Her Firefighter Hero (11 page)

“Just a truck. I've always been a truck kind of guy. What about you?” He was trying to make conversation, and this seemed like a safe topic. The ride into Reno gave them lots of time to chat.

“We had a car once, before my husband died. I drove it most of the time, because I always had the kids with me.”

He glanced over at her. “But no more? Why'd you get rid of it?”

“It was pretty old, and I couldn't afford to keep both vehicles. I sold the car and kept the truck, thinking it'd be more helpful with running the restaurant. Sometimes I have to drive into Reno for supplies.”

He nodded. “Sounds logical, but your kids seem to do okay in the truck.”

“Do you have kids?”

He coughed, her question taking him off guard. A pinch of regret tweaked his heart. “I'm afraid not. I always wanted children, but my wife didn't like them. She said she didn't want any
little monsters
making messes or ruining her silk blouses.”

“Did you know that when you married her?”

No, he hadn't.

“Unfortunately, she changed her mind about having a family after we married. We got hitched right out of college. I tried to be what she wanted, but I wasn't enough. I was working long hours. Living in such small towns, she got bored. I think that's what helped lead to her infidelity.”

Megan flinched. “Oh, Jared. I'm so sorry.”

“It's okay. She liked working out and keeping her tiny figure. Looking good was of high importance to her. She didn't want any kids to give her stretch marks.”

Megan chuckled. “Well, kids definitely do make messes. They also grow up to be some of the most amazing people in the world. But what got you and your wife together in the first place?”

He adjusted the rearview mirror. Anything to distract himself from this conversation. He really didn't want to talk about this, but he also wouldn't avoid Megan's earnest questions. “During college, Sharon was a different person. She was carefree and happy and easy to be with. After we graduated and got married, she wanted me to work in her father's bank. But that's not what I wanted. She knew I was studying to be a fire scientist. I'd always planned to work for the Forest Service, but she never accepted that. She thought fighting fires was a hobby, not a full-time career. Over time, she came to resent me for it.”

And before he knew what he was doing, he'd told Megan everything. How Sharon had kept putting off having a family and had finally told him that she didn't want kids at all.

“The surprising thing is that I found out several months ago that she's now expecting a child with her new husband,” he said.

“That must have been so difficult for you,” Megan said.

He heard the sincerity in her voice but no pity. And he was grateful for that. A hard lump clogged his throat and he tried to swallow.

“It was. I can't help wondering what's wrong with me. Why I couldn't make her happy. But what hurts the most isn't that she didn't want kids, but that she didn't want to have them with me,” he said.

“I doubt that's true. It sounds like she didn't know what she wanted,” Megan said in a kind tone.

He gave an acerbic laugh, still feeling betrayed and bitter after all this time. “Maybe so. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be a downer tonight.”

“No, it's okay,” she said. “I understand that you've been hurt.”

But he'd confided something he hadn't told another living person. And he realized that Megan was way too easy to talk to. Though they weren't romantically involved, he felt a kinship with this woman that he didn't understand. In spite of their reticence, they'd become good friends.

“Actually, it kind of feels good to finally talk about it,” he said. “For so long, I've kept it all bottled up inside. I thought I'd gotten over it, but maybe not. In retrospect, I didn't realize until too late that my wife and I weren't compatible. Even though she hated my work, I loved it and have never regretted it.”

Megan released a pensive sigh, and he realized that she understood. And that somehow brought them closer together. He couldn't explain why, but he felt as if he could trust Megan. That she was genuine and would never betray him.

“And what about you?” He met her gaze. Her expressive eyes seemed to search deep inside of him, and he had to look away.

She lifted one shoulder. “What about me?”

“Tell me about your husband.”

“Talk about blunt.” She laughed, but it sounded cold and hollow.

“I'm sorry, but I'd really like to know some more about him.”

