Heroine: The Husband's Cologne (24 page)

The garage door closed with a quiet hum and I drove carefully down the drive way to the road; the gate opened like by magic when I stood before it. Wasn’t that open beforehand? Why did it close? All of a sudden I felt angst creeping up my spine again and I drove off. Once at home I parked the big vehicle in our garage after I had removed my little Chevy.

The sun was already high in the sky when I woke up. I remembered wild wet dreams but to my relief I noticed that I was alone. The effect of the drug was quite strange.
The events of last night should have traumatized me but I could look back on them as if I took part in some erotic play. Just as well that I had held myself back in the end. It could have had a bad ending.

Some strong coffee helped me to switch my brain on again. What kind of human being was I? In that night I’ve spoken sentences that wouldn’t even have crossed my mind weeks ago. Something had changed inside me ever since I escaped from Cologne.

But now there was no time for further pondering. I had to take back Alan’s car. I got ready and drove the huge black vehicle to the road. I actually had fun to maneuver the thing along the wide roads and though the car was enormous it was much easier to handle than my little Chevy. If it could only agree with my environmentalist’s genes! I sighed. Why don’t luxury and ecology agree with one another? Couldn’t there be any exceptions? At least for a helpless weak female …?

I burst out laughing when I realized what kind of thoughts were racing through my mind.
Weak and helpless!? Alan’s face appeared before my inner eye when he was lying there before me – all tied up. I almost lost it - shaking with fits of laughter. I left the car parked close to the center of Los Altos. From there I could take a cab back to Roquetas. I was sure that Alan would find his vehicle soon. In this area most vehicles parked at the curb unlocked. In the beginning it surprised me until somebody pointed out that car theft was almost unknown for this area. A totally different story applied to San Francisco.

On my way back I kept on thinking. Why did Alan come to my house in particular on the first night after Daniel had gone? Did he inform him about that? Did Daniel want me to start an affair with Alan? But as far as this goes Daniel had always asked me about things he wanted me to do for him. So he could have done it this time. Again I was quite mad at Daniel.

When I got out of the cab and paid the cab driver I worried about those ambiguities. Only then I realized that the cab driver dude had stunningly good looks. A young lad with a well-conditioned body, about my age, with long curly black hair and – what was most enticing – ebony skin. Dark as the night. The whiskey from last night was still at work. Or was it something different? Revenge thoughts?

I asked him with a big smile whether he was a professional cab driver. He was a student at the Stanford University and driving taxi was his side job. I couldn’t resist and invited him in to have a cup of coffee with me.

At home I asked Stanley to drive his car into the open garage that I then closed. I didn’t want Irene to notice that I had a visitor in case she would stop by. For the student it was a clear sign that more than just a cup of coffee was awaiting him. Stanley was even taller than I anticipated. When he got out of the vehicle his head bumped into the interior light of the garage. It didn’t bother him and I lead him into the kitchen through the side entrance.

“Have a seat somewhere”, I encouraged him while I started to make some coffee. He sprawled onto the couch and I served him a cup of coffee. We looked one another into the eyes for a while. The scene with Alan from last night was on my mind and I imagined erasing all of that by having sex with a man who I wanted and whom I controlled.

“This is a nice place. In my dorm on campus it is much smaller and louder. One can really relax here. Where are you actually from? You have a pretty accent.”

So he could flirt and his opening small talk was not bad either. I told him a bit about Germany and he found interest in some of the details. But the Oktoberfest and Bavaria seemed to interest him in particular. Then I asked him what he was doing at the university. He studied computer science but busied himself more with playing basketball than focusing on his studies. I already knew that basketball was a big thing here and that the universities teams had quite some reputation. Yes, his team could compete with other university top teams. The talk halted a bit and he looked at me a bit doubtful:

“Won’t your husband be back soon? What will he think when he finds us sitting here together?” He looked at my wedding band on my finger.

“My husband is in Europe”, I retorted. “He is much older than you and I am often alone. Therefore I really
longed for some communication with an intelligent person”, I lied and looked down. I observed myself and knew I could do nothing about it. Something inside me was stronger.

Some noise let me look up. He had gotten up and stood directly in front of me. Then he put his hand on my head and caressed my hair. Slowly his fingers slid down my neck. His massages broke my last resistance and trembling I put my head against his tummy. I decided to undo Alan’s brutality with a holy gesture. This man here would not physically abuse me. When I let go of him many minutes later he fell back on the couch breathing heavily.

“That was cool. I could have that every day”, he spoke between his teeth.

“Don’t you have a girlfriend that would do it to you?” I sat down beside him and put my head on his chest. He shook his head.

“Currently I am solo. What just happened came just in time before I lost my mind. Every day handwork that is no substitute for a beautiful woman. Not the least bit.”

He kissed me gently on my head and caressed my back. We kept sitting there for a while, talk about this and that and kissed one another in between.

No beating, no brutality, no obscene comments. Tenderness, two bodies – wet from sweat – closely nestled to one another, little moans, kisses, trust. I liked it that much. That was it; that was what I wanted. I’ve led this man and he gratefully let me lead him. Stanley was representing all men who respected me. Alan’s act of violence was made undone.

We made love all afternoon long, sometimes gently, sometimes wild. When we said good bye Stanley asked me if we would see one another again. I shook my head and said that I’d be returning to Europe. He nodded sadly and hugged me for a while. Then he disappeared. Half the day in bed with me must have cost him a fortune in unearned cab fees.

First I was happy then I reproached myself. Without the alcohol that would have never happened to me. Why did I engage with a total stranger? Why did I drink whiskey though I knew that it would awaken the effect of the drugs again?

