrew. Stepping behind her,
he brushed her hair to one side and planted hot kisses on her nape.

Reaching around her, he cupped one
breast and drifted his other hand down her midriff until he paused at the top
of her mound. “Do you want me to touch you here, Peaches?” he whispered in her
ear.

“Yes.”

“Tell me how wet you are for me first,”
he instructed hoarsely.

“So wet. I’m dripping with it. I need
you, Zach,” her voice caught on a helpless sob.

He shuddered at her back and he cupped
her almost roughly. “That is your power right there, Bethany. You don’t know
how much I want to take what you’re offering.”

“Take it. It’s yours.”

His head dropped between her shoulder
blades, his breath rushing in and out with his harsh inhalations.

 
“God, Bethany, you don’t know what you do
to me. Being with you heightens everything, makes me want to grab life by the
balls and squeeze every last drop of happiness from it. It’s more than I’ve
wanted to in a very long time. I don’t want to hold back. Don’t ask me to hold
back. I won’t. I can’t. Not with you.”

“I love you,” she repeated
because she couldn’t not tell him
.
She
couldn’t not let him know that he had her.
To help him
battle his demons.
Or at least banish them for a while. “I love you,
Zach.”

Tears lid down her face. At her back,
she heard his gruff sound of pain.

Abruptly, he let her go and strode
round to face her.

Eyes deep with turbulent emotion looked
into hers before he slanted his mouth over hers. His kiss was bruising to the
point of pain, his tongue intent on dueling with hers and winning.

When the need for air drove them apart,
he permitted her only a second before he was back, his hands gripping her in a
possessive hold that she had no doubt would leave marks.

But she didn’t care. All she wanted was
his thick, veined cock between her legs. All she wanted was to make him
delirious with pleasure so he would forget his pain for an instant.

“I love you.”

He jerked again at her confession.
“Bethany.”

“Yes. Please.”

He gripped his cock and caressed it
from root to tip. Liquid oozed at the opening, making hunger claw at her
insides. Stepping closer, he took hold of her hips and surged inside with one
long thrust.

Their mingled groan echoed around the
room. A trembling seized them both as the first wave of pleasure receded just a
tiny bit. But that was just the calm before the almighty storm that had been
brewing for hours.

His balls slammed against her ass with
each hard ram. Despite the ledge giving her a slight height advantage, the
power behind his penetration still lifted her off her feet.

Pleasure like she’d never known
screamed through her. “Zach,” she sobbed, feeling bliss careen closer. He
pounded relentlessly, his mouth devouring her wherever he could—her
cheeks, her neck,
the
sensitive underside of her arm.

“Fuck, I…can’t get enough of you.
Can’t…” he gritted out. “Never leave me, Bethany. Please.”

“I won’t…I won’t…Oh, God,” she cried
out as her orgasm exploded from her core.

“Baby…Peaches.” She heard his guttural
moan,
then
he was spewing his load into her, hot bursts
of semen that flooded her insides with each body-shaking ripple.

He soothed her body with gentle caresses
until their breathing slowed,
then
reaching up, he
released her hands.

Hugging his hot body to her, a sense of
peace stole over Bethany. She didn’t fool herself into thinking it was a
lasting peace, but she grasped it all the same.

When he freed her totally and carried
her to the gurney, she didn’t protest. He made love to her again on the gurney
then strapped her into the swing. By the time he settled her into the gadget-free
armchair, she could barely move.