She took a deep breath and let it go. “We met in college, too. He was in a forestry program, and I was going to culinary school. His profession was much like yours. I always knew we'd live in small towns. It kind of goes with working for the Forest Service. Like you, he always worked on a fire crew during the summer months, to pay his school tuition in the fall. Then, right out of college, he joined the Minoa hotshot crew and hoped to one day work his way up to becoming the superintendent. I was raised in small towns, so I never minded his work, until he got killed. Then I didn't...”

She trailed off, as though she couldn't speak the words. But he knew. She'd lost her husband in a wildfire and that must have soured her on the profession. He couldn't really blame her.

“Likewise, I'm sorry to make you rehash painful memories,” he said with an understanding smile. “I'm sure it hasn't been easy, losing your husband and raising two kids on your own.”

“No, it hasn't. And yet, I have a lot to be grateful for.”

“Me, too. But how'd you end up owning the restaurant?”

She gripped the armrest and gazed out at the scenery as it flashed by. “My father-in-law owned it. My husband grew up working in the diner, just like I'm raising my kids. When his dad passed away a few years ago, he left the restaurant to us. I was already working there as a cook, so it seemed natural for me to just step in and run the place. In retrospect, it was a blessing. It gave me a livelihood after...after Blaine died.”

“You have two wonderful kids,” he said.

“Yes, they're great, aren't they?”

He smiled, liking the way her eyes sparkled when she talked about her children. She was a good mother. “The best. And I even think June is starting to like me.”

“She is. She's just very cautious,” Megan said.

“And probably still missing her dad.”

Megan inclined her head. “Yes. I worry about both of them.”

“Why is that?”

“Because I'm so busy. I'm working at the restaurant all the time. I'd send the kids to a child care provider more frequently, but then I'd never get to see them. Thankfully, they're pretty well behaved most of the time, so I bring them with me when I can.”

“Don't be so hard on yourself,” he said. “I think your kids are exceptional. They mind you very well, have good manners, and seem inquisitive and happy. You've done a great job with them.”

She smiled her thanks, and the warmth of happiness filled his chest. He liked the way this woman made him feel better about himself. He had a lot to be grateful for. He was making new friends and had a thriving career. All he was missing was someone to share his life with. Someone to confide all his hopes and dreams to.

Someone to love.

“I envy you that,” he said.

“You mean my children?”

He nodded. “Yeah, I always wanted kids. Now I may never get the chance.”

His heart gave a hard pinch. Without a wife and family of his own, he felt as though he were missing out on a vital part of life. He didn't want to be alone, but he didn't want to be hurt again, either.

“I'm sure you'll marry again. You'll have children one day,” she said.

He released a heavy sigh. “I'm not so sure.”

And suddenly, he didn't want to talk about this anymore. It hurt too much. For so long, he'd pushed everyone away. Any woman that had gotten too close, he feared they might break his heart again. He hadn't even considered dating or being with another woman.

Until recently.

“I have to put in an appearance at the retirement party tonight, but when you've had enough, you just let me know and we'll leave. We don't have to stay all evening,” he said.

“Okay, thanks.”

The topic of discussion changed, and by the time they arrived in Reno, Jared felt as though he'd known this woman all his life.

They pulled into valet parking. Stars glittered in the sky. Darkness gathered around them, and he saw Megan shiver. Handing his keys over to the attendant who would park his truck, Jared smoothed Megan's sweater over her shoulders. He took her arm and politely escorted her into the party. Although he smiled and chatted with her, a heavy sadness settled over him. The conviction that he might never get a second chance at love. And as much as he hated the thought of being hurt again, nothing frightened him more than living the rest of his life all alone.

Chapter Ten

A
s Jared accompanied Megan into the retirement party, she felt his fingertips resting lightly on her back. A simple gesture. Polite and considerate. Not really territorial. And yet, it branded them as a couple.

