Her Shameful Secret (18 page)

Now if only she could erase Antonio from her mind … If she could stop dreaming about him, that would be great. Those dreams reminded her of what she had lost, what she would never have again. One
day she would be rid of the empty hollowness inside her, but until then she needed to stop thinking about the past and focus on the future.

When she stepped into her room Isabella swore she would never take walking for granted again. All she wanted to do was get back into bed and rest. Intent on putting one foot in front of the other, she didn’t realize she had a visitor.

“Bella.”

Only one person called her that. Isabella glanced up, the movement so sharp and sudden that she almost lost her balance. She flattened her hand on the wall when she saw Antonio standing by the window.

Her heart did a slow and painful flip as she greedily took in the sight of him. She must be imagining things. Isabella blinked but the vision of Antonio didn’t go away. He looked exactly as he had when she’d left him. Powerful, harsh and incredibly sexy. His scowl and the tailored business suit made him even more intimidating.

Isabella knew she looked a mess, with her limp hair and voluminous hospital gown. “What are you doing here?” she asked weakly.

“I’m here for you.”

Damn, those words still sent a shiver of excitement down her spine. Antonio was always going to have this effect on her. It wasn’t fair. She didn’t need this in her life. She didn’t need
him
.

“You need to leave.” She wished she could leave, but she knew she wouldn’t get far. Gathering all the strength she could muster, Isabella pushed one foot in front of the other. She needed to get to the bed before she collapsed.

Antonio frowned as he saw her awkward gait and
was suddenly at her side. “Let me help you,” he offered as he gently placed a hand on her back.

She would have shrugged him off if she’d trusted her balance a little more. “I can do it myself. I need the practice,” she insisted.

Antonio dropped his hand but walked with her to the bed. The journey was slow and painful, and she knew Antonio was tempted to pick her up and carry her. She increased her speed, finding it easier to walk having someone nearby. Antonio might have betrayed her, but she knew he wouldn’t let her fall.

Once she’d sat on the bed Isabella gave a sigh of relief. She lay down, wincing and hissing a breath between her clenched teeth. Antonio didn’t say anything as he pulled the blanket over her and tucked her in.

She didn’t want his kindness. She might read too much into the gesture. “Now tell me why you’re here,” Isabella said as she sank into her pillow.

“I saw your daughter,” Antonio said, his voice low and husky. “She’s beautiful.”

Antonio had already seen Chiara? She stiffened as the need to protect her child crashed through her like violent wave. She hadn’t been prepared for that. She hadn’t thought Antonio would be interested.

“She looks like her father.”

He nodded. “Yes, she does. But I also see a lot of you in her.”

She glanced at his face, but Antonio showed no sign of resentment. He had simply stated a matter of fact. It was as if Chiara’s parentage didn’t bother him. How was that possible? Was she seeing what she wanted to see?

Isabella closed her eyes. “Antonio, I’m really not up for visitors.”

“You haven’t been for four months,” he said in a growl.

She wouldn’t apologize for that. The first time he’d called her Isabella had recognized the number and hadn’t picked up. She had spent the rest of the day alternating between tears and stone-cold anger. But she’d also known that she wanted to talk to Antonio, hold on to that connection. And that had scared her. How could she move on if she still felt like that?

“I’ve been busy,” she said. “My life has gone through a lot of transitions.”

“I tried to contact you.”

“Yeah, I know.” She had blocked his calls and texts, deleted his e-mails without opening them, and trashed the flower bouquets that had appeared on her desk at work. Anything related to her child’s inheritance had been directed to her lawyer, whom she could barely afford. She had to avoid anything that reminded her of Antonio.

She’d wanted to give him full power over the Rossi shares, but he had refused to accept it. He still acted as if he needed her approval over every decision. Isabella wasn’t sure why he was trying to include her in everything. He didn’t need to keep in contact with her. He no longer had to pretend that he could love her and her child.

Disappointment coiled tightly in her chest. So, if he had everything he wanted, why was he here? Today of all days? She didn’t want to talk to Antonio about her baby.

