Her Counterfeit Husband (15 page)

He frowned.

“What’s wrong?”
she asked, peering up at him.

“I thought
I was going to play a song today.  Is that not going to happen?”

She chuckled and shook her head.  “I’m afraid not.  You need to learn the basics before you can play one of the songs.”

“But you make it look so easy.”

“I’ve
been doing this for twenty years.  I learned the basics when I was a child.”

“And you play something every day,” he thoughtfully stated.  “It’ll take me twenty years to play what you do today?”

“Not quite.  I’ve been playing those songs for years.  I enjoy th
em more than others, so I play them often.”

He played the scale, and though he was looking at the music sheet in front of him, he was paying more attention to how close her hand was to his.  Though she wasn’t playing anything, her hand remained on the keys, something he guessed was as natural to her as breathing.  “How long did it take until you learned to play one
of your favorite songs
?”

“I don’t remember.  I think I was twelve or thirteen
when I played one
.”

He ended the scale an
d brushed his hand against hers.  She didn’t pull away from him, but he noticed the way she slightly stiffened against him.  He quickly went down the scale, and as he suspected, she relaxed.  It was a shame.  She was so soft and kind
.
He’d hav
e to have a heart of stone t
o
not
love her.  If only he knew what he could do to break through her wall.

“I think that’s enough practice for today,” she said
and stood up from the bench.

“But I only did the C-major
scale.”

She didn’t look in his direction but focused on closing the songbooks.  “We can practice another time if you wish.  I’d rather go for a walk if you don’t mind.”

“No, I don’t mind,” he softly replied and stood up.  “I’m willing to walk my horse.”

She turned her gaze to his.  “I only played one song for you.  You aren’t under any obligation to do that.”

Taking her by the elbow, he
led her out of the drawing room.  Once they put on their cloaks, they
left the manor
, and he said, “I’m ready to try it
.”
And c
onsidering how important it seemed to her that he learn to be comfortable with a horse, he wanted to sho
w her he was making an effort.

“In that case, I should’ve worn my riding outfit,” she said.

“You’ll be fine
,” he assured her and gave her elbow a reassuring squeeze.  “You’re not riding the horse.  You’re just helping me walk it.”

“I would like to be with you in case you need assistance
.”

“You do care about me,” he teased.

Though she sighed, a smile formed on her lips.  “Watkins, I didn’t say no about marrying you because I don’t care about you.  You understand that, don’t you?”

“I know.  You
just
don’t feel it’s necessary since we’re already married.” Since she didn’t reply, he added, “I understand, Anna. 
Please don’t think
I’m complaining because I’m not.  I was joking.  I know you care about me.  You wouldn’t hav
e helped me after I got ill if
you didn’t
care
.
”

Though she nodded, he wondered if he said something that upset her.  She never voiced a complaint
about anything he’d done in their
past, and he understood she had cause to be wary of him.  It seemed to be a fine line to tread.  At times, he sensed they were drawing closer and at other times, like now, he sensed she was pulling away from him.  He just wished he understood why.  If he did, he might be able to do something to rectify things
.

When they reached the stable, his attention turn
ed from her to the horses, specifically
his
horse
which was in its stall.  He didn’t realize his grip had tightened on her elbow until she winced.  “I’m sorry,” he quickly apologized and put his hand to his side.

“It’s all right.” She
offered him an understanding smile before telling
the stable
master
to get his horse re
ady
for a walk
.

As
the stable
master
hurried to perform the task,
she
glanced at him
and whispered, “Are you sure?”

Jason swallowed the lump in his throat.  “It’s just
a walk.  I won’t get on it.  I’ll be
fine.”

Even as he said the words, his heart rate picked up and his breathing grew shallower.  He wiped the sweat from his forehead and wondered why he should have such an intense reaction from being near a horse.  It didn’t make any sense.  If he had to have this reaction, it should have been from the stairs.  After all, he’d fallen down those.  He hadn’t suffered an injury from a horse.

“Let’s wait outside,” Anna whispered and led him out of the stable.  “There’s no reason to stay in there when the weather is nice enough to enjoy.”

He took a deep breath
of the crisp air
to settle his nerves.  “I can’t explain it.  I don’t know why
horses frighten me as much as they do.”

“I don’t know either.”

He wished she did.  Without his memory, there was no way he could figure out what incident caused him to be this way. 
The stable
master
arrived with the horse, and he took a step away from it.

“I’ll take the reins,” Anna told him a
nd accepted them from the stable master
.
  “We can walk down that path.” She
moti
oned
to the trees along the property.
  “We haven’t been down there
yet.”

Forcing his eyes off the horse, Jason
joined her as she headed for
the trees.  “It m
ight be a nice change of pace.”
Especially since
all the fountain did was remind him that she wasn’t int
erested in marrying him again.

