Hey Sunshine (30 page)

It was nearly three a.m. when I finally saw Fox’s headlights in the driveway. I’d given up on sleeping alone in my bed, and instead pulled an old afghan off the back of the couch and settled in to watch a few rerun episodes of
Friends
while I waited. I'd considered polishing off the rest of the pie but decided I might need it to help digest whatever situation presented itself upon Fox’s return.

Joy had gone home around midnight, under protest, but I knew she had to work the early lunch shift at the diner the next day, and no one wants a drowsy waitress overfilling coffee into their lap. She left in a flurry of kisses and promises that I’d text her as soon as I heard anything, good or bad.

I was just sending that dutiful text when Fox came through the door, looking tired and a little dirty. He kicked off his boots in the hallway and stopped when he saw me lying on the couch, the TV flickering in the semi-darkness.

“I wish you hadn’t waited up,” he said softly, coming closer.

“You knew I would.” I could barely make out a hint of a bruise forming on his cheekbone, but other than that he looked fine. I wondered briefly if Chase could say the same, and then decided I didn’t care.

He laughed once. “You’re right. I did.”

I sat up and scooted over to make room for him so he could sit next to me on the couch. “What happened?”

“I did what Mrs. Dempsey asked me to. I returned him mostly in one piece.” Fox ran a hand through his hair. “When it came down to it, when it was just about me and him, it didn’t go as either of us expected.”

I waited patiently as Fox gathered his thoughts. He shifted toward me so we were facing each other on the couch and took one of my hands in his, idly skimming my fingers with his knuckles.

“There’s something that happens to you when you go through an experience like the situation where we met,” he said, referring to his time with Chase in the Forest Service. “Suddenly life or death actually means life or death, in the most real way possible. Everything else sort of pales in comparison.” Fox looked up from our hands and gave me his quirky half-smile.

“It probably sounds strange, but I try to remember that. I hold on to that feeling every day. It helps me, it centers me, to keep that perspective close.” He kissed my knuckle, the one that was scraped from my climb. “Chase forgot.”

I shook my head, trying to take it all in. Chase forgot, and my beautiful, complicated, sometimes intense but always noble firefighter reminded him. And although he didn’t say it, I knew it wasn’t mainly with his fists. Beyond the territorial nonsense and the pride, Fox and Chase shared a bond that was fractured but never completely broken.

“Where is he now?” I asked.

“At home.” Fox paused. “He’s stone-cold sober and nursing a black eye and a busted lip, but he’ll be all right.”

I raised an eyebrow, and he shrugged.

“He told me he was genuinely sorry about endangering Annabelle, and I punched him twice in the face. It was a reflex.” Fox grinned, and then his face turned serious. “For what it’s worth, I believe him.”

I nodded slowly. “I believe him too, but that doesn’t change how I feel. I don’t want him in our lives.” My mind flashed back to the defeated look on Chase’s face when I pummeled him with my fists on the sidewalk.

“I know, sweetheart. He has a lot to figure out, and he needs time to do it, and probably a little professional help.” Fox stood up and raised his arms over his head, his back to me. I admired the way his broad shoulders bunched and contracted under his shirt even as I yawned, but watching him stretch like a lazily powerful lion definitely perked me up a little. He turned and reached for my hand to pull me off the couch.

“C’mon. Let’s check on Annabelle and then try to get some sleep.”

Neither of us made any mention of Fox going home tonight, and I was glad it wasn’t up for discussion. I wanted him here. I let him help me to my feet, and we headed down the hall to peek into Annabelle’s room. Satisfied that her breathing was even and steady, I led the way into my bedroom.

When we crossed the threshold, I turned and paused just inside the room. Fox stopped short, a briefly confused look flitting over his handsome features. “Did you forget something in the other room?”

I reached up, running my hands down his chest softly. I shook my head no, my heart pounding as I touched him. We stood like that for a moment, breathing each other in, before I grasped the hem of my oversized T-shirt and slipped it off. Dropping it to the floor by my side, I looked up into Fox’s eyes. The moonlight streaming in from the window backlit my body, and I registered Fox’s change of expression as he stared at me. His eyes narrowed, his lips parted, and his hands reached toward me.

