Her Younger Man (A Country Music Romance): a Renny and Rachel Romance (9 page)

CHAPTER  FIFTEEN

Writing a book takes a long time. I was lucky I had half of it under my belt when I began the process again, but it is all-absorbing and I relished the work. Amanda had gotten me a slightly smaller advance but with my love of Top Ramen and red beans and rice it would do.

I had the book in rough draft form within three months and was feeling like I knew who I was again. I had sent the draft to Amanda and was waiting for her notes, so I had a few days to kill. Marlene suggested a trip to Seattle and I couldn’t see why not. Nothing was keeping me in Portland.

We took the train up along the Puget Sound from Portland to Seattle. For a little over 30 bucks you get a 3 ½ hour ride along some of the most beautiful scenery in the world. These are parts of the Sound you can’t see from any road and I love the rolling, clacking of a train.

Marlene and I talked some but we mostly enjoyed gorging ourselves with the view. Ah, this is a great life, I thought, happy for the first time since leaving Toronto three months ago. A glass of wine, a great friend, an advance warming my bank account and spectacular nature, who could ask for more? Not me, I answered my internal committee. Not me.

We arrived in Seattle in the early afternoon and we had tickets to see a new play at Seattle Repertory that night. We each only had a rolling suitcase but we decided to take a cab to our hotel before venturing down to Pike Place Market for some fish-throwing and fresh flowers.

Somehow Marlene had gotten us a room at The Sorrento, one of Seattle’s oldest and most luxurious hotels. Right in the heart of town but years away in style. I loved it the minute I set eyes on it. In a way, it was Seattle’s version of The Benson but unlike a few months ago, I felt right at home with the swag. Somewhere between interviewing Renny Taylor and writing a book about Afghanistan I had slipped back into my self-esteem. I was confident about my place in the world now and although, I couldn’t travel like this all the time I was perfectly fine with a little luxury now and then.

The room was glorious, the day spectacular and rain-free and my spirits high. Marlene and I walked down to the market promising ourselves we would take a cab back up the brutal hills. Sure enough people were crowding the stalls looking for fresh foods, flowers and artisan crafts. I found a unique bracelet in a small shop and had to buy it while Marlene stocked up on wine and tulips. We grabbed a cup of coffee and sat back to watch as the fish sellers tossed their fish across the aisles all the while hawking their wares.

In some ways it reminded me of the best parts of Afghanistan, the humor, the pride and the camaraderie. I had tried to show in my book that it’s not all Taliban and beheadings. These were proud, hard people who wanted what we did; to raise their families in peace.

With only a couple of hours before the play started Marlene and I walked up a block to First Street to find a cab. We were laughing as we waved down everything yellow we saw but it was rush hour and they were all full. Neither of us were relishing the idea of climbing the steep Seattle hills to our hotel when a dark sedan pulled up in front of us and the passenger window rolled down.

“Hey Rachel, need a lift?” It was Jed! Talk about perfect timing.

Marlene climbed in the back while I piled in next to Jed. I was genuinely glad to see him.

“What you doing in Seattle girl?” he asked.

“That was my question. You’re a long way from Tennessee, or Arkansas for that matter.”

“We’re just in town doing a charity gig, then we’re heading home again. I think Ren’s planning to do … oh hey, I’m sorry.”

“No bother Jed. I’m really fine and I am glad to see you. We’re at the Sorrento, know where that is?”

“I should, we’re staying there,” he said as he swung out into traffic.

Oh no. No, no, no, no, no. What were the chances? What were the odds? I started to hyperventilate and Marlene put her hand on my shoulder from the back seat.

Jed sensed my discomfort and put a hand on my knee to reassure me. “It’s all right Rachel, I just dropped them off at the venue for a sound check. He won’t be back to the hotel until after the concert.”

“Great. Okay. Can you do me a favor?”

“Don’t tell him I saw you?”

“Yeah, that would be great.”

“He’s really missed you, girl. I’ll tell you that.”

“I noticed that what with all the emails, texts, letters and presents arriving every day.”

“I won’t tell him but if he finds out and finds out I knew I won’t get to sleep under the bus anymore. It’s a lot to ask.” We both laughed but I felt a wave of relief. We would go to the play and pop back into our room long before the concert ended. And if I knew The Taylor Brothers there was some local dive of a bar they would all hang out at for hours after. Playing darts, shooting pool, flirting with girls.

The last thought stung me like a wasp. I was so sure I was completely over him, how could I feel so bereft just at the thought of him flirting with a girl? Because I’m full of shit and I was not remotely over him. I had tried not to fall in love with him but trying isn’t doing and the heart doesn’t slow down due to inconvenience or age differences. I was in love with him and probably always would be.

In a futile effort to move past him I had gone on several ‘dates’ through Plenty of Fish. All had been fine men, my age, ready to have a partner for the rest of their lives. They just did nothing for me. Marlene and Caroline said I was too picky, that not all my dates would be internationally famous musicians with bodies so sick they needed emergency treatment. (Apparently having a ‘sick’ body means it’s awesome according to Caroline. Kids these days.)

I tried, I really did but I finally pulled my profile after realizing that once you’ve gone Renny you never go back.

I wondered if Ren had tried to date. I had purposely not gone on any entertainment web sites, TV shows or news outlets. I didn’t want to know. But I did and the temptation to ask Jed was almost too much for me. Luckily we arrived at the hotel before I could do further damage to my heart strings.

The rest of the night was a blur. I wore my best outfit (no Spanx!) to the play, enjoyed it immensely and we opted for room service after just to make sure we didn’t bump into any random Taylor Brothers. I was grateful to Marlene for going along with me but this was her vacation too and we had two more days here. We couldn’t hide in our room forever, it wasn’t fair to her.