They paused in the outer foyer, and she stepped away, trying not to appear obvious in her efforts to put some distance between them. Music filtered over the air along with the low hum of happy chatter. People clustered together, laughing and sipping from their glasses. Megan recognized a couple of them and couldn't help feeling a tad jittery. Even if this wasn't a real date, she was still here with Jared. She was his date for the night in deed, if not in name.

“Jared! How are you?”

A burly, sweaty man greeted them at the door.

“Hi, Sam,” Jared said with a half smile.

“And Megan Rocklin. Well, I'll be. You're looking good.” Sam swayed slightly, smelling of heavy liquor.

Megan wasn't surprised. Sam worked on a pumper truck crew. He was good at his job and normally kind and gregarious. But every time they had a company party like this, he got mean, rotten drunk. And right now, Megan wanted to avoid the guy.

“Hello.” Without thinking about it, she sidled closer to Jared. Only afterward did she recognize what she'd done and that it was an unconscious effort to maintain safety. But why she would evade Sam by seeking Jared's silent protection was beyond her. It didn't seem right, and yet it felt so natural.

Sam glanced between the two of them and staggered. Although the evening was early, he was obviously inebriated and slurred his words. “Did you two come here together?”

Jared rested his hand on Megan's arm, and she took comfort from his presence. “Yes, as a matter of fact, we did.”

Sam lifted his glass to Megan and grinned. “Well, let's see. Blaine's been dead about a year now. So, off with the old and on with the new, right?”

Megan tensed. A hard lump rose in her throat, and she felt as though her heart had dropped to her stomach. Out of her peripheral vision, she caught Jared's tight expression. He didn't like this situation, either. She didn't fight him when he deftly pulled her around and placed himself at the fore.

“Excuse us, will you?” Jared said.

He didn't wait for Sam's response but led Megan into the ballroom. Sam's barking laughter grated behind them, but Jared kept on going. Megan followed right behind, grateful to get away.

“I'm sorry about that,” Jared whispered for her ears alone as they stood in the doorway and took in the lay of the land.

Yeah, she was, too. She knew this was a bad idea to come here with Jared. Everyone might be thinking the same thing. That she'd forgotten all about Blaine. That she was ready to move on. But she wasn't. Not at all.

“It's all right. But thanks for getting us out of there.” Her body was trembling as she pulled away from him to greet several Minoa hotshots. Good old friends she could rely on. Megan was grateful to see them but wondered for the umpteenth time if coming here tonight was a mistake.

“Hi, Megan.” Tessa hailed her with a wave of her hand.

Megan immediately hugged the other woman. “Tessa! It's so good to see a friendly face.”

After a moment, Tessa drew back and brushed her fingertips against the dainty beads on Megan's dress. “This is lovely. You sure look nice tonight. Doesn't she, Jared?”

Standing close by, he cleared his throat and nodded. “Absolutely stunning.”

Megan's face flushed with heat. His praise pleased her enormously. “Thanks, both of you. And your dress is beautiful, too.”

Megan admired Tessa's black silk and smiled, trying to be pleasant.

Tessa brushed a hand against the shimmery skirt of her gown. “It's quite different from the usual garb I wear, right?”

Megan nodded. “Definitely. I'm used to seeing you in your work boots and yellow Nomex fire shirt.”

The two women laughed.

Megan jerked when Zach swept up behind them and put his arms around both ladies. “Hey, you two. Tonight should be fun. I see lots of beautiful women here, present company at the top of the list.”

Tessa swatted playfully at her brother. “Just because you didn't bring a date doesn't give you an excuse to latch onto us. We're taken, so you can't misbehave.”

“I never misbehave. Much,” he snickered.

Dressed in a suit and no tie, Zach looked rather casual compared to Jared and the other men in the room. But his boyish smile was so open and friendly that Megan figured the guy could get away with almost anything. Zach was handsome and laid-back, and Megan couldn't understand why he didn't have a dozen babes following him everywhere. It was only a matter of time before some sweet young lady latched on to him.

