Her Fantasy Husband (Things to Do Before You Die) (4 page)

It occurred to him how that could be applied to his own upbringing as well. He’d done his best to please his mother. She’d never really cared. Lexi halted to speak to the hostess and then followed her across the restaurant. The place screamed elitism with the clink of crystal and the low murmur of polite conversation. The atmosphere put his back up, and his feet slowed. Then Lexi’s warm hand slid into his and pulled him along. She gave him a small smile. “Don’t worry. I’ll look after you.”

He almost stopped as shock side-swiped him. No one had ever offered to look after him before. He knew she was joking, but all the same, the words twisted something deep inside him.

He’d looked after himself from the moment he could walk, and looked after his mother much of the time. Then after Evie had been born, he’d taken care of her as well. It had never occurred to him to ask for help. Now he didn’t ask or expect it.

Lexi squeezed his hand, and he realized they’d arrived at the table. Four people were seated around it with two empty places. Lexi’s grandmother was as perfectly presented as he remembered. Next to her sat a man who appeared considerably younger. With gray eyes and immaculately cut blond hair, he radiated an air of privilege. But his expression was amiable enough. He’d stood up as they approached, and now he came around the table.

“Lexi, sweetheart.” He clasped her in a hug. Josh tried to read their body language, but he guessed these people had perfected the art of hiding any natural feelings. The hug went on way too long. Lexi was smiling politely as she stepped back, but a tenseness in her expression suggested she wasn’t entirely happy with the embrace.

“Daniel.” She gave him a brief nod and took a step toward Josh. “And this is Josh, my husband.”

He stepped forward and held out his hand. Daniel looked at it for a moment and then took it in his own. His palm was soft and warm, and Josh had to resist the urge to wipe his own down his pants leg afterward. Something about the man put him on edge.

“And this is Daniel’s son, Harry, and his daughter, Melissa.”

They didn’t get up, and Josh just nodded in their direction. Both were clones of their father—tall, slender, blond. Melissa was quite beautiful, and the smile she sent him made it clear she thought he was okay as well. The smile faded as she looked at Lexi and gave a brief tip of her head.

From the age of seventeen he’d considered himself to have no family. Now he could see that that perhaps it wasn’t such a bad thing after all. Lexi’s family had all the warmth of a night at the North Pole. He held the chair next to Harry out for her, and she sat down and glanced up at him, biting her lip.

He took the only other free seat between Lexi’s grandmother and Melissa. He immediately caught the attention of a passing waiter and ordered himself a beer and a scotch for Lexi. He had a feeling she was going to need it.

So he was stupid. He decided to go for the strong, silent, stupid type.

Lexi was making small talk with Harry and Daniel, asking about New York. Harry, apparently, had still to decide where his true talents lay—another way of saying out of a job and no doubt sponging off Daddy. Daniel obviously owned some sort of gallery and Melissa worked for him.

The waiter brought their drinks, and he raised his glass to Lexi and took a gulp of icy cold beer.

They ordered, and he sat back and willed the evening to be over.

“So, Joshua, tell us about yourself.” Melissa turned in her seat. “I can’t believe Lexi hasn’t introduced us before now. Keeping you all to herself. How selfish.”

He shrugged. “Not much to tell.”

“How did you meet?”

“Lexi’s godfather introduced us.”

Her grandmother’s gaze sharpened on him. “You know James Frobisher?”

“He was my commanding officer, ma’am.”

“Of course. You were in the army. A sergeant, I believe. How…interesting. How did you come to join up?”

His lips twitched. “It was suggested it might be a good career move.”

“And they didn’t suggest officer training?”

“No, ma’am.” He glanced at Lexi, gave her a brief grin. “I was seventeen and I hadn’t done too well at school. I somehow doubt they would have taken me.”

Which was true. He’d left school with absolutely no qualifications, mainly because he’d spent so much time playing truant, looking after his little sister. When he was seventeen, his sister had been taken into care and his mother had disappeared.

He’d been entirely alone in the world, feeling a total failure, and powerless to do anything for Evie. He’d lost her, and he hadn’t really cared what he did next. But the army had worked for him. He’d loved the order, which had been totally lacking in his life up until that point. And he’d been good, had moved quickly through the ranks and finally been offered a place in the Special Air Services, the most elite regiment in the army.

“Well, I suppose we can’t all be brilliant,” Melissa said. “I’m sure you have other talents.”

Yeah, I know at least twenty ways to kill you with my bare hands.

Perhaps he should offer to demonstrate. Luckily, the food arrived at that moment and distracted him from the temptation.

They were all watching him as if waiting for him to make some huge social gaffe. It didn’t bother him. The food was actually very good.

