Hettie of Hope Street (35 page)

As though he had actually been thinking the same thoughts, John announced, ‘You had best take my arm now, Hettie, for it is a steep walk from here down to the river and I would not want you to fall.'

‘I often think of our park here in Preston when I am in Hyde Park in London,' Hettie told him as she slipped her arm through his. ‘And I have to say that I prefer our own dear Aveham Park.'

‘Aye, it's a fine park indeed,' John agreed before saying abruptly, ‘Hettie, there was a reason why I did not – could not – attend your first singing performance at the Adelphi Hotel. But I asked Ellie and Gideon not to speak of it to you.'

They were walking downhill and Hettie was tempted to stop and demand to know what he meant, but she sensed that John felt more comfortable talking to her as they walked and so she waited as patiently as she could.

‘I didn't want you to be upset, you see, Hettie, and that was why – well, to tell the truth I was in such a state myself at the time that…'

‘What happened? What was it?' Hettie asked him.

‘A most dreadful thing, Hettie,' John answered her sombrely. ‘A terrible, terrible accident. One
of my pupils at the flying school ignored my instructions and took up a flying machine even though he was not experienced enough to do so. He had three other young men with him…I was on my way to…to come to Liverpool when I saw…'

Sensing his distress as he brushed his free hand across his eyes Hettie automatically squeezed his arm comfortingly but kept silent.

‘The flying machine crashed into the buildings at the airfield. Jim was inside them.'

‘Jim?' Hettie's voice betrayed her shocked distress.

‘They were all killed, all of them, the four young men and Jim.'

‘Oh John.'

‘I didn't want you to know because I didn't want to cast a shadow over your excitement or your memory of something I knew was so special to you, Hettie. I'm sorry if I did the wrong thing, and caused you pain.'

‘Oh John,' Hettie repeated even more emotionally. ‘How generous of you to want to spare me. I was such a silly, selfish child then.'

‘You have never been selfish, Hettie.'

‘Yes I have,' she corrected him ruefully. ‘But I hope I have learned to become wiser now, John. Poor you, I know how close you were to Jim. And poor Jim and those boys, too.'

They had reached the river and although they were now on level ground John still kept her arm
tucked through his, and Hettie didn't make any move to remove it.

It felt so right to be here with John like this. So very, very right, as though it and he were something she had been travelling towards all her life, she recognised emotionally.

‘There is so much I want to tell you, Hettie.'

‘And I you, John.'

‘Can you forgive me?'

‘For kissing me?' She couldn't resist teasing him.

There was a very purposeful male glint in his eyes when he looked back at her.

‘If you do,' he warned her, ‘then I may very well be tempted to do so again.'

‘Well, in that case I may very well be tempted to forgive you,' Hettie said softly.

‘Here you are, Mam.'

Deftly and expertly Hettie transferred three-month-old Hannah from her own arms and into Ellie's, pausing to smooth down the baby's thick dark curls and smile at her before moving to plump up Ellie's pillows.

‘Oh Hettie, what would we do without you?' Elle smiled appreciatively as she cradled Hannah in the crook of her arm and reached out to squeeze Hettie's hand lovingly. ‘Oh look.' She laughed. ‘See how Hannah looks to
you
.'

‘She will start to look to you now that you are well enough to take care of her, Mam,' Hettie said gently.

They had come so close to losing Ellie that even now Hettie hardly dared to so much as think about those first two weeks after her return home. She had been so afraid that Ellie might slip away from them and equally determined to stop her that she had taken to spending most of her time sitting in
a chair in Ellie and Gideon's room, watching her step-mother and willing her not to die, Hannah in her crib beside her so that she could tend to the new baby as well as watch over Ellie.

Gideon, and John too during his increasingly frequent visits home, had gently chided Hettie and urged her to remember how much the whole household was depending on her and how important it was that she keep up her own strength. But Hettie had ignored them.

Some deep instinct she could feel but not explain had driven her to keep up her bedside vigil, and to keep telling Ellie how much they all needed her.

The night Ellie's fever had been at its height, and Dr Barnes had been and told them gravely that there was nothing more he could do, Hettie had laid Hannah in Ellie's unrecognising arms and whispered fiercely to her to remember that she had a baby who needed her.

‘You didn't leave me, Mam, and you mustn't leave this little one either. She needs you and I need you too. We all need you…'

In the morning, when Ellie's fever had broken, Dr Barnes had declared that it was a miracle.

