Hidden Desires (14 page)

Unless he wanted to continue their relationship. Unless he…loved her?

“That sounds nice,” she said, her voice coming out in a squeak.

Travis slowed the car as he neared the address the hospital had given them. As he pulled into the driveway of the two-story redbrick home, he looked at her again.

“Rachel, when this is over…” His voice halted.

She watched him with imploring eyes. “Yes?”

“I want us to…I think we should…” He raked his fingers through his dark hair. “Damn it, I don’t even know where to start.”

Rachel resisted a smile. She’d never seen Travis struggle for words, and the vulnerability she saw in his eyes was endearing. “How about starting from the beginning?” He took a breath. “I want us to…have a talk later.”

Disappointment welled up in her chest, but she simply nodded. Right now wasn’t the time to talk about their relationship, not when they were sitting in the driveway of the woman who might have the answers to Carrie’s death. The woman who was their last hope.

“Okay. We’ll talk later,” she said, reaching for the door handle.

She and Travis got out of the car, and began walking up the flowery front walk to the Forrester house.

She took a moment to admire the colorful tulips and roses lining the cobblestone path, and wondered if she’d ever get the chance to live in such a wholesome place. Since she’d begun spending time with Travis, she’d started believing things like this were possible—a big house with a colorful yard, a little son or daughter running around, a husband. Would she ever have any of it? With Travis?

She kept her thoughts to herself as they stepped onto the porch and rang the doorbell. A nervous feeling crept up her spine as they waited. Would Virginia Forrester know who Rachel was? Would she send her away?

Her questions were answered the second the heavy oak door swung open and the white-haired woman behind it gasped.

Taken off guard by Virginia’s odd reaction, Rachel cleared her throat. “Uh, Virginia Forrester? I’m—

”

“Rachel.”

She swallowed back the nervous lump in her throat. “You know who I am?” The older woman’s eyes softened, and Rachel saw regret in them. With a sad smile that caused the wrinkles around her mouth to deepen, Virginia held open the door. “Of course I know who you are. Come in, please.”

Rachel exchanged a glance with Travis before the two of them followed Virginia into the house. She led them into a spacious but cozy-looking living room, and gestured for them to sit on the blue and white flower-patterned sofa.

As she and Travis sat, Rachel said, “This is Travis Gage. He’s a…friend of mine.” Virginia barely glanced at Travis as she replied, “Nice to meet you, Mr. Gage.” Her eyes remained focused on Rachel. “You look wonderful.”

Rachel wrinkled her forehead. The woman was acting as if they knew each other, but she’d never laid eyes on Virginia Forrester in her life. “I’m sorry, but have we met before?” Virginia nodded slowly. Another look of sadness swept over her wrinkled features. “A long time ago.

When you were just a baby. But I met your sister, many years ago. You look a lot like her.” Rachel’s heart squeezed. “You knew Carrie?”

“Yes…” Virginia paused, pain etched in her face. “I…Rachel, my maiden name is Chambers.” The blood drained from Rachel’s face. Chambers. That was her mother’s maiden name. She stared at Virginia in shock, murmuring, “You’re…”

“Hattie’s sister.”

The revelation made Rachel gasp. Her mother had never spoken of her family, save to say that they were all dead. And yet this woman in front of them…she was her aunt?

“Hattie said her family was all dead,” Rachel whispered.

Virginia’s eyes clouded over. “I’m not surprised. Our parents died when we were kids, yes, but I’m still alive and kicking. Not that Hattie ever made an effort to see me. She didn’t like the disapproval I showed her, didn’t want to listen to my pleas to go into rehab and straighten herself out. She forbade me from seeing you girls too.”

Rachel swallowed, unsure what to say to that.

As if sensing her distress, Travis touched her knee and took over. “Mrs. Forrester, are you aware Carrie killed herself?” he asked quietly.

A flash of what appeared to be guilt crossed the woman’s face. “Yes, yes, I’m aware of that.”

“Well, Rachel and I have been trying to learn about the circumstances that led to Carrie’s suicide, and our investigation brought us to you. Did you know your husband had gotten close to Carrie when she volunteered at the hospital fifteen years ago?”

Virginia nodded.

