Her Pregnancy Surprise (22 page)

Settling himself into the studded Chesterfield-style armchair by the fire, Nicholas smiled warmly in agreement. ‘That would be lovely, darling…thank you.’

Thinking how at home he appeared, sitting there by the crackling open fire on this chilly almost winter evening, in what had been her father’s favourite chair, Caroline wondered why, for the first time ever, she wished he
didn’t
make himself look so at home there. Telling herself it was because she was still feeling on edge and unhappy from yet another upsetting encounter with Jack, she dismissed her slight feeling of unease and poured out the wine.

Handing a glass to Nicholas, she lowered herself into the fawn-coloured chair opposite and took a sip of her own drink. The alcohol immediately warming her, Caroline told herself that everything was going to be all right…that there was no need for her to be worried about anything.

‘So…what was it you wanted to talk to me about?’ she asked, leaning forward in her chair.

Nicholas took a sip of his wine, savoured it for a moment, then regarded Caroline with a deepening of the kindly smile she had long grown used to.

‘I suppose I may as well get straight to the point.’ Still smiling, Nicholas leant back in his chair with a relaxed sigh. ‘I wanted to talk to you about something that has been on my mind for quite some time now.’

‘Oh? What’s that?’ Caroline gulped a little too much wine and felt the alcohol hurtle through her veins with fierce heat.

‘It’s a
personal
matter, actually,’ Nicholas replied.

When she didn’t immediately comment, he frowned.

‘Shall I go on?’ he asked.

Caroline wanted to say no. She was all of a sudden very tired, as well as feeling emotionally bruised, and she wanted to say she had a headache and didn’t feel up to spending the evening with him after all. But good manners and gratitude for the man’s friendship to both her father
and
herself prevented her from going with her natural instincts.

‘Of course…please, do go on.’

‘We’ve known each other for a long time, haven’t we?’ Briefly tapping his wine glass with his fingernails, Nicholas stopped the action almost immediately he realised he was doing it—as if inadvertently revealing a displeasing character trait he’d much rather keep hidden.

Watching him, Caroline was surprised by the tension in him that she’d immediately picked up. For some inexplicable reason a sense of acute alarm arose inside her. His question not really requiring a reply, she nodded her assent instead.

‘It was hard losing Meg after being married for so many years…I can’t begin to tell you how hard. I’ve discovered that I’m not a man who likes being alone, Caroline. I need conversation, stimulus, after a long day’s work, and Meg was always there for me…come
rain or shine. A man gets used to that kind of care from the woman in his life. Anyway, at the risk of making myself sound too foolish…I have decided that I would rather not be on my own any longer.’

H
E WASN’T
…He couldn’t be going to ask her to—

Sitting straight-backed in her chair, Caroline stared hard at Nicholas, almost willing him to change his mind and not say another word on the topic that was clearly presenting him
and now her
with such unease. Besides…it was too ridiculous, too preposterous to even—

‘I’d like us to become engaged to be married—if that’s acceptable to you, Caroline?’ Nicholas pressed on, reaching up to his shirt collar to pull it slightly away from his neck, where it had suddenly clearly become uncomfortably tight.

Oh God…He was
…Leaving her wine glass on the coffee table between them, Caroline got up from her chair and put her hands together, almost as though unconsciously praying. The heat from the fire feeling suddenly more akin to the heat from a roaring bonfire, she tried to smile at the man waiting patiently in her father’s old chair for her reaction.

‘Engaged Nicholas? You and I? Are you serious?’

‘Perfectly!’

‘But it’s—this is such a shock!’

‘A pleasant one, I hope?’

He didn’t rise from the chair, as Caroline had half expected him to. Instead he regarded her from it, as though his greater age and experience, his profession, dictated he had the right.

She tried to imagine being married to this man she had long regarded as a family friend. Apart from the age difference, which wouldn’t have been an issue at all if she had been in love with him, she knew no matter how desperately alone she felt at times she could not,
would
not, simply marry a man to fill the void left by the death of his wife—
or
because she might end up on her own if she didn’t. Nicholas didn’t love her either. He might genuinely be fond of her, Caroline mused, but all he really wanted was a companion and housekeeper—someone to be there to listen to the events of his day, someone to cook for him and clean his house, and, yes…someone to pour him a glass of good red wine while he sat by the fire on a cold winter’s evening.

And when she thought about going to bed with him…Caroline felt herself grow alternately hot then cold with embarrassment. She’d known this man since she was a teenager. At her father’s behest she had looked upon him as a kind of ‘uncle’. But—more pertinent than that—how could she even contemplate sharing the intimacies of marriage with a man she neither loved
nor
desired? And especially after becoming so shockingly
reacquainted with the
one
man she’d given her heart to so long ago?

Without really meaning to, she found herself touching the slightly raised area on her lip where Jack had kissed her so bitterly and yet with such undeniable need earlier today, and was taken aback by the inescapable rush of pleasure that suddenly throbbed like molten lava through her veins. Immediately Caroline dropped her hand, silently scolding herself for dwelling on the memory of his lustfully hot kiss instead of that cruel question he’d asked, which had wounded her almost too deeply for tears.

