Her Soldier (That Girl #3) (6 page)

“That’s all I get?” I throw my hands in the air and turn to gather my things.

Beau clutches my shoulder and spins me back around.

“I’m a soldier. I was a soldier. End of story. Don’t ask any more.”

“The baby picture?” I flinch as I ask, knowing I’ve gone too far.

Beau ignores it. His hands leave my shoulder and he clasps them at the back of his head as he spins around, letting all kinds of ugly words fly. None are directed at me; rather, all of the words attack him. The cruelty dripping from them reminds me of the scars covering the backs of his legs, then I’m suddenly picturing the dog tags on his nightstand with the picture of the baby and realize for the first time he’s way more haunted than I am.

Stepping up to him, I touch his right shoulder and his elbow swings back. I step away, worried he’s going to make contact, but he stops before he hits me and I realize I startled him. I put my hand back on his shoulder, and this time he doesn’t react.

“I’m sorry. No one has ever touched me when I’ve been like this.”

“Beau, no, I’m the one sorry for pushing.”

“Can we just start over for the day, Jenni?”

I step even closer, wrapping my arms around his midsection and plastering my front to his back. I place kisses on his shoulders. “I don’t want to forget our morning, Beau. It was good.”

“I can’t do this.” Beau steps forward, but stops only feet away. “You make me want to be myself, but I can’t be myself any longer. I can’t answer your questions, and I have anger problems. You don’t deserve it.”

I don’t give up and find myself approaching him again and wrapping myself around him. “I don’t care, Beau. Right now you are the only person I have who knows what happened. I need you.”

He breaks from my grip again. It’s as if we are playing a virtual game of tug of war neither of us is willing to lose.

“Then you can’t ask any more questions. You have to give me my space.”

“I can do that, but I’d love to know the real you any day. I can handle it.”

I step away before he has the opportunity to reply, then grab the blanket from the couch and head to his patio. It was refreshing out there, and that’s exactly what I need. Before I close the door behind me, I look back at Beau, and he’s standing there speechless. I don’t say another word because I know it won’t lead us anywhere. I feel good here, even with my reservations, and I felt phenomenal this morning when Beau and I were together. Why should I fight it?

I lightly close the door and find a chair with the least amount of dust and leaves on it. I brush away the little bit of debris and cuddle up in my blanket. The sun is bright, with large clouds spattering the sky. Inhaling the cool air, I promise myself to just enjoy the moment. Moment by moment, I’ll get through whatever this is.

I hear the faint sound of the door opening and closing, then the crunching of feet breaking up old, dry leaves. Beau lifts me from my seat. The man is overbearingly strong and can easily dominate me. I wrap my hands around his bicep and giggle when my fingers can’t even meet each other. Beau rests me in his lap, still bundled up in the blanket, and I lay my head back on his shoulder and relax in the sun again.

“Move forward.” I’m not sure if he is making a statement or asking a question. Looking into his eyes, I reach up and give him a quick peck on the lips.

“I’d love that, and I promise no more prying.”

“And I promise I’ll last longer than I did this morning.”

I laugh loudly, not expecting what he said. “I guess I was desperate for you, because I didn’t even notice.”

“I haven’t been with someone for years.”

“I never would have guessed. And I don’t believe you.”

“At least four years.”

“Well, I guess we better get you practiced up.”

I stand and face Beau, throwing the blanket over my shoulder and then straddling his lap. I know our relationship is unhealthy at best, but he’s the only thing I want.

Chapter 5

Days pass easily with Beau. I’ve actually lost track of the number of days spent here, but know my time is nearing an end. I re-enrolled at the local cosmetology school. I need to remember to check my phone for the start date. I’m not too proud to admit this will be my second attempt at cosmetology. I’m a real-life beauty school dropout.

Beau rustles in his sleep; he’s been having nightmares the past few nights. We started sleeping in his room two days ago, after the doctor at the hospital cleared me. The doctor was quite surprised how well everything had healed, and it’s only because of everything Beau has done for me.

I’ve remained successful at avoiding my friends, but keep daily contact with my Aunt Danielle because I don’t want her worrying about me. I can’t say I’ve been honest with her, but at least she knows I’m doing okay. Beau is taking me to meet her later today. I want him to eat at her bakery. The man loves food, and I know he’ll absolutely gorge himself on her cooking.

I’m lost in my thoughts when Beau begins to mumble again. He’s still mellow, the way it always starts out, but soon it will turn vicious with him thrashing and shouting. I begin to rub his back, trying to slowly wake him before he goes deeper into his nightmare. He mumbles something about a sergeant and defending his country before he lets out an agonizing wail. The sound is full of pain and grief. I wonder if he’s reliving the moment his scars were given to him.

I haven’t asked him any more questions or even dwelled on the dog tags on his nightstand…which is holding a gun. We’ve been pleasantly entertained lounging around, going for walks, and talking about our childhoods together.

“Beau.”

