High and Inside (3 page)

Vance had been silent for most of dinner, but he suddenly pushed his chair back from the table. “I'm goin' down to the lake,” he declared, to nobody in particular.

“That's a good idea, Vance,” Jake's mom said. “It will be nice down there right now. You guys might even see some fish jumping. Jake, why don't you and the boys go with Vance?”

“Okay, Mom,” Jake replied, gathering up his plate and Vance's as well. Jake put the dishes near the sink and motioned to Matt. “Let's go see if the trout are any bigger this year.”

The four boys grabbed their jackets and headed down toward the water. The last seconds of twilight were now just fading to black and a big, nearly full, luminous moon had risen over the corner of Long Lake. It was breathtaking, like something out of a movie, Matt thought.

Vance was already a couple hundred feet down the trail, ahead of the other boys. He was stopped, with his hands cupped around his mouth, but Matt could tell what he was doing. He was lighting a cigarette.

“I didn't know you smoked,” Jake said casually to his cousin.

Vance said nothing, merely taking a long drag off the cigarette and blowing a stream of smoke in the general direction of the other boys.

“You better not let my dad see you,” Jake continued. “He's always worried about forest fires starting out here.”

“Your old man should chill,” Vance said dismissively. “It's just a smoke, man.”

The four boys continued down the path to Long Lake. When they got to the beach, the moon looked even larger than it had at the head of the trail. Its reflection seemed to light up the entire lake, giving the night sky a mystical edge.

Vance and Cody immediately began picking up stones and chucking them into the water. “Watch this,” Vance yelled. He threw a rock at the swimming platform, pegging it off the aluminum ladder that Jake and Matt had used to climb out of the water that afternoon.

“Vance, I don't think that's a good idea,” Jake said, his voice rising slightly with alarm in a way Matt had never heard it before. “My dad will be pissed if anything gets damaged.”

“Jaker, you know what your problem is?” Vance said. “You worry way too much.”

Matt had to chuckle to himself. It there was one thing Jake didn't do it was worry too much. But what kind of idiot threw rocks at something just for the fun of it? No wonder Jake had felt it was necessary to say something to him. Matt would have too.

“You need to chill,” Vance continued. “Come on.”

Jake and Matt walked slowly over to a log that Vance had plopped down upon. The older boy had pulled something out of the front pocket of his black hoody and was carefully cradling it in his palm. It looked like another cigarette but one that had been squashed so that it wasn't perfectly cylindrical. Now that Matt thought about it, it looked a little like one of those cigarettes that his Uncle Roy always hand-rolled with his own pouch tobacco.

“I don't smoke,” Jake said.

“You might want to try this,” chuckled Vance. “It's not a cigarette. It's a joint, man. Haven't you ever seen a spliff before? Where do you guys go to school, Timbuktu?”

Matt silently gulped. He had never seen a joint before, and he was pretty sure Jake hadn't either. He knew it was marijuana, but he had never tried it and really didn't have much desire to.

“Course I've seen one before,” Jake replied. “Who hasn't?”

Matt was taken aback. Well, for one, he hadn't. Why was Jake pretending that he had?

“Wanna spark it up?” Vance said, eyeing the two of them and Cody.

There was a slight pause as the other three boys stood on the beach in front of the log where Vance was sitting. Matt wanted no part of this. He was trying to figure out what to say when Jake spoke first.

“Sure, man. It's no big deal.”

Vance sprung to his feet, plucking a disposable lighter out of his pocket and placing the joint gingerly between his lips. “All righty then,” he smiled.

Vance flicked his lighter and held the flame to the end of the joint. A second after it was lit, an oddly sweet odor wafted across the beach. It smelled kind of like the incense Matt's Aunt June sometimes burned in her living room. Matt and Jake watched as the older boy drew heavily on the joint and then held the strange-smelling smoke in his lungs for several seconds before allowing it to escape.

“Now, you,” Vance said, motioning to Jake.

Matt watched in astonishment as Jake took the joint from Vance and awkwardly pinched it between his right thumb and index finger. Jake put it to his lips and took a big drag but he couldn't hold it in, coughing and choking as he let out the smoke almost immediately.