I slowly moved toward my bed until the back of my knees hit the mattress. Fox came to me like a magnet, his hands smoothing over my hips and waist, touching and whispering over my body. His mouth followed his fingers, leaving a hot trail on my bare skin. I slid my hands under his shirt, my palms skimming over his abdominal muscles on their way to his chest. He pulled back for a brief second, reaching behind him to pull his shirt over his head, and then his mouth latched onto mine.

He kissed me slowly, thoroughly, taking his time while all of my nerve endings danced and exploded under his touch. My legs started to buckle and he held me up, supporting my back as he gently lowered me to the bed. My hands found his belt, and I fumbled for a second before it gave way. Finally free of the last barrier between us, he came over me, supporting himself on his forearms so as not to crush me with his weight.

I couldn’t get close enough, and he laughed against my mouth as I tried to pull him down on top of me, craving the skin-to-skin contact. “Slow down, sunshine. I’m right here.”

His lips skimmed over my jaw, down my neck, to my breasts, where he nudged a nipple into a hard peak before taking it into his mouth. I ran my hands through his hair as he swirled his tongue around and around, drawing small sounds of excitement from me. The stubble from his jaw rubbing on my sensitive skin only heightened the pleasure until I thought I would burst from the growing pressure between my legs.

“I need–” I gasped. I couldn’t finish the sentence before his mouth was on mine again, his strong callused hand replacing his mouth at my breast. He kneaded and plucked my wet nipple, sending shockwaves through my body down to my center. I spread my legs wide and he shifted to cradle himself between my thighs, the tip of his erection just brushing the exact spot where I wanted friction.

Fox’s tongue stroked the inside of my mouth in deep, slow licks that kept pace with his hand at my breast and pressure at my core, until the sensation was too much for me to handle. I broke our kiss and turned my head, exposing my throat to his lips and teeth as I strained to raise my hips and bring him inside me. A deep, delicious groan rose in his throat as his mouth pressed hotly behind my ear.

“Fox, please–” My hands ran desperately over his lean back muscles, pressing him closer.

“Look at me, Avery.” His hands came up to hold my face gently. The teasing motion of his hips stilled and I came back down to earth briefly. When my eyes met his, something shifted, just like it always did. In one swift motion, he pushed forward, so deep it forced a cry from my throat, which I muffled in his shoulder as I held him to me. Our movements were beautifully in sync, our breaths catching and holding together as he moved inside me, and in a moment of clarity between the pleasure I thought that nothing had ever been this good for anyone but us.

Fox’s murmured endearments at my ear let me know that he felt the same. “I love you, Avery. I’d do anything for you.”

Even though I was supposed to be the writer among us, I had no words for what I was feeling. So instead, I let his strong hands and stronger promises caress my skin and fill my heart and my ears while we burned brighter than ever, and held each other until we cooled.

* * *

Three days later, Chase Dempsey once again prepared to disappear from Brancher. This time his departure wasn’t heroic, or dramatic, or even widely discussed. Word on the street was that he was simply going to Lubbock to manage the Dempseys’ second car dealership, which was stagnant and in need of a resurrection.

I knew better, of course. In spite of myself, I was almost touched that Chase would sacrifice this town for me, that he would up and leave a place that worshipped him just so I could have some peace. At once I felt it was both too much and not enough.

I recalled Fox’s comment about Chase potentially needing professional help, and the more I thought about it, the more it seemed likely. Even through my anger, I hated to think of him suffering. I’d loved him once, a hopeful, childish love perhaps, but there was still a place in my heart for the boy he used to be.

“Are there resources available to help him?” I’d asked Fox out of the blue the day before.

He looked up from his reading, curiously. This was an almost picture-perfect replica of the weekend morning I’d daydreamed about all those weeks ago. We were both reading, relaxing on the couch while Annabelle set up a tea party for her dolls, and Fox was deeply engrossed in a thick nonfiction novel about World War II, but he set the book aside and faced me.

“Yes. But he has to want help.” Fox looked off over my shoulder briefly, his eyes clouded. “It’s a sensitive topic, one that unfortunately comes with a bit of a stigma.”

Fox’s expression cleared, and he looked back at me but didn’t seem inclined to say anything further. On impulse, I took his hand into mine and squeezed.

