Hero: A Bad Boy Mafia Romance (46 page)

Chapter Twenty Six

Bella

I looked around at the bright, smiling faces and tried to force a similar kind of happiness onto my own expression, ignoring the hard, painful beating inside my chest.

Having to attend my father's wedding with a broken heart was a special kind of hell. Probably one reserved for girls stupid enough to fall in love with the kind of bastard who would abandon them to that fate.

The last few days had been a daze of disbelief and regret. Fluctuating between hoping he was going to come back, change his mind and make everything right with us - and wishing him gone from my life completely.

But this was it.

My father's wedding.

The day that the whole summer seemed to have revolved around.

Well, that and my stormy relationship with one sinfully hot Navy SEAL. But if you asked anyone else, they'd probably say it had been about the former.

And since he wasn't here...I guessed maybe it was. The one relationship under our roof that had ever stood a chance.

My stupid, flickering flame of hope was slowly dying with every moment that passed, as I looked around and hoped to see Seth - heading for me, with
something
in his expression. It was such a stupid thing to still want, but I couldn't help it.

I loved him - and I'd wanted so much to make him see that we could make it work.

My father, the SEAL thing - all of it.

It grated that he hadn't given me a chance to discuss or explain, before making the decision for me.

I wanted to
try
instead of giving up.

Wasn't that what SEALs were supposed to do?

The whole thing had run through my mind a million times since he'd left - the news about Ryan and the memory of Becky's passion as she described the difficult life - and I knew it didn't matter.

I could deal with it - all of it...except him leaving.

I wasn't sure how I was meant to survive that. Not when he'd been the source of all my new-found strength and purpose - the person who’d shown me so much about who I was.

Not when my heart and body beat with the memory of his touch, his eyes, his cocky smile...

The familiar pain flashed again and I tried to push it away as I heard the music start up. I was waiting behind Cora in a cream-and-pink bridesmaid dress that wasn't as terrible as I'd feared, and then - before I was ready - we were moving in.

My stomach flipped and I wasn't sure whether it was because of my father's marriage, the strained relationship that had persisted between us since that argument, or the fierce need to have Seth back. Maybe all three.

I was so screwed.

Ignoring that, I painted my face in a smile for the cameras and moved through the motions.

The majority of the ceremony passed in a daze, just like everything else at the moment.

I'd seen Cora look around a couple of times for Seth, but I could have told her he wasn't here. Wouldn't be here. Not with the way he’d abandoned everything.

It was just me.

The disgraced daughter.

I'd barely spoken to my father since our argument, with neither of us willing to go back there. Even if Seth was no longer in the picture - even if my father might have been right about my whole involvement with him - I couldn't take that first step. Not now. Not alone.

Because I'd been right too, damn it, and I knew there was no way I could make him see that now. It was obvious that Seth had disappeared - and no doubt, how I was feeling as well.

But that didn’t mean I’d been wrong to love him, to feel those things and want that with him. None of the things I said to my father were wrong, and if Seth were here I’d be pursuing them gladly. So I wouldn’t take it back. I wouldn’t just
go fix my relationship with my father
as Seth had so neatly put it. As if it was that simple.

My relationship with my father had started out messed up, and as far as I was concerned, if this was as ‘fixed’ as it was going to get, it was still better than living the way I had.

Even if the last few days I’d been so completely, utterly alone.

Seth was gone. My father, if he ever could have supported me through this, was gone.

Even Kaylee was gone. She’d avoided me since telling my father about Seth, and I was still pissed enough about that to let her.

The ceremony caught my attention when the priest asked whether anyone objected to the wedding.

In my fantasy, Seth strode in now, his calm and controlled ferocity directed at the wedding party as he objected on our behalf. Like one of those knights from my novels in truth. It wouldn’t be legal, of course, and it would cause complete chaos, but it would make a point. It would be a statement.

A stupid, overly romantic notion, but my body reacted at the thought of it anyway, and I had to scold myself into stillness.

This wasn’t a fantasy.

I held my breath anyway - but they were past that part within moments, and the door remained closed. There was no crash, no objection.

I wouldn’t mind if you were late…

But it was an idiotic thought. It wasn’t going to happen. He wasn’t here. He wasn’t going to be here.

Then, before I realized it, they were being pronounced husband and wife.

My stomach sank.

That was it.

Seth was now officially my stepbrother.

Fuck.

*  *  *

That sinking feeling didn’t improve at the reception as the tightness in my gut spread throughout my whole body, until by the time it evening approached I felt like some kind of wooden doll.

Go here, smile at these people, make an inane comment there, eat, drink, listen attentively.

From what I could tell, my father and Cora were very pleased with the ceremony and reception. Pity that something which had taken so much time and effort was passing before me almost unnoticed, but at least  everything seemed like it was going according to plan.

Well, except Seth and I. They were probably ignoring that issue.

If they were, I appreciated it.

In truth, I wanted to be happy for them. I wanted them to be happy. I just wished it didn’t conflict so badly with what I wanted.

Not that it mattered, since Seth wasn’t here.

I wasn’t even sure what I’d do if he was.

