Her Perfect Match (15 page)

“Let’s get something straight,” he said. “Right now, I just want your company. I want to get to know you. Explore my feelings for you and yours for me. If and when I want more, I’ll ask. And I’ll be asking for a lot more than a few hasty minutes in the sack. I’ve waited thirty-two years for that particular pleasure, and I reckon I can wait for a few more if necessary until you’re ready for the question and all it entails. Understand?”

Elizabeth just stared at him. I guess he told me. She opened her mouth to make some rejoinder then
closed it. Words escaped her when she saw the no-nonsense look in his eyes.

He gave her a sharp nod—the one she was coming to think of as his cowboy nod—and said, “Glad you got my point. Dinner’s ready. I’ll get it on the table if you’re up to eating in the kitchen.”

She watched him leave and swung her feet to the floor contemplating what he’d just said. “I’ve waited thirty-two years for that particular pleasure…” The man had to be the closest thing to an angel this side of heaven.

J
ackson heard Beth shuffle into the kitchen behind him. He wondered if she’d continue trying to blindside him with what, to someone who didn’t know her, looked like a split personality. Or would she give up trying to push him away for his own good? He hoped she gave up, because his heart had just about stopped when she’d reverted to using that society-witch face she showed the people of her upper-crust world. But then he’d remembered that she didn’t belong in that world, and her performance had become apparent.

He moved to the refrigerator and opened it, calling over his shoulder, “I tossed together a couple omelettes, and you had a roll of ready-to-bake biscuits in the fridge so I made them, too. You want jam, jelly, preserves, strawberry, cherry, tomato—” He stopped, staring at a full shelf of every spread available in the known world. “Beth, you either have a wicked sweet tooth or you’re running a jelly museum in here.”

When she made no reply to his joke, Jackson turned to her and was in motion in a nanosecond. She stood gripping the back of the chair, a river of tears flowing across her cheeks. He put an arm around her shoulder, feeling awkward and ineffective. “What is it, Beth?”

“It’s been years since anyone took care of me. I’ve been alone with all of this bottled up inside me for so long.”

Okay, so she’d inadvertently broken his heart a second time in one day. But that was okay. He was a big boy. He could take it. She’d lived a difficult, lonely life, and he wanted badly to rescue her from it, but he knew it was too soon.

Lord, give me the words to comfort her but don’t let me push her too far too fast.

He sighed. “Well, you aren’t alone anymore,” he said and grabbed a napkin to blot her tears. “I’m honored to take care of you, honey. Why don’t you sit down?”

Going on one knee in front of her, he patted her cheeks dry and looked her right in the eyes, willing her to believe him. “It’s going to be all right.”

Jackson wanted to say more. He wanted to sweep her up in his arms and take her to the Circle A where she could ride like the wind and leave the bad memories behind. But there were good things in her life she’d have to leave behind if he did that. And now that he thought about it, he’d be leaving almost as much behind as she would. It was a dilemma he wasn’t looking forward to dealing with.

A quote from Philippians his pastor always used came back to him, and he silently recited it from memory.
In everything, by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God which passes all understanding shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

He nearly smiled as that peace seeped into his soul. It didn’t matter where they lived. If they were together, wherever they were would be home. He was sure of it.

On this trip to find his true roots, Jackson had learned home was a comfortable place of love and acceptance. He hoped it was a lesson Beth would learn, too. He hoped it was a lesson she was
able
to learn, because it looked as if Beth had never had a real home.

“How can you be so sure?” Beth asked, sniffling delicately.

“That everything will work out? Because God uses all things for good. Even the bad things.”

“I don’t understand. How can He use what Jason did to me for anything good? It was so evil.”

He thought for a moment. “I’m not sure,” he told her honestly. “That’s a question you’ll have to answer for yourself since I didn’t know you before it happened.”

She looked heartbreakingly sad. “It’s hard for me to even remember what I was like before.”

Jackson looked at the floor and searched for the right words. When he looked into her beautiful eyes
he saw a yearning he’d never seen before and knew she desperately needed hope for the future. He was nearly certain the only way she’d ever have it was to go back and heal the child she’d been. To get to know that child again.

