Hex on the Beach (The Magic & Mixology Mystery Series Book 1) (9 page)

Leonard continued to nod for a second, until he processed Gus’s words. “What?”

“That’s gas, Leonard, not the plague. Did you combine beer and burritos like
I told you not to
? Heartburn and gas, Mr. Fluffleknocker. That’s what you’ve got. Not the plague. Shame on you for scaring these ladies.”

Mimsey gave a long sigh of relief. “Is it true, Leonard? Your doctor told me just last week you’ve been having intestinal issues.”

“Stop talking to my doctor,” Leonard said, exasperated. “What happened to confidentiality?”

Mimsey’s ears pinkened. “It’s a small town. Word gets around.”

“Not about my bowels. And it’s
not
gas.” Leonard’s gaze shifted in my direction. “You the new Mixologist?”

I nodded.

“Look at me yourself. You’ll see the plague, I guarantee it.” Leonard looked miffed that everyone had witnessed his false alarm, and a flash of embarrassment hid behind his wildly darting eyes. “Come, look.”

Leonard stuck his tongue out as far as it could go. I winced, having no desire to peek down anyone’s throat, especially not a man producing sweat in such quantities. But as everyone’s eyes shifted toward me, I took a deep breath.

Stepping forward, I focused on the desperation in Leonard’s eyes, the hope that maybe I could save him from a bit of ridicule if I came up with something—anything. I was willing to bet Leonard
hoped
he had the plague, just to save face.

I peeked down his throat, did one full circle around Leonard, then crossed my arms as I stopped in front of him.

“Well?” Leonard growled, almost accusatory. “What is it?”

I narrowed my eyes, tempted to agree with Gus just because I didn’t like Leonard’s tone. But I couldn’t find it in myself to add more salt to the wound. “It’s not the plague. It’s definitely not the plague, but it is something called
Flatulent-itis
.”

“What is
that
?” Leonard’s eyes grew wide while Mimsey stepped forward, patting his shoulder reassuringly.

“It’s… uh…” I looked at Gus, who snorted in derision.

“Go ahead,” Gus said. “Explain to everyone, please. I’m
fascinated
.”

“It’s a, um, stomach condition with a very easy fix.” I gave a serious nod. “It’s a good thing you came in when you did. We caught it early.”

“See?” Leonard leapt from his chair, pointing at Gus. “That man is an idiot. Good thing we have a
real
Mixologist in town.”

“Don’t you talk to him like that—” I had half a mind to reverse my fake diagnosis, but Gus interrupted me before I could finish.

“Yes, we’re lucky to have her,” he said mildly. His tone flat, Gus looked at me. “Let’s get Leonard his antidote so he can get on his way.”

I nodded, looking wildly around the room. I discovered immediately, however, that I had no clue what herb was where, which were potent, which were harmless.

“Excuse me.” I ducked out of the store and moved behind the bar, where I’d noticed a few pitchers of plain water and some fresh fruit.

Working quickly, I poured a glass full of water and set it on the counter while I peeled all sorts of fruits. I figured it was safe to assume that everything was edible since it’d been served for breakfast just hours ago.

Squishing a variety of bright fruits, some of which I knew—oranges, lemons, berries—and others I didn’t—something resembling a banana except a whole lot juicier and shaped like a pear, and a pink, heart-shaped berry—I collected the juices and added them to the glass of water. I stirred until the beverage turned an oddly bright color.

Grabbing the glass, I paused as another idea hit me. I poured leftover coffee from breakfast into a mug and, grasping the two drinks, kicked the door open.

“I’ve come up with a cure,” I said.

“Really?” Gus, though heavy on the sarcasm, looked mildly amused. “What page in the book was
this
cure on?”

I cleared my throat. “I, you know… I went with my gut on this one. Listened to my heart.”

“Like a true Mixologist.” Leonard sneered. “Not like the fake
he
is…”

I held back the glasses. “Apologize to Gus, or you don’t get the antidote.”

“No.” Leonard crossed his arms. “He talked to me as if I were crazy.
Gas!
Can you believe it? I think I’d know if I had gas.”

I held the drinks away even farther. “Fine. Then deal with… uh,
Flatulent-itis
by yourself.”

“Sorry,” Leonard grumbled at Gus. “This place needs new customer service.”

I handed over the drinks, thinking that we needed new
customers
since the service was quite fine by my standards. “Drink the tall glass first, then the coffee—er, then the mug.”

Mimsey, Zin, and Poppy all stared at me open-mouthed. I shrugged.

Gus’s eyes twinkled with humor. “Don’t forget the incantation.”

I squirmed. “Uh, okay.” I whispered a few nonsensical words.