She walked beside him, and it didn’t go unnoticed that she stood between him and the horse, something he was grateful for
since it lessened his anxiety
.  He looked at the way she held the reins and made a mental note to do the same thing when it was his turn.

“He’s an easy horse,” she said.  “He’s been well-trained.”

“I know.  I can tell that.” He studied the horse which showed no signs of aggression.

“I’m proud of you.”

Surprised, he turned his gaze to her.  “Why?”

“You’re afraid of the horse, and yet you’re pushing through your fears.  I admire that about you.”

“Well, when you’ve been on the brink of death, I suppose there’s not much to stop you from doing anything.”

Further surprising him, she
reached for his hand and held it.  “I’m glad you lived.  Even if it may not seem like it, I’m thankful you’re here.”

Her confession thrilled him to no end
, and despite his better judgment, he encouraged her to stop walking so he could face her.  “That’s a wonderful thing to say.”

Lowering her gaze, she softly replied, “I only said it because it’s the truth.”

“Which is why I appreciate it all the more.”

He brushed her cheek with his free
hand, and when she looked
up at him, he tilted her head back and kissed her.  It wasn’t something he had planned to do when he agreed to w
alk with her, but the moment seemed
right.  She was opening up to him, revealing a part of herself he hadn’t seen before—at least not that he could remember, and all he wanted to do was show her how much she meant to him.  Even if he couldn’t say the words, he could still reveal his feelings.

After a moment’s hesitation, she responded to him.  Her lips were soft and warm, and he wanted nothing more than to stay like this forever.  She was wonderful.  Absolutely and completely wonderful.  But too soon, she pulled away from him and brushed a tear from her cheek.

“Anna?” he asked, wondering why a kiss should make her cry.

She shook her head and turned from him.  “I can’t.  It’s not right.”

“What do you mean it’s not right?” he pressed.  She led the horse further down the path, so he hurried after her.  “I don’t understand.  We’re married.  What could be wrong with us sharing a kiss?”

“I can
’t explain it.”

“You can’t explain it?”

She stopped walking and faced him, her eyes begging him to understand something she couldn’t tell him.  “You’re better off not knowing.  I’m sorry.”

He stared at her for a long moment, wondering if he should press the issue or let it go.  The only reason he
relented was because he was afraid if he didn’t, her wall would go right back up, which was the last thing he wanted after th
e progress they made that afternoon.  “All
right,” he softly replied.  “I’ll take the reins now.”

She glanced at the reins and then at him.
  “Watkins, I…” She released her breath.  “Why do you have to be so nice?”

Of all the things she could have said, he didn’t expect that.  Laughing, he took the reins
from her, and despite his apprehension, he stepped around her and stood next to the horse.  “I don’t see why being nice should be a problem.”

Giving a slight grin, she replied, “It’s not.  It’s just…” She shook her head and rubbed her forehead.

“You’re not used to
it,” he filled in for her, his laughter dying down.  “I’m sorry about that.” Before she could respond, he took her by the arm with his free hand.  “All I have to do is walk this ho
rse by pulling the reins
, correct?”

“Yes, that’s all there is to it.”

“Then there should be nothing to worry about.” Hoping he didn’t give away his fear of the animal, he stepped forward, and the horse followed.  Realizing his grip had tightened on her arm, he apologized and loosened his hold.

“This might be more appropriate.” She brought his hand to hers and clasped it.  “
We’ll take it slow.  There’s no need to rush things.”

He nodded, an
d together, they headed back to
the stable.

I
t was the middle of February
and Anna
decided she’d play a melody she hadn’t played for
a couple weeks. 
It was her favorite
one
, but as she played it on this particular day, it didn’t soothe her troubled mind as it had in the past.  Nothing she tried eased the conflicting emotions she felt at knowing Watkins was hurt, and worse,
that
she was the cause of it.

Even now, he was outside walking the horse.  It bothered him to do it.  She saw him from the window of the drawing room before she sat down to play music.  He was keeping the horse at a good distance, and when the horse neared him, he jerked a bit and reestablished the distance that made him the least uncomfortable.  She had offered to go with him as she had the other day, but he insisted on doing it himself.

She wondered if his desire to do it alone had more to do with being away from her than from showing the others that he didn’t need his wife holding his hand. 
She really couldn’t feel more awful if she tried.  Here he was, doing what she wanted despite his fears, and
she was refusing to marry him.

Though he hadn’t said more about it after their talk at the fountain, she noticed he wasn’t a
s cheerful as he used to be.  Oh, he was pleasant and sweet, but some of the enthusiasm she’d come to expect from him was gone.
 
She had no idea two gentlemen who looked exactly alike could be so different.  In some ways, it would have been easier if Jason wasn’t so nice.  She gritted her teeth and stopped playing the melody.  No.  He
wasn’t Jason.  He was Watkins.
  She must not think of him by his Christian name.