His thrashing heightens and I know it’s about to get worse. The two times before I woke him up by yelling his name, and when he finally gained full consciousness he broke my heart with the pain covering his face. Being more forceful this time, I shake him harder while yelling his name. Beau turns over in a quick motion with his arm raised and ready to attack. I lie helplessly below him, repeating his name over and over again.

“It’s me, Beau, it’s me.”

His eyes soften and the hard look begins to dissipate from his face

“Beau, you were having a nightmare.”

He jumps back in shock. I know he’s scared that one day he won’t be able to contain his fury. In a strange way—and maybe in a naive fashion—I have full trust in the man.

“Beau, it’s okay.”

He takes more steps away from me and the bed we’ve shared the last few nights. I know he’s frightened and reliving his own personal nightmare, and I don’t know any other way to comfort him. So, padding softly, I go into the bathroom and turn on the shower. The lever is pushed all the way hot, and I wait for the steam to build up. When it does, I strip down to nothing and walk back into the room.

Beau is sitting on the end of the bed, slumped into a mess. I move carefully and very slowly because I don’t want to push him or trip his switch. I’ve assumed he suffers from PTSD and did some research on it. I didn’t gather many answers besides the fact that anything can set him off, even in the happiest of environments. I want to know his stories and share his pain, but know better than to ask. So, I’ll try to take care of him the only way I know how.

I place my hands on his shoulders, letting him know my presence, and when he doesn’t lift his head, I reach for his hands and pull him up to me. He moves easily, following my lead. He finally notices my naked flesh standing before him.

“Let me take care of you, Beau. Let me bring you some peace and happiness.”

He doesn’t respond, but he doesn’t avoid my touch. I push down his boxers and then guide him into the bathroom. The anguished look on his face intensifies. I kiss him until he lets me in. I take control of the kiss, holding both sides of his face and exploring every single inch of his mouth with my tongue. I want to express everything I feel in this kiss. For the man who saved me and has made me feel alive. I want to show him everything.

He pulls back, and I notice his eyes are full of tears.

“My name is not Beau. I’m Jeremiah. I was a prisoner of war, held captive for over a year, beaten daily. The U.S. government reported me as killed in action. They couldn’t say I was being held prisoner due to the nature of our secret mission. They gave me a new name and relocated me and told me to never under any circumstance go back to my old life.”

He pauses for a second. Each one of his words were soaked in misery way above my comprehension, but everything seems to make sense now. The dog tags and the baby and his outrage. Even the gun makes sense to me now. More than ever, I want to be here for him and help him through this.

My lips cover his again before he has a chance to go on about his past because right now I don’t give a shit about it. I don’t need to know more, and I don’t think I could stand to hear the full story. He pulls away again before I can open his mouth with my tongue.

“Jenni, I can’t have a life with you, or anyone. You make me feel things I shouldn’t. I never should’ve told you what I just did.” His head drops back until it’s resting on the white paint of the wall. “I feel alive again with you, and I don’t deserve that.”

I press my body against his as he continues to stare up at the ceiling. I begin to pepper kisses all over his chest and talk to his golden skin between my kisses.

“Beau, you saved my life.” I continue kissing and talking to him. “I have no doubt after many days of thinking about it that Maxton would have killed me. You, too, have made me feel again. Beau, I’m falling in love with you.”

I cringe with the last few words and instantly wish I could take them back. Even though they are nothing but the truth, I don’t want Beau to know how much I need him. The silence that follows kills me and crushes any hope I’ve ever had. He doesn’t even acknowledge that I just spoke.

A chill develops between us and my lips stall on his chest. Stepping back, I ready myself to go into the bedroom and dress. Beau’s hand catches my wrist and pulls. I slam into his chest and then feel his hand on my face. His mouth crashes down on mine in a hot and hungry kiss. His lips are brutal as he attacks my mouth. In a flash, I’m whirled around and shoved up against the wall with his chest still pressed to mine, pinning me. Then he cups my face as he continues to kiss me hard and fast. A disturbing sense of urgency fills the air.

His actions are so shocking that I’m unable to react to him. I let him have his way with me, and something in the back of my mind tells me this is his way of letting me know he might possibly be falling in love with me as well. He enters me in one brisk movement, and I scream into his mouth, not from pain, but rather a need to have more of him. Beau plunders me in the most delicious way, and still in shock, my body allows him to. I wrap my arms around his neck, and my nails dig into his flesh as he pounds into me. I feel him harden inside me. The moment before is raw, and if I thought I was falling in love with him before, there is no doubt of it now.

“I love you, Beau.”

Again he doesn’t respond as he continues fucking me. His grunts are his tell sign that he’s about to go, and it always makes me scream out in my pleasure. His head slumps down on my shoulder. Our sticky, sweaty bodies hold us together.