“They have to be at hearing level,” Gus prodded.

I glared at him. Now he was just messing with me.

“Fine.” I wiped my hands on my sundress. “Uh…”

The room fell silent, and I thought quickly. When I spoke, it was so low, so fast that nobody but me could understand the words, or so I hoped:

             
Drink from the glass, and then the mug.

              You’re sweating so much, don’t give me a hug.

              Gus says you have gas, and I think so too.

              So drink the coffee and use the loo.

I blushed a brilliant red, not quite sure where the rhyme came from. It was all I could think of on short notice, and judging by Leonard’s serious face, he hadn’t understood a word I said. Gus, however, turned his back to me, his shoulders shaking violently in what I assumed was a fit of laughter.

“Go ahead, drink up,” I said, a bit cross with Gus for putting me on the spot.

Leonard’s face constricted as he swallowed the first beverage. He smacked his lips. “Tastes disgusting. But I can feel it working already.”

I nodded. “Good. Now, follow it up with the mug.”

“Tastes like a sad excuse for coffee,” Leonard said, looking my way. “Must be a deadly disease I have if you’re forcing me to drink a pile of dirt.”

“Totally.” I scanned the room, noticing realization dawn on Mimsey’s face. Then anger. After all, she’d made the coffee.

“I’ll have you know that coffee—” Mimsey began, shaking a finger at Leonard.

“That coffee you have brewing is about to burn,” I interrupted. “Leonard, thanks for stopping by. The effects should work in… about thirty minutes or so. I suggest you get home before then. Take the day off and relax, all right?”

He licked his lips. “Thanks for nothing, Gus. Take a page out of this girl’s book.” Leonard approached me, reaching to shake my hand.

I shook it, wincing at the stickiness of his palm. “No problem.”

“Glad to have a real Mixologist back on the island,” Leonard said. “Thanks for saving my life.”

“That’s my job.” I gave a fake smile, withdrawing my hand and making my way to the bathroom to wash my hands before he’d even stepped out of the door.

When I returned to the store a minute later, four sets of eyes stared at me—mostly they were mystified, but Poppy appeared incredulous. Amusement twisted Zin’s lips into a smile. Mimsey crossed her arms, probably still miffed about the coffee comment.

Gus shook his head. “Fruit juice and coffee? Maybe you are smarter than you look.”

My cheeks warmed. “No. It’s nothing. Shall I clean this up?” I hustled to the table, uncomfortable under everyone’s watchful gaze.

“My coffee does
not
taste like dirt,” Mimsey retorted.

“No, but it does clear your system in about thirty minutes to the dot,” Poppy said with a grin, apparently finally understanding why everyone was amused. “That’s clever, Lily. I like you.”

I couldn’t hold back a smile as I scooped the powders from the table into extra jars I found on one of the shelves.

“It wasn’t terrible,” Gus admitted.

Reaching for labels, I kept my smile hidden as it grew.

“
Now
can we take you on a tour?” Poppy asked.

“It’s time for lessons.” When he saw me struggling to spell the name of a plant, Gus snatched the jars from me and filled out the labels. “We must get back to work.”

“She hasn’t had a break all day, you crazy old man,” Mimsey said. “Give her an hour. She deserves it after that performance.”

Gus looked as if he were about to tell off Mimsey, but he shut his mouth before he responded. He glanced at me then shrugged one shoulder. “Fine. One hour.”

The Isle turned out to be a walkable distance—at least the places we were headed.

“It’s not a huge island,” Poppy said, holding up a map as we stepped into the sunlight. “Here’s where we’re at now.”

She pointed at the lower of two bridges that spanned a canal that split The Isle into two. My bungalow was on the left side of the island, along with the beach, the dock, and something Poppy referred to as The Forest.

“We don’t go up here.” Poppy shuddered as she pointed at the cluster of trees just north of the bungalow.

“Why not?” I strolled across the bridge next to Poppy. Zin walked a few feet ahead, still listening.

“It houses all the dangerous things,” Zin said, her voice low. “I’ll go someday, even though Mother says she’ll
kill
me if I do.”

“Aunt Trinket’s a bit uptight, but I think my mom would kill me too,” Poppy added.

I fell silent. I had nobody to kill me
if I went to The Forest.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” Poppy threw her arm around my shoulder. “I didn’t mean anything by it. If anything, you’re double loved. If you go into The Forest, both Trinket
and
Mimsey will kill you.”

“What a lucky duck,” Zin said dryly. “Just what every girl wants.”

“What sort of dangerous stuff is in The Forest?” I asked, already comfortable with my cousins.

