Here to Stay (19 page)

Paige sighed as she watched her little boy’s
fierce determination to build a fort with Legos. Hurt feelings and
poor choices made without looking at the big picture or the future
implications had robbed him of his father for four years. Now she
would have to explain why she had made those wrong choices. She had
to make this right.

It was past time.

If Silas had things in Trinity ready, Paige
could surely meet with Nathan and have her part of the plan in
motion by—she glanced at her watch—four this evening. That would
give her plenty of time to break the news to Jesse. She didn’t know
how much he would understand, but she had to try.

Paige reached for the telephone and entered
Silas’s number. There was no time like the present to find out just
what it would take to make amends with Nathan. Paige knew he loved
her. He had told her over and over again just how much he loved
her. Not to mention that he had shown her in no uncertain terms
that he wanted her to stay. He was angry right now and rightly so,
but he would calm down. No matter what she had to be for
forgiveness, she intended to win Nathan back. For Jesse’s sake and
for the sake of her own heart. But would he still want her now that
he knew she couldn’t have any more children?

~*~

With a frustrated puff of breath, Nathan
shoved the paperwork he’d been putting off across the big oak desk.
He couldn’t concentrate. His thoughts kept drifting back to
Memphis. To Paige. To his son.
Jesse
. The boy’s name echoed
in the emptiness that filled his heart. Nathan pushed up and
crossed to the window that overlooked his east pasture.

He had felt ready to tear the world apart
when he realized what Paige had done to him, but his love for her
eventually abated his anger. Nathan could just imagine how
frightened Paige had been when she discovered that she was
pregnant. He shook his head in deep regret that he hadn’t been able
to be there for her. Facing her father all alone with that kind of
news had to be the hardest thing she had ever done. If only he had
gone after her. They could have shared their child together. Pride
had cost him more than he had ever imagined. And then to go through
cancer. God, how had she managed virtually alone?

What could he do now to convince her to love
him? To give a life together another chance. She had already made a
life for herself and their son in Memphis. Nathan had serious
doubts that Trinity would hold more than fleeting interest for her
now.

He swung away from the window. He closed his
eyes. Damn. He hurt all over. He loved her so much. She had hurt
him, there was no denying that, but he loved her anyway. Loved his
son, though he had only been aware of his existence for a short
time.

Every night memories of making love with
Paige had tormented him. She hadn’t said the words, but he had felt
the emotions. Paige loved him. He knew she did. But she didn’t want
a life in Trinity. He had seen her in the courtroom…seen her with
Calvin. She had a special knack for helping people.

He dropped his gaze to the mountain of
paperwork on his desk. Work he no longer felt even remotely
interested in doing. Paige felt needed in Memphis in a way that he
couldn’t hope to make her feel in Trinity. He had nothing to offer
her here, except his love and evidently that wasn’t enough.

Nathan had made an excellent reputation for
himself in the world of quarter horses. He could more than provide
for his son’s needs. He laughed at himself then, a harsh, hurting
sound. What did his son need from him? Jesse had a wealthy,
powerful grandfather who could give him everything.

He shook his head in defeat and stalked out
of his office. Somehow—no matter the outcome of his relationship
with Paige—Nathan intended to know his son. Somehow…

Hell, he had done all the thinking he could
do for one day. His brain needed a rest. Nathan paused at the front
door to snatch up his Stetson. His hand hovered above the hook on
which it always hung and recollection slugged him right in the gut.
The image of his beautiful little boy wearing that big, black hat
invaded his mind. Nathan slowly lowered his hand and fought back
the overwhelming need to cry for the loss of something he had never
had.

A knock on the door jerked him back to the
present. He composed himself and pulled the door open to find Paige
standing before him. She held Jesse’s hand—and damn it—the kid was
wearing that hat. A smile tugged at the corners of Nathan’s mouth.
His gaze moved back up to connect with hers.

“Hi.”

“Hi,” he managed despite the tightness in his
throat.

“I’d like to give you a proper introduction
to someone very important,” she said with a harsh intake of breath,
almost a sob. One solitary tear slid down her soft cheek.