“Mrs. Forrester, do you know anything about your husband planning to take Carrie and her sister away from their mother?”

A heavy silence fell over the room. Rachel had trouble breathing as she watched Virginia, saw the woman’s rosy cheeks pale and her brown eyes fill with remorse and regret.

“Please, Mrs. Forrester, can you tell us anything?” Rachel pleaded.

Virginia nodded again. “I’ve waited for this day, you know. I always wanted to contact you, Rachel, but…” She sighed. “Let me start from the beginning.”

Rachel’s heart began to pound as she settled on the couch and waited for Virginia to speak.

“Like I said, Hattie didn’t want anything to do with me. When your father married Hattie, I stopped trying to make contact. John was aware of her problem, but he figured that as long as he was around to take care of you girls, he could control the situation.” Virginia paused. “But he came to see me once. He asked Barry and me to watch out for you and your sister in the event something happened to him. But after John died, we were told Hattie left town.”

Rachel frowned. “But…I’ve lived in Chicago all my life.”

Virginia’s features softened. “Yes, you’ve always lived in Chicago, but not in the house you were raised in by Hattie. When your father was alive, you girls lived a few streets away from here, in a big Victorian house—you don’t remember?”

Rachel’s throat tightened. “No.”

Virginia sighed. “It was a beautiful house. After John died, your mother sold it and moved away, to another city, we thought. But when Carrie started volunteering at the hospital, I instantly recognized her. I was having lunch with Barry and saw her in the corridor, and I knew she was Hattie’s daughter.”

“Why didn’t you try to track down Hattie and the girls when they moved from the neighborhood?” Travis cut in, looking wary.

Virginia avoided his gaze. “It was my fault, Mr. Gage. I thought about it, thought about the promise I’d made to John to take care of the girls, but…I was pregnant at the time, and didn’t want the burden of two more children.” She stared at Rachel with pleading eyes. “Can you understand that?” Rachel wrung her hands together. “Yes,” she finally said. “Carrie and I weren’t your responsibility.

Nor Barry’s.”

“No, but you were,” Virginia insisted. “And I failed you. Your father was such a good man, and I let him down.” A tear slid down the woman’s cheek. “I lost the baby five months into the pregnancy. Barry and I never had any other children.”

“I’m sorry,” Rachel said softly.

Virginia wiped her cheek. “When Carrie showed up at the hospital, I asked Barry to get close to her. I would have done it myself, but I was afraid your mother would find out and take you girls away. So Barry befriended Carrie, and when he found out the life you girls were living, he and I were livid. We were determined to get you out of that house.”

“How did you plan on taking the girls away?” Travis asked, again sounding suspicious.

Virginia met his wary gaze. “By the books, Mr. Gage. I was a blood relative, which made it easier.

Barry and I were going to take Hattie to court and sue for custody of the girls. We contacted a lawyer, who got us a protective order of custody, which meant the girls would live with us until the custody trial. That was what Barry was coming to tell Carrie the night she died. The night
he
died.” Rachel’s head started spinning. “What?”

The older woman looked sad. “Barry died the night Carrie took her life, sweetheart. He was driving home from the hospital and a drunk driver collided into his car. He died instantly. That was why he didn’t show up to meet your sister.”

Rachel’s eyes began to sting. “And she thought he’d deserted her,” she whispered. “Just like everyone else. That’s why she…”

“Rachel, I’m sorry,” Virginia said, the tears now flowing freely from her eyes. “I tried to call Carrie to tell her about Barry’s death, but she was already gone.”

Rachel let out a long sigh, her chest aching. As devastating as it was to think that she and Carrie could have been swept off into a safe and loving home if not for a drunk driver, relief pumped through her veins as closure settled in. She finally knew why her sister had died. She could finally start to put it all behind her.

“There’s more.”

She lifted her head and looked at Virginia. “There is?”

“I was at your sister’s funeral,” Virginia confessed, rubbing her hands together anxiously. “I stood in the back, so you probably never saw me. But after the service, I went to speak to your mother.”

“You did?”

“I approached your mother and pleaded with her to grant me custody of you, Rachel. But she refused.

