Hetty Feather (29 page)

I raised my head. 'What did you say?' I
whispered.

Ida wiped her tears with her fingers, keeping her
face covered with her hands. 'Nothing, nothing,'
she said.

I took hold of her hands and gently pulled them
away so I could see her properly. I looked deep into
her eyes and saw the truth. 'You are my
mother
?' I
whispered.

'Hush, Hetty, hush! No one must ever know!'

'But . . . but . . .' I saw the strands of our hair
side by side on the pillow, Ida's light-brown locks
and my fiery red ones.

'Your father has red hair,' Ida whispered.

I clasped her hands. 'Tell me!' I begged.

'His name's Robert – but everyone always called
him Bobbie. He was the brightest boy in our village
and I loved him with all my heart, though he did
not truly care for me. He left to go to sea and voyage
round the world.'

'And where is he now, my father?'

'I truly do not know, Hetty. He never came back.
He swore he'd write to me but he never did. I waited
and waited for him to return – because I realized I
was having his baby.'

'Me!'

'Yes, you, Hetty!' Her arms went round me,
holding me tightly. 'I did not know what to do.
I didn't tell a soul but soon I became so big that
people started to notice. My parents could not stand
the shame and turned me out.'

'Oh, Ida!'

'I was so lonely, so frightened. I didn't know what
to do,' she said, clinging to me. 'I gave birth to you
all alone, and you were so terrifyingly tiny, but, oh,
so precious. I held you close in my arms all day long
and felt I could never ever let you go. But I had no
way of supporting us. I did not dare farm you out to
some woman while I worked. You were so small and
sickly, I knew you would not thrive unless you were
cared for most particularly. So I decided it would be
best if I took you to the Foundling Hospital.'

'I
wish
you could have kept me, Ida.'

'I wished it too. It was an agony to give you
up. I missed you so badly. I nearly lost my mind
with wretchedness. I ended up in the workhouse,
changing my name so that no one should ever know.
It was very hard there, but I did my best to bear it.
Eventually the mistress helped me find a position as
a kitchen maid. I worked in that post for a year, but
when I knew you were due back from your foster
home I applied for work at the hospital. It was my
only way of being near you, Hetty. I could never earn
enough to buy you back, and the governors would
not deem me a fit mother anyway.'

'You are the most fit mother in the world, and
the only one I could ever want,' I said fervently.

'It's been such a secret joy these past five years
watching you grow, but a torment too, unable to
give you a true mother's love. I resolved never to
tell you. If anyone found out, I would be sent away
in disgrace.'

'Oh, Ida, I will keep our secret, I swear,' I promised.
'But could you tell me just one thing more. Did you
give me a name when I was born?'

'I called you a fancy pet name, Sapphire, because
your eyes were so blue.'

'Oh my Lord, I pictured that! I
knew
my real
mother would have chosen a beautiful name for
me! Listen, Ida, I hope to be a writer one day and
have my stories published – and then I shall use
Sapphire as my pen name. You're not laughing at
me, are you?'

'No, my darling, I'm crying because I'm so
happy.'

'We will leave the hospital together when I'm
old enough, and my stories will earn lots of money,
and I'll find us a fine house, and we will live there
together, mother and daughter, just you wait and
see.'

'Happily ever after, like the fairy stories,' said
Ida, still weeping.

'Happily ever after,' I declared. 'I am absolutely
certain!'