Underneath the overwhelming sadness and tinge of hope, there was still that roiling anger I didn’t know how to deal with.

Damn him for leaving me alone.

I kept wondering - was it just Ryan, was it just all the crazy stuff he’d been through in the last week? Or was he simply done?

I couldn’t quite believe that - not the way he’d looked at me before he left. Not with everything we’d shared.

There was so much of me that didn’t want to believe I could be so utterly wrong - about everything.

But it wouldn’t be the first time.

I found myself wandering the gardens of the place they’d hired, drifting further from the main groups of people as I tried to find some element of peace in the cooler air. It was late enough that no one would notice if I only started making a few appearances, and I wasn’t sure I could spend much more time forcing myself to be pleasant as I waited for the time we could all see them both off on their honeymoon.

It was only a few hours, and the car was already waiting outside…

I stopped as a shadow detached itself from the copse of trees nearby.

He might be a sneaky as hell Navy SEAL, but I’d grown used to his presence.

That didn’t change the way everything in me froze, the way I didn’t want to turn around because I wasn’t sure if I was going to scream or kiss him.

He screwed with every emotion I’d ever had, and despite spending the day wishing he was here, it was hard not to feel anything but resentment.

Resentment and deep, unending need. A flare of heat across my body that I wished I could deny.

“Bella…”

His voice was soft, seductive as it had always been, with the same heat that echoed through me.

Damn it.

My hands clenched and unclenched, but I still couldn’t bring myself to turn around.

Instead, he stepped up behind me - a solid, secure weight that immediately made me feel warm and protected with the strength of it. I was hard and tense against him, but his mouth lowered to my ear, breath whispering against it as he nuzzled there.

“My beauty. My Belle.”

The rough tone shuddered through me, and the words lit the part of me that had thought of nothing else.

“Seth…”

My tone held a warning, with too much underneath it for even me to interpret.

“I love you, Bella.”

What the hell did that even mean?

It was too much. Too many conflicting thoughts and emotions.

This time I did swing around, glaring up at him with eyes that for once weren’t filled with tears. Yet.

“No. Not again, Seth.”

The soft sadness in his eyes - the regret - as he looked at me, had my heart beating fast. And I hadn’t realized what seeing him up close would do to me, the way my blood would flood with heat and every part of me would want to press against him and touch and taste and feel…

Damn it!

We were past that. Past everything.

“It’s too late,
brother.
You might not have bothered to show up - but it happened. They’re married.”

To my surprise, his eyes only doubled their quiet ferocity as he cupped my cheek, the large palm warm against my soft skin.

“I don’t care. You’re not my sister. You never have been. They knew about this when they got married - that’s their choice.”

“What you care about seems to change every few minutes.”

He winced as the double meaning belatedly hit me.

“And who.”

“Fuck it, Bella, that’s not true—”

“No, I’m done listening. You walked out. You left. Done.”

But I wasn’t done. Damn it, I wasn’t.

And when he closed his mouth over my own, taking my words and turning the heat of anger into a gathering passion, my body gave in - I leaned into him as everything I’d tried to push away came back.

How could he do this to me? Affect me like this?

It was insane. Impossible.

That didn’t matter as it washed over me like a desperately missed friend, the comfort and safety and warmth of his embrace promising to drive away every problem I’d ever had.

That didn’t stop the anger - the fury at him, myself and the whole damn world for doing this to us.

I couldn’t begin to understand everything I felt, let alone form a coherent reaction as his tongue parted my mouth and he penetrated deep inside me once again.

I wanted to be angry - damn it, I
was
angry.

But every moment with him stole that away as all those cursed hopes came back.

He’d come back. For me.

Too late.

I pulled back to meet his eyes, seeing the storm in my own reflected there.

“Fuck it, Seth. No. I spent the whole damn morning wanting you here, hoping desperately to see you suddenly appear. Picturing you storming in and making everything right.”

My breath was coming quicker now, whether from anger or desire I didn’t know, the pure strength of emotions driving me.

“But you weren’t fucking there. You weren’t. And now…it’s too late.”

The surprise on his face as his hand ran through my hair made me pause for a moment, and he frowned at me.

“I was there, Bella. I saw the wedding - the whole thing. But I didn’t think you’d want me ruining our parents’ big day with a sudden appearance - especially with the way we left things.”

I stared at him.

What?!

I hadn’t seen him, at all. I’d been looking for him. He hadn’t been there.

“Seriously?”

He nodded, shifting closer to me as his arms came around me again. I wanted to shrug him off, but it felt too good.

“Seriously. You really wanted that?”

“Well…it would have been a good gesture.”

I shrugged as I briefly considered the reality of my little fantasy, and his eyes crinkled with amusement as he nuzzled lightly at me.

“Okay, got it - next time, big, romantic gestures. I love you, baby.”

My cheeks heated a little, but I didn’t think it was from embarrassment as he kissed me again, his hands slowly rubbing my back and promising to relieve some of the tension there.

Everything conflicted within me as I tried to process the crazed emotions of the last few days, and reconcile the promise in his eyes.

Laughter from a little further up the garden path interrupted us, and as my eyes flicked towards it, he drew us back into the small circle of trees.