Her Valentine Family (13 page)

“Your mother knew about what happened?”

“I had to tell her because she'd known how much med school meant to me and needed to know why I was giving it up.”

“And when you told her?”

“Oh, I know she was disappointed in Kate, but she never said one negative thing. If I made the decision
to stay married to her, then she made the decision to support the marriage, too. Of course, I don't know what she would have done if Kate would have actually gone through with the abortion. But thankfully I'll never have to find out. I mean, if I hadn't gotten there in time—” he shook his head “—I can't imagine life without Lainey.”

Jessica blinked back tears. “Of course you can't.”

“Everything seemed like it was going okay for a while, thanks to Mom coming over as much as she could and Kate basically not having to do a thing for her child. And some part of me still hoped that maybe after the diaper stage or maybe when Lainey was a little bigger and could feed herself then Kate would come around. I'd heard that some women just didn't care for the whole baby stage but they loved having toddlers. I guess I hoped that might be the case for Kate. But then Lainey got colic. It was bad. She cried a lot, and she wouldn't sleep. We tried everything, all of the medicines that should have worked. None did. We drove her in the car, put her in her baby carrier on top of the dryer, rocked her, held her close, you name it.”

Jessica remembered Nathan's problem with colic and how she felt like she was spending nearly every penny she earned on the Mylicon drops that settled his aching tummy. It was worth every one of those pennies to help him feel better, and thankfully those drops did help. She also remembered how much it upset her to see him hurting and hear him cry.

“One night, her colic was worse than it'd ever been, and she screamed for a solid hour. Kate and I had already been arguing that night.” He shrugged. “I don't even remember what we were fighting about, but when Lainey
was in my arms, her stomach so tight it felt like a hard ball against my side, and when she was screaming her tiny lungs in my ear, Kate screamed something, too. She yelled out the truth about the baby in my arms.”

“The truth?” Jessica asked, bracing herself for what he was going to say and fearing that it was even worse than what Chad had already told her.

Her fears came true with Chad's next words.

“She told me that Lainey wasn't mine.” Thick, heavy tears fell down his face.

Jessica's heart clenched in her chest, his anguish riveting through her as he relived the horrific pain Kate's words inflicted.

“She said that Lainey wasn't mine, that she didn't want Lainey and that she didn't want me. Then she told me that she'd met a doctor—a real doctor—and they were in love.”

“Oh, Chad.” Jessica slid closer to him, her side against his, and attempted to transfer the depth of her compassion to his soul. “I'm so sorry.”

He looked straight ahead, as though looking at Jessica would push his anguish over the brink and he might not be able to finish telling her what happened. “After the divorce, I didn't want to go back to med school. The required hours would have kept me away from Lainey too much. She'd already lost her mother, I wasn't about to make her lose me, too. So I kept working at the college and taking care of Lainey.” He paused, and his mouth relaxed into a soft smile. “I love my little girl, regardless of the fact that we don't share the same blood. In my heart, she's mine, and I'll take care of her until the day I die.”

“I know you will.”

He shifted toward Jessica, turned the hand touching hers so that their palms met and their fingers automatically intertwined. Then he looked directly into her eyes, into her soul. “I wanted you to know about what happened with Kate because that's the only way you can understand how much this means to me. How much
you
mean to me, Jess. I loved you in high school, but I've learned so much since then about people and relationships.” He gave her hand an affectionate squeeze. “You were good, the best person I'd ever known. Not only were you my best friend and the person I trusted with all of my most heartfelt feelings but you were the first girl I ever gave my heart to.” He looked at the wooden floor of the gazebo and the corners of his mouth dropped. “Jess, you were truthful and honest, every moment of our time together. Even on the day you left, when you told me how you couldn't stay in Claremont after what we'd done, that you couldn't live with the fact that we gave in to temptation.” He paused. “I know that was hard for you to say, hard for you to do, but you did it. I didn't want you to go,” he whispered. “It tore me apart. Even more because I knew it was my fault.”

Jessica's throat clamped shut. She attempted to swallow, but couldn't make it happen. She hadn't been honest back then; she'd lied. On that last night together, she'd said she couldn't live with what they'd done, but the truth was that she was still living with the reality of that one time together, when they let their desires take control. Still living—and loving—their son.

