Her Sister (Search For Love series) (18 page)

"No,
that isn't what I mean.  Tell me what happened to you over the past few
months.  Tell me what happened that made you think you had to run away."

"Isn't
it obvious why I ran away, Mom?  I'm
pregnant
.  How was I ever going to
tell you that?  The same thing happened to you and you hated it.  You didn't
want me."  Blinking fast to stop her tears, she suddenly realized nothing
she did could stop them.

"Shara,"
her mom's voice was vehement, but not scolding.  "I was seventeen, only a
year older than you.  And no, I didn't want to be pregnant.  But once I was, I
wanted
you.  Maybe it was because my mom and dad divorced.  Maybe it was because I had
lost my little sister.  But I wasn't going to lose
you
.  I wanted
someone who I could love with no restrictions, no conditions, no prior history. 
Just you and me, babe."

Had it
really been that way? 
Had
her mom truly wanted her?  "I remember
Gram coming over and bringing me dresses, presents for my birthday parties,
treats in the summer."  She could also remember her mom holding her tight
at bedtime, bandaging scrapes, whispering, "I love you."

"Yes,
Gram did those things, sometimes against my will.  I didn't want her giving you
anything I couldn't buy.  I wanted to show her we could make it on our own.  And
we have."

"Have
we, Mom?  Have we made it on our own, or are we just
alone
?  Gram was
great today.  I wonder if I was around her more, if maybe, I wouldn't get so
mad at you."

"You
think she'd let you buy clothes that are so short you can't walk in them, tops
that are see-through where they shouldn't be see-through?"

Shaking
her head even though her mom couldn't see, she was honest.  "No, it's
nothing like that.  She just seems to have a different way of looking at things
than we do.  She wants me to come help her in the antique shop...to pay you
back.  Maybe I could keep working there to pay for things I need for the baby. 
If I don't give it away."

"You
aren't thinking of quitting school, are you?  You have to graduate.  That's the
only way you'll make a way for yourself in the world."

"It's
going to be hard having a baby and trying to keep up with schoolwork.  Even I
know that.  And I'd need daycare..."

"We'll
have to talk more about everything to do with the baby.  Tell me about
Brad," Clare directed.  "Does he know you're pregnant?"

"Oh,
he knows, and he doesn't want any part of it.  Not any part."  Her voice
broke again and she knew the tears weren't
just
about that.  But a lot
of them were.

"You
loved him, didn't you?" her mother asked softly.

Shara
could tell her mother wasn't making fun.  She wasn't making it sound as if this
was just something teenagers did and they got over it, and then everything
would be wonderful.

"I
loved him and he didn't love me.  On Monday I told him about the baby and he
just walked away.  Boys don't have to deal with it.  They can go on as if their
lives were never changed."

"Responsible
boys deal with it.  Brad isn't responsible.  Tell me why you dated him."

"Mom,
you've got eyes.  He's hot!  Ten other girls in the school would love to date
him."

"Why
did he pick you?"

"Did
you think I wasn't good enough for him, wasn't pretty enough for him?"

"Nothing
like that, Shara.  But why did he date
you
?  Pretty only goes so
far."

"He
told me at the beginning he dated me because I didn't always say yes.  I didn't
always do what he wanted.  I might follow along for a while but then I did what
I
wanted anyway.  Believe it or not, he said he liked that."

"One
of the first things we have to do after you get home is talk to Brad and his
father."

Shara
groaned.  "Can't you just talk to his dad?"

"Those
days are gone, honey.  This isn't my mess, it's yours.  You're going to have to
grow up in the next few months, whether you want to or not."

Grow
up.  Just what did that mean?

"What
should I do?  About the baby?"

"You
have to consider that question.  We have to consider the question together."

"I
think Gram and Granddad might want to be involved, as crazy as that seems,"
Shara said, wondering if she was just being hopeful instead of facing reality. 
"What Granddad did today was
crazy
."

"What
you
did was crazy.  Tell me how you met Justin."

"I
had to tell all this to the police officers."

"I'm
sure you did, but I don't want read it in a police report, so tell me.  When
did you become involved with him?"

This
was the beginning.  This was possibly what growing up was all about—talking
about stuff you didn't want to talk about.  "He asked if he could follow
my page on
Branches
.  He was cute in a geeky kind of way, so I told him
yes.  The other kids on
Branches
, they say stupid stuff.  They say their
mom is making something for supper they don't like.  Things like that.  But
Justin…Justin helped me.  When I was feeling low, he could always type
something in that would lift me up, or post a funny picture.  We took it off
line at Christmas to talk about our families."

"What
was his family like?"

"They
live in Wyoming, near Cody.  They're pretty strict, and that's why Justin
rebelled.  He's had a computer business going on of some kind since he was my
age."

"Mom
said he was twenty-three."

"Yeah,
I didn't realize that when I came out here."

"Maybe
he didn't want you to realize it."  She paused.  "Why did you trust
him so easily?"

"He
told me stories of things he went through, sort of like I was going
through."

"Do
you know if the stories were true?"

"I
know everybody doesn't think they are.  I know everybody thinks he was trying
to manipulate me in something I didn't want to do.  Maybe that was true.  But
he understood me the way nobody else has understood me for months.  Maybe
years."

After a
beat of silence, her mom assured her, "I want to understand you.  Do you
think you understand me?"

Just
what did understanding her mother mean?  Shara thought about it.  "You go
to work.  You're tired when you get home.  You don't want more problems when
you do.  So everything I do seems like a problem and freaks you out."