“I don’t have the money yet to pay you back for the ticket,” she said in a rush. “We’ll have to make a payment plan. It’ll take a while because—”

“I don’t want your money. That ticket was a gift,” he interrupted, annoyed. “I’m here because I heard you were in labor. Unfortunately I didn’t get here in time. If I had I would have found you better accommodations.”

She opened her eyes and looked around the room. It was clean, simple and private. It was better than she had hoped. What more could she possibly want? “This is fine. I won’t be here for much longer. They are sending me home in a couple of hours.”

Outrage flickered in his dark eyes. “That is unacceptable. You can barely walk. I will speak to the doctors immediately.”

“Wait a second.” She weakly lifted her hand as she realized what he had said a few moments ago. “How did you know I was in labor? Are you having me watched?”

“Of course. I was worried about you. I remember that room you had over the café when I found you.” He suppressed his shudder of distaste. “I didn’t want that to happen again.”

“I don’t like being watched or followed,” she told him. “I can take care of myself. I don’t need your help.”

“Then why did you put me down as emergency contact on your medical forms? Why did you make me the guardian to Chiara if anything happened to you?”

Isabella cringed. She had wrestled with that choice. She could have named a friend, but in the end she’d wanted Antonio to look after Chiara. “You know about that?”

“I do.” Triumph flared in his eyes. “You know deep down that I would take care of you and the baby. That I would treat your daughter as my own.”

She felt the heat crawl up her neck. “You shouldn’t
read anything into those decisions. I was required to give a name.”

“And you chose mine. Because you know I want to be here. That I want to help.”

He said that now, but how long would it last? “No, you don’t want to help. Not unless you get something in return. I can’t figure out your ulterior motive, but I know you have one.”

Antonio sighed. “I regret that. At the time I made promises that I wasn’t planning to keep.”

“Just as I expected.”

He shoved his hand through his hair. “But that changed once we were back together. I started to believe that this was our second chance. I wasn’t thinking about gaining control as much as I was thinking about recapturing what we’d once shared.”

“And when did that change of heart happen?” Isabella asked, her voice filled with skepticism.

“When you handed me the sonogram.” Antonio said, his voice fading as he recalled that moment. “I looked at it and I didn’t see the baby as an obstacle or a sign of betrayal. I saw this small, innocent child that was part of
you
. And I knew I wanted to go on this journey with you.”

Isabella stared at him as the sincerity in his voice tugged at her. She wanted to believe him, but what if this was another act? How could she trust her instincts when he had played her so well before?

Antonio cleared his throat and awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck. “Once I found where you had gone I tried to reach out. I wanted to talk to you.”

“You were very persistent.”

Antonio reached out and covered her hand with his.
“I now know how you must have felt when I kicked you out. I was desperate and out of control. No matter how hard I tried, you wouldn’t talk to me.”

“I still don’t want to talk to you.” As much as she wanted to hold onto his hand, she purposely removed her fingers from his grasp.

“I understand, but I should have been here. You shouldn’t have gone through this alone.”

“I wasn’t alone. I have friends.” Friends who would adore her and her baby, no matter what her shortcomings were.

“Yes, I know,” he said, the corner of his mouth slanting up in a smile. “They gathered around you in a protective circle. My security team could take a few lessons from them.”

“Considering our history,” Isabella said gently, “it’s better if I don’t accept your help.”

“No, it’s not.” Antonio leaned over Isabella, bracing his arms on the bedrails. “If you don’t want me by your side then I’ll help you behind the scenes. I want to give you every opportunity to finish your college degree. I will support your dreams and goals. I’m not asking for your permission, Bella. I’m doing this because I want to.”

Isabella fought back the hope that pressed against her chest. “And Chiara?”

“I want to take you and Chiara back to Rome,” Antonio replied.

She frowned. “Why would you do that?”

“So we can be a family.” Antonio leaned in closer. “These months have been hell, knowing that I’ve lost you again.”