“Chad, no, you don't understand. I need to tell you…”

“I do understand, Jessica.” Those green-gold eyes glistened with tears barely contained. “I understand how
much your honesty means, how much it says about you that you want to do the right thing, even when it hurts. I know that when you say something, you mean it. When you do something, it's because you're convicted to your very soul.” He cleared his throat, swallowed. “I trust you, Jess. I did back then, and I do now. After what happened with Kate, I truly didn't think I'd find that ability again, to believe in someone, to trust someone, to love anyone again.”

“Chad, I need to tell you something.”

“Okay, but let me finish first. I need you to know.” His voice was warm, tender. “I loved you back then, Jess, but after being hurt so much, I realize just how lucky I am to have someone I can not only love completely but also trust with every ounce of my being. Lies and deception have no place in a relationship, and once you've been in one that's consumed by both, you appreciate the beauty of one that is consumed by truth and love.” He brought his hand to her face, brushed the backs of his fingertips down her cheek to wipe away her tears. “I don't know if I could have ever given my heart again to anyone—but you.”

The tears continued to press forward, and Jess simply couldn't speak. He could only give his heart to a woman he trusted, and she'd lied to him. For six years.

He edged closer, his face moving to hers as he spoke. “Don't cry, baby. Please,” he whispered, his mouth against her cheek as he kissed away her tears. “Tell me now, Jess. I need to hear it, because I know from you it will be true.”

Jessica's mind reeled. He wanted her to tell him? Now? How could she tell him the truth now?

He kissed her, softly, tenderly. Truthfully. Then he
looked into her eyes, straight into her soul, and asked again. “Tell me, Jess.”

She swallowed, opened her mouth to speak.

“Tell me that you love me.”

Jessica knew she should say more, much more than what he'd requested. She should give him everything he deserved, the truth of what had happened back then and the truth of the little boy with eyes just like his. But she couldn't. Instead, she gave him the only truth he'd asked for, and something she could say honestly, without a doubt, for eternity.

“I love you.”

J
essica's father entered the kitchen, grabbed his favorite mug and poured himself a large cup of coffee. He then took a bright yellow mug with a smiley face on the side out of the cabinet and poured another cup. As usual, he left his black, but he added a healthy dose of French vanilla cream and sugar to the second cup. Then he brought both to the table and slid the happy-faced one toward Jessica.

“Thought you could use a smile.”

“Thanks, Dad.” She'd been sitting in front of a bowl filled with orange slices ever since her mother and Nathan had left for Walmart. This was the first glimpse she'd had of her father today, since he'd left early this morning to go fishing with one of the men from church, but Jessica had no doubt her mother had filled him in on what happened last night.

Jess couldn't sleep after Chad brought her home, and when her mother got up for her traditional two o'clock glass of water, she found Jess crying on the couch. After an hour of sharing what she'd learned about Chad and
allowing her mother to hold her while her tears subsided, Jessica finally fell asleep on the sofa.

Which was where Nathan found her bright and early this morning proclaiming he wanted to go buy plenty of bread to feed the ducks at the park. He'd also reasoned that while they were out, they could get his new Superman pencils and notebooks. Thankfully, her mother had offered to take him, giving Jess a little time to prepare for the rest of the day, which she prayed would be better than she anticipated.

“So,” her dad started, then took another sip. “Chad's been through a hard time.”

A major understatement.

“Yes, sir.”

Her mother had definitely filled him in, which was good. Jess didn't want to go through the whole thing again. She didn't think she could.

She allowed herself a swallow of coffee. The oranges her mother had placed before her hadn't been all that appealing, but the coffee was actually soothing. Warm and rich and sweet, exactly what she needed. Somehow, her dad had known.

“Enough cream?” he asked.

“It's just right.”

He gave her a sympathetic smile. “Want to talk about it? I mean, do you want to talk to me about it?” His mouth edged to the side, the way it always did when he was pondering the exact words he wanted to say. “Your mother told me about his little girl, that she isn't his biological child. And she told me about everything his wife, or rather his ex-wife, put him through.” His head shook slightly as he spoke, as though he couldn't believe
it all either. “Don't know how some people can be so mean-spirited.”

Mean-spirited. An accurate way to describe the woman who had ripped Chad's heart into pieces and destroyed his ability to trust anyone—but Jessica.