Ignoring her brother, Tessa leaned closer to Megan. “Sean told me Jared was bringing a date tonight, and I hoped it was you. I'm so glad to see you out again. Now, if we can just set this guy up with some girl, our problems would be solved.” She jerked a thumb at her brother.

Zach opened his arms wide, an innocent expression on his face. “What can I say? You can't mess with perfection. But I'll find someone one day. I'm patient.”

“And the sooner, the better,” Tessa teased.

Zach pulled his sister close for a tight hug and kissed her on the cheek as he tickled her ribs. “Ah, you love me, sis. Admit it.”

Tessa chuckled, but Megan just smiled at their antics. They were fun and easy to be around, and it felt so natural. As though she belonged here—with Jared by her side. Did her comfort with this man and the other hotshots mean she was being disloyal to Blaine?

“Sean is over there. Come and sit with us,” Tessa suggested, bringing Megan out of her thoughts. Tessa indicated a table near the dance floor, where Sean was sitting in deep conversation with Brian Dandridge.

“Yeah, Tim and Connie are at our table, too. We should be a happy crowd tonight,” Zach said.

As they headed over, Jared and Megan were engulfed by coworkers and their spouses. Employees from the regional office were there, too, everyone catching up on old news and sharing a laugh or two. Both Jared and Megan had to fend off inquiries as to how serious their relationship was.

“Well, Jared Marshall. It's been years.” A tall, raw-boned man with a headful of shocking red hair smiled and thrust out a hand.

“Walt Hampton. How are you doing?” Jared shook the man's hand.

“I'm good. And you?”

“The same.” Jared introduced Megan to the man.

Walt eyed her curled hairdo. “Why, she's lovely, Jared. You found a beauty, that's for sure.”

Megan smiled, feeling charmed by the man's words. “Thank you.”

Walt took her hand and leaned near. “I worked with Jared in Colorado. Back then, he was married to that harpy, Sharon. I'm sure glad to see he's got someone better now. He deserves to be happy.”

Megan's face flooded with heat. The mention of Jared's ex-wife felt too personal, especially after what he'd told her on their drive into Reno. She'd heard the hurt in his voice when he'd said that Sharon didn't want his children. And for some odd reason, it made Megan angry at the woman. Jared was a nice man. He deserved to be happily married. He deserved to be a father.

“Megan and I are just friends, Walt,” Jared said.

Walt slapped him on the back. “Sure you are. That's how all the best marriages start out. With friendship.”

Megan blinked, realizing Walt was right. But this was one friendship that would never progress to romance. She would see to that.

They talked a few minutes more, then got interrupted by someone else. Jared spent most of his time deflecting personal questions and innuendos. Not once did Megan lose her composure. She tried to face it all with grace and charm, but inside, she was a nervous wreck.

Finally they were asked to sit down for dinner. Gratefully, Megan headed for her seat. As they walked to their table, Jared rested his hand at the small of her back. She was once again surprised by the intimacy of the gesture. It'd been a long time since a man had been solicitous of her. She was conflicted and couldn't make sense of her emotions tonight.

“Does it feel odd to be here with me tonight?” Jared asked Megan quietly as they ate their roasted chicken.

“A little,” she confessed.

She glanced up and caught several people looking at them, their heads bent close together as though they were discussing them.

“How are you holding up?” he said.

“I'm fine. I knew what I might be getting myself into when I agreed to come here with you. It's okay. Stop worrying. I'm fine.”

“That's a very kind answer. You're a spirited lady, and I appreciate you being here,” he said.

Before Megan could digest his words, he reached out and squeezed her hand. The contact was electric. Nor did it go unnoticed by Connie. A warm glow filled the woman's eyes, but she didn't say anything. Thank goodness.

Megan pulled her hand away and clutched her fingers together in her lap.

The assistant forest supervisor stood up at the podium and tapped the microphone to get their attention.

“Good evening, everyone. We're glad you all could make it out tonight.”