‘I—I know how much you loved Meg…how much she meant to you. How can I be anything but tremendously flattered that you would even consider asking me to get engaged to you, Nicholas?’

Hugging her arms across her chest, Caroline knew her awkward smile was concerned, but regretful. She didn’t want to hurt Nicholas, or make him feel bad in any way, and she certainly didn’t want to lose his very dear and valuable friendship but she had to make him see that a more personal relationship, was definitely
not
on the agenda.

‘But the truth is,’ she continued, ‘I’d much rather keep our friendship than potentially spoil what we have by trying to turn our relationship into something it
isn’t
.’

This time Nicholas
did
get to his feet. Putting his wine aside, he captured the ends of Caroline’s fingers in his own and brushed over them with the pads of his
thumbs. It was true that there was tenderness in his expression as he gazed at her, but against the fiery, electrically-charged glances that Jack cast her it was like comparing ice-cubes to burning hot coals…

‘Why assume our getting engaged and then married would spoil our friendship…hmm?’ Releasing one of her hands, he brushed aside a radiant curl of shining gold that had glanced against her smooth forehead. ‘The strongest unions are
always
the ones that start out with friendship. It was certainly that way for Meg and me. We have a great
bond
, Caroline. I admire you and like you more than I could begin to say. I can’t think of anyone I would like more to be my wife than you. At least think about it, will you? I wasn’t expecting a decision straight away…’

‘I’m sorry, Nicholas, but I don’t really need any time to think about it. I know it can’t have been easy for you to broach the subject…and it’s a terrific compliment to be asked…but I’m afraid my answer
has
to be no.’

Not liking the sudden sense of intimacy he was forcing upon her that was so at odds with all these years of steady platonic friendship, Caroline drew away from his near embrace and moved across the room to the door that stood ajar.

‘I think I’m going to make a cup of tea…would you like one?’

Genuinely perplexed, Nicholas shook his head. ‘No, thank you. I don’t think I
would
like a cup of tea right now. If I’ve offended you in any way, Caroline, let me be the first to assure you that I—’

Suddenly wishing that he would go, Caroline felt as
though she might explode with the tension that had gathered force inside her. So many emotions were charging through her all at once that she scarcely knew what to do with them.
She didn’t want to marry Nicholas—her father’s closest friend.
She didn’t want to sacrifice herself for
any
man—no matter what the reason—
ever
again. And she certainly didn’t want to spend another seventeen years heartsore and racked with too much guilt over a man who barely even accorded her the
right
to possess hurt feelings because he was so certain that
he
was the one who had been so cruelly wronged. She would not be pushed into a corner again by anybody!

‘You haven’t offended me at all, Nicholas, but I really don’t want to discuss this any further. I just—I’m sorry, but I really need to be by myself right now. Please try and understand.’

Straightening the cuffs on his shirtsleeves beneath his very conservative tweed sports jacket, Nicholas patted down his pockets distractedly as he walked towards her, clearly both embarrassed and confused by Caroline’s rejection of his proposal—a response he obviously had not been expecting.

‘I certainly wouldn’t dream of outstaying my welcome, Caroline. We’d best just leave things as they stand for a day or two, under the circumstances, and then I’ll ring you. That all right with you?’

Unable to bring herself to look at him directly, Caroline nodded mutely.

Feeling the need to escape for a while, Jack had driven to London, booked into a small chic hotel in Chelsea owned by an American friend, then called up that same friend’s sister, whom he’d briefly dated before meeting Anna and who was now based in the UK, working for an insurance company in the city.

Amanda Morton was a woman of the world—she’d understand that Jack wasn’t calling her to renew their relationship but was simply looking for a little female company while he was in town. They’d parted on amicable terms, remained friends, and Jack was merely fulfilling a promise that if he was ever in London he’d look her up.

Now, as he sat next to her in the low-lit bar area in the luxurious lounge of a famous hotel, her slender thigh pressed up close to his as she regaled him with gossip from her office as though any higher concerns—such as life, death and the universe—never even entered her brain, Jack remembered why his relationship with Amanda had not progressed much beyond two or three dates. Certainly her looks couldn’t be faulted, with her elegantly styled blonde hair, slender figure and sparkly blue eyes, but Jack couldn’t help thinking of another blonde—one with delectable
brown
eyes—who he’d last seen wearing an expression of inconsolable sadness and hurt…
put there by him.

About to take a deep slug of the bourbon on the rocks that he had ordered, Jack shifted in his seat, put down his glass, and came to a decision that surprised even himself.

Amanda immediately stopped talking and cast him
a highly flirtatious glance from beneath her heavily mascaraed lashes.

‘What’s up, sweetie? Don’t you like it here? We can go someplace else if you’d like?’

‘I’m sorry, Amanda, but I have to go.’