And now, although she was still a little weak, Ellie was out of danger and well on the way to full recovery.

‘Hannah doesn't look like either of the boys,' Hettie commented, ‘and she doesn't really look like you or Gideon either.'

Ellie smiled tenderly as she stroked her new daughter's curls.

‘She has my father's hair, Hettie, and his eyes, and in that way looks very much as John did as a baby. But this pretty olive-tinted skin is, I think, a gift from Gideon's father, Richard. I am so blessed in having two very beautiful daughters. But Hannah is most blessed of all in having such a loving sister.'

Hettie felt emotional tears pricking at her eyes. ‘I had been so afraid that I would be jealous of her because she was yours and I was not, but Mam the moment I looked at her, I felt…I
knew
here inside, I just loved her so much.'

‘That was exactly how I felt with you, Hettie,' Ellie told her. ‘This is such a very special gift that we have, Hettie, this love between us, mother to daughter and sister to sister. Hannah would have died without you to love and cherish her, and so would I…'

‘Just as I would have died without you to love and cherish me,' Hettie reminded Ellie.

‘You are the daughter of my heart, Hettie. I can't bear to think of you leaving us and going back to London.'

Hettie pulled her hand free of Ellie's and stood up. ‘I have decided not to return to London but to stay here in Preston.'

Joy flooded Ellie's expression quickly followed by concern.

‘But Hettie, love, your singing? I know how
much that means to you now, even if I did not do so before.'

‘Things change, Mam. Or maybe it is me who has changed. My singing, the stage, those things that once seemed so exciting and important…' Hettie shook her head whilst images formed inside it. Babs turning her back on the stage because she wanted to be with Stan. Mary, white-faced with despair when she told Hettie what had befallen her. Eddie's hand cold in her own.

‘I can sing anywhere, Mam, but I cannot be with my family anywhere…'

Ellie looked at her. ‘Hettie, I don't mean to pry, or cause you pain, but you wrote so often of a certain someone that I had felt…'

‘I did think I had fallen in love with Jay, Mam,' Hettie agreed quietly. ‘But he already had a wife.' She sighed and then smiled. ‘He wanted to make me a big star and for a while I thought that that was what I wanted too. But even if he had not been married, even if he had wanted to marry me.' She paused and shook her head before continuing earnestly, ‘He couldn't understand why I had to come home to be with you.'

Hettie and Ellie looked at one another over Hannah's head. Two women sharing knowledge and a love that did not need words or explanations.

‘I…I have been thinking about what I shall do,' Hettie said quietly. ‘I have been speaking with Miss Brown and since she does not want to teach
any more she has suggested I might want to take over her pupils.'

‘And you would want to do that?'

‘I have learned so much that I could teach them, Mam,' Hettie replied eagerly. ‘It isn't just the singing they need to learn, there's the dancing as well, and so much more if they wish to become professionals. And there is opera too. I can't teach it myself, but I could find a teacher who could.'

Ellie shook her head and laughed fondly. ‘Such ambitious plans, Hettie,' she teased her. ‘You are so much Gideon's daughter.'

Hettie laughed too. ‘I
have
told Da what I would like to do,' she admitted, ‘and he says he will look out for some premises for me.'

‘Oh Hettie…Hettie. This is just such wonderful news. First John is to come back to Preston and now you are to stay here as well.'

Hettie leaned forward to tickle Hannah's chin, not wanting Ellie to see her betraying blush.

It wasn't because of John that she had conceived her plan for starting up a school for singers and dancers, she assured herself, even if her heart had given a fierce thrilling thud of excitement the day John had told her that he had decided to come home.

Their shared concern over Ellie's illness had brought a closeness between them that Hettie could never have imagined them sharing six months ago. Those long bleak hours of watching and waiting that John had insisted on sharing with
her whenever he had been home had led to them exchanging the kind of confidence Hettie would once have thought impossible.

They were equals now, and John had recognised that fact. They had talked about so much that once might have been impossible, and with an openness that had delighted Hettie.

John had told her of his feelings at his friend's death, and Hettie had wept as she talked of Eddie and his death.

‘I know many would condemn him for his…his way of life, but his love was as true as any other person's, John, and I cannot help but ask myself if it is wrong that he should not have the right to have those feelings honoured. You do not agree with me, I can tell,' she had whispered to him when he had looked at her in silence.