Nathan yearned to touch her, to comfort her,
but he had to hear her out first. This was too important to screw
up. He nodded, fighting his own tears.

Paige bent and scooped Jesse into her arms.
The hat tumbled to the floor amid Jesse’s loud protests. Nathan
quickly retrieved the Stetson and handed it back to the boy. His
gaze riveted to the animated child that looked so very much like
him.

“Nathan, I’d like you to meet Jesse.” Her
voice cracked. “And Jesse, this is Nathan.”

The child grinned widely. “Mommy says you’re
my daddy.”

Nathan’s gaze shot to Paige who nodded an
acknowledgment. He cleared his throat and smiled at Jesse. “That’s
right.”

“Can I ride a horse?” Jesse asked, looking
from Nathan to Paige and then back to Nathan.

“Sure, I’ll take you for a ride anytime you’d
like,” Nathan offered.

“Be careful what you say, Nathan.” Paige
inclined her blond head toward her son. “This kid never forgets
anything. Promises like that come back to haunt you.”

Nathan smiled. He would promise the boy
anything.

“Is it okay if we come in?”

“Sure, I’m sorry.” Nathan backed up and Paige
stepped inside with Jesse still in her arms.

“I’m thirsty,” Jesse piped up.

“What would you like?” Nathan asked, eager to
do whatever he could for his son.

“What you got?” Jesse fired back, cocking his
little head.

Paige laughed at the startled expression
Nathan knew had stolen across his face. “You’ll learn to narrow
down the choices,” she warned.

“Why don’t we do into the kitchen and see
what’s in the fridge?”

Jesse nodded enthusiastically. Paige shifted
toward Nathan, offering him the boy. “Take him,” she added.

Nathan hesitated, suddenly afraid. But when
he held out his arms, Jesse all but flew into them. The boy’s arms
went up around Nathan’s neck, his little body rested against his
chest. Nathan’s heart pounded at the feel of his child in his arms.
He smiled gratefully at Paige.

“Where’s your kitchen?” Jesse prompted.

“This way,” Nathan told him as they headed in
that direction.

“Is that a real gun?” Jesse asked when he
spotted the one hanging above the mantel.

“Yeah, it’s real. It’s an antique. A musket,”
Nathan told him. “maybe later I’ll let you look at it.”

“All right!” Jesse squealed.

~*~

Paige watched the two people she loved most
in the world leave the room. She had spent the last four years
secretly praying for this moment. It made her heart glad to see
Jesse in Nathan’s arms. She had done the right thing in coming
here, though she had been scared to death of what might await her.
She felt sure Nathan would be bitter and resentful. That he would
only be interested in seeing her across a courtroom in the
inevitable battle for custody of Jesse. But whatever awaited her,
she knew she had to come and face it. She wouldn’t make the same
mistake twice. She had no intention of losing Nathan again if there
was any chance he still wanted her.
Fat chance
, she thought
ruefully. But she would never forgive herself if she didn’t at
least try.

Paige walked to the kitchen door to check on
Jesse. He sat at Nathan’s table with a cola, the big hat still
hanging loosely on his little head. Nathan’s eyes never left him.
The mixture of emotions Paige saw on his face as he watched his son
sent a wonderful feeling surging through her.

Nathan caught her gaze and smiled.

“Jesse, if you’ll be okay for a minute,
Nathan and I need to talk,” Paige told them.

“Can I ride a horse now?” His eyes shined
with hope.

“We’ll have to do that a little later,
okay?”

“Okay, Mommy.”

“There will be plenty of time for us to take
a ride later. Promise.” Nathan stood and tapped the brim of Jesse’s
hat. “I’ll be back in a minute, partner.”

Paige led the way back into the living room,
tension coiling inside her. Now came the hard part. She sat down on
the couch and Nathan dropped in a chair directly across from
her.

“Before you say anything,” Nathan began,
delaying the speech she had opened her mouth to start, “I just want
to thank you for bringing Jesse here and for telling him that I’m
his father.”

Paige almost broke down into tears again at
the look in his eyes. So much pain, yet so much relief.