“You can tell him it’s okay. He’ll listen to you.” I wasn’t intimately familiar with the hierarchy but I knew that Fox felt a responsibility toward his crew, even out of the wilderness, and that seeing Chase clearly suffering was difficult for him, especially in light of recent events.

“I already did. It’s up to him now.”

* * *

I saw Chase’s move to Lubbock in a new light after that, a fresh start for him too, where he could be semi-anonymous and hopefully get himself back on track. I was still so furious at him for what he’d done and how he’d treated me, but I had to take his current mental state into consideration and open my mind to forgiveness.

After a lot of thought, I decided to see him one more time before he left town. Fox was cooking at the diner, and I left Annabelle with my parents before I started the drive out to the Dempseys’ spread. My heart beat nervously as I turned onto the long driveway leading to the house. I thought about all the times I’d been down this road, both years ago and then as recently as a few months past.

Chase was sitting on the wraparound porch when I pulled up, as though he expected me. He got to his feet quickly, and his eyes never left mine while I parked and got out of the car. I could see the bruise on his face and the swollen lip as I got closer. We met halfway between the driveway and the porch steps.

“Hello, Avery.” His voice sounded sad and far away. “I didn’t think you’d come.”

I shrugged. “I didn't either.”

“Do you want to come in, or sit down…” He trailed off, realizing he’d gestured to the porch swing where we’d spent time as a high-school couple.

“No thanks, I can’t stay,” I said softly. A sudden surge of sadness overtook me, and I had to look away from his serious face. I kept my gaze down on my boots, toeing a loose rock from the driveway’s gravel.

“Okay.” Chase seemed resigned. “Look, I–“

“Chase, we–“ I said at the same time.

We both stopped.

“Go ahead, I’m sorry,” Chase said.

“No, you first.”

He took a deep breath. “Avery, I am so sorry. I know I can be a total jackass sometimes, in fact, probably most of the time, but you have to believe me when I tell you that I would never intentionally do anything to hurt you or your daughter.” Chase’s voice was gruff with emotion.

“Everything got so out of hand,” he continued. “I was hurt and angry, even though I had no right to be after what I did to you, going behind your back with that girl. But then a few weeks later, when I found out you’d been seeing Fox, I just lost it.” He shook his head sadly. “And then, on top of trying to pick a fight with Fox, I went and did this. I’m sure you can never forgive me, but you have to know how damn sorry I am.”

I decided to say what I'd come to say before my throat closed up completely. “I don’t know if I can ever forget what happened to Annabelle, how you blindly and drunkenly put her in danger, but I can forgive you. I can forgive you because I know that while sometimes you are incredibly self-absorbed and have no awareness of how your actions affect others, you are not a bad person. This person you’ve been lately, that isn’t really you. I know you didn’t want to hurt us.” The lump in my throat was rising out of control, and I desperately tried to swallow it back down.

“I messed up. I know that. I could never forgive myself if Annabelle wasn’t okay. Thank you for coming, hearing me out, and for what you said. I’m going to miss you, both of you.” He took a half step toward me uncertainly.

I followed my instinct and stepped into his arms. We hugged for a long minute, him holding me close but not too tightly, and when I pulled back, he released me immediately.

“I hope you find whatever it is you’re looking for, Chase.” It sounded clichéd but I meant it. Since his return he hadn’t seemed settled, and I wanted that for him.

Chase nodded. “I have a lot of shit to figure out,” he said, echoing Fox’s words from the other night. “I thought I could come back here, pick up where we left off and be the prince again, but it’s not working.” He sighed. “I want you to be happy, Avery. Really. We both know I wasn’t the guy to make it happen. I wanted to be but trust me, you deserve better.”

“Better like Fox?” I asked, curious to hear his response.

“Yeah,” he said, smiling ruefully. “As much as I hate to admit it, exactly like Fox.”

Chapter 21

“Avery?” my mom called from the office. “Do you have a minute?”

I’d just put on my coat to go pick up Annabelle, but I glanced at my watch and saw that I had extra time. My mother and I hadn’t spoken much in the couple weeks since the incident at the fair, aside from updates about Annabelle’s condition. I was still irritated about her opinion on Fox, and I didn’t have much else to say on the matter. But I was raised to be polite, so I grabbed my purse and headed in her direction.