“Ask yourself if you would be the same kind of person you are now if none of the pain and heartbreak of the past had ever happened. If you hadn’t felt betrayed by your parents, would you have swallowed their social line of garbage and become like them? Let’s face it, you were destined to be a beauty even though everyone was too shortsighted to see it. Maybe you would have been as bad as those Lexington women if you hadn’t faced such terrible adversity. As it is, you’re a compassionate, kind, empathetic woman. You’ve gone out of your way to help other women who’ve felt the same loss of control over their lives that you’ve felt.”

“You talk about me as if I were some sort of paragon of virtue instead of someone who lost her virtue years ago.”

“That isn’t true. You had your innocence stolen, but you can only lose your virtue if you choose to live an immoral life. From where I’m sitting, you haven’t done that. Listen, I talked to Jim Dillon earlier. His wife, Holly, counsels the women of his church with personal problems. Would you consider talking to her about what happened in your past? I know turning to God for help is your answer. But I don’t feel qualified to help you understand how He can make you feel like a new person and take away
all your feelings of unworthiness. I do know the Bible tells us that all things are made new through Christ Jesus. And I know that He’s never failed me.”

Her smile was faint, but at least it was there. “That’s good enough for me,” she said. “If you think Holly Dillon can help, I’ll—I’ll try to talk to her.”

“If tomorrow wouldn’t be too soon, I could give her a call. We got a call that Hobart was denied bail, so if Holly could come here to talk to you in the morning, I won’t worry you’re alone.”

“You don’t have to worry. I’ll—”

“Be fine. I know, honey. But I won’t be unless I’m sure you have someone with you for at least the morning.”

She smiled, and Jackson felt as if the sun had suddenly burst through the clouds.

“Jack, I don’t know how I’ll ever repay you for all you’ve done.”

He wanted to tell her that seeing her healed and ready to move ahead with a full and normal life as his wife would be repayment enough, but he settled for saying, “Your pretty smile just did.”

Elizabeth heard voices. She opened her eyes and looked around. She was tucked into her fairy-tale, four-poster bed, and the shades and draperies were drawn against the morning light. But they were fighting a losing battle.

She easily identified Jack as one of the people speaking in hushed tones on the other side of her cozy little bedroom. Hearing that voice gave her such a
warm secure feeling tears once again sprang to her eyes. The other voice was female, so she assumed Holly Dillon had already arrived.

Elizabeth wasn’t sure she was ready to face a near stranger with the story of her regret and shame, but she also recognized the necessity of it. It was time to confront her feelings of unworthiness and fear if she wanted the chance to wake up for the rest of her life hearing Jack’s voice nearby. And if there was one thing she was sure of, it was that she wanted the chance of a future with Jack.

A quiet knock on her door told Elizabeth it was time to find the courage she needed. When Jack moved silently into the room and came into view, she knew she had it. For him she would face Holly Dillon’s censure and find a way to deal with her past. It was the path to fulfilling her childhood dreams of a family and a husband as different from her father as possible.

She’d forgotten those dreams. Then last night, in the quiet moments before sleep, she’d forced herself to remember the little girl who’d hugged and cared for her baby dolls as if they were real live offspring and who’d greeted her pretend husband at the door with a smile and a kiss.

Later, as life made those dreams more difficult for her to believe in, she’d still held out hope that her mythical childhood mate would one day ride out of the sunset, see her inner beauty and grant her every wish. It had been that hope and dream that had kept
her going when the rest of the world saw only her flaws.

In adolescence, Elizabeth lost sight of those wishes and hopes when Jason Lexington showed her a side of human nature that had fractured her ability to trust any man. Her father’s perfidy had followed and dealt trust a death blow.

But, little by little, Jack had changed that. She knew she still had a long way to go, but she could see a light at the end of the lonely tunnel of her life. And she knew if she could just reach it, Jack and happiness would be waiting. She prayed she didn’t take too long to get there.

“Beth,” Jack whispered, looking at her as if she were his world and he feared she might crumble at any moment. “You don’t have to get up. I just wanted you to know I’m heading over to Laurel Glen. Holly Dillon’s here but she’s happy to just read while you sleep.”

“No. I’m awake,” she said and pushed the hair out of her eyes as she sat up. “Would you tell her before you leave that I’ll be out in a minute? And please, try not to worry. I’ll be fine.”

He nodded, though the expression on his face told his real answer. He didn’t intend to try very hard.