“What a rookie!” Vance laughed. Cody seemed to think it was pretty hilarious too.

“Okay, Monster Boy,” Vance continued, his harsh eyes moving toward Matt. “It's your turn.”

Matt felt frozen. He didn't know how to react. He didn't want to do this, and yet he felt like if he didn't he'd be the laughingstock of the other boys. And he was still reeling from the fact Jake had tried it.

“I gotta go to the bathroom,” Matt said suddenly. It was the only way he could think of to get out of this. He turned and bounded up the trail by himself. “Whatever, man,” Vance yelled behind him.

Matt walked quickly up the trail toward the lodge. He stopped briefly, looking back at the beach, where Vance, Cody and Jake were still gathered, smoke rising out of the top of their little triangle.

Matt didn't really have to go to the bathroom. But he went all the way up to the lodge door, just the same. When he got there, though, he realized that he couldn't go in. Jake's mom and dad would wonder why he was back there by himself. He couldn't return to the lake, either, or he'd be back in the same situation he just left. Not knowing what else to do, Matt headed out the cabin that he and Jake were to share that night.

The room was dark, but Matt found the light switch and flipped it on. He sat down at the edge of the lower bunk bed on which he had earlier stored his gear. He didn't know what to do next. He pulled out his MP3 player and put on some Sum 41, turning it up nearly full volume.

The music didn't take his mind away from what had just happened. It didn't stop him from feeling awkward, confused and hurt all at the same time. Matt hated himself for having been so nervous when Vance had pulled the joint out of his pocket and at the same time he was shocked that Jake had agreed to try it, like it was no big deal. He and Jake had been best friends since pre-school and not much had ever come between them. But now, sitting alone on his bed in this cabin, Matt felt farther apart from Jake than ever before. It was weird to suddenly feel like maybe he didn't know his friend the way he had always thought he did.

Matt took off his shoes and jacket and lay down on the bed. He pulled his sleeping bag over him and rested his head on the pillow. The stress of the situation had tired him out.

He must have been asleep for at least an hour when he heard somebody fumbling at the cabin door. Matt was groggy but he lifted his head as Jake came into the room. The light was still on, and he caught a glimpse of his friend's face.

“What happened to you, man?” Jake asked. “I thought you were just going to the can. How come you didn't come back?”

“I was just tired,” Matt said. It seemed weird to lie to Jake like this. And at the same time, he knew Jake wouldn't believe him anyway.

“Yeah, I'm going to crash too,” Jake replied, flicking off the light switch and heading for the top bunk. “Must be all this fresh air.”

Matt felt the bunk beds shake as Jake climbed on top and settled in. Within a few minutes, his friend was snoring. Matt closed his own eyes and tried to go back to sleep, but he couldn't.

It had been a weird night. He felt like something strange had come between him and Jake, and it didn't feel good. It wasn't simply that Jake had tried the joint—Matt knew plenty of kids at South Side smoked pot—it was also the fact that Jake had seemed to choose hanging out with his cousins over Matt. Jake had never made him feel like this before. At the same time, Matt was embarrassed and confused over how he had reacted himself. Should he have tried it too? Jake had seemed pretty normal when he returned. Was there any real harm in what he had done?

Matt shifted his body around, moving the pillow up and down and doubling it in half in an attempt to find a way to get to sleep. He knew it wasn't the bed that was uncomfortable, it was him.

chapter three

“Hey you two sleepyheads! Time to get up.” The door to the cabin opened, letting in shards of sunlight and hints of crisp, moist, lake air. It was Jake's mom and she was standing in the doorway wearing an apron and wielding a plastic flipper.

“Pancakes are now on in the main dining hall,” she said playfully. “Attention, attention: All campers are requested to report immediately.”

Matt rolled out of bed, throwing on his shorts and shoes. Jake was soon on his feet too. “I am starving, Mom,” he said.

“Great, there's plenty there,” she said. “Wake up Vance and Cody and come on down.”

“Come on, Matt,” Jake said, grinning at his friend. “Let's go get those losers out of bed.”