“And where do you come from?” Daniel asked.

“South London. A council estate.”

“Really? And your parents?”

He finished the last mouthful of his seafood salad, put down his knife and fork, and sat back. He caught Lexi’s gaze, gave her a wink, and her eyes widened. “I didn’t know my father.” His mother had once told him he was an American sailor she’d met at a party, who’d vanished out of her life at the point he’d been told he was going to be a father. “My mother is still around somewhere.” He’d never forgive her, would be happy if he never saw her again as long as he lived, but he didn’t need to share that. He curved his lips into what he hoped was a warm smile. “Lexi is all the family I need.”

“Aw, isn’t that sweet,” Harry muttered.

Josh turned a bland gaze on him and imagined a quick chop to the throat.

“But you’ve left the army now?”

“Yes.”

“And you probably feel you don’t need to work,” her grandmother said. “Lexi no doubt has enough money to keep you happy.”

“Yes, but I like to keep busy and out of Lexi’s hair. You can’t spend all your life in bed.” There was a shocked silence, and he almost grinned. “Just most of it.” He dropped his gaze to the swell of her breasts, then lifted it back to her face. She’d hardly touched her food. “Eat up, honey. You need your strength for later.”

Her lips twitched, but she sent him a warning glare. Was he going too far? But hell, he was almost having fun. And he had taken money from Lexi. He would have struggled to start the business without the cash she had given him. That made him feel a little uncomfortable.

“So what do you do to keep busy?” Melissa asked.

“I work in…security.”

“Well, I suppose there are limited options for a man like you,” Daniel murmured.

He’d so like to smash his fist into that smug face right now. The thought surprised him. He’d always been in total control of his emotions. “Yeah, but the job’s okay, and I like the uniform. It saves me having to make difficult decisions first thing in the morning.”

A little snort escaped Lexi. Then she tightened her lips and shot him another warning glare.

He sent her an
I’ll-be-good
look in return. But these people wound him up.

Their main courses arrived then. He had chicken. Lexi had some sort of vegetarian option, and she glanced at his plate disapprovingly.

“It’s organic,” he said. “It said so on the menu. This chicken probably had a great life.”

“Before it met its untimely end,” she replied.

They all ate in silence for a few minutes, which was a relief. Josh sipped his single glass of wine, but he couldn’t quite enjoy his chicken. He ate a bread roll instead and watched Lexi nibble at her vegetables. Finally, she stopped even making a pretense at eating, put down her knife and fork and picked up her glass of wine, drained it in one gulp, and held it out for more. Once the waiter had refilled it, she took a ladylike sip and then turned to face her grandmother. “You said you had something to discuss?”

Her grandmother wiped the napkin delicately across her lips. “Actually, Daniel has a favor to ask you.”

“He does?”

“Only a little one. I’m sure you’ll find no hardship.”

Lexi’s expression remained bland, but her fingers tightened around the glass.

“Harry is thinking of staying in London for a while,” Daniel said. “Looking up some old contacts. He hates staying in hotels, and we thought he might stay with you instead. A friendly face as it were. You can spend some time together.”

Not in this lifetime.

Josh didn’t like the guy; he was creepy like his dad.

A look of alarm flashed across Lexi’s face, quickly blanked out. “I’m not sure there’s room.”

“You have that huge house, Alexia,” her grandmother said. “How can you be so selfish? Of course, if you sold it, you could buy an apartment for us to use when we’re in the city. A single girl hardly needs eight bedrooms.”

“She’s not single,” Josh pointed out mildly.

“Of course not,” Daniel said. “But all the same, the two of you hardly need a house that size.”

“I like my house. It belonged to my mother.”

“Sentimental nonsense,” her grandmother snapped.

A flush was spreading across Lexi’s cheeks, her eyes flashing. Then the anger was wiped away. “Of course Harry can come to stay. I’d love to spend some time with him.” She pushed her chair back. “Now, I’m sure you’ll excuse us, but Josh and I have a lot of catching up to do.”

“Really, Alexia, finish your dinner.”

He watched the war of wills between the two women. He thought Lexi was going to fold, but she squared her shoulders. “Thank you, but I’ve had enough.”

Her grandmother pursed her lips. “There’s a more delicate matter to discuss, but perhaps Daniel and I could visit you at your office tomorrow and talk in private.”

Lexi gave a small nod. “Call my secretary. She’ll let you know when I’ll be free.”

Josh pushed his chair back and rose to his feet. “Great meeting you all.”
Not.
“Enjoy the rest of your meal.”

He walked around, settled a hand on her waist, and led her from the dining room, all the time feeling their eyes on his back.