One of my ex-lovers lives in Seattle and he took control of us early the next day. Rob and I had put our doomed love affair to rest many moons ago and we were great friends. The fact that he was openly gay now and had a terrific partner made the whole thing a lot of fun. Marlene and he had met so the four of us went out to Issaquah for a little retail therapy and the promise of some hot tubing.

I sighed with relief as I sped through the lobby and into Rob’s waiting car and slouched down as we left the drive. Issaquah was far enough away from Seattle that I felt I had dodged the bullet. Jed had said they were heading home today so I was sure we would have Seattle to ourselves for our last day in town tomorrow. Good. I was glad. So there, Renny Taylor.

I arrived home two days later to a lengthy email and a Fedex overnight package from Amanda. Let the re-writes begin. I needed a shower first so I took a lengthy hot one, wrapped myself in my best flannel jammies, poured a glass of wine and sat down to look at Amanda’s notes.

I was deep into Chapter Three when the doorbell rang. Without thinking I went to open it, manuscript in hand, hair scraggly and wet, not a lick of make-up on and shrouded in bulky flannels with moose on them.

There stood Renny. He was not scraggly, wet or bulky. He was lithe, handsome and on my doorstep.

“Can I come in?”

“Now?” I asked.

“That’s what I was thinking,” he said, half his mouth rising in the way I thought I was totally over.

“I look like shit,” I blurted without thinking.

“I don’t care Rachel. It’s taken all my courage to ring this bell, either let me in or slam the door.”

What was I going to do, slam the door? I couldn’t and to be honest I didn’t even want to. Feelings I’d thought subdued played havoc with my knees and I found it hard to even step back to let him in. To be honest, I thought I might faint. Just like some fan girl. That would be just awesome, Drake.

I managed to stay upright as he loitered in the hallway. I’d never seen Renny uncertain, about anything, but he was definitely at a loss for what to do next.

“Why are you here? Bus break down?”

“No. I’m here because, well, I’m not quite sure.”

“You came to Portland, all the way from Seattle and you have no idea why?”

He laughed and some of the tension dissipated. “Actually I’ve been hiding at the Benson getting my courage up and trying to figure out what to say. I couldn’t so I figured I’d wing it.”

No, you figured I’d fling my arms around you and beg you to take me in the hallway. Ain’t happening buddy.

“So let’s start with some wine and then you can try winging it.”

We both moved into the kitchen but Ren stopped right where we had slaked our lust for each other (as they say in romance novels) a few months ago. We both looked down. We both turned red. We both turned away, me to the cabinets to get another wine glass and Renny to the couch, where he folded up his frame into a sitting position.

I handed him the wine which he set down on the side table without taking a sip. He was fiddling with his fingers and pulling on his shirt. I liked this nervous side of him, it made me feel calmer somehow. Obviously what he had come to say was hard for him. Good. Handsome bastard.

“I’ve had a lot of time to think, Rachel,” he started in a fairly cliché way. “First of all, I was so pissed that you took off in the middle of the night. That was just mean.”

“I’m sorry but there was nothing left to say. I didn’t relish an awkward, protracted good-bye. I wanted to spare both of us.”

“Yeah, I know but man, it was like getting punched in the gut. I thought we had more to hash out.”

“We didn’t. Obviously.”

“No, we did, I just needed to do some hashing on my own. What you said that night, about not having children, it hit me really hard. I hadn’t even considered that angle. I was so overwhelmed with my feelings for you that I hadn’t stopped to think.”

“Neither had I Ren. If Reade hadn’t brought it up who knows, but he did and I’m glad he did. We were living in a fog. I’m sure you can see that now.”

“It was a great fog. It had you with me and that’s all I really wanted.”

“But now you’ve had time to clear the air, so to speak.”

“Sort of. I do want a family, maybe, someday. I can’t deny that.”

My stomach fell through the floor. What had I expected he was going to say? I don’t want anything but you? Ridiculous.

“But I also want you, and not someday, today and every day.”

“You can’t have both Renny. I’m sorry. If I could change it I would.”

“No, I know. I’m not sure I’d change anything about you, truly. You are who you are because of the years you’ve lived. I can’t change either.”

“So where does that leave us?”

“I don’t know. I thought you might.’

He tried to take my hand but I grabbed it back, angry all of a sudden.

“Why did you come here then? Why couldn’t you just leave it alone? I’ve moved on Renny. I’ve written my book. It’s going to be published. I’m me again. I can’t go back to being that love-sick woman chasing a man she has no future with.”

“It isn’t the future Rachel, it’s now. And right now I want to be with you and no one else. Look, neither of us have any idea of what the future holds.”

“We know what it doesn’t hold.”

“You assume we’re going to live another 20 years, that the choice will come up. Hell, you have no idea what might happen. I might die in a plane crash tomorrow,” he yelled.

“Well, we can only hope.”

“What?”

Everything stopped. I was on the edge and I knew it. Everything he was saying made sense. Yes, all we do have is now. Yes, either of us could die or change our minds or… The future is always a big unknown we had no control over and I hated it.

I had to say something, he looked so dejected and hurt. The truth was that I already loved him and nothing was going to change that. I would love him until I died and maybe beyond if several religions are correct. I wanted him too, no matter what it cost.

“That came out wrong. I’m sorry, I say stupid things when I’m scared.”

His shoulders relaxed, the smile was back. He came over to me and took both my hands, bending down to look me in the eyes.

“I know you’re scared, Rachel. Everyone is scared when they’re falling in love.”

“Is that what we’re doing?”

“I think so.”

“Well, can you let me know when you’re sure?”

“You… you are a very difficult woman Rachel Drake.”

“You don’t know the half of it, I’m on good behavior right now.”

“Thanks for the warning. So?”