Matt remembered the previous night. He didn't know how Jake's cousins would react to the way he had left the beach so suddenly without coming back, and he didn't want to find out right at this moment. “You go ahead,” he said to Jake. “I want to go brush my teeth and wash up.”

Matt still felt strange about the night before. He had never even been offered a joint before, let alone smoked one. He knew Mom wouldn't approve of anything like that. But choosing to avoid it had created a gap between him and Jake, and whether it was real or imagined he definitely felt it.

The four boys wolfed down breakfast and shared jokes at the long wooden table in the common room of the Piancatos' lodge. Matt had been nervous about interacting with Cody and Vance this morning, but neither said anything about the night before and everything seemed pretty normal.

“Matt, your mother asked if I could get you home by noon today,” Mr. Piancato said as they finished their breakfast. “That means we've got to get going pretty quick. We'll have to make it a little longer visit next time, okay?”

Matt's older brother, Mark, was coming in from Eton for the day, and his mom wanted some time for the three of them to hang out together. Normally Matt would have been disappointed to leave Long Lake so early on a beautiful spring Sunday. But today was different. He was kind of happy to have an excuse to take off. The night before on the beach had put a damper on the weekend as far as he was concerned.

“Are you going to ride in with us?” Mr. Piancato asked, looking in Jake's direction.

“I don't think so,” Jake replied. “Vance and Cody and I are going to take a big hike this afternoon.”

Jake's cousins glanced at one another and smiled. “Yeah, we're going to take a huge hike,” Vance said.

Matt excused himself from the table and took his dishes to the sink. “I'll go get my stuff together,” he said, to nobody in particular.

Mr. Piancato was waiting near the long red station wagon as Matt returned to the main lodge with his knapsack. Jake was on the veranda, and Cody and Vance had gone back to their rooms.

“Well, Matt, it's been great to have you out here again,” Mrs. Piancato said, giving him a hug. “You have a nice visit with Mark, and we'll see you again soon.”

“Thanks for having me,” Matt replied, opening the car door.

“See ya at school,” Jake said as Matt climbed in. “Big game tomorrow.”

Matt nodded. He put on his seatbelt as Mr. Piancato began to pull the vehicle out of the lodge parking lot. Matt looked out the window as Cody and Vance joined Jake on the veranda. Part of him wanted to stay and go with the three boys on their hike. But another part of him wanted to get home. He didn't particularly like Cody and Vance and he didn't understand why Jake seemed to be choosing them over him.

Matt's mom was in the front yard, planting some perennials in the flower bed by the sidewalk when Mr. Piancato pulled into the driveway. “Thanks a lot,” Matt said, jumping out of the station wagon. “That was fun.”

Jake's dad waved at Matt's mother and honked his horn as he backed out of the driveway.

“Well, how's my boy?” Mom had risen to her feet with her arms outstretched, waiting to give him a hug with her oversized pink garden gloves.

“Fine,” he replied. “It was good to see the lake again. I'm just going to put my stuff away, okay?”

As Matt headed toward the open front door, a blue pickup truck pulled into the driveway and a tall, brown-haired, young man jumped out. Mom held out her arms just as she had for Matt a minute earlier. “Hey, Mark,” she beamed. “How's my biggest boy?”

Matt groaned. That was how Mom liked to refer to Mark, his older brother, especially when she hadn't seen him for awhile. Eight years older than Matt, Mark had always been her “biggest boy.” And Matt had always been the baby of the family.

“Hey, bro,” Mark said, stretching out his right hand to slap Matt's. “What's up? You're getting bigger every time I see you. Still not bigger than me, though.”

Matt laughed. Mark was six-foot-three and well defined from daily physical work in the oil fields just outside Eton. Matt was at least seven inches shorter and still developing. Still, the gap between them seemed to be closing a little every time they saw each other.

Mark lived in Eton, a few hours drive away. Nowadays he only came home once every month or so to visit, do his laundry and enjoy some of Mom's cooking. It was always good to see him.

“I just got home too,” Matt said. “I was out at the lake with Jaker for the weekend.”

“Sweet,” said Mark. “How was it?”

“Fun,” Matt replied. “I'll tell you about it after I've had a shower.”