Authors: Albert Cohen
When nice Monsieur Deume had gone, bearing his last load of plates and cutlery, the two ladies spoke on a variety of interesting subjects. To begin with there was the matter of that delightful woman who had that delightful house set in those huge and quite delightful grounds. Then there was the ingratitude of the poor who rarely showed their appreciation of all one did for them, always wanting more, and besides had never learned to hold out their hands with any degree of humility. Then they talked of the impertinence of the younger generation of servants, 'They give themselves airs, nowadays they insist on having an afternoon off in addition to the whole of Sunday, though they don't have the same demands on their time as we do, when you think of all the trouble we take to train them, and they're harder and harder to come by, one has such difficulties in getting hold of them, they're not interested in going into service any more, they prefer to work in a factory, they've lost the love-thy-neighbour spirit altogether, because it is my contention that respectable persons who have a spiritual need for servants surely count as neighbours.'
Next Madame Deume spoke glowingly of a Mademoiselle Malassis of Lausanne, 'quite a catch, the parents' apartment has a frontage with fourteen no sixteen windows, and of course not a stain on her character'. Then she evoked the splendours of the Kanakises, the Rassets and of His Excellency the Under-Secretary-General. Upon dear Emmeline's enquiring how the dinner for their gentleman from the League of Nations had gone off, dear Antoinette turned a deaf ear, was sparing with details, and limited her remarks to stating that he was an eminent man and that she had found great pleasure in conversing with him, though she did not mention the fact that the conversation had taken place over the telephone.
Finally they got on to their pet topic of the comings, goings and doings of various queens of whose affairs they kept abreast, from their engagements, outfits and times of rising to even what they had for breakfast, which generally started with grapefruit. They began with Queen Marie-Adelaide, their favourite, whose children were quite delightful. No less delightful was the interest she took in horses and horse-racing, which was so awfully smart. Besides, said Madame Deume as she munched the last of her apple in a gruesome detonation of smug conceit, dear Marie-Adelaide possessed the supreme art of always looking radiant, simple and natural, she had such a winning personality, hadn't she?
'They say she sometimes parts her curtains and watches ordinary people as they pass by in the street, apparently she tries to imagine the lives commoners lead, so as to feel closer to them, for she really does take an interest in simple folk! I think that's so naice, don't you? There's ever such a lervely story that's told about her son George, that's the eldest, he's eight now, gracious how quickly time flies, it seems only yesterday he was in that beautiful cradle of his, with the royal crest on it, well now, littel Prince George, you know him, the one with the curls, he'll be King when he comes of age, she's been Regent of course since the King died, well anyhow they say that littel Prince George was at the station waiting for the train to take him to one of their superb chateaux in the country, he completely forgot who he was and started running up and down the platform like any common boy, now wasn't that lervely? And then he caught sight of the stationmaster with his flag who was about to give the signal for another train which was about to leave, and he went up to him and said: "Perlease may I wave the flag?" He really said "perlease"! Now isn't that naice coming from a littel prince! The stationmaster was quite taken aback, didn't know which way to turn, because he's not allowed in any circumstances to hand over his flag to another person, it's against the rules, but dash it all, he said to himself, he is a prince, so he gave the flag to the littel Prince but apparently the littel Prince didn't know how to wave it properly! It made your heart ache to see it! Everybody had tears in their eyes. Just as lervely is another adventure the littel Prince had. He was coming out of the palace and, seeing as he doesn't miss a thing, it's in the blood, the eye of a born leader as they say, he noticed that the bootlaces of one of the palace guards had come undone, he pointed this out and apparently the guard said to him: "I'm very sorry, Your Royal Highness", that's right because he must be addressed as Your Royal Highness even though he's only eight, "I'm very sorry, Your Royal Highness, but I'm not allowed to bend down, I haven't been given permission, I must stand to attention all the time!" Well, it seems the Prince bent down, got on his knees, and laced up that private's boots with his very own hands! You have to have royal blood to behave with such simplicity! Quite wonderful! Because he could easily have said: "I'm a prince and I order you to bend down!" It seems Marie-Adelaide absolutely forbids people to cheer the littel Prince and Princess as they drive through the streets in their carriage. But I will say that unaffected she may be, but she has her dignity! Apparently a high-ranking aristocrat once said "your father" to her, to which she replied simply: "You mean His Majesty the King!" The aristocrat didn't know where to put himself! Still, I think he got what was coming to him, don't you? I'd even go so far as to say that I think she should have turned her back and ignored him and left him to stew! Emmeline, I've just thought of something. Did you read the piece about littel Laurette in yesterday's paper?'