‘Go?’

She blinked up at him in bewilderment as he rose to his full six feet two inches. His handsome face was preoccupied and his mouth drawn—immediately alerting even the oblivious Amanda to the fact that his mind had not been as attentive to her conversation as she might have liked.

‘What do you mean, you have to go? We’ve barely just got here!’ she declared in dismay. ‘I know you’re not interested in seeing me on a regular basis, Jack, but I’d at least hoped we’d wind up in bed together before the night was through!’

Why had he done it?
Jack asked himself. Why had he called up a woman he’d barely been able to muster the most fleeting interest in when he’d first stupidly dated her and expected her to help distract him from the unpalatable turmoil that had assailed him since he’d left Caroline back home with that stricken look in her eyes? All he knew right then was that his need to see the girl the youthful Jack Fitzgerald had fallen in love with was impossible to ignore, and his thoughts and feelings would give him no peace—even if he jumped on a plane to Alaska to escape them—if he didn’t drive straight back to her right now. It didn’t matter that his inexplicable
desire had no rhyme or reason, or that the outcome of it would probably result in even
more
, unwelcome turmoil than he was enduring already, he simply had to go back and see her.

‘I’m sorry, Amanda.’

Employing full mercenary use of his undoubted charisma, Jack tipped up Amanda’s chin and smiled beguilingly into her eyes as she stood up and seductively leaned towards him. Her perfume was a little on the overpowering side, and Jack fleetingly wondered why some women never understood the power of subtlety, no matter if they came from money or not. Money couldn’t buy class, and that was a fact.

The thought immediately made Jack think of Caroline, and he couldn’t help but silently admit that she had always had that commodity in abundance…
even
when she was only seventeen. And it wasn’t just social class he was thinking about either. Her grace, beauty and innocence had made Jack feel like a much better man than he knew himself to be whenever he’d been around her.

‘I don’t mean any insult, but it was wrong of me to call you when I had other things on my mind that need taking care of. Things that I now realise I simply
can’t
leave unattended. Can you forgive me?’

‘It depends what “other things” are on your mind, Jack,’ Amanda crooned softly, winding his silk tie round her fingers and tugging on it a little. ‘If it’s work…well, being ambitious for my own career, I can totally understand such a preoccupation. But on the other hand…if
it’s another
woman
that’s been distracting your mind…then I might, just
might
, be a teensy-weensy bit upset about that.’

Feeling his patience getting a little strained, Jack abruptly rescued his tie and kissed the pouting Amanda as briefly as possible on her forehead. Pressing some notes from his wallet into her hand, he smiled. ‘Get yourself a cab home. I won’t forget I owe you dinner,’ he declared as he turned to walk across the hotel lounge.

And tomorrow he would send her the biggest bouquet he could order from the florists to make up for the disappointment of his desertion tonight. But even as he ventured one last glance round, as he reached the twin doors that led into the lobby, he smiled wryly to himself as he saw Amanda walk confidently up to the bar and start avidly chatting to the young, good-looking Spanish bartender behind it…

Caroline had driven to the beach after Nicholas had left, and walked the length of the sandy cove with the rain and wind lashing at her clothing and stinging her face. She’d cried, secure in the knowledge that nobody else would witness her descent into misery, that only someone desperate of spirit would be out walking along a deserted beach in the dark with the rain bucketing down as though God was emptying out a heavenly reservoir upon her head.

She’d desperately needed the release of tears, and after Nicholas’s unexpected and, it had to be said, unwelcome
proposal she knew the tide of change that was rolling towards her was both inevitable and unstoppable. After this, she could rely on nothing to stay the same. Even her good memories of Jack would be tainted by his reappearance, and the churning-up of emotions that his presence had cruelly revisited upon her. Caroline had sobbed desperately for the predicament she found herself in—for the unimaginably traumatic sense of loss and grief that she had suffered through having the abortion and then being shunned by her baby’s father, the man she had loved
beyond
imagining, the man who was never,
ever
going to either understand or forgive her for what she had done…

By the time she got back to the house she was thoroughly drenched, and shivering with cold, and she immediately went upstairs, stripped off, donned her warm dressing-gown and ran a hot bath. Half an hour later, once again ensconced in the old-fashioned comfort of her dressing-gown, her feet up on her armchair’s matching footstool as she sipped a mug of hot cinnamon-flavoured milk in front of the fire, Caroline silently and thankfully acknowledged that her misery had ebbed a little and the heat and comfort of her home were helping subdue some of the tremendous hurt that had deluged her.

The only way forward, she concluded, thinking hard as she stared into the flames flickering in the grate, was to somehow learn to forgive herself for what she’d done…
and also forgive Jack for blaming her
That was
the only way she could really put the past behind her and look forward to a happier future. Maybe she should re-examine the possibility of earning her living as an artist? It wasn’t too late. And she could still teach part-time, as she was doing, and give encouragement and the benefit of her experience to young girls like Sadie Martin. Change shouldn’t be feared.