He went on to welcome Jim Gardner, the forest supervisor and guest of honor. Jim sat with his wife at the front table and smiled. A number of people took the mic and made jokes at Jim's expense. They dimmed the lights and showed a slide presentation that included Jim getting dumped in the creek, supervising a forest fire and other various activities from his career with the Forest Service. One slide flashed overhead showing Jim at a parade. He stood on the back of a Forest Service pumper truck. A handsome young man stood next to him, wearing a Smokey the Bear outfit, holding the bear head beneath his arm as he smiled wide for the camera.

Megan gave a little gasp.

“Are you okay?” Jared whispered.

Megan didn't answer. She gripped folds of her dress and bit her bottom lip. The man standing next to the forest supervisor was Blaine.

No one else seemed to think much of it as the next slide flashed onto the screen, but Megan felt a coldness sweep over her. She sat very still and quiet. Smiling and nodding at the appropriate times. Polite and reasonable. But it still hurt. She couldn't help but feel the pain of losing her husband again and again. She'd let down her guard, and then Blaine had appeared out of nowhere on the screen. A constant reminder of all that Megan and her children had lost. A reminder that she should never have agreed to come here tonight.

As soon as the slide presentation was over with, they said some hasty farewells and Jared whisked her out of there. He seemed to know that she'd had enough for one evening. Megan was beyond grateful for his considerate insight. The last thing she wanted to do was wait until everyone was leaving and be put through another barrage of questions and innuendos.

They stood silently outside, waiting for the valet to retrieve Jared's vehicle. Megan folded her arms and huddled beneath her light sweater. She felt lost and forlorn. No longer comfortable and happy to be here.

A few minutes later, they were inside Jared's truck. He flipped on the headlights and pulled away from the convention center. The whoosh of warm air from the heater filled the void.

“I'm sorry, Megan.”

She didn't look at him. “For what?”

“For bringing you here. I know some people made some foolish comments tonight, yet you seemed very accepting,” he said.

“Don't be. People ask stupid questions all the time, but I don't think they meant any harm. They knew Blaine. His work was a big part of his life. It hurts to think of him being gone, but I can't begrudge reminders of him. Besides, it was time to get out and show people that I'm still alive.” She glanced his way, trying to believe what she said. But in her heart of hearts, she was in shock and wanted nothing more than to run away.

“I saw the picture of Blaine in the Smokey the Bear costume,” Jared said.

Megan laughed, but it sounded hollow to her ears. “Yes, he loved parades. I've got a cute picture of him wearing the bear costume and holding both of our kids in his arms. Now and then, I get it out and show it to June and Caleb. They love it. I don't want to forget him. Not ever. So, I was glad to see his picture there tonight, doing what he loved.”

She was trying to convince herself she was really fine with everything, but her body trembled with the loss. She figured it was part of the grieving process. Something she had to deal with. On the one hand, it was good to see that her beloved husband hadn't been forgotten, but it was also sad and difficult to think of him never coming back. It was hard to move on without him, but she realized she had to.

“You have an amazing perspective,” Jared said.

She gave a croaking laugh. “Not really. Don't get me wrong. Losing Blaine still hurts. A lot. But I'm also happy to know he isn't forgotten by everyone, least of all me and his kids.”

* * *

Jared didn't know what to say. He didn't regret this evening—for the most part he'd had a wonderful time. But he also felt dumb and foolish. Because no matter how much he kept telling himself he wasn't looking for love, deep inside, he wished Megan could make room in her heart for him. And from what she'd just said, maybe she could never let go of Blaine, and Jared didn't stand a chance with her.

He couldn't compete with the memory of her dead husband, and he didn't want a repeat of what had happened with his ex-wife. He would never marry again, unless he was positive the woman loved him unconditionally for who he was and not for what she wanted him to be.

Yet despite all that, was he crazy to want something to happen between them? The only way to see if it might work between them was to put himself forward and find out. It would take a giant leap of trust, but he realized he had to take it or live forever with his regrets.