Beau carries me to the shower and begins washing me. He always follows the same routine. He starts with the soap and rubs down my back, wrapping around to my front, and then down my legs. Then I turn and relax against his chest as he holds up each of my arms and washes them down. Then he pays all of his attention to my hair, using both shampoo and conditioner, and every time I try to help he swats away my hand. We usually have a playful banter between us while showering, but not today.

I’m not sure if it’s because I’m selfish or spoiled, but I rarely pay back the favor, and I think it’s because I love watching his strong hands wash down his own skin. I pick up his manly bottle of soap and squirt an ample amount of the richly-scented blue liquid in my palm.

“I want to take care of you.”

I begin washing him before he has a chance to protest. His body relaxes under my touch and it makes me grin up at him.

“You make me happy,” I say through the spray of the shower.

“You make me happy, too, Jenni.”

“You know you deserve to be happy.”

I continue washing him until he’s hard and ready to go again. Beau carries me from the shower soaking wet, throwing me down on his bed. His body covers mine, smelling woodsy from his soap. He doesn’t kiss me before he enters me, and we never break eye contact as he moves in and out in a slow, steady motion. It’s not angry and harsh like earlier in the shower; it’s more like silent conversation. I don’t push, but want to ask him if he thinks we will work.

***

“What time is your aunt expecting us?”

Beau’s voice comes from the living room while I’m out on the patio putting on lotion and finishing up my makeup. The outside light is amazing and the air is so invigorating. This small patio is quickly becoming my favorite place to be.

“Around lunchtime,” I holler back.

“Well, it’s lunchtime.”

Beau’s voice is much closer this time, and I turn to find him dressed up in a navy blue polo shirt and dark jeans. He has his hair styled to perfection and a serious look on his face. I think he’s nervous to meet my aunt.

“If I was on time, Danielle would for sure know I was sick.”

I try to keep the conversation relaxed to not make him feel even more out of place. I watch him fidget with his hands as I close up the last of my makeup and spritz a few sprays of my new Skull perfume.

“There’s nothing to worry about, Beau, she’s really kind.” I run my hands down the three ivory buttons on his shirt.

“I just haven’t been around people much in a very long time.”

“My god, are you wearing cologne?” Dropping my makeup bag on the table, I wrap both arms around his neck and get very excited. My hips push up against him. “Damn, Beau, I want you again.”

“No way in hell, stop it.” He slaps my ass and backs away. “Get your ass out in the truck.”

I giggle at his obvious distraction technique and let him have his way. I can tell he is already stressed and don’t want to make the situation worse. He opens the front door for me and I make my way out into the hall. This is only the second time I’ve left his apartment since that night. The other time was for my doctor’s appointment. We walk along the hall and then down a flight of stairs before stepping out into the sunshine. Beau opens the passenger door of his truck and waits for me to get in. He did the same thing when we went to the doctor’s visit. I thought it was just a fluke, but the truth is the man is a true gentleman under all his layers of issues.

“Thank you.” I capture the hem of his shirt and tug him to me. I place a light kiss on his lips, careful not to heat anything up between us. He simply winks before jogging to his side of the truck.

“Being late drives you nuts, huh?”

“Jenni, two things aggravate the piss out me.” He shoots me a sideways glance as he drives. “Messy areas and being late.”

Internally I cringe because those two things describe me to a T. He picks up on my hesitant reaction.

“But you, Jenni, are lucky because your big tits save you.”

I begin laughing and so does he. Sliding over to the middle, I kiss his cheek.

“Thank god, because I’m a slob and always late. I may be the biggest test of your life.”

“For some reason, I have to agree.” Beau rests his hand on my leg as he drives. I point out my old high school, my cosmetology school, and apartment. I even show him the diner where Lincoln and Lynlee’s love story began. We finally pull into the strip mall where my Aunt Danielle’s bakery and coffee shop are. Her bakery is nestled between several shops, while her coffee shop is located on the edge of the parking lot. It’s the drive-thru type.

Beau kills the engine and begins wringing the steering wheel with his hands. Placing my hand on top of his, I stop the motion.

“C’mon, you’re going to love her. Plus, she’s been a little too nosy wondering who’s been taking up all my time.”

I check the rear view mirror to make sure the fading green bruise on my cheek is covered up and not visible. My long grey sweatshirt covers my arms and any other healing wounds. They are all almost gone, but still noticeable, and I know Danielle would pick up on them quickly.

“No need to be nervous. She’ll love you.” Beau mimics my words as I analyze my face in the mirror.

I elbow him in the ribs. “I’m not worried, ass!”

We walk into the bakery hand in hand, and it feels good. We have missed the lunch crowd, so the bakery is empty. A couple months ago Danielle started serving sandwiches and soup at lunchtime, and it has been a huge hit. She even had to hire three more employees to keep up and had asked me to be one of them. I know it’s her dream that I take over the bakery one day. More than once she’s told me she’s leaving it all to me. I turned down her offer because I really want to get through beauty school. I know she was disappointed, but she also knows where my passion lies.