“Whew,” she muttered as the double door swung shut behind them. “Well, that went better than expected.”

He searched her voice for any hint of sarcasm, but she appeared genuine. He wondered what these dinners were normally like. “So, I’m good at being stupid?”

She glanced at him sideways. “No. I suspect they realized you were toying with them. Unfortunately, they aren’t stupid either, just narrow-minded.”

“Some people grow up expecting everything on a plate for them. They can’t see past that.”

“Not you though?”

“No, not me.” Hell, he’d grown up expecting fuck-all, and that’s what he’d usually got. He hesitated at the door. “You want me to take you home now? We still need to have that talk.”

She gave a little shrug. “Home’s probably not the best place for a private conversation.”

“You don’t live alone?” He hadn’t expected that. Did she have some sort of live-in-lover? Somehow he didn’t like that idea. Hell,
he’d
respected his wedding vows.

“No, not quite.”

And what the hell did that mean? But it was none of his business, and he led the way out of the front doors and handed his ticket to the waiting valet.

“I get the impression you don’t like Harry.”

She screwed up her face. “Honestly? I don’t know him that well. But he makes me…uncomfortable.”

“You shouldn’t have said he could stay then.”

“Sometimes it’s easier.” She gave another shrug. “I doubt he’ll stay long. It’s really not his sort of place.”

The car drew up in front of them, and they were silent as the valet climbed out and they got in. Josh pulled out into the road and for a few minutes he just drove. She appeared tiny next to him, hunched over, somehow diminished by the dinner. A rush of rage bombarded him at her family’s behavior, and then a twinge of guilt that he was making things worse.

Not my problem.

He tapped his fingers on the steering wheel. Where to go? They could go to a bar but he’d had enough of other people for the night.

Why was he feeling so reluctant to push the annulment?

Lexi’s poor little rich girl situation really shouldn’t get to him.

But it did.

Chapter Four

Lexi stared out of the window at the passing streets. It was nine-thirty and still daylight. Dinner had only taken an hour and a half. It had felt much longer.

Her grandmother had been strangely quiet, allowing Daniel to do most of the talking. That worried her a little. Her grandmother had always had the control in that relationship. And why did they want Harry to move in? To spy on her? Or something more sinister?

God, she had to reel in her imagination. But she’d overheard a conversation once, just before she’d left for good. Daniel had apparently thought it would be an excellent idea for her and Harry to marry.

Yeah. Super idea. Not
.

That hadn’t been what decided her on her somewhat drastic course of action, but it had certainly given her a nudge in that direction. Her feelings for Harry could be summed up in one word.

Ugh.

It wasn’t really Harry’s fault. As she’d told Josh, she hardly knew him, just from brief meetings over the years. But he reminded her too much of his father, and Daniel made her skin crawl.

She knew perfectly well what her grandmother wanted to talk to her about. They needed money. Now she had to decide whether she would give it to them. Probably. She had plenty, though there were far more worthy causes to spend it on than her grandmother’s shopping habit or whatever expensive vices Daniel used to while away his time. She could guess at a few.

Her grandmother had gone through three other husbands in the time Lexi had lived with her—though lived was hardly the right word; she’d spent most of her time at boarding school—but Daniel was the first she had really disliked. Two had ignored her, one had been kind, and then there was Daniel. The creep.

Josh had been great over dinner; he hadn’t been the least intimidated by either his surroundings or her family. She had a good feel for people and their motivations, and she suspected Josh genuinely didn’t give a crap what people thought of him, which would make him hard to intimidate.

She turned her attention from the streets outside to his hands on the steering wheel. They were big hands, with long fingers, and they held the wheel easily.

Her gaze flicked to the glove compartment with its whole box of condoms. Did he have a girlfriend? She presumed he must have. A man like him was hardly likely to have been celibate for five years. Unlike herself—though she’d had her fantasies of Josh to keep her company. And her vibrator.

She couldn’t imagine Josh fantasizing about her.

Her gaze wandered to the glove compartment again.

He was going to ask for an annulment. And somehow she had to persuade him otherwise.

An idea flashed through her mind—revisiting her earlier thought about consummating the marriage. She dismissed it before it could take hold, but it slid back into her brain and refused to be pushed out. He was her husband after all. And she had been faithful to him for five years.

Maybe…

When she’d jumped him in the office, she would swear he’d liked it. So he didn’t find her a total turn-off.

She couldn’t believe she was considering this. She was a goddamn virgin. What were her chances of seducing a gorgeous hunk like her husband?

If she repeated the word “husband” enough times, she’d feel less like a manipulative little bitch for even considering what she was considering, and more like a wronged wife pursuing her conjugal rights.

