Her Secret Fantasy (37 page)

He let go of her hand, stepped back, and pulled his shirt off over his head. “I’m going in,” he announced with great gusto.

“Oh!” Lily blurted out, blinking at the dazzling sight of his magnificent body, each sculpted ridge of muscle kissed by moonlight.

“You’re coming with me,” he informed her, then gave her a wink and strode ahead.

“I—” Lily started to point out it was improper, but then she recalled her hesitation on the night of the masked ball.

She had refused him then when he had asked her to go out on the lake with him in a gondola and take a moonlight swim.
Naked,
as he had so roguishly specified at the time.

But she was no longer that woman, that tense, frightened creature in a cage.

Knowing him had changed her. Because of him, she no longer had to hide.

Fate had given her another chance, and this time she refused to waste it.

“Well?” Derek prompted from the water’s edge, where he stood on one foot to pull off a boot.

She flashed a cheeky grin. “Well, yourself, Major.” With that, she pulled away the last ribbon holding up her hair; she shook out her tresses as they tumbled free around her shoulders and strutted past him toward the water, starting to take off her dress.

He watched her go by, his mouth agape, then he let out a wicked
“Yes!”

She shot him a sparkling glance over her shoulder as she bared it.

He was watching her in amazement, his rapt gaze trailing eagerly down her body. Lily thrilled to the desire in his stare, but as she looked toward the water again, she realized exactly where all of this was headed…and she remembered the secret she had sworn she’d never tell.

She stopped, both hands still holding onto her torn bodice.

Her former scheme to lie to Edward about her lack of innocence was one thing, but this was Derek. She longed for total union with him; she felt so close to him right now after all they had just been through. And she trusted him.

Hopefully not in vain.

She knew then that the moment of truth had arrived. She wished she could deny it. Surely this was not the time to burden him with something so dire after he had nearly been burned alive. But they could not be one until she had confessed her terrible secret. And they had to be.

They both craved completion in each other’s arms.

There was no way around this. She loved him and respected him too much even to try to deceive him.

But dear Lord, what was he going to say?

She did not know, but somehow she summoned up all her stoic Balfour resolve.

If he could not love her because of this, it was best to know it now. If he was going to reject her for her fall from grace, she would just as soon keep her clothes on and retrieve whatever broken pieces of her heart were left after he shattered it.

Facing the lake, her back was to Derek, but she could still feel him watching her.

“What’s wrong, beauty?”

She said nothing for a moment, closing her eyes.
Dear God,
she prayed,
please don’t let him hate me.
Oh, this was much more terrifying than rushing into any burning stable.

“Lily?” He had walked over to her and now laid his hand gently on her shoulder, turning her to him. “Darling, what’s wrong?”

She looked at him and found herself awed anew by his wild male beauty. His long, tangled hair was blue-black in the indigo night; silver shadows sculpted his angular face and stone-carved body. His pale eyes gleamed in the moonlight. She touched him in helpless wonder, running her fingers down his smooth, gorgeous chest.

I want you so much.

“What is it?” he whispered, gazing at her in concern.

“Oh, Derek,” she breathed, then shook her head, casting about for her courage. “There’s something that I have to tell you, but I…I don’t know how.”

He captured her hand where it rested on his solar plexus and lifted it to his lips. “Lily, I love you. You can tell me anything. Whatever it is, I’m here for you.”

She stared at him with a wince of uncertainty, and then lowered her lashes. “Very well.”

He studied her, waiting.

Lily squared her shoulders. “Edward wasn’t the only one who was duped by a fraud. I was, too, when I was just fifteen. He said he loved me, and I believed him.” She braced herself and said quietly, “I am not a virgin, Derek.”

He was perfectly still.

“That is why I chose a man like Edward,” she forged on in a shaky tone. “I knew I could trick someone like him. Lie to someone like him. But not to you. I love you so much.” Without warning, tears misted her eyes. “I have so much respect for you, Derek. I only wish I was worthy of your respect, in turn—”

Her words were cut off as he pulled her into his arms and hugged her. He cupped her head under the crook of his chin, and his whispered words were fierce. “I have
always
respected you, but never so much as right now.”