"Like
you coming home from the mall with an outfit I don't like?"

"Exactly."

"Don't
you see, honey, I'm afraid if you wear an outfit like the one I wanted you to
take back, that you'll attract guys like Justin, who don't have your best
interests at heart?  Can't you see that?"

"He
didn't want to have sex with me, Mom."

"No,
from what Gram said, he wanted
other
men to have sex with you.  Do you
really think the webcam money would have stopped there?  Don't you think a man
who really liked you might call Justin or might call you and say, 'Can't we
spend some time together?'  That's the way it works, honey.  If that had
happened, what would you have done?"

Shara felt
tears threatening again.  "I don't know what I'm going to do
now.
  I
don't have much time to make a decision.  But I can't take care of a baby on my
own.  I wouldn't be able to go to school.  You have to work.  What are we going
to do?" she asked in an all-consuming panic.

"Shara,
stop.  Stop right now and breathe.  Come on, and take at least three big
breaths.  You're panicking.  I was panicking.  We have to stop that.  You don't
make good decisions in panic.  Once you're home, we'll really figure this out. 
I promise.  And I promise you, I won't bully you into what I want.  I'll listen
to you."

This
whole conversation hadn't been what Shara expected.  She'd expected scolding
and yelling, and her mom making her feel as if she were a total idiot.  But
that wasn't what was happening here.

"Where's
Gram now?"

"She's
out in the hall talking to that lady, Gillian.  She's pretty neat.  She has a
sixth sense or something."

"She
must have something special to have found you.  I thought I'd lost you.  I
thought you’d never be coming back."

"Like
your little sister," Shara murmured.

"Yes,
just like that."

"Was
that Joe's voice I heard?  Has he been…helping you?"

Clare
didn't seem to know how to answer that, but finally she admitted, "He and
I have become…friends."

"Friends
with benefits?" Shara asked,

"Shara."

"Mom,
I'm not going to change that much just because I got pregnant.  Are you sure
you want me to come home?"

Without
an instant of hesitation, her mom assured her, "I want you to come home. 
But there are going to be changes...for both of us."

She was
trying to read between the lines.  Maybe
she
needed to give her mom
reassurance, too.  "Joe's an okay guy, not bad looking either.  I'm not
totally closed off to what happens in the rest of the world.  I hear the news
reports.  I see the streams on Twitter.  Anybody who served the way he did in
Afghanistan, well….they deserve a lot of respect.  Besides that, he actually
seems nice.  You've never dated seriously.  You've never had someone in your
life like that."

"Maybe
I should have.  Maybe then everything wouldn't have been so hard for you."

"Or
you," Shara insisted.

"We'll
work out what's best for you, Shara.  We will.  I don't want you to be afraid
of it.  I don't want you to be afraid of your future."

"If
we could stop arguing—"

"We
can try."

****

An hour
later, Amanda hesitated outside of Max's cubicle, not exactly sure why.  Maybe
because she didn't know where they stood.  Maybe because in that moment when
he'd been shot, she'd realized, in a way, her world still revolved around him. 
Was she hanging onto something she should have let go of a long time ago?

She'd
cleaned up the best she could, but she still had blood on her top.  Max's
blood.  He was wearing a maroon and green plaid snap-button shirt that
obviously wasn't his.  One sleeve was cut off so he could put his bandaged arm
through it.  When he spotted her in the doorway, there were a few awkward
seconds when neither of them said anything.

As she
approached him, he shrugged.  "A nurse found the shirt in the Lost and
Found."

"Plaid
becomes you," Amanda quipped, trying to keep the conversation light
because she didn't know where else to go with it.

"Maybe
in Albuquerque," he muttered.  "Where's Shara?"

"She's
with Gillian.  I don't know how we're ever going to thank her.  Anyone else
would have left after the police questioned them.  But she stuck around in case
we needed her...in case Shara needed her."

"I'll
be giving a donation to their foundation.  As soon as my discharge papers come
through, I can leave."

"How's
the shoulder?" she asked, knowing what he was going to say.

"It's
still numbed up."

"Did
they give you any pain medication?"

"Not
going to take that."

"You're
going to be uncomfortable."

"It
won't be the first time."

When
their gazes met, he threw his legs over the side of the bed, ready to get up.  "Shara
and I will have to go down to the police station tomorrow so we can be
questioned again."

"That
doesn't surprise me."

 "They
arrested Courtney.  I don't know all the details.  I think they have a warrant
out on Justin.  My guess is, they'll try to round up Courtney's roommates and
begin questioning them, too."

"Do
you think there'll be a trial?"

"I
think there will be plea deals.  That's the way the system works now."

And Max
would know all about the system.  "We still have a phone call to make tonight."

"It's
getting late in Pennsylvania," he said, checking his watch.

"Shara
had a long conversation with Clare on the phone."

"And?"

"I
don't know.  Shara was crying when she ended the call.  They have a lot to
patch up, just like we do with Clare."

Max
didn't say anything to that.

"Do
you think we should reserve another motel room?" she asked.

Max
considered the idea.  "We're going to be here another night.  You and
Shara can have the suite.  I can get a single."

A
single.  Maybe they were going to go back to the way things used to be—separate
beds, separate lives, a wall between them neither of them could climb.  They
both had a lot to think about.  Maybe her more so than Max because she wasn't
going to let Shara give up her baby for adoption.  She'd made that decision
already.