He was the one in the wrong here. He’d agreed to this marriage. He had no right to back out now just because it was inconvenient. And why did he want to anyway? Why now? He’d been happy enough to stay in the background for five years. A horrible thought crossed her mind, and she blurted out the words before she thought better of it. “Do you want to marry someone else?”

His eyes darted from the road to her, a frown between his eyes. “Christ, no.”

He sounded horrified, as though he had as low an opinion of marriage as she did. Maybe even lower.

What had made him that way? She was quite aware of where her own aversion had come from. Her grandmother had hardly provided her with a good example—all of her marriages before Daniel had ended acrimoniously. Lexi had grown up determined she would never marry. And she’d worked too hard to get control of her life to hand it over to some man.

“Do you have a girlfriend?”

“No.”

“Boyfriend?”

“No.” This time she could hear a faint thread of amusement in his voice. “Why the inquisition?”

She gave a casual shrug. “Just wondering.” At least she wouldn’t be stepping on anyone’s toes. Was she really considering this?

I mean seriously, Lexi?

She had no presumptions that she was beautiful. She wasn’t ugly; she was okay, but not a super model or anything, and she’d bet Josh could get anyone he wanted. Why would he go for her?

But he did kiss me back.

The memory of that kiss had her nipples tightening and heat pooling in her belly. She wiped her palms down her side and cleared her throat. “Where are we going?” They’d been driving for ten minutes, and she had no clue where. Though they were heading vaguely back toward her place.

“We need to have that talk. Where do you suggest?”

She thought for a moment, her mind racing furiously. “You could take me home, and we could walk on the Heath. It will be quiet.” And she’d be close to home if everything went badly wrong. Which she suspected it might.

He gave a brief nod, and she sat back and tried to relax.

The journey took twenty minutes and she gave him directions toward the end, driving past her house and round the back to a side street from where they could enter the Heath.

Josh climbed out of the car, shrugged out of his suit jacket and tossed it on the backseat. He came around, but Lexi was already clambering out of her seat.

He nodded toward her feet. “You can walk in those?”

“Oh yes. I can walk in anything. I’ve had a lot of practice. I’ve always hated being short.”

He gazed down at her, a long way down. “You’re still short.”

Grr.
“Gee, thanks.”

She led the way to a small gate that led onto the Heath. There were a few dog-walkers, but Lexi guided him away from the main paths and toward her favorite place.

“Did you know the Heath is the biggest area of undeveloped land in London?” she said.

“I’d never really thought about it.”

“Well, it is.”

He walked fast and despite her claims she could walk in anything, her heels were sinking in the grass. The sun was going down, but the night was still warm. Reaching up she pulled the clasp from her hair and ran her hands through it, releasing some of her tension.

It had been a stressful day. She heaved a huge sigh, then peeked sideways. He’d rolled up his sleeves, showing strong, tanned forearms, and the edge of the black ink of a tattoo. Did he have more? He’d never had tattoos in her fantasies, but she wasn’t averse to the idea.

His expression was distant, as though unaware of her presence, and he moved with the lithe grace of a predator. He’d obviously looked after himself since he’d left the army. There didn’t appear to be an ounce of spare fat on him. She sucked in her belly as a wave of inadequacy washed over her. Self-doubt had been a constant companion in her teen years. She’d thought the negative emotion banished, but here it was again.

The truth was, no way was she going to try and seduce him. Because she’d fail, and then everything would be an even bigger disaster than it was right now. And maybe he’d even hate her. And she didn’t want that.

It was a stupid idea. Just another fantasy. And she needed to get real here and deal with the problem, because if she didn’t sort it out, things could get in a huge mess, very quickly.

She sighed again, and he turned to her. “Something wrong?”

“Lots of things.” Then she shrugged. “And it’s been a long day.” She waved to a huge oak tree up ahead. “We’ll sit and talk there.”

She sank to the grass and stretched her legs out in front of her, tracing the run in her stocking while he settled beside her, his back against the broad trunk, knees bent, forearms resting on them. “It’s amazing—we’re in the middle of London and there’s nobody around.”

“You’ve never been here before?”

“No.”

“The gates close at ten. But I have a key—Tom is a grounds man here—he gave me one.”

“Tom?”

“He lives in my house.”

“You live with a guy?”

He sounded…outraged. But she was probably mistaken. Why would he care? Still, she hurried to put him straight. “Not
live
with like that—he’s a friend. I met him on the Heath one day, and he told me he’d been thrown out of his flat when they found he had a dog. I said he could stay at my place. He looks after the garden.”