Holly Dillon was about five and a half feet tall with thick auburn hair, curling to her shoulders. In her early thirties, she hardly seemed like the person Elizabeth would have picked to confide in, but then again, the man she wanted to be free to love hadn’t been her
first pick for a confidant, either, and he’d been wonderful.

The smell of freshly baked biscuits and the subtle fragrance of brewing tea greeted Elizabeth as she entered her kitchen. The sight of Holly’s smile as she looked up from spreading the freshly baked biscuits with a golden substance gave Elizabeth a warm feeling. Maybe this woman wouldn’t be so hard to talk to, after all.

“Good morning, Elizabeth. Or should I call you Beth as Jack seems to?”

“Either is fine, Holly,” she said, automatically agreeable, then she thought of Jack and his acceptance of her past. “Maybe Beth would be better. Maybe if I try hard enough, I can leave Elizabeth and her memories behind.”

“You know you have to face those memories first and put them into the right perspective.”

Elizabeth didn’t know how she felt about him telling Holly Dillon about her past. Relieved that she didn’t have to say the words once again? Disappointed that he hadn’t kept her confidence?

“Jack
told
you?” she asked still not sure what answer she wanted to hear.

Holly shook her head. “Nothing specific. He said you needed someone to help you deal with something that happened in your early teen years. He felt you needed a woman to help you, and he thought that woman should be a Christian so you would get a Godcentered perspective on your past and your future.”

Elizabeth pulled a chair out and sat, still unsure of
the emotions that were suddenly bouncing all over the place. “That’s just about what he said to me, but I confess I don’t see that it matters.”

Holly put a cup of tea and the golden biscuits in front of Elizabeth, then returned to the table with her own on a tray. On the tray were also two jars of jelly. “Both of these spreads are made with lemon,” Holly said. “But the one I gave you is called lemon curd. Not a pretty name, but wonderful all the same. Both are lemon and both taste lovely. But they do taste different, and different ingredients went into them. Some people like one kind more than the other. It’s the same with advice. Some advice and outlooks on life fit one person and others are better for different folks.”

“Different strokes for different folks,” Elizabeth said.

“Exactly. You’ve been coming to church with Meg Taggert, and it appears Jack is interested in you. Are you interested in him? Romantically, I mean.”

Unsure if she could reveal something so personal after years of hiding her true self from most people, Elizabeth hesitated. It was the kindness she saw in Holly Dillon’s eyes that finally gave her the courage to admit the truth. “I want to be. I guess I
am,
though it is a new experience for me.”

“Is that why you’ve been coming to church?”

Elizabeth was startled by the abrupt candid question. “No. I was barely on speaking terms with Jack when I accepted Meg’s invitation. I was as surprised to see him there as he was to see me.”

“That’s good. You were already seeking God.”

“Why did you ask that?”

“You would be surprised how many young women and men come to church looking for a date. They are often insincere about their belief system, and others are hurt.”

Elizabeth thought for a long moment. She’d told herself she’d gone with Meg because she was seeking answers, but now she knew it had been more. “Inside. I feel…hollow. As if there’s this big empty spot nothing will ever fill. And I feel dirty because of what happened.”

Holly smiled knowingly. “Hmm. Hollow is His specialty. He’d love to fill up that space for you with His love and peace. All you have to do is ask Him. But why dirty? You feel you’ve sinned?”

Elizabeth nodded and forged ahead. “When I was fourteen, I went off alone with an older boy. A young man, really. He was handsome and popular. He seemed kind and he flattered me. Then when we were too far away for anyone to hear me, he attacked me. He raped me.”

Holly didn’t even blink. “That was his sin, Beth. Not yours.”

“That’s what Jack says, but—”

“But you feel responsible all the same.”

“I shouldn’t have gone off with him. I should have seen what he was really like. It’s what my parents thought.”

“Do you feel responsible because you
were
responsible? Or is it that by accepting responsibility you
keep control over what happened that day? And does that give you control over your future?”

“Control?”

“If someone says to themselves, ‘I could have helped what happened,’ they maintain control over an important aspect of their life. If they admit it was the fault of someone else, they’ve lost that control and have to admit it could happen again.”

Elizabeth thought she understood. She even thought Holly might be right. “It did happen again. Didn’t it?”

Holly nodded. “Jack did tell me about how Brian Hobart attacked you. That was about violence, and so was that boy’s attack when you were younger.”