A low, guttural moan filled the kitchen, and Jess realized it'd come from her. She moved her hands to her forehead, pushed away her hair and rubbed her temples. “Daddy, what am I going to do? He's going to know. The minute he sees Nathan, he'll know. And we're taking Nathan and Lainey to the park—” she glanced at the clock on the stove “—in four hours. I'm the only woman he thinks he can trust. He said so. It's going to kill him when he finds out what I've kept from him.”

His mouth moved to the side again, and once more, he paused to think through what he wanted to say. Jessica started to think he wasn't going to offer any additional conversation on the dismal subject, but then he asked, “Have the two of you ever talked about Nathan? Did Chad ask you anything about who his father is?”

“We were going to talk about that last night. We'd decided to tell each other everything about the years that we were apart, and last night seemed the perfect opportunity to do that. Chad said it was important for me to know about what happened to him so I could understand how he felt about relationships now.”

“I think he's right about that. He's been through a lot and has shown himself to be strong through the storm. And Jess, it truly touched my heart how much he loves his daughter, regardless of her paternity. I've always thought a lot of Chad, but that proves that my judgment of his character was correct. He's a good man.”

“I know.” She sipped the coffee and again found it a
little easier to talk after feeling the warm, sweet taste on her tongue. “And he kept telling me how he wanted me to understand how much it meant to him that he could trust me.”

“And after he told you about everything he'd been through and how he'd been deceived,” her father deduced, “you decided you couldn't tell him about Nathan.”

She blinked several times, trying to keep the tears at bay. She knew how much it hurt him to see her cry. He'd never been able to stand seeing her cry. “How could I tell him that I'd lied to him about something as important as his child, after he'd been lied to so much already? And after he'd just admitted that I'm the only woman he could ever trust with his heart.”

“But you both said you would tell each other about the past last night. Wasn't he expecting you to tell him about your son?”

“Yes, but I was so upset about what Kate put him through, and about the way that he learned that Lainey wasn't his, that I told him my past could wait. I said we'd been through enough emotional turmoil for one night, and I didn't want any more sadness added to our time together.”

“Which was true. You two obviously went through a lot together last night just in facing Chad's ordeal.”

“Yes, but I'm not certain that's why I waited.” She'd been battling the real fact about why she hadn't talked to him throughout the night, and she knew that she wouldn't lie to her father about it. “It wasn't because we'd discussed so much of his pain. There wasn't any reason for me to wait. I should have told him. I was stalling because I didn't want to tell him the truth.”

He sipped his coffee, placed the mug back on the
table. “Honey, you do want to tell him the truth. That's why you're hurting so badly now. You want to tell him more than anything. What you don't want to do is hurt him.”

She couldn't hold back the tears any longer, and they pushed forward and dripped onto the table by her cup. Jessica reached for the mug, wrapped her hands around it and completely covered the smiling face. Then she forced herself to take another sip. The liquid was still sweet but was growing cold, and she put the cup back on the table.

His mouth flattened, and she could tell he was working hard to control his own emotions. He was being strong, the way fathers knew they were supposed to be strong, even though Jess suspected that his heart was aching as much for her situation as her heart ached for Chad's. He released a deep breath and stood, moved to the kitchen counter and picked up his worn Bible. “You know, when your mother and I were married, the preacher at our wedding read to us from First Corinthians 13,” he said, “the chapter of love.”

Jessica watched as he thumbed through the pages and found the passage.

“When you listen to these verses, in theory, it all sounds pretty easy. But in practice, some of them can be rather tough.” His finger guided down the page until he found the part he was looking for. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

Jessica immediately knew the portion of the passage
that he was referring to—the part that was tough, particularly for her now. “Love rejoices with the truth.” She rubbed her thumbs over the wide smile on her cup and held them at the edges so that the grin became a frown. And the face looked more…like she felt. “I should have told him the truth last night. Putting it off is only going to make it harder, only going to make it worse.”

“I'm sure it wasn't easy at that moment, after learning how deceived he'd been in the past. But Chad loves you, and you love him.” His eyes moved back to the Bible and he repeated, “It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

“But he did trust, and I've betrayed that trust.”

“Love always perseveres,” her father said softly. “It keeps no record of wrongs.”

“But he doesn't even know about what I did. There isn't a record because I've never told him.” She was expressing every concern that had haunted her through the night, yet her father wasn't swayed, ever determined to help her through a rough patch.

“You know, Nathan asked me to sing one of the songs from his Bible class with him last night before he went to bed. The one about the wise man building his house upon the rock.”