Family
. There was that word again. It was as if he
knew her weakness and understood her deepest desire. “You can’t just walk in here and expect me to change my life again so we can have another affair. My situation has changed. I have a child I need to think about.”

“I said a family.” Antonio’s gaze held her immobile. “I want us to get married.”

Married
?

“You don’t need to marry me,” she said, her eyes wide and her heart starting to pound. “I offered you full control of the Rossi shares.”

“I love you.”

His sincerity tugged at her heart.

“And I know you love me.”

“I … I …” She couldn’t deny it. She loved Antonio and wanted to be with him—but love wasn’t enough.

“Marry me, Bella.” He rested his forehead against hers. “I want to be with you and Chiara. Always.”

She slowly exhaled and looked away. There had to be another reason. An ulterior motive. Why would he want her as his wife if she didn’t meet any of his requirements?

“No,” she whispered.

Antonio froze. “Excuse me?”

“I’m sorry, Antonio. I can’t marry you.”

Antonio drew back. Isabella had said no.
No
. The word sliced through him like a knife. He gripped the bedrail as hurt bled through him. Had he ruined what they’d shared? Was it beyond repair?

He wouldn’t accept that. They loved each other and they would get through this. He needed Isabella. His life was dark and empty without her and he didn’t want to go through another day apart from her.

He should have come for her earlier. Antonio bowed his head with regret. He had stayed in Rome to fix the financial mess his brother had left. Not only had Gio been deeply in debt, but the Rossi family fortune was at stake. If Antonio hadn’t stepped in Chiara would have inherited nothing.

And he had also stayed in Rome to make some changes in his life. He’d scaled back on his work significantly so his focus could be on his family life. He’d also found a house that would be perfect for raising children. Now that he had suffered twice from being separated from Isabella, he didn’t want to miss out on another moment.

But Isabella didn’t see it that way. She didn’t want him to be a part of her life.

A horrible thought occurred to him. His stomach twisted with dread as he asked, “Do you want to be with me?”

“Yes,” Isabella said. She wiped the tears from her eyes and sniffled. “But it’s not possible.”

“Of course it is,” he insisted as relief poured through him. “We are free to get married. I don’t want anyone but you. I know you haven’t dated anyone since you were with me. There is no one holding us back.”

“I don’t trust you,” she said. “You say everything I want to hear, but you did that before and it was all lies.”

He took a step back as hurt seeped into him. “It wasn’t all lies.”

“You showed interest and concern because you wanted control of the money. What do you want from me now?”

“I wasn’t faking it.”

“Why are you still around?” Isabella asked. “I tried
to transfer my interest in the Rossi empire but you won’t sign the paperwork. Just take it. You’d have full control with my blessing.”

“I don’t want your blessing,” he said in a growl. “I want you and the baby.”

“That doesn’t make sense. I would not make you a good wife. I don’t have the right background, the right—”

“You
are
good for me,” he insisted. “You’re generous and affectionate. You’re bold and adventurous. You nurture and protect the ones you love. You love ferociously and you are deeply loyal.”

“There’s nothing special about that.”

“You have no idea how rare that is.” He crossed his arms and began to pace the room. “I know what it’s like to grow up in a family and feel like an outsider. I’m not going to let that happen to Chiara. She won’t have to earn my love or my affection. She already has it.”

“How can she have it?” she threw back at him angrily. “You think I was being unfaithful to you when she was conceived.”

“I did at first. I can’t deny it.” He rubbed his hands over his face. “It destroyed me. But that was when I thought you had cheated on me. I don’t care that she’s Giovanni’s daughter or even that she’s a Rossi. She is
your
child and I want to raise her with you.”

“That doesn’t change anything,” she said slowly, as if she’d been taken by surprise. “I won’t marry you.”

“I won’t stop asking,” he said as he stalked back to the bed, unable to hide his frustration. “I am bound to you whether or not we’re married.”

“And if I keep refusing?”

“That won’t change how I feel. You walked away
from me but I kept my commitment to you. I will make sure you and the baby are getting the best care,” he confessed. “I will always take care of you and Chiara even if we don’t marry. Never question that.”