Something about this place felt
right.
Despite the murder claims and mean ol’ Leonard, I no longer doubted if I’d made the right decision. Being here did feel like coming home, and though I wasn’t used to the whole idea of
family,
I liked thinking that I had aunts, cousins, people who’d kill me if I broke their rules.

“I don’t know.” Poppy sighed wistfully. “We’ve never been allowed to go there. But I suspect there’s a handful of fairies, maybe a troll or two. Someone once said they heard a giant thumping around, but I think that’s a load of crap. Giants can’t swim, and they’d sink a boat. How’d they get here?”

“There’s also the volcano,” Zin said. “To the very north of The Forest. There’re all
sorts
of stories about that. It’d take all day to tell you.”

“Has anyone been up there… ever?” I glanced at the water as we crossed the bridge, and my eyes bugged out of my head when I saw the brightly colored fish, dolphins, and sharks swimming peacefully underneath, twisting through seaweed forests.

“Only the Rangers.” Poppy’s voice fell to a whisper. “They’re a private bunch, them.”

“What do they look like?” My mind flashed back to the man who’d caught me snoozing in the hammock.

“You’ll know one if you see one.” Zin gave a nod. “They don’t talk a whole bunch. They’re big, they’re strong, they’re smart. Basically, they’re the best of the breed.”

“What breed?” I asked.

“Magical folks, of course, silly,” Poppy said. “They’re mostly wizards—we all are here. The shifters are the weird ones.”

Zin scowled. “I’m not weird.”

“Little bit?” Poppy grinned.

“I’m not
weird
!”

A light
pop
sounded. I looked at Zin, but she was no longer there.

“Zin?” I turned to Poppy. “What did you do? Where’d she go?
Zin!
”

Poppy couldn’t respond. She was far too busy giggling out of control. “That’s a
new
one.”

“You think this is funny?” I put my hands on my hips. “I just met my cousin. I can’t have her disappearing already. What is so funny, anyway?” My voice trailed off as Poppy pointed at the ground, laughter racking her body so hard, tears streamed down her face.

I looked toward where she pointed and saw, where Zin had stood moments before, a very large turtle. Unfortunately, the turtle had landed upside-down, its legs wiggling in the air.

“Is that Zin?” I crouched, looking for signs of familiarity. But for all intents and purposes, the animal looked just like any other turtle I’d seen.

“Of course it’s Zin.” Poppy struggled to control her laughter. “Sometimes she gets so upset, she shifts uncontrollably.”

I gently flipped the turtle over so it was right-side up. Immediately, Zin the Turtle waddled as fast as she could toward Poppy and snapped at her toe. Poppy’s laughter turned into a howl of pain.

I bent again and did my best to try to loosen Zin’s jaw. I failed. Miserably. Standing, I said to Poppy, “I don’t know what to do. She won’t let go.”

But Poppy was looking past me, pointing over my shoulder. “Why’d you do that?”

I turned back, my mouth opening in awe as Zin morphed back to her original size, black clothing intact.

“I told you not to laugh at me.” Zin sniffed. “That’s what you get.”

“You ruined my toe!” Poppy looked at the red mark on her foot.

“Just the polish, you’ll be fine. Don’t be a baby.”

“Maybe this is a strange question,” I cut in, trying to diffuse the argument, “but how are your clothes not ripped to shreds?”

“Her mom put a special spell on them so they’d shrink and expand to fit her shifts,” Poppy said. “Isn’t it neat?”

“So you’re saying the turtle was wearing a tiny pair of leather pants?” I asked, trying hard to suppress the smile toying at my lips.

“Yep! Except they go invisible on the first shift, the one into an animal state. Kind of like a chameleon. Then when she shifts back to human form, they return to normal. Clever, huh?” Poppy grinned. “It took her mom three years to perfect it. For a while there, Zin would shift back into her birthday suit, which was pretty embarrassing for her but pretty hilarious to me.”

“About The Forest,” Zin said, her lips in a thin line. “Maybe you should
both
go there. I hope you get eaten by trolls.”

I hid my smile as Poppy rolled her eyes.

“So these Rangers,” I said as we resumed the tour, “I think I saw one. Or rather, he saw me.”

“Really?” Poppy raised her eyebrows. “You didn’t get a name, did you?”

I shook my head.

“Did he say anything?” Zin asked.

“Sort of.”

Both of my cousins swiveled to look at me.

“
And?
” Zin prompted.

“Well, he sort of saw my underwear.” I scrunched up my face. “It wasn’t my fault, I swear. He was standing too close while I was sleeping on the hammock, and I flipped right off.”

“I bet he liked
that
,”
Poppy said. “Ugh, you’re so lucky.”