Jessica managed a smile. “He loves that song, especially when the foolish man's house goes splat.”

Her father grinned. “I noticed. He screamed that part.”

“He likes to do that,” she said, visualizing Nathan slapping his hands together and yelling through the chorus.

“Well, if you think about that song, it really applies to most every aspect of life, don't you think?” He cleared
his throat. “One house was built on the rock, and the other was built on the sand. When the storm came, the house on the rock stood firm. The house on the sand fell flat.”

Jessica nodded, hearing Nathan's sweet voice singing the familiar song.

“But, honey, the important part is that both houses had to endure the storm.” He closed his Bible, looked at her thoughtfully. “Nothing about life is easy, and love definitely isn't. Everybody, every love has to weather the storms. Just because that wise man built his house on the rock didn't mean he wouldn't go through tough times. The storm still came.”

“But his house was built on a rock. It was on a firm foundation. Right now, my foundation—the foundation of my love with Chad—is on shaky ground. We're on the sand, and I'm afraid we're going to fall.”

“Love perseveres,” her father repeated. “You have to believe that. It isn't too late to strengthen that foundation. I know it won't be easy, but anything worth having is worth a bit of effort. Your love for Chad and the chance for you, Chad, Lainey and Nathan to be a real family is worth working on that foundation.”

“It's worth telling him the truth,” she whispered.

“Yes.” He took his mug, then picked up hers and took them to the sink. “You've already made up your mind to tell him, though, haven't you?”

“I made up my mind about that the day Nathan was born,” she admitted. “I wanted Chad to know his son, and I wanted Nathan to know his daddy. But then he fell in love with someone else, married someone else. And I didn't know when the right time would be to tell him the
truth. I knew I still wanted to tell him, but I just didn't know when.”

“How did you plan to figure that out?” he asked, rinsing the mugs and putting them in the dishwasher.

“I guess I thought God would help me to know. I prayed for Him to let me know. But what if I missed the time that I was supposed to tell him?” She turned the bowl of oranges as she spoke.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“I nearly told Chad last night. Everything was right for me to tell him. He'd told me the truth about his past, even though it hurt him terribly to tell me, and then he'd expected me to tell him about mine. But I didn't. I put it off.” She continued to turn the bowl, the orange slices shifting slightly as it moved. A short while ago, the pieces had all been together, one part of a whole. Complete. Now they were separate and couldn't fit back together again. What if once Chad's trust in her was broken it couldn't be restored?

“You can tell him today,” he said. “It may have been God's plan for you to tell him today, with Nathan by your side.”

Jessica wasn't so sure. She'd felt certain she was supposed to talk to Chad last night, and she'd ignored the opportunity because she'd been afraid. Yes, she would see Chad in a few hours and would have no choice but to tell him, since he was bound to see the resemblance between himself and his son. But still…that didn't seem like the right thing to do. What would he say when he realized the truth? And wouldn't that be cruel, putting him in a situation where he couldn't tell her how he really felt about her keeping the truth from him because he wouldn't want to say anything in front of Nathan?

He wouldn't want to hurt his son.

“I don't think that was God's plan,” she said. “I think that was my plan, to try to make it easier on me.”

Her father's cell phone rang, and he withdrew it from his pocket and glanced at the front. “It's your mom.” He pushed Talk. “Hi, honey. You and Nathan having a good—”

Jessica knew her dad well enough to notice the instant that his tone changed. Moreover, she caught the way his hand tightened on the phone and how his brows drew together and his body tensed.

Something was wrong.

Her father was a pillar, the one who held it all together in the worst of times. He was the sibling who was there for his brothers and sister when their mother passed on, the resilient one who held it all together throughout the funeral planning and then the emotional service…only to fall apart later at home. Jessica had heard him back then, his heart-wrenching sobs echoing from her parents' bedroom. But before then, when he'd been meeting with the funeral home, writing the obituary for the paper and notifying family and friends, he'd been a rock—a rock to the rest of the world, that is. Jessica had known the entire time that he was working hard to hold it together.

And back then, when he was fighting the emotional torture of losing some he loved, he looked…exactly like he looked right now.

“Mom,” Jessica whispered. He'd looked at the phone and said it was her mother. Then he'd started talking and stopped, and now he had that look. That terrifying look. “What happened to Mom?”