'No, dear. What did it say?'
'I absolutely must tell you all about it, a lervely story. Well now, she's a Uttel girl, just twelve years old, and her father's a plain, honest mason, and yet she has such sensitivity of feeling, as you'll see. Now when the King of Greece and his gracious Queen landed in Geneva in their superb aeroplane, there standing in the front row of the important dignitaries who had turned out to give them a right royal welcome was littel Laurette wearing a simple dress and holding a bouquet of roses in her hand! Now I'll tell you how it came about that she was given such a high honour. Littel Laurette, who of course positively dotes on the young Queen of Greece, was so happy when she heard that a young prince had been born who would continue the dynasty, she was so overjoyed that she plucked up the courage to write to Her Majesty saying ever so sweetly how happy she was and how much she admired her! Whereupon Her Majesty promised littel Laurette that she would see her for sure when she came to Switzerland! And that's how littel Laurette had the honour of giving flowers to a queen! Isn't that quite lervely? That Uttel girl might be from a humble home but she has a fine soul! And she'll grow up to be a fine person too! And what a memory for her to treasure for the rest of her life, to have been kissed by a queen!'
After this the two ladies aired their views on the romance between Edward VIII and Mrs Simpson. It was odious, a commoner setting her cap at the throne! exclaimed Madame Deume. She should know her place and stay in it! If a princess became a queen, that was only right and proper, she was of blood royal, it was the prerogative of rank, but for a person of the middle class to . . . er . . . to, well, the barefaced nerve! And what was one supposed to think of a king who let himself be trapped? The poor Queen Mother must have really been through the mill, and she so very proper, such a noble heart! Oh the tears she must have shed in secret! And what of poor Princess Eulalie with her democratic principles who had married a commoner? She wouldn't be happy for long, oh no, it was quite unthinkable! A princess could not possibly be happy with someone who was not of royal blood! An interior decorator too, it was appalling! Someone who had mixed with artists and other such bohemian riff-raff! Really, what on earth was the matter with all these princesses to make them so keen to marry commoners? Couldn't they see that their behaviour was a betrayal of dynasty, and a betrayal of the people too, which was to say of all the subjects in the realm? Their duty was to keep their place, stay in the rank where God had set them! Really, she preferred not to think about these ill-advised marriages, it was too painful. And so, turning to a more comforting topic, she asked dear Emmeline if she had happened to see the article about the wonderful gesture made by a princess who was next in line to a throne?
'You didn't? Then I'll have to tell you all about it, because it's too too sweet. Well now, Princess Mathilda, she's the one who's next in line to the throne, was in the aeroplane that was taking her to the United States, or was it Canada, I can't remember which, anyhow she was flying off on a state visit. As was only right and proper, a special cabin had been fitted out for her, no expense spared, it had a real bed, it was a proper bedroom in fact, with adjoining private bathroom of course. Well, anyhow, all of a sudden she comes out of her de-luxe cabin, calls to the air-hostess who of course had been assigned to wait exclusively on Her Royal Highness, and says to her: "Would you like me to show you my gowns and my jewels?" Naturally the air-hostess said yes and stepped ever so shyly into the de-luxe cabin, crimson with excitement and delight! So Her Royal Highness showed her all her evening gowns embroidered with precious stones, her ropes of pearls, her diamond necklaces, and her magnificent emerald diadem which of course has been in the royal family for generations, showed her the whole lot, simply, without affectation, woman to woman. By the finish, apparently, the air-hostess was positively sobbing with gratitude. I must say that as I read the article I had tears in my eyes myself. I think it's so beautiful! A royal princess showing all her marvellous things to that poor girl, not much better than a maid really, who'd never seen anything like it, but she'll always be able to say that for once in her life, if only for just a few moments, she knew the joy of being surrounded by all the trappings of high society, taste and wealth! Oh, it's wonderful! Only a person who is a princess and next in line to a throne could ever imagine doing anything so spiritually beautiful! Now that truly is what loving your neighbour means!'