He had reached for her hand then and said simply, ‘I have no right to sit in judgement of any other human being, Hettie. If I was silent it was simply because I felt humbled by your own compassion and wisdom.'

They had gone on to talk of Mary, and of Lady Polly.

‘Did you love her?' Hettie had forced herself to ask.

‘As a friend, yes. I felt for her, Hettie. She had such passion and so much to give. Do you love Jay Dalhousie?' he had asked her in turn.

‘I thought I did. I wanted to. He made everything seem to be possible and so exciting, but there
was nothing there underneath that excitement,' she had told John sadly. ‘Jay couldn't understand why I had to come home. And I could never love a man who did not understand that.'

‘You have grown so much in such a short time, Hettie,' John had told her, ‘and it seems to me that in doing so you have fulfilled my worst fears.'

‘What do you mean?' Hettie had asked him uncertainly.

‘As a young man I waited impatiently for you to grow up, Hettie, so that I could tell you of my love for you. But once you did begin to grow up I became fearful that you would grow beyond me. That was why I didn't want you to sing. And now you
have
grown beyond me…'

‘No, you must not say that,' Hettie had told him emotionally. ‘I have always loved you, John. I have always loved you,' she had repeated, her eyes widening as she realised the truth of her own words.

And now, like her, John was choosing to make his life in Preston.
She
had known that before anyone else.

John exhaled contentedly as Tom let him in. Gideon and Ellie's house had always been a second home to him. Six months ago he would have rejected the very idea of Hettie being able to take over the running of this house from Ellie so expertly that everything was just as his sister would have wanted. But she had done so, and with a
mature serenity that had seemed like an oasis of heavenly calm to him after the intensity and trauma of Polly's death and Ellie's illness.

The hallway smelled of beeswax polish and fresh flowers and sunshine.

Whilst Ellie gave Hannah her bottle, the baby fixed her gaze unwaveringly on Hettie.

But Hannah was not her child, no matter how much she loved the baby, Hettie reminded herself. Determinedly she stood up.

‘I'd better go down to the kitchen. Mrs Jennings wants to see me about something.'

As she opened the door she heard Hannah crying for her and her small cry wrenched at Hettie's whole body.

But Hannah was Ellie's and now that Ellie was so much better it was time for Hannah to be reunited with her true mother.

Even so, Hettie had to blink the tears from her eyes as she hurried down the stairs, so intent on her own thoughts that she didn't see John until she had almost reached the hallway.

When she did, she had to stop and place her hand over her heart because it was beating so fast.

‘John, we were just talking about you…'

‘Good things, I hope?' He paused and then began urgently, ‘Hettie, there is something I want…'

The front door suddenly opened and Ellie and Gideon's two sons, along with John and Ellie's younger brother Philip, burst into the hall.

‘Hettie, they're putting notices up about the Bank Holiday fair. We're going to shoot at the firing range, and win some prizes. Hettie, will you come with us? Hettie, can we…'

‘Goodness, what a noise.' Hettie laughed. ‘And as for the fair and the firing range, you will have to ask your father. He is out at the moment.'

‘Then we will go up and ask Mam.'

‘If you go down to the kitchen now I dare say you might be able to persuade Mrs Jennings to give you a piece of the fresh gingerbread she has just made, and then you can ask your father about the fair when he comes back.'

‘Clever,' John remarked once they had gone.

Hettie laughed. ‘I love them so, but Mam still needs to rest.'

John reached out and took hold of her hands. ‘Hettie, this is probably neither the time nor the place but I cannot wait to ask you any longer. Dearest girl, do you think if I am very patient you could one day come to return the love I have for you?'

‘Oh John, I told you, I love you already,' she said softly, adding simply, ‘In fact, I do truly believe I have always loved you, only I was too silly to know it.' Hettie paused and looked up at him. ‘I cannot regret what I have done, though, or what I have learned.'

‘Nor would I want you to,' John told her. ‘Life is changing, Hettie. Our lives are so very different from the lives of our parents. And you and I
…We have known and seen things beyond the experience of even those closest to us. We have left the world of our childhood and gone out into a newer, different world. But now we have come back with all that we have learned.

‘I love you, Hettie,' he told her thickly.

‘And I you, John.'

‘And you will be my wife?'

‘I will.'

She was as eager to be in his arms as he was to have her there, and it was only the sound of Richard's voice as he exclaimed, ‘Philip, John and Hettie are kissing!' that finally drew them apart.