Tears flooded her eyes as she wrapped her arms around his waist and held on tight. “I don’t want to lose you.”

“You’re not going to.”

“If this changes how you feel toward me, I’ll understand—”

“It doesn’t change a thing.” He captured her face between his hands and tilted her head back to meet his intense stare. “I would still die for you.”

She looked into his eyes and sobbed once, most ungracefully.

“Shh,” he whispered, pulling her close again.

She shed her tears against his warm chest while he held her in tender silence, petting her head to comfort her. But she could feel him brooding on her confession.

“Who hurt you, Lily?” he murmured at length. “Tell me his name.”

She glanced up at him warily. “Why?”

“So I can do what must be done.” The peculiar tone of his voice sent chills down her spine—a calm, soothing surface with an undertone of cold murder.

She pulled back. “That was not the point of my telling you.”

“If this bastard hurt you, he needs to pay.”

“Grandfather already dealt with him.”

“An old man?” he cried angrily.

Lily flinched.

“Sorry,” he amended, restraining his fury with visible effort. “How?”

“He made him leave England and told him that if he ever came back, he’d be killed. He fled to the Continent—where he’s probably seducing young Italian girls right now like he did me.”

“I would not have left him alive. Didn’t anyone insist he marry you?”

Lily swallowed hard, remembering her heartbreak at the news. She had been so thoroughly deceived. “He already had a wife, as it turned out. And two babies.”

Derek cursed under his breath.

“Grandfather spared his life for their sake.”

“Why?” he bit out. “Because he saw what growing up without a father did to you?”

Lily looked at him imploringly.

His answering stare gentled; he must have realized how much his anger was upsetting her. When he spoke again, he had chased the edge of bitterness from his voice. “If you don’t wish to reveal his name, at least tell me what manner of man he was—what manner of man with a wife and children goes out and seduces a fifteen-year-old girl?”

When he put it like that, Lily suddenly wondered what she was protecting Owen for. The strength in her balled up like a fist in her middle.
You’re right.

“His name was Lord Owen Masters.” She turned to Derek. “He was twenty-six, the younger brother of a marquess. He was visiting one of the local gentry in our village. That’s how he first saw me. I was sitting up in a tree reading a book.” She paused, allowing herself to remember.

Where shame had been before, now suddenly there was grief. But Derek’s nearness steadied her.

“He thought my reading a book up in a tree was very amusing and struck up a conversation.” She shook her head. “I had never been outside my village before. What did I know of highborn London rakehells and their charms?”

“No wonder you despise their breed.”

“He told me I was pretty. He came up into the tree with me.”

“Like a snake,” he muttered.

“Yes. He asked about my book and then he wanted to know everything about me.”

“I’m going to kill him,” Derek said amiably.

“Oh, Derek, he was vile, but I’m the one who was stupid and gullible and naïve.”

“You were a little girl! Surely you don’t blame yourself?”

“Of course I do, as well I should.”

“I don’t believe my ears.”

She stared at him. “I let him have his way. Not once, but twice before my mother discovered the affair.”

“Did you even understand what he was doing?”

She just looked at him. “N-no, but if it wasn’t my fault,” she said haltingly, “then why would my mother have screamed at me so much and threatened to throw me out on the street?”

“Oh, darling,” he whispered, moving closer. “I see why your grandfather left you Balfour Manor.” He shook his head. “Lily, your mother’s reaction was hugely wrong. You mustn’t believe her.” His eyes narrowed with a brooding look. “I’ve seen men like this. I’ve gone to school with them, I’ve served with them. Whoever he was, this man singled you out because your father wasn’t around to protect you.”

“No.” She flinched and looked away as though he had struck her. “Please don’t say that, Derek.”

“Why? It’s true and I think you know that.”

“You can’t blame my father, it’s
my
fault!” she wrenched out.

“No.” He gazed into her eyes. “It’s the man’s fault, and your parents’.”

She shook her head.