She would have continued with her eulogy of princessly souls and hearts next in line to thrones had not Monsieur Deume appeared, panting with the effort of lugging heavy suitcases down the stairs, and announced that the taxi had arrived.
CHAPTER 32
Entering her room after doing up his new dinner-jacket, he found her standing in front of her long swing-mirror looking ravishing in her evening gown. He gave a jokey bow.
'I prostrate myself at your feet, noble lady. Right then, everything's all in order. My bags have been booked on to the twelve fifty. Don't you think it was clever of me to go down to the station? Now I can be easy in my mind. I wouldn't have fancied checking them in at the last moment. The man in the luggage office tried to make difficulties, said I was too early and so on. I said League of Nations, and that shut him up. They didn't open anything in customs, I just showed them my official identity card: stopped them dead in their tracks. Oh, I forgot to tell you. I've insured my luggage. I think I did right. After all, two francs per thousand isn't exactly going to break the bank. Actually, it came to fifteen francs all told, but now I can be easy in my mind. I hung on to the taxi, of course, it's waiting downstairs, I told the driver we'd be off directly. Oddly enough, it's the same driver who came for Mummy and Dada. It's a fact. Just as I was coming out of the station they were getting out of their taxi, which I of course commandeered, very fortunate really, because there weren't any others about, and the same porter who had carried my luggage took theirs too! Terrific coincidence, really! But look here, darling, I'm not too happy that after tonight you'll be here in the house all by yourself for months. There'll be nobody except for the daily woman, and she'll only be coming in mornings. What worries me most, though, is the night-time. Darling, tell me you'll take good care to see that the shutters are properly secured at night, you really will, won't you? And bolt the front door as well as locking it? Say you really promise!'
'Yes, I promise.' (Really, she murmured to herself.)
'I say, it's twenty-five to eight already! Still, we're not far behind schedule really. Shall we go? Better to be early than late. If we are a bit early we can always hang about in the lobby for a few minutes. Oh, you won't forget your new cigarette-case, will you? It's jolly nice, isn't it? Solid gold, you know, the best they had in the shop. Happy with it?'
'Yes, very happy, thanks,' she said, arranging a lock of hair over her forehead.
'Shall we go down, then?'
'Yes, just a moment,' she said, still staring at herself in the mirror.
'You are quite perfect,' he said, in the hope of cutting this last-minute inspection short. 'To my mind, the only thing that wouldn't come amiss would be a little wipe of lipstick.'
'Don't like lipstick,' she said without turning round. 'I never use it.'
'But couldn't you just this once, darling? I mean, we are going out. Just a touch?'
'Anyway, I haven't got any.'
'I thought of that, darling. I bought you a selection so you could choose the one you liked best. Here.'
'No thank you. This dress is too tight on the hips.'
'Nonsense, darling.'
'Besides, it's a ball-gown. It's not right for a dinner party.'
'That doesn't matter, it looks really nice. You've never worn it before. Such a shame, it suits you to a T.'
'It makes me feel uncomfortable.'
'In what way?'
'The neck's too low. It's indecent.'
'Absolute rot, take it from me, your neckline is no lower than the ones they have on other low-necked dresses, it's very, er, dressy, that's all.'
'Very well, I'll keep it on and look indecent, since that is your command.'
'I think you look terrific in that dress,' he said, to jolly her along.
She did not hear, for she was busy running through the silent routine of feminine artifice in her mirror, taking a few steps back, a few steps forward, pointlessly smoothing her smooth hips with her hands, sticking out one shoe, hitching up the hem of her skirt to see, with eyebrows knit and lips pursed, if it might have been an idea, if it might have been better to have had it not quite so long, the silent, frowning answer being all things considered no, the length was exactly right the way it was. He noticed that her legs were bare, but thought it wisest to say nothing about this. Top of the agenda was not to get to the Ritz late. Anyway, her legs were so smooth that his boss wouldn't notice. In any case, she looked stunning in that dress and, the main thing, was ready to leave. A new turn of phrase came into his mind, and he made immediate use of it.