Until Daniel’s return I spent most of my time at the house. The taser was now always ready in my purse. Almost obsessively I checked the batteries’ state of charge several times a day.

Two days later I picked up Daniel from the airport. He seemed to be tired, almost exhausted and almost nodded off during the short drive. At home we had dinner together, watched TV for a while and then he wanted to go to bed. He suffered from jetlag and he missed several hours of sleep. I had already given up hope for a more intimate hello.

Soon I realized from his quiet breathing that he had fallen asleep. An emotional wave came over me and I felt how much I loved Daniel. Carefully I kissed him and covered him with the blanket. He only grunted something unintelligible and kept on sleeping. I watched him for a while and I was happy to have him right beside me. All the tensions from the last few days dropped and I cuddled beside him, grateful that he had come back.

The next morning Daniel was awake early. So we found the time for extensive talks while we had breakfast. He told me about boring meetings and preparing experiments that lasted from the morning until late at night. He had hardly time to sit down and eat for three days. He more or less lived of coffee and hot dogs.

I felt sorry for him and felt deeply ashamed about my fling with Stanley. On top of that I felt kind of embarrassed that I didn’t go to work myself. But how should I do that? In order to study at a university I needed a permit, for that I needed a permanent visa and to get that I needed to leave the country again and apply for it in Germany. The same applied for a work permit. For that I needed a social security number and the vicious circle started all over again. Why did Daniel’s stay have to last that long?

The meetings in New York were also important, Daniel continued, because the company had promised him a promotion. His eyes lit up and I was happy for him and also proud of him. Shortly before he got ready for work he asked me what I had done in those three days.

“Most of the time I was shopping with Irene. The rest of the time I spent here at home”, I said while trying to sound bored.

“Wait, there was something I wanted to ask you”, I continued. Your boss had come to the house briefly asking about you while you were gone. Did you ask him to stop by here?” I looked at him questioningly.

“Why, I don’t understand that. Ingvar was with me in New York. What are you talking about?”

“Alan. Alan
Apala. The fat dude who had once invited us.”

“That guy?
What did he want here? He is so far up the corporate ladder that he hardly has anything to do with me. Did he bother you?” Daniel had turned pale. I was thrilled that he had not invited Alan and I shook my head.

“First I suspected that you had more or less included him in our game. But since I didn’t know about it and Irene was here visiting I asked him to come back when you’ve returned from your trip. Then he left again.” I remained totally calm. After all I had cleansed myself after that episode. I couldn’t think of anything else.

“I don’t understand that. It was he who sent Ingvar and me to the conference. Dammit, this guy is known for molesting women. None of his coworkers can stand this nasty devious scumbag. At the company he was several times in hot waters because of sexual harassment but he could always talk himself out of it. I need to talk to Ingvar whether he had also visited his wife.”

The day went by quietly. Later I met with Irene and we strolled through the small center of town. We ate something at a café. I declined as always when she tried to seduce me to have some Prosecco, this cheap Italian drink.

“I still have problems with my tummy and must not drink any alcohol”, I explained to her.

“You poor thing. When does that come to an end? Ever since I’ve known you, you are dry. But I believe you have some other passions, don’t you?” I looked at her puzzled and she winked at me. She took a sip and then blabbered about something else while that sentence kept bothering me. With the second glass she became even chattier while I became more and more quiet. I felt something – because on other occasions she was not so naïve.

“Tell me, who actually was this young dude who visited your house the day before yesterday?” she asked me unexpectedly. I almost choked on my drink and turned crimson.

“Oh well, you don’t need to hide anything from me.” She winked again.

“What do you know?” I stammered.

“I’ve watched you for a bit. That was a splendid species of a man.” Now she whispered.

“I wanted to visit you in the afternoon and since your car was parked in front of the door and nobody answered the door I thought you might be on the porch and so I
went to the back of the house. And on my way I passed by your bedroom window.” Couldn’t she stop winking at me?

“Oh my, how I envy you.
I’d love to do it once with such a guy. He wouldn’t stop, wouldn’t he?.” We had talked about sex once in a while but never in such intimate terms. Mostly she talked about her favorite actors or athletes. For a while I didn’t say anything. Then I asked her:

“What else did you see?” Now she laughed.

“Everything, darling, everything. I watched you for two hours. You almost sucked that dude dry. Listen; when he stops by the next time will you let me take part in it? He can cope with the both of us, I betcha.”

“An interesting thought”, I tried to divert from the subject. “But he will not come back. I sent him off and told him that I don’t
wonna see him again.” I had a thought in my head. Problems with alcohol were a subject of gossip here in California like the weather news in Germany.

“Irene, let me explain something to you. I do not drink because I have a strange problem with alcohol. When I drink something then I go bananas and just turn wild. Then I can’t keep my hands off men. The day before yesterday I had stomach problems so I drank a glass of whiskey. Because I knew how the whiskey would work I hid myself in the house. Then, all of a sudden, the cab driver was standing in the door and wanted deliver
something for Daniel.” I wanted to give the story a spin so that it sounded somewhat believable.

“Now just imagine. You almost burst with lust and there is one of the most beautiful men in the world right in front of you. You are alone and so forth and so forth.”

“Splendid. I’d like to have such stomach problems once.” Her face glowed.

I was uncertain because I felt that I had given away more than I wanted. Was this due to the increasing excitement that the memory of Stanley had triggered?

“Let’s talk about something else. I was quite embarrassed after that and I was quite furious with myself because I had cheated on Daniel. I don’t want anything like that and therefore I won’t do it again – to drink alcohol, regardless how bad I feel.”