She breathed deeply and let the atmosphere soothe her as it always did. Night was falling, though it never got totally dark here, with light filtering in from the city beyond. She shifted slightly so she could see his face. “So talk.”

…

She’d loosened her hair, and it hung about her shoulders in a mass of dark red curls. Her lipstick had long since gone, leaving her lips naturally pink and full. His mind filled with the memory of how they tasted of honey and lemons and spice.

His gaze lowered to the V of her wrap around dress, the black framing the creamy swell of her breasts, the material thin enough so he could see the points of her nipples.

Don’t go there.

Her knees were drawn up under her and she shifted, giving him the briefest glimpse of the pale skin of her thighs.

Or there.

But she was wearing stockings—so not playing fair—and his dick jerked in his pants.

Not good news.

Something about her made his mind shift to sex. Or maybe it was that everything made him think about sex at the moment. Perhaps they should have gone to a crowded bar after all.

And what was she thinking of coming to a deserted place like this with what was, after all, almost a virtual stranger? A man who had married her for money—hardly a recommendation of upstanding character.

While he watched, she ran one fingertip up the run in her stocking, and his traitorous dick twitched again. Shit, he was getting hard and she hadn’t even touched him. Time to get this conversation done so they could get the hell out of here. He might want sex, but sex with this woman would be a mistake of huge proportions. Massive. She wasn’t the no-strings type. In fact, she was nothing but strings, and if he wasn’t careful she’d have him tied up so tight in those strings, they’d strangle the life out of him.

He cleared his throat. “I want an annulment.”

She’d been studying the ground, but now she looked up, her eyes glowing gold in the dim light. “And I need to stay married.”

“It can be a quiet annulment. No one will know.”

“I somehow doubt that. It would be a matter of record, there for anyone who looked. And believe me, they
will
look.”

He wanted to ask why, but at the same time he didn’t want to get embroiled in her problems, in her life, which he was guessing was a whole lot of mess. And he didn’t do mess. He’d taken responsibility for another person once. It hadn’t turned out well, and he planned never to repeat the experience. Since he was seventeen, he’d worked hard to keep his own life nice and tidy and ordered.

A small hand rested on his thigh, and a shudder ran through him.

“Please, Josh.” Her voice was soft and pleading. “I’ll stay out of your life. You won’t even know I exist. We’ve managed this long. Just six more months. You don’t have to stay around—I’ll tell everyone you have an overseas assignment. Then, when you come back, we can get a nice quiet divorce.”

He hardly heard the words. He was fighting his own response to her closeness. That’s all it was. She was close, and he was suffering the effects of five years of abstinence. And for some strange reason, here was the one woman his crazy conscience seemed to believe he was allowed to touch. The hand shifted on his thigh, and the blood pooled in his groin. He suddenly became aware they were alone in the deepening darkness, hidden from the world. He didn’t want to be aware of that. She’d edged a little closer so her arm brushed his, and if he glanced sideways his gaze snagged on the swell of her breasts.

He’d been fighting his awareness of her all evening. Actually, longer than that. Since she’d pulled that stunt in her office and leaped into his arms. Kissed him. Stuck her tongue in his mouth.

He was in trouble, his dick already hard and raring to go.

No. Dammit
.

He was stronger than this.

“Josh?”

He realized he hadn’t answered her, and she was looking at him expectantly. But his brain wasn’t working, and he didn’t want to open his mouth and say something he would later regret. He brushed off her hand and pushed himself to his feet. He needed to walk away, but he couldn’t leave her here. Reluctantly he turned and held out a hand.

“I’ll think about it,” he muttered. It wasn’t true. He’d already thought as much as he was willing to. He wanted free of her before he got further tangled up in her problems. But he wasn’t sure he could face her expression if he told her that right now. She looked so…hopeful.

She put her hand in his, and he pulled her to her feet and then dropped it abruptly.

“Let me explain what’s at stake,” she said. “Then you can decide.”

His shoulders stiffened. “Don’t you get it? I don’t want to know what’s at stake. It’s not my business, and I don’t want it to be.”

A hurt look flashed across her face, followed by disappointment, but both were gone in a second. She was good at hiding her feelings. No doubt she’d had to be, with that family of hers. “I’m sorry. I won’t bother you with my problems. But you agreed to this.”

“I
said
I’d think about it.” The words came out harsher than he wanted, but she was messing with his head. He’d had the craziest urge to hold her close until the hurt went away. To kiss her until she forgot whatever her problems were. But that wasn’t who he was.

She bit her lip and took a step back from him. Her ankle gave in those ridiculous shoes, and she fell backward. He reached for her instinctively, and then his arms were around her. As he hauled her closer, her softness pressed into him, and he accepted defeat.