“Lucky? It was mortifying!” We stepped off the bridge, and I glanced around the right side of the island. Houses, small businesses, and storefronts lined the shore of the canal.

“Yeah, but it’s not like they get that view a lot.” I must have looked confused, because Zin explained, “Rangers can’t get married. Their jobs are too dangerous.”

I swallowed. “Dangerous?”

She nodded.

“That doesn’t mean they never see
butts,
” Poppy said. “They can’t get married, but that doesn’t mean they’ve joined a convent.”

Zin’s face turned a shade paler. “How would
you
know?”

“They’re studs. They can have whoever they want.” Poppy fanned herself as she turned to me. “I should know. I work as their dispatcher. Mom and Trinket own a supply store, so I work there some days and other days I’m at Ranger Headquarters.”

“How would you even know? I’m sure their girlfriends aren’t calling Headquarters,” Zin scoffed. “How unprofessional.”

“You wouldn’t
imagine
the requests I get.” Poppy rolled her eyes, transforming her voice into a high-pitched squeak. “
Is Ranger X there? I’m in
danger
. Can you patch me through? There’s a spider in my bed.
”

“No!” I gasped, laughter creeping into my voice. “Really?”

“Something about those men makes the ladies go nuts.” Poppy grinned. “I’m surprised you spotted one so quickly. Usually they stick to their own territories—the volcano, The Forest, the barracks. They only venture out into civilization when they have to deal with stuff the normal patrols can’t handle.”

“He was probably curious to see the new Mixologist,” Zin said. “Which Ranger was it?”

I shrugged. “Big guy. Dark hair. Scar next to his eye.”

Zin and Poppy stopped walking and shared a knowing glance.

“What?” I stopped a few feet ahead of them.

“If that’s true…” Poppy blinked at Zin. “You met Ranger X. Do you know how lucky that makes you?”

I shook my head. “Not in the slightest. Who’s Ranger X?”

“That’s a great question.” Zin marched onward. “Nobody knows who he is, or how he got here, or even his real name.”

Poppy shook her head. “The lifespan of a Ranger is about five minutes. They all quit immediately, or end up… well, you know. Dead. But not him.”

Zin raised an eyebrow. “He worked his way to the top of the clan. Ranger X is the leader of the group, the boss, their alpha guy. It’s hard to describe.”

“The other Rangers think he’s a god.” Poppy shrugged. “I don’t know what happened, but they unanimously voted him to lead their crew. The Rangers are not a friendly bunch, so to have them all unified behind one person—well, it hadn’t been like that for years.”

“Plus, he’s young,” Zin said. “What is he, thirty-two?”

Poppy nodded. “I get the most phone calls for him. But as far as I know, he’s never even touched a girl.”

“False,” I said with a shiver, remembering his lips brushing against my cheek. “He touched me, and I’m certain there’ve been others.”

Poppy inhaled sharply. “Did you
kiss
him?”

“No!” I bobbled my head back and forth. “Of course not, I just… he seems experienced.”

Zin narrowed her eyes at me. “You’re not telling us something.”

“No!” I struggled to find less incriminating words. “It’s just a gut feeling.”

“We’re messing with you.” Poppy lightly punched my shoulder. “Anyway, we could talk about him forever, but at the end of the day, he’s a giant mystery. Nobody knows anything, but the rumors are always flowing. Oh, let’s pop in here for a minute.”

I looked up. “A tea shop?”

“It’s not just any tea shop,” Poppy murmured. “And if you plan on having any more
run-ins
with Ranger X, you’ll want to get a cup of the
Glow
.
It’s ginger tea with a dash of glow worm—sounds gross, but it makes you shine like a rainbow.”

“Rainbows shine?” I asked.

“Oh, just come inside.” Poppy grabbed my hand and pulled me forward. “You can thank me later.”

“Don’t drink anything,” Zin whispered. “It’s all a lie.”

“What’s all a lie?” I asked, but it was too late.

All three of us stepped through the door. The tea shop was dark and musty, the exact opposite of the fresh, bright outside. Tea barrels lined the walls from floor to ceiling, a light herbal scent tickling my nostrils.

The store appeared empty except for the stash of tea leaves.

“Should we leave?” I asked in a hushed voice. “This place kind of freaks me out.”

“Oh, there’s no need to leave, Lily.” An unfamiliar voice filled the room, as if coming from the barrels themselves. “In fact, I’ve been waiting ages to meet you. Step farther into the store. Let me see the new Mixologist.”

My spine tingled, my senses burned, and my freak-alarm rang all sorts of bells.

But despite all my misgivings, when Poppy grabbed my hand and pulled me forward, I went with her.