“You were innocent,” he said softly. “You were just a girl. I know how frightening it must be to realize that. That there truly are vicious people out there in the world, people with no conscience who would do such a thing. And to be made a victim of something beyond your control that is terrible.”

Lily wept softly until he wiped her tears away.

“But you’ve got me now,” Derek told her in a harder tone. “And if anyone ever tries to hurt you again, they’re going to have to get through me first.”

Lily trembled as she gazed at him, longing to believe. “You’re going to kill half the world for me, eh?”

“If they annoy you, yes.”

“My soldier.”

“Actually, I’m interested in a new career.” He cupped her cheek.

“Oh?” she whispered unsteadily. “In what field?”

“This one will do,” he replied with a glance around at the moonlit meadow around them. “Whatever keeps me close to you.”

She pulled back a bit and looked at him uncertainly. “I thought you were going back to India.”

“Change of plans.”

“Since when?”

“Since now.”

“Do you mean it?”

“Do I look like I’m joking?”

Her heart quaked. “Maybe you should think about this. Take a day or two and—”

“What is there to think about? Did you stop and think before you rushed into that burning stable to save my life? Or when you gave up your most prized possessions to keep me out of Newgate? No, Lily. My mind is made up. I may not be a rich man, but everything I have is yours, and if I have to pick up a hammer myself to fix your damned roof, I’ll do it. I’m yours—” He bowed his head. “If you’ll have me.”

She stared at him in wonder. “Are you saying…?”

“Marry me. I know we can make it all work out, as long as we’re together.”

“Oh, Derek.”
She flew into his embrace and pulled him down to kiss him with pure joy. “I love you.”

“I love you, Lily.” His arms wrapped around her waist and he lifted her off her feet a little. “Thank you for trusting me with your confidence.”

“Thank you for being worthy of it.” She kissed him again. “You taste like smoke.”

“You taste like smoked ham.”

“Disgusting.”

“I don’t care.” He laughed.

“Just kiss me.”

She did.

“You know,” he drawled after a long moment, “for our honeymoon, dear, I have always wanted to see Italy.”

“Derek!” She couldn’t help laughing through her tears as she tilted her head back and looked at him, shaking her head. How Grandfather would have loved him!

“Hm?” he asked, gazing down at her with an innocent lift of his eyebrows.

“Oh, nothing, you impossible creature,” she murmured. “More kisses, please.”

He smiled and obeyed.

“
Mmm,
Derek,” she purred after a moment, plucking at the waistband of his trousers. “We’ve got to do something about all these clothes.”

He nodded, gazing at her with a ravenous smile. “Agreed. Time to go for a swim?”

“Oh, yes. I think so.”

Exchanging another eager kiss, they stripped with speedy efficiency, watching each other like hungry diners waiting for the chef to quit explaining his delectable creations so they could indulge. Lily freed her arms from the tailored sleeves of her torn bodice. Her fingers trembling with anticipation, she unfastened the side buttons at her waist.

Derek had a head start on her, already rid of his shirt and boots. He peeled off his snug breeches and flung them aside. Staring avidly, she watched him rid himself of his short drawers. He slid her an impossibly seductive smile as he turned away, and then walked in all his naked glory into the water.

Lily watched him, wide-eyed.

Heart racing, she hurried to follow him, fighting her way free of the intricate lacing of her stays. At last, she let her riding habit fall away and stepped out of its pooled fabric at her feet.

Ahead of her, Derek waded into the water, testing its depth. Then he dove forward, disappearing with a splash. He came up for air a few seconds later with an “ah” of manly relish.

“How is it?”

“Blissful.” He flung his head back, smoothing his hair out of his face with both hands.

Lily marveled at his biceps.

He cupped his hands and drank a few swallows of the water to relieve his thirst, and then splashed at her.

She grinned.

“I’m
waaaiting,
” he called softly.

“Coming!” As she lifted her chemise off over her head and paused to drop it into the pile of her discarded clothing, she heard the low, almost pained exclamation that escaped his lips at the sight of her nude body, though she did not know the word he had uttered or even what language.