“I was afraid after the things I’d said last
week, that you might try to keep me from seeing Jesse at all.”

“Nathan, I know I made a mistake by keeping
him from you for so long. But I honestly thought I was doing the
right thing and I can’t change that. Jesse wants to know you. I
want you to be a part of his life.”

Nathan leaned forward and braced his forearms
on his widespread knees. He stared at the floor for a long moment,
and Paige swallowed tightly. What if he didn’t want her now? What
if he hated her as she had feared he would when he found out about
Jesse? What if she had made a huge mistake?

He finally lifted his gaze to hers. Paige
couldn’t quite read the tangle of emotions she saw in his eyes or
the carefully controlled expression on his face. Fear rose in her
throat, leaving her stomach in knots and her palms damp.

“I can’t say that you didn’t hurt me—because
you did.” He shook his head so slightly that she wouldn’t have
known had she not been looking at him so intently. “I wish I could
say that it doesn’t matter, but it does.”

Tears welled in her eyes. This was it. She
could see the disappointment in his eyes…She could hear it in his
voice. He hated her. Dear Lord, how would she ever live without his
love?

“I’m sorry, Nathan,” she said, her voice a
mere whisper.

He closed his eyes and let out a shaky breath
before opening them once more. “I know. I’m as much to blame in
this as you are. I should have protected you that first time, but I
didn’t. And when you didn’t come back, I should have gone after
you.” He pushed his hands over his face. “At the very least I
should have seen that you were okay after…after what happened.”

“We can’t change the past, Nathan,” she said,
summoning her resolve. “But we can change the future. Jesse and I
want you to be part of our lives.”

“You’re sure about that?” he asked, his gaze
locked on hers.

“I’ve never been so sure of anything in my
entire life. I’m prepared to do whatever is necessary to make that
happen.”

“Even to go against your father?”

“I’ve already set my father straight. What he
wants or doesn’t want is no longer an issue. It hasn’t been for a
long time now.” Paige clasped her hands together in her lap and
tried to steady herself against the trembling her slowly subsiding
fear left in its wake.

“So, where do we go from here?” His question
hung in the air for several long seconds.

Paige glanced at her watch. It was almost
time. “I have something very important I want to show you,” she
said, as she got to her feet. Time to play her trump card. If what
she was about to do didn’t convince Nathan of how sure she was,
nothing would.

“What?” He stood, his questioning gaze never
leaving hers.

“You’ll see. Now, get your son so we can
drive into town.”

Nathan raised a skeptical eyebrow. “I can’t
imagine anything that would be more important than this
conversation.”

“Trust me,” she said, the two words carrying
more significance than any she had spoken in her life.

Nathan stood stock-still for a long moment,
his black Apache eyes searching, hopeful, yet wary. “I do trust
you, Paige.” His gaze lingered just a little longer before he
turned and walked into the kitchen.

Paige released the breath she had been
holding. She closed her eyes and thanked God for his trust. She
heard Jesse repeating his request to go horseback riding and
Nathan’s patient reply that when they returned from town they would
go for a ride.

Please let this work,
she prayed.

Nathan drove Paige and Jesse into town in his
truck. Jesse sat in the middle of the bench seat, squirming against
his seat belt to see everything they passed. It took twice as long
to get to town since Nathan had to keep slowing down and explaining
everything that captured Jesse’s attention.

Paige smiled at Nathan’s unending patience.
He was a wonderful father. Deep down she had always known he would
be. Her hesitation in telling him about Jesse had been more about
her own cowardice. And Jesse seemed to adore Nathan already. Her
pulse quickened. Mercy, the two of them looked so much alike.

“Park right here,” Paige said quickly, almost
allowing him to pass their destination.

Nathan frowned, but followed her
instructions. They parked in front of Silas Dutton’s law office.
The large storefront window that had read
Silas Dutton, Attorney
at Law
for as long as she could remember had been covered with
a tarp.

“Okay.” Nathan killed the engine and turned
to Paige.

“Hop out.” She opened the passenger-side door
and bounded out, followed by Jesse.