She wouldn’t let you go, and she threatened to move you out of the country if I tried to take her to court.” Anger and bitterness mingled in Rachel’s blood. Her mother had a chance to grant her a better life, to let a kind, loving woman care for her, yet she’d selfishly held on to her remaining daughter. And for what reason? Not to be alone?

“I couldn’t risk your mother running off with you, so I stepped back,” Virginia finished. “At least that way I would be close if you ever needed me.”

“I wish…I wish I knew all of this before,” Rachel whispered. “All these years, I had no idea why Carrie…” Her voice drifted. She cleared her throat and met Virginia’s eyes. “She died, you know. Hattie.

Just a couple of days ago.”

Virginia simply nodded, as if the news of her sister’s death was no big deal. Her words, however, shed light on the stoic reaction. “I knew it would one day come to that. The drinking…did she ever stop, or at least try to stop?”

Rachel shook her head.

“Oh, honey.” Virginia’s eyes grew misty. “I’m sorry, Rachel. I’m sorry for so many things. But most of all, I’m sorry I didn’t help you and Carrie when you were girls, that I didn’t try harder.” A long silence descended on the room. Rachel realized that Travis hadn’t said a word in quite a while, but she felt his presence, felt his comfort as his hand pressed firmly on her knee. Although her mind was muddled with all the what ifs running through it, the tension in her chest had eased. She’d finally learned what had driven Carrie to suicide, and although she desperately wished things could have turned out differently, she felt at peace. She’d finally solved this chapter of her life.

And it was time to turn the page.

“I just need to stop by the station to sign some forms,” Travis said as they got into his car twenty minutes later. “Then we can go back to your place to talk.” Rachel nodded. “Okay.”

Her brain was still bombarded with thoughts as they drove back into the city. The visit with Virginia had provided her with the closure she’d needed, and it was difficult not to run the conversation over and over again in her mind. She wondered if her life would have turned out differently if Hattie had allowed her to live with Virginia Forrester, her aunt, but a part of her was glad everything had turned out this way.

Otherwise, she would never have reconnected with Travis.

She had to tell him she loved him. To hell with the risk. He needed to know how she felt. After everything he’d done for her, he
deserved
it. Travis was her rock. Her soulmate. Because of him, she’d faced the demons of her past and battled each and every one of them. Because of him, her sister’s death no longer haunted her.

“Do you want to wait in the car?” Travis asked as he pulled into the parking lot of the police station.

“Would I be able to come in and use your phone?” she returned. “I need to call Suzanna to make arrangements for the show next week.”

“Of course.”

They headed into the large brick building, walking past the main front desk toward a brightly lit corridor. Easy chatter filled the station, the atmosphere serious but friendly. Uniformed cops breezed past them, looking harried and excited, and Rachel got the sense that this was why Travis had chosen detective work over designing anti-virus software. He seemed to thrive in this environment.

She also noticed how well liked Travis was around the department. People smiled and said hello as he walked by, and it touched her heart to see him pause and return all the greetings. It didn’t surprise her that everyone loved Travis. He was warm and generous, and he had the ability to make all those around him smile and feel important. That was why she loved him.

“Okay, here’s my office,” Travis said, gesturing to an open doorway. “I’ll be in my partner’s office next door. I’ll come back in a minute.”

After Travis left her inside his office, Rachel walked over to the desk and reached for the phone. She called Suzanna and went over some details for the show. When she hung up the phone, Travis still hadn’t come back. Realizing she’d never met his partner, she decided to pop into the next office to introduce herself.

She stepped into the hallway, smiled at a passing female deputy, then approached the door adjacent to Travis’s. It stood ajar, yet she still felt compelled to knock. She lifted her hand, but the hushed male voices wafting out made her freeze.

“Damn it, Matt.” It was Travis’s voice, and he didn’t sound happy.

“You’re still in love with Jess.”

The words spoken by the second man, who had to be Travis’s partner, made her blood run cold.

“This woman means nothing to you. She’s another project, Gage. So for God’s sake, stop leading her on.”

This woman? Were they talking about her? What project? A sick feeling tugged at her gut, making her feel nauseous. She knew eavesdropping was wrong and yet she couldn’t force her legs to carry her away, couldn’t stop her ears